If you don't want to drink then don't
Do your best
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
If you don't want to drink then don't
I realise SR is kind supportive and generous with its advice but the amount of times excellent advice tips & hints is slept on is frustrating and I mean everyone who gives good advice I'm not saying it's all slept on but I seen post after post where someone either thinks thier super unique or the condition of alcoholism doesn't apply to them or its just totally different in thier case I'm not pointing fingers and this isn't aimed at anyone
If you visit this site and can't stay sober think about upping your gameplan whether its therapy meetings or rehab coming into play start getting serious about your sobriety for no one else but yourself stop drinking or using drugs it's only yourself that your killing and that hurts me because I genuinely care but I'm like if you don't care what difference does it make if I do
This is not aimed at anyone we are all adults here I'm 34 and getting on with it not looking back trying to do good for myself & others each & every day
Get serious about your sobriety no excuses just get on with it & watch your life improve (I guarantee that) but you have to take the bad with the good and keep on going
Love to all rant over
If you visit this site and can't stay sober think about upping your gameplan whether its therapy meetings or rehab coming into play start getting serious about your sobriety for no one else but yourself stop drinking or using drugs it's only yourself that your killing and that hurts me because I genuinely care but I'm like if you don't care what difference does it make if I do
This is not aimed at anyone we are all adults here I'm 34 and getting on with it not looking back trying to do good for myself & others each & every day
Get serious about your sobriety no excuses just get on with it & watch your life improve (I guarantee that) but you have to take the bad with the good and keep on going
Love to all rant over
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,009
Hey SW
I understand your frustration. I also used to feel the same way. On this forum and in my AA meetings, I would see a steady procession of folks stream through the door. Most folks don't stay around very long. In my AA home group, there is only a handful that have been around longer than 2 years. It's the nature of the beast. To admit you are an alcoholic and that you are helpless is a heck of a thing. Especially in western society where such afflictions are seen as a failing of character.
But I can't turn my back on anyone needing help. For the simple reason that it took me years to accept my alcoholism, to go back into the AA rooms again and accept their help. I was welcomed even when I had spurned them years ago.
It's a double edged sword. The alcoholic in need has to have patience and never give up. To give support, you also need patience and never give up on those in need.
So, I will be the broken record about recovery plans, etc
because I won't give up on the alcoholic in need. I would be an utter hypocrite if I did.
I apologise if I am being preachy but it's how I overcame the same frustrations that you feel. You contribute 10000x more than I so I figure the frustration would also be more intense !!!
You're a superstar SW. Just keep on being one !
I understand your frustration. I also used to feel the same way. On this forum and in my AA meetings, I would see a steady procession of folks stream through the door. Most folks don't stay around very long. In my AA home group, there is only a handful that have been around longer than 2 years. It's the nature of the beast. To admit you are an alcoholic and that you are helpless is a heck of a thing. Especially in western society where such afflictions are seen as a failing of character.
But I can't turn my back on anyone needing help. For the simple reason that it took me years to accept my alcoholism, to go back into the AA rooms again and accept their help. I was welcomed even when I had spurned them years ago.
It's a double edged sword. The alcoholic in need has to have patience and never give up. To give support, you also need patience and never give up on those in need.
So, I will be the broken record about recovery plans, etc
because I won't give up on the alcoholic in need. I would be an utter hypocrite if I did.I apologise if I am being preachy but it's how I overcame the same frustrations that you feel. You contribute 10000x more than I so I figure the frustration would also be more intense !!!
You're a superstar SW. Just keep on being one !
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Just to echo that sentiment. Soberwolf. You ARE a superstar.
I feel the same frustration re people asking for advise then ignoring it in favor of playing more X box or similar as a recovery strategy. But, I know that typing that advise helps me as much (or more than) the people I type it for, because it strengthens my understanding and appreciation for my own plan. It reminds me of what I need to do on a regular / daily basis, so hopefully if I start slacking and my hornets nest starts up with its buzzing again, I can get back to the plan sober rather than later. Besides, if only one in a hundred people manage to get sober (now or at a later date) through your advice, then that's a life saved.
