overforty

This is not a self pity thread
It's just to write type out a few things that I've been thinking about tonight.

I am so sad that I spent all of my adult life getting ****** up.
I never had the chance to have children.
Or could never hold on to a relationship.

I would really like to know what is the point in being sober if you have no one in your life.
If you spend every free moment alone unless you're at work.
If you have no living family or anyone that gives a ****!

Again this is not self pity this is reality.

Please don't tell me to go to a meeting!

I'm so lonely - I've been isolating for so long now don't know how to stop doing it.
Alcohol no longer makes me feel better.
But I know being sober hurts more.

SickOfIt79

You're sober now because you were going through some awful times while not sober. I've never been to a meeting myself, but you should go out and do something. You must have at least one or two interests in life. Go pursue those, maybe you will find a friend or two along the way. Be active and get busy doing something. It may take ten long Saturdays or a full year, but eventually if you get yourself out there enough, you will find a friend.

madgirl

You are still here, and you are alive. You can still build relationships and cultivate a richer life. You can do it!

entropy1964

I'm so sorry you're hurting. It doesn't sound like you really want any input regarding how not to be lonely.

I have no friends or family in the state I'm in. I do have my daughter. But I spend a lot of time alone. Fortunately I like it. When I'm lonely, I'll take action and get involved. I go to AA a few times a week. Yoga 5 times a week. So that gets me at least in the same room with people. But a lone wolf I am. I'm going to start going to the gym again a couple nights a week, when I'm alone. More to people watch since I will have already worked out at that point. There are options when you're ready to hear them.

Recovering for other people, while motivating, isn't usually enough. It's an inside job. To be successful I have to do this for me.

I hope you feel better soon. One thing about feelings, good or bad, they always change!

FreeOwl

I'm over forty, too....

The point is that no matter where your life may be right now - there is a whole new richness and awesomeness that will spring from it in sobriety.

Embrace sobriety - give yourself to being the best yourself you can be...

And you will be amazed what will emerge.

What's the point?

The point is you're still alive.....

Now start to LIVE.

The point is that regardless of the things you may feel you have wasted away in your life - there is still a boundless world of incredible possibility waiting for you.

The point is you can spend the REST of your life also wasting it away....

Or you can LIVE the REST of your life with fullness and gratitude and joy....

The point is all of the million points you won't understand until you have faith and do it....

The point??? Oh.... the points are limitless.

ScottFromWI

The point is that when you get to where you are with your drinking ( and I was there too, along with many others ), getting sober is your only chance to make things better. It won't happen overnight and it won't be easy, but you have a definite chance to live the rest of your life with more clarity, peace and growth.

If you keep drinking, there is a 100% guarantee that you'll never have that chance. Not only that, it's guaranteed that thing will get worse. So imagine today as the best day of your life....is that what you really want?

FreeOwl

Another point; sounds like maybe you WANT someone in your life....

really embrace sobriety and you'll be amazed at the people you'll have in your life....

awuh1

Sounds like you might benifit from an evaluation to see if you are suffering from depression. Could it be that you self medicated?

Vegit8

Much like frick I am a solitary individual who prefers to be alone. That being said, I do have pets. Could you get a dog? They provide company and get you out of the house and you'll find plenty of other dog walkers in parks to talk to and perhaps build relationships with.

Jack16

Well done for posting, that was the right thing to do. I am nearly 41, and I recently reached a point where many of my friends have got married, drifted away, etc. Suddenly my social circle shrank. I freaked out, felt very lonely, and gave in several times to despair. Finally, I realised no one is going to sort this out for me. I went on Meetup - it's a website and found some things that interested me. Now I go life drawing, go to a film group and do martial arts. I'm also gonna volunteer to do some preservation type stuff in the local woods. In each place I've found at least a couple of people I really liked. I got their numbers, and chatted, and arranged stuff with them. Now my socila circle is growing again, and I did that. You can too. Have a mope, scream and curse the universe (I did), then take some action.

And not drinking, you will find you connect more with people. When you start really listening to people, and taking an interest in them (which I didn't do when I was drunk) they respond so much more positively, and wnat to spend time with you.

There are lots of good self-help books on confidence, interacting with people, getting your life in gear - you name it - there are loads of tools out there, but ultimately you've got to make the moves yourself. You can change your life dramatically.

Try and be super positive. It might be hard at first, but slowly it sticks, you will see.

