SpringWater

I am a 51 year old woman. I started drinking when my mother was terminally ill in 2014. She passed away in 2015. I am up to drinking a bottle of wine a day and am very worried. I feel hopeless. I go to work, do the things I need to do and then go home and drink my bottle of wine. Is there any hope for me? Have I killed my liver?

ScottFromWI

Welcome back SpringWater - there is always hope. If you have health concerns about your liver, it would be best so see your doctor, we cannot diagnose that here. The body does have a remarkable ability to recover though so my guess is that if you are here typing and going to work every day that things are still working somewhat OK, would you agree?

doggonecarl

Yes, but you have to believe in yourself. If you want to pull yourself out of your despair, you can.

least

Welcome back! You can stop drinking and have a better life. When you want to be sober more than you want to drink, then you'll be able to stay sober.

SpringWater

I am a little embarrassed to go back to AA because of my failure and the amount I am drinking. I am going to go to a meeting anyway.

ZenLifter

No one at AA will judge you for relapsing. And there is definitely hope...there have been others, way worse off than you or me, and they have recovered Have a little faith that recovery is possible.

ScottFromWI

Glad to hear it - everyone at the meeting will be there for exactly the same reason you are there, so there's nothing to be embarrassed about.

Easy2slip

You can do this.... I am proof.

No need for embarrassment! This ain't easy. But it is doable.

Stay close to SR too... So many great people here.

Easy2slip

The hopeless feeling goes away ... as soon as you put the bottle down.

maimaitreya

Hi Springwater. Your probably healthier than you think. Getting off the alcohol will surely help. Getting back to meetings is not a failure it's a success.
When I went back with my head held low I didn't say a single thing. Didn't offer up that I was coming back, no introduction nothing. Just filled a seat. I'm still there. I just have to go. Life is much better now. Hope you feel better soon.

SpringWater

I feel like everyone else has been able to stop the first time they go to AA. That's not my case.

maimaitreya

I've been in and out five times in 13 years. I've seen many struggle and heard many stories of others just like me who eventually found long term sobriety. Don't give up, don't beat yourself up. Ya just gotta do it.

graciepearl

Don't think what if's, think what's now. Just right this minute and take it one step at a time. And keep posting everyone here is or has dealt with the same feelings and they CAN HELP

Bobbieka

Springwater - that is just not the case. I was at an AA meeting on Monday. Two different men were there that had been in AA for years. One man had 2 months sobriety. The other 2 weeks.

Don't quit trying. You can do it.

ScottFromWI

Quite the opposite is true actually, it usually takes people multiple attempts to quit, no matter what recovery method they use. SOME people might quit the first time they try, but even then it really doesn't matter if it's the first or the 100th time. The only thing that matters is that you want to quit now.

Gottalife

As your drinking was set off by the death of your mother, have you thought about some grief counselling. It is an area that AA cannot help you with, but I found it incredibly helpful when dealing with the death of my wife.

Anna

Many of us take more than one try to be able to stop. I believe that dealing with grief can be difficult and you might want to consider counselling. Many hospitals in cities offer grief counselling for people and it might be helpful. I am not an AA person, but I hope you do whatever works for you to get and stay sober. There is always hope.

Soberwolf

it took me more than one try to remain sober this is my longest period over 30 days though

Don't lose heart just keep reinforcing your sobriety youl get there bud

Berrybean

The only requirement for membership is a DESPIRE to stop drinking. It takes some people a while. Many people go to AA and relapse. I know my sponsor did just that as did my close AA friend. Both of them made it back to the rooms after several years back out there, and now have healthy and happy sober lives since doing their steps and working the program on a daily basis.

You can do this, and I bet people will be very pleased to welcome you back to the rooms. I'm always very relieved when a slipper makes it back.

entropy1964

Hey Spring
So sorry about your Mom. I went through that with the hub almost 5 years ago and it was brutal.

Of course there's hope. You haven't been drinking alcoholically for that long so you have a past life time of good habits that you can fall back on. Obviously you coped with life pretty well until your mom got sick. You can do that again.

As far as being embarrassed to go back to AA? Relapse happens.... a lot. Very few judge...and those that do, the heck with them. A bottle of wine a night? When I'm binging I can drink a bottle of wine before breakfast. Don't make comparisons...some will be less sick than you, and some more(uh like me) .

You can do this. It sounds like you loved your Mom a lot. She would want you to be happy and thrive.