God bless you and people like you Soberwolf. I for one appreciate your shared wisdom on these forums x
I feel the same frustration re people asking for advise then ignoring it in favor of playing more X box or similar as a recovery strategy. But, I know that typing that advise helps me as much (or more than) the people I type it for, because it strengthens my understanding and appreciation for my own plan. It reminds me of what I need to do on a regular / daily basis, so hopefully if I start slacking and my hornets nest starts up with its buzzing again, I can get back to the plan sober rather than later. Besides, if only one in a hundred people manage to get sober (now or at a later date) through your advice, then that's a life saved.
God bless you and people like you Soberwolf. I for one appreciate your shared wisdom on these forums x
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Yeah.....
I never used to really notice that. But then the longer I've been sober, the harder it is to readily remember how many times, how many years I 'tried' to 'cut back' or 'tried' to quit.
Sometimes I want to reach through the Internet and just shake someone.... 'STOP TAKING THAT FIRST DRINK AND START GETTING ACTIVE MAKING CHANGES!!'
But I can't. I can only offer encouragement and experience, time after time, and hope that eventually those messages - together with the weight of their own self-inflicted suffering - will eventually add up to their moment of light. When they finally 'get it'. When at last they have entered that space of readiness that we hopefully all reach....
And sadly I also have to remind myself that some will not. Some will ride it to their death.
I am grateful people were here, helping me avoid that end.
So I keep coming back, because now I am one of those people, and maybe something we say, Wolf, will make the difference.
We may not see it for years, we may never see it at all..... but we - all of us together - can help save lives and give people their lives back a thousand fold.
So.... it's frustrating sometimes. But hang in there. You're good people.
I never used to really notice that. But then the longer I've been sober, the harder it is to readily remember how many times, how many years I 'tried' to 'cut back' or 'tried' to quit.
Sometimes I want to reach through the Internet and just shake someone.... 'STOP TAKING THAT FIRST DRINK AND START GETTING ACTIVE MAKING CHANGES!!'
But I can't. I can only offer encouragement and experience, time after time, and hope that eventually those messages - together with the weight of their own self-inflicted suffering - will eventually add up to their moment of light. When they finally 'get it'. When at last they have entered that space of readiness that we hopefully all reach....
And sadly I also have to remind myself that some will not. Some will ride it to their death.
I am grateful people were here, helping me avoid that end.
So I keep coming back, because now I am one of those people, and maybe something we say, Wolf, will make the difference.
We may not see it for years, we may never see it at all..... but we - all of us together - can help save lives and give people their lives back a thousand fold.
So.... it's frustrating sometimes. But hang in there. You're good people.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by soberwolf 
I seen post after post where someone either thinks thier super unique or the condition of alcoholism doesn't apply to them
But the addiction we have in common is very very familiar.
Take heart. Somebody will visit here today and take their life back.
Hang in there SW. We need you.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
SW,
There is a whole bunch of stuff i don't know about , there is a whole world of stuff outside of my control .
My sobriety is rock solid, i'm mostly happy and grateful, i don't let the flibberty-jibbert ways of drunks who are still drinking or druggers who are still drugging upset that .
They are outside of my control, i can offer what i've learned , share how i delt with situations but in no way is it for me to pick up others burdens or do-do.
I've learned to lay my burdens down to rest, i share how i did and do this, i don't go collecting others.
Its not for me to fix others , i don't have the power, i wouldn't want that power.
We can show people the tools but it is up to them to learn how to wield them and hopefully master them.
Make ones own sobriety a beacon of light to bring hope, that truth cannot be denied
keep on SW
There is a whole bunch of stuff i don't know about , there is a whole world of stuff outside of my control .