You can change your life and make it the way you want it, even if it doesn't seem like it.

Good luck!

uncorked

You're not alone. Even though some of us have kids and relationships, you worry how much you screwed your kid up by drinking. Many of us have lost relationships over alcohol. But you're sober now and THAT'S the point! Life can only get better. There was a time before you started drinking that you enjoyed hobbies, you had interests, you did stuff. Do you recall what any of those activities were? Could you enjoy them again, or find new ones? I agree with awuh1, you sound like you could be clinically depressed, too. Have you talked with a doctor about your feelings?

desertsong

I guess I would say that the point is this: Drinking is isolating, and your chances of making friends and/or having a relationship are next to nothing if you continue it. At least if you quit, you will have the ability to remove the isolation and get yourself back out into the world.

I isolated when I drank but then lamented the fact that I had no friends. Well, duh! When I got sober, my need to be social started to emerge and I was tired of being alone. I recently moved to a new state where the only person I knew was my boss, and I am still trying to find ways to meet people and make new friends. It's hard because I'm a single mom of a disabled child and all of my time is spent working and taking care of him. But I am determined, and I know that there will be new people in my life eventually, as long as I make the effort.

If you are lonely and isolated, the first step toward changing all that is giving up the drink. Then, like uncorked says, you can start figuring out what you like to do and find ways to meet others who share your interests. It will take time, but at least you stand a chance of including some quality people (and perhaps developing a new relationship) if you are sober.

MIRecovery

At the beginning of sobriety I had zero friends and my wife hated me. I went to AA and met the finest people I have ever known in my life. Many are now life long friends.

Friendship like all things in recovery takes effort. Sobriety is not about making your old life work without alcohol it is about creating a new life. The life you always wanted but that life is only as good as the work you put into it

least

You sound depressed to me. And I should know, I've had depression for years. Can you see your doctor about some help with what seems to be depression? You might need help to break out of the cycle of negative thinking.

Mountainmanbob

One excellent reason to be sober.

I would not wish to meet my maker in a drunken condition.

Mountainman

oldsoul1122

If you're still drinking your view of reality is distorted. I was there almost a year ago when I got sober at 66. Single for many years, 2 sons I rarely see, no grandkids, an incurable autoimmune disease and I would never go back to that misery!

JK130

Your post touched me because I've been where you are, and today I am 400 days sober. I am absolutely alone, and sometimes lonely.

At first, I did things like walk around the grocery store occasionally smiling at someone. I did a lot of reality and news shows, online sites and talk radio because there were people talking. I sometimes went to the library and stayed there reading magazines. All of these made me twitchy, even tho they are so simple to everyone else.

A bit later, I started using Facebook. Then finding friends and interests ( I still don't make comments on my own page tho. Lol.).

Then I invited a friendly acquaintence out for coffee.... Can you see how slowly I healed? Baby steps. You can do it. You were already lonely, sitting there drinking by yourself. You just didn't do anything about it, because, you know, you had alcohol...but you never have to be in that situation again.

Now I have a part time job I love (I retired from full time boss of a professional organization the same day I quit alcohol, so went from lots of people around to none) and spend tons of time with my grandsons. I'm still not nearly as social as I was before I spent all of my time drinking, but I'm getting closer to meeting and enjoying people. It takes time. You can do it too!

Now is a perfect time to get involved in something, and if you have no interests yet (I was a workaholic and had nothing else) try politics. Oh my, the next few months are going to be passionate indeed. You could get your blood flowing and be with people 24/7 if you work to endorse a candidate.

Good luck to you, and do stay connected to SR...we're real people, ready to chat when you are.

Kaily

I 100% know where you are coming from, I am very much alone. A lot of people say apart from my husband,wife, grandchildren etc I am alone. None of these are truly on their own.
I rarely speak to anyone

entropy1964

I have 2 dogs and a cat.....and I talk to them an awful lot. Love em.

D122y

Great post. Loneliness is a huge issue for me as well.

It has prob. Already been said but....

Since i quit drinking i feel like a different person. You will too.

I am still mentally a bit jacked up, i think, but i am giving off different vibes.

Stay clean. Start working out. The opposite sex can overlook a funny face for a fit body and clean mind.

I heard somewhere that when you feel lonely or needy, give freely of yourself. Do some random acts of kindness. Anonymous is best.

The future can be bright.

Thanks.