Day 98 - sudden, strong cravings- don't want to relapse!!
Day 98 - sudden, strong cravings- don't want to relapse!!
Help!
I've actually been okay with not drinking for these 98 days. I had been focusing on my diet and keeping sugar kinda low and it had been helping with cravings (not to mention working very hard in therapy, getting more in touch with my spirituality, meaning, hobbies, etc). Well, in the past week, I've been having a ton of sugar and it seems to have woken up something in me.
Not just THAT, but a couple other triggers all at once have happened. Last week, I pushed my exposure work for my anxiety a lot harder than ever before....and since then have been doing more and more scary things as exposure.
Starting now, I have the house to myself for awhile, again. And tooooons of alcohol everywhere. And it's not mine to move or hide, but yet I've been offered to drink any of it while I watch house.
ALSO, it is rainy and gloomy and cold outside. That weather, mixed with the sudden aloneness, the stress I didn't realise I had put myself through, and the actual physical cravings I have from all this sugar.....and suddenly BAM!! I am so close to drinking. All day I've been crying and trying to think of why I don't want to drink....
But even with playing the tape to the end and using other skills, I'm still finding this sooooooo hard and I'm super super scared I'm going to just cave. Like without even thinking.... it's happened before. Suddenly I'm drinking and only then my conscious brain seems to kick in and be like wait! What are you doing?!?!??
I guess....I could try to read a book or watch a movie. But. This is soooooo damn hard. And I want to just order a pizza or something but I have an eating disorder AND I'm poor. And just. Help.
I don't know even writing this is a distraction....but once I'm done writing....omg I'm so scared.
I've actually been okay with not drinking for these 98 days. I had been focusing on my diet and keeping sugar kinda low and it had been helping with cravings (not to mention working very hard in therapy, getting more in touch with my spirituality, meaning, hobbies, etc). Well, in the past week, I've been having a ton of sugar and it seems to have woken up something in me.
Not just THAT, but a couple other triggers all at once have happened. Last week, I pushed my exposure work for my anxiety a lot harder than ever before....and since then have been doing more and more scary things as exposure.
Starting now, I have the house to myself for awhile, again. And tooooons of alcohol everywhere. And it's not mine to move or hide, but yet I've been offered to drink any of it while I watch house.
ALSO, it is rainy and gloomy and cold outside. That weather, mixed with the sudden aloneness, the stress I didn't realise I had put myself through, and the actual physical cravings I have from all this sugar.....and suddenly BAM!! I am so close to drinking. All day I've been crying and trying to think of why I don't want to drink....
But even with playing the tape to the end and using other skills, I'm still finding this sooooooo hard and I'm super super scared I'm going to just cave. Like without even thinking.... it's happened before. Suddenly I'm drinking and only then my conscious brain seems to kick in and be like wait! What are you doing?!?!??
I guess....I could try to read a book or watch a movie. But. This is soooooo damn hard. And I want to just order a pizza or something but I have an eating disorder AND I'm poor. And just. Help.
I don't know even writing this is a distraction....but once I'm done writing....omg I'm so scared.
Forgot to mention another stressor has been these health problems I've been having, lots and lots of tests, blood tests, xrays, mri's, ultrasounds, etc. Now I'm waiting to hear back.....this waiting is horrible. Plus the stress and pain I went through probably took a toll on me too....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 197
Don't do it. 98 days is a HUGE accomplishment. Sounds like you've got a lot going on in your life right now but picking up the drink will just exacerbate it. It WILL pass, and when you wake up tomorrow you will be so happy that you're on Day 99 and not Day 1. Watch a movie, write a story, go for a walk, do ANYTHING to not take that drink
Thank you. I'll try to think of what it will be like to wake up on day 99. And 100....but I'll just think of 99 for now. I can't think too far ahead. Maybe I'll watch a movie. I was actually working on my writing earlier - I can always go back to that too. And reading....Game of Thrones! Well, the second book.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 197
Thank you. I'll try to think of what it will be like to wake up on day 99. And 100....but I'll just think of 99 for now. I can't think too far ahead. Maybe I'll watch a movie. I was actually working on my writing earlier - I can always go back to that too. And reading....Game of Thrones! Well, the second book.
I've had times like this. What I do is this. I go to my bedroom, get undressed, get into bed with a bottle of water, Use my Android to play some guided meditation tapes and just relax.
If I feel sooooo compelled to go to the store for booze, I play it out in my mind. I would have to get up out of my warm compfy bed, Find my clothes, get dressed, find my car key's and my wallet, go out into the cold dark night, get my car running, drive to the store for my beer or bottle and then drive all the way back home freezing my butt off because I couldnt find my jacket. Put the car away when I get home and come inside and get toasted and feel like TEE-TOTAL CRAP in the morning !
It's just not worth it.
Love yourself. Stay sober...stay in bed. You're doing a good job thus far !
Love to you.
DD
If I feel sooooo compelled to go to the store for booze, I play it out in my mind. I would have to get up out of my warm compfy bed, Find my clothes, get dressed, find my car key's and my wallet, go out into the cold dark night, get my car running, drive to the store for my beer or bottle and then drive all the way back home freezing my butt off because I couldnt find my jacket. Put the car away when I get home and come inside and get toasted and feel like TEE-TOTAL CRAP in the morning !
It's just not worth it.
Love yourself. Stay sober...stay in bed. You're doing a good job thus far !
Love to you.
DD
I've calmed down a bit, for the moment at least. I'm watching TV...but I keep looking at pizza delivery places online. Not a good idea to get pizza, for so many reasons.... still, I guess it has distracted me for awhile. I'm actually getting hungry though. So I have to make a choice. I could make something here... I guess the thing about ordering, is that it (sadly) brings some excitement to my life, ahahahaha..... If only I could order like, one gatorade. I would do it!! Although I am addicted to the food too....but I don't even know how much of it I could eat at a time now, and it wouldn't be good for my health, and I would feel worse after, and be spending most of my money on it gaaaahhh.....
Anyway. I'll just keep distracting with things...
Order the Pizza ! Eat all of it you want ! Just dont drink alcohol !
Dont be hungry ! It causes causes cravings !
Anything you eat or drink besides alcohol will be OK !
Have all you want...anything you want !
Just...NO BOOZE !!!
Love yourself !
Wake up tomorrow morning feeling good !
DD
Dont be hungry ! It causes causes cravings !
Anything you eat or drink besides alcohol will be OK !
Have all you want...anything you want !
Just...NO BOOZE !!!
Love yourself !
Wake up tomorrow morning feeling good !
DD
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Order the Pizza ! Eat all of it you want ! Just dont drink alcohol !
Dont be hungry ! It causes causes cravings !
Anything you eat or drink besides alcohol will be OK !
Have all you want...anything you want !
Just...NO BOOZE !!!
Love yourself !
Wake up tomorrow morning feeling good !
DD
Dont be hungry ! It causes causes cravings !
Anything you eat or drink besides alcohol will be OK !
Have all you want...anything you want !
Just...NO BOOZE !!!
Love yourself !
Wake up tomorrow morning feeling good !
DD
I had a rough time yesterday as well so I have a very fresh memory of what you are going through. I can say that I am very glad I didn't cave. Keep watching movies. If you are unable to order the pizza for health or financial reasons go make something to eat, that will provide a distraction and keep you from being hungry. We are all rooting for you. Stay strong.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)