Busted good and proper
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 157
Busted good and proper
Morning guys,
So after almost 5 weeks of sobriety i finallu busted. Its gotta be a new record for me as i dont think ive been sober this long ever. All it took was a fight from my significant other because she made the choice to go out drinking with her friends rather than look after me when i had the flu. After our nice little fight over the situation i decided enough was enough and hit the bottle shop for a flask of vodka and downed it like a champion. This was friday. Its now Sunday and i spent the better part of the weekend drinking (little to her knowledge) i'm so ashamed as i've been so good abd i was finally starting to make headway in my sobriety. Can i ask some advice here? If your significant other was unwell, would you maie the decision to hit the bar or go home and care for them. Any advice would be appreciated.
Much love x
So after almost 5 weeks of sobriety i finallu busted. Its gotta be a new record for me as i dont think ive been sober this long ever. All it took was a fight from my significant other because she made the choice to go out drinking with her friends rather than look after me when i had the flu. After our nice little fight over the situation i decided enough was enough and hit the bottle shop for a flask of vodka and downed it like a champion. This was friday. Its now Sunday and i spent the better part of the weekend drinking (little to her knowledge) i'm so ashamed as i've been so good abd i was finally starting to make headway in my sobriety. Can i ask some advice here? If your significant other was unwell, would you maie the decision to hit the bar or go home and care for them. Any advice would be appreciated.
Much love x
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
No matter what she chose to do, the choice to drink was yours. It may not have been nice that she chose to go drinking instead of "taking care of you", but it's not her fault you drank.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Posts: 98
I am not meaning to be a bag, but this site is a place for honesty, so with that said..... I have lived alone for 22 years, I have been sick many times, and managed just fine with no one to not only take care of me, but take care of my animals. So, yes, unless you were so severely ill that you needed to be monitored to see if you needed to go to emergency, I would not have given a second thought about leaving you unattended for an evening.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
Throwing a tantrum inside the bottle did nothing but make you feel worse, right? 
And if you were ill, the last thing you needed was alcohol. (?!)
Look I'll be honest. Last night after attending a hard, painful funeral of a friend, I had a tough time. I DID want a drink because I didn't want to feel so much hurt. I got through it sober, though - even though my addiction was screaming "a lot of people would have a stiff drink after THAT experience, sheesh!" - when I woke up this morning, it hit me that my mother has gone through the death of both parents and a brother without touching a drop of alcohol - my addiction was totally full of crap!
Anyway the point is life happens, death happens, celebratory events happen, disagreements happen, divorces happen, etc etc etc - but if our default continues to be alcohol, we'll never recover and truly live a good, peaceful and happy life.
And if you were ill, the last thing you needed was alcohol. (?!) Look I'll be honest. Last night after attending a hard, painful funeral of a friend, I had a tough time. I DID want a drink because I didn't want to feel so much hurt. I got through it sober, though - even though my addiction was screaming "a lot of people would have a stiff drink after THAT experience, sheesh!" - when I woke up this morning, it hit me that my mother has gone through the death of both parents and a brother without touching a drop of alcohol - my addiction was totally full of crap!
Anyway the point is life happens, death happens, celebratory events happen, disagreements happen, divorces happen, etc etc etc - but if our default continues to be alcohol, we'll never recover and truly live a good, peaceful and happy life.
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,983
i like "finallu" better 
it sounds cool!
my experience not my opinion:
when i was a young newcomer of 29 ...
i went to the:
6am - meeting was in a bar - i thought that was funny
12 noon
6pm
8pm
12 mid - wild and crazy young people
4 or 5 meetings a day - all great fun!
I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT DRINKING
it sounds cool!my experience not my opinion:
when i was a young newcomer of 29 ...
i went to the:
6am - meeting was in a bar - i thought that was funny
12 noon
6pm
8pm
12 mid - wild and crazy young people
4 or 5 meetings a day - all great fun!
I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT DRINKING
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 98
Sorry but I am with the others. You chose to drink (and we're obviously healthy enough to procure alcohol) and are using your SO going out as an excuse. I am a parent and wife and can't remember a single time someone has taken care of me when sick. The best I could expect was to be left alone and have no one ask anything of me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
The take away from this experience is not to take a poll about whether she was right or wrong for not taking care of you while you had a flu. I know this relapse would feel a lot more justified to the part of your brain that wants to have a validated reason for drinking but unfortunately, life doesn't work like that and neither does addiction. Whether she came home or went out or broke up with you or cheated on you doesn't change whether drinking over it is "allowed or not". Things happen in life, tragedy strikes, our loved ones let us down, bad luck, etc. but in the end the only person that can make us use or drink is ourselves and it is up to US to work at our recovery no matter what the situation and no one else.
I am sorry you aren't feeling well, but keep in mind you were able to get 5 weeks of sobriety- get right back on the wagon and continue to move forward!
I am sorry you aren't feeling well, but keep in mind you were able to get 5 weeks of sobriety- get right back on the wagon and continue to move forward!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Lots of great advice here Dim. 5 weeks is a very good stretch, learn from this and start fresh today. Drinking "at" people only hurts us. And to be honest, were you really that sick if you could run out and buy booze on your own and then drink all weekend?
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
5 weeks is a long time for a drunk to be sober.
Great job on that.
It is tough to stay clean when you are 29 and never been in too much trouble.
I stayed clean for 8 months once when I was 29.
But when was 37, I decided to drink like a rock star. That nearly killed me a few times.
I quit at 50 because I was starting to really feel the grim reaper closing in. Plus, my brain was starting to fizzle out.
Everything is getting back in order now. It took about 9 months this time to start to even out.
I am now educated about the effects of alcohol. I will never drink again.
Dust yourself off and stay clean.
Great job on that.
It is tough to stay clean when you are 29 and never been in too much trouble.
I stayed clean for 8 months once when I was 29.
But when was 37, I decided to drink like a rock star. That nearly killed me a few times.
I quit at 50 because I was starting to really feel the grim reaper closing in. Plus, my brain was starting to fizzle out.
Everything is getting back in order now. It took about 9 months this time to start to even out.
I am now educated about the effects of alcohol. I will never drink again.
Dust yourself off and stay clean.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
You resented your significant other. They let you down (expectations).
Resentments and expectations create the best excuses for us to drink or use. At least this is my experience.
Do you want to be sober badly enough?
Resentments and expectations create the best excuses for us to drink or use. At least this is my experience.
Do you want to be sober badly enough?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 1,501
Only you can make the decision to drink or not drink. I can certainly understand the using alcohol to numb the pain and forget because I have been there too. Alcohol does that for us very well. At some point it is time to break that cycle.
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