Ariesagain

My husband and I have made the big decision to sell our home and move all the way across the country. Now that the weather warmed up at last, the first showings are finally happening.

For the past two months I have done nothing but drywall, paint, clean, declutter, etcetera etcetera...and I can't seem to stop. Every time I sit down for two minutes I see something else that needs straightening, cleaning, painting and I leap to my feet...I spent most of the past three days clutching a ladder or leaning out a two-story window with a paintbrush in my hand...and I'm deathly afraid of heights. Every part of my aging body hurts right now.

When do you say enough and how do I get off this hamster wheel? It seems like without booze (5 months!) I don't know how to relax at all until I'm a wreck.

Anyone else obsessing now that you're sober?

Flawed

Same thing here, I'm 53 days sober and have been cleaning and reorganizing everything!

entropy1964

Selling a house is stressful so some obsessing is normal. I was talking to my brother today who is doing the same....and is overwhelmed by the amount of work. I am also going to sell my house in a few years and was thinking 'man I have to do this all by myself....ugh".

I have sold 2 houses but both were pretty updated so I didn't worry too much. Maybe, before you jump to your next task, get fiscal. Ask yourself 'will this net more money on the sale?'. If not, bag it!

Good luck.

AdelineRose

Oh yes I can relate to him one 100%. After I got sober I started making lists, cleaning/tidying up, decluttering, and organizing. As a heroin addict I let EVERYTHING in my life go, so it felt good to actually start cleaning, doing laundry, organizing, creating to do lists and actually accomplishing things, but it can get excessive.

I have a psychiatrist and a substance abuse counselor as well as a doctor that specializes in addiction that I see every month. I talked to my counselor and we decided what seemed to be over doing it, what was healthy and what was not. I also tweaked my medicines a bit with my psychiatrist (bipolar type 2 disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and depression).

All I could suggest is if you have a counselor bring it up with them, if you don't then counseling has never hurt anyone in my opinion. Maybe making a to do list and setting maybe 5 things that you will accomplish that day and then not letting it get over that specific number..hey there is always tomorrow and perhaps that could help stop overdoing it if you have the control to stop once you get to a certain point.

FreeOwl

Sometimes in sobriety there can be a tendency to replace one obsession with another.

Sounds like your situation may be somewhat temporary - since it's all oriented toward a clear goal and that's bound to influence your focus.

But - still you ought to be able to find some time to just relax, to nurture yourself, to just be present.

When we're unable to do that.... sometimes it can be an indication that we've got work to do being OK in our own skin. Sometimes it can be a sign that we could use a little more focus on recovery work. Are we addressing our inner needs? Are we engaging with healthy pursuits? Are we talking with a counselor, addressing our emotional selves, getting to the bottom of things that we've needed to address for years - or are we furiously throwing ourselves into stuff as a distraction... seeking to blot out cravings and stave off addictions by focusing elsewhere. That can be tiring - and unsustainable.

So - maybe some intentional self-work would be helpful for you.

Meditation, perhaps.

A counselor, perchance.

A little reading or taking up a calming hobby.....

Meraviglioso

It sounds like it is a legitimate goal that you are working towards but also that you are going overboard. Remember when you get a contract on your house there more than likely be specific items that the buyer wants to have addressed before closing. Beyond a general clean, decluttering and minor touch ups Id recommend leaving the rest as the buyer's agent will almost always find something to add to the offer in order to "work for the clients" and then you'll find yourself doing the work all over again.
The most important thing you can do it declutter. Box up extra books, magazines on tables, get your winter clothes boxed and out of the house so your closets look lighter and roomier. Start to pack family photos, leaving only a few. Clear off your kitchen counters. Pack away any extra furniture that is redundant. These are activities that will take your time, but are work that you will then not have to do in the future when it is time to move.
Best of luck!!!!

Ariesagain

Thank you, all, very much. Smart people we have here.

Your insights helped me take a step back and recognize that this whole process is feeding several less-than-healthy aspects of myself--my fear of being judged, my introverted need to keep my house my sanctuary, perfectionism, financial insecurity (houses here can take years to sell)...and it's all intensified because I did much of the interior work myself when we built the house and DH is a realtor, so there's professional pride involved, as well.

Complicated, no?

AdelineRose, I am taking your excellent suggestion and making a list of six things between now and tomorrow's showing and then I'm letting it go. Then after this weekend I'm going to make running a higher priority; I've been too tired and beat up to go but it is my reset time.

If someone isn't going to buy it because of the dog nose prints on the French doors, they need a priority check, right?

Meraviglioso

Just wanted to pop in and say thank you AA, you motivated me to do a MEGA clean yesterday- behind wardrobes, reorganising the kids toys. throwing out massive amounts of stuff that has collected in every room. Repairing various things that have been sitting too long...

Good luck with the sale!

shockozulu

A good friend of mine does a lot of this type of work with his company. Outside of the finding things to neaten up the pillow etc, much of what you describe is what he's hired to do. When I first got sober I was the same as you, and even now just stopping smoking I have to be careful as I will replace one addiction with another. At one point I spent several hours a day simply ordering free books for my Kindle. Finally, I set a time limit on how much time I would allow myself to participate in my substitute addiction. You might want to try that to rest your body if nothing else.