ulfr

Really not so good today ...flashback ...dont want to be hugged posts ok to be sat with or hold hands or flowers sorry if that sounds rude or something ...sorry

theses flashbacks are bad am trying to keep busy ...thinking about drinking ...and drugs ...i cant go there ...
can someone talk to me ?

Meraviglioso

Lily, you say you don't want to be comforted, do you want to talk about your flashbacks? Would writing about what happened help you?
How are things going with your medical professionals/meds/etc?

awuh1

just saw your signature

ulfr

yes i can talk about it ...it was a priest ...he hurt me but he said am evil for making him do that he says am going to hell ...
i think i am going to hell

Meraviglioso

I am sorry that happened to you. I feel out of my league in terms of offering you advice but will say that you are not evil. A priest is supposed to be a man of God, when one acts otherwise he is likely to feel deep shame (as he should) and his human, ungodly side would more than likely try to find an excuse for that behaviour- thus blaming the victim. You are not evil and you are not to blame.
Do you believe in heaven and hell? It sounds like you do. Could you find someone from your church or a local church to find passages in the bible that would support the fact that as a victim you are NOT going to hell? I think that might bring you some peace, if even just a little bit.
I found this support network with a simple google search, maybe try looking there and signing up if you feel comfortable:
Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests

shockozulu

Lily, a dear friend f mine and his brother were hurt by a priest. They were f the few that sued in Minn. and won the law suit. I worked with SNAP to help expose a priest here in California.

I have flashbacks from a totally different incident. I saw a commercial jet fly upside,down for over 20 minutes while the pilot attempted unsuccessfully to save the 100+ lives on board the Air Alaska flight.

I'm glad you are att hoping you can begin to write about your hurt. It took me almost a decade before I could talk abut what I saw

ulfr

thank you all for replying to me i just put up that sig before i posted
i go to church on a Sunday i cant go in Catholics church's any more
thank you for the link
i want to get therapy but i am unsure if ill be able to talk about it

thank you for posting back to me

Fabela

I too have PTSD, I also have an eating disorder and I struggle with self injury. I imagine that I can relate to what you are going through, and I strongly urge you to get therapy. In my case it wasn't a priest, but it was someone who should be taking care of me. Instead they destroyed a little girl's life for their own twisted pleasure.

What can I say to make you feel better?

Soberwolf

Flashbacks can mess with the head and I relate have you spoken to a Dr about PTSD and getting help for it Lilly - suffering in silence without real professional help will only exacerbate it

no matter what no drink no drugs no self harm - I hope you seek help

ulfr

Am so sorry to hear about what happened to you
its so hard to deal with ...i think i should get therapy been needing it for years kinda scared about it
sometimes i cant say the words ... i normally keep it all inside of me the reason i drank and took drugs to keep it locked away
i dont know what will make me feel better
drinking coffee strong one my 3rd one of the day
listing to modern Christian music its help ...some times i listen to Christan metal good for getting anger out

ulfr

my drs know i have PTSD i had therapy for other thing like cbt but anything else i freeze up and dont talk ...i going to ask them for therapy
i need to deal with this its been going on too long without help

Fabela

If you can't talk about it, you write it down and hand it to the therapist. If the first session doesn't contain more than 45 minutes of crying, so be it. It takes time to get used to the idea that you deserve help, that you deserve to be happy. And the brutal truth is that it takes so much work to get there. I have fought this battle for seven years and today I don't have many symptoms of PTSD, but I still hate myself and I self sabotage a lot, with alcohol, with food and with sharp objects. Sometimes I so desperately want to give up, to get a break from this, but I can't. I have to continue fighting. And you know what? I deserve it. I deserve to feel better about myself. And so do you.

Take that first step. Make an appointment. You don't have to say a word the first time, just hand the therapist that note where you have written down what you struggle with. Can you do that?

ulfr

yes i can do that i have an appointment soon i can ask my dr

entropy1964

Hey Lily

I have PTSD too. Childhood sexual abuse and two other adult traumas (assault and watching my hub die). Its good you can talk about it a bit here. That is progress. Drugs and alcohol will make the PTSD worse, much worse.

I did EMDR therapy and it worked well. Google Francine Shapiro. I suggest not diving into EMDR too quickly however. Find a good therapist that is well versed and knows the process.

Hang in there.

ulfr

Am struggling ...my husband is a bit angry about other ( my family )family members asking for money to help them get food we have been trying to save up for going away to see my husbands family in Oxford we havent saved very much and he annoyed at everyone in my family for doing it ....i need a drink ...but that wouldn't help things