My sobriety is rock solid, i'm mostly happy and grateful, i don't let the flibberty-jibbert ways of drunks who are still drinking or druggers who are still drugging upset that .
They are outside of my control, i can offer what i've learned , share how i delt with situations but in no way is it for me to pick up others burdens or do-do.
I've learned to lay my burdens down to rest, i share how i did and do this, i don't go collecting others.
Its not for me to fix others , i don't have the power, i wouldn't want that power.
We can show people the tools but it is up to them to learn how to wield them and hopefully master them.
Make ones own sobriety a beacon of light to bring hope, that truth cannot be denied
keep on SW
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 8,076
Soberwolf, I agree with everyone else whose posted on this thread about you. Your concern is genuine. I think you've helped s lot of people here.
I'd also like to add that I've learned a lot from everyone whose posted on this thread. Thanks.
I'd also like to add that I've learned a lot from everyone whose posted on this thread. Thanks.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
One of my favorite's in AA is a guy that is 94. He has only been sober 30 years which means he quit drinking at 64.
His line is, "You don't have to drink if you don't want to. Hell, you don't have to drink even if you do."
His line is, "You don't have to drink if you don't want to. Hell, you don't have to drink even if you do."
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Hey, soberwoo-oo-oo-oolf ...
It is obvious to anyone who spends any time on this site that you care very deeply and you have a heart as big as the ocean.
But you can help only to an extent.
The thing about spiritual salvation of any sort is that the door may always be there, but only the soul to be saved can open and walk through it.
Keep showing people the way, but don't lose heart if some fumble with the keys.
It is obvious to anyone who spends any time on this site that you care very deeply and you have a heart as big as the ocean.
But you can help only to an extent.
The thing about spiritual salvation of any sort is that the door may always be there, but only the soul to be saved can open and walk through it.
Keep showing people the way, but don't lose heart if some fumble with the keys.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,186
Originally Posted by soberwolf
Love to all rant over
It is a sad fact that there will be people who can't or won't beat their addiction but please take heart from knowing that there are lots of people out here that you HAVE helped - I am one such person and I am extremely grateful to you
Another thing you can be encouraged about is that some people (and again I include myself in this) take several goes before they achieve take-off so maybe they just haven 't done the right thing YET.
I was struck by a point BeckyBean made - that typing out advise can be helpful in reinforcing ones own resolve as well
You do great things SW
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: No idea, Nowhere.
Posts: 16
I'm sorry, but everyone is unique. Why is it that people cannot try to find their own way? They may come to the same conclusions as every other alcoholic in the end but at least they got there on their own. Everyone has the right to try what they can.
The amount of threads I have read on here by someone asking for advice/telling their own story/speaking their mind/sharing how they're feeling, and old hats at this sobriety lark come along to say 'don't do that', 'just give it up completely right now' and (here's the clanger) 'we have all tried that'-well there you go!-Why is it okay that you tried all these different methods but shoot others down for trying it also? It was trying those methods that eventually got you sober. I understand that you know where it will end up and you would love for that not to happen to someone else, but let's face it-in your past, if someone had said to you 'don't try that', would you have listened? I doubt it. These things are part of the journey.
It drives me crazy. Like when I was at school and my mum told me not to waste my education because she had done it herself and regretted it later in life-of course I didn't listen-why would I? It's the same for everyone. If anyone tried to tell me they have always taken all advice ever given to them without a second thought, I would call them a liar. It's humanly impossible.
There is a very good reason that it takes years, sometimes decades, to get sober, and the reason is that it is a sly, tricky, manipulative disease. It's the nature of the disease, not the persons decision.
How many times have I read on here that so-and-so tried and tried and suffered for years until one day their mind flipped and they saw things differently-was that a conscious decision? I think not.
Lay off people. They are entitled to walk their own path, even if you guys have all walked it before and know where it leads. And even if that path is exactly the same as everyone elses, the scenery is different for each person. Everyone is unique, everyone has a different past, present and story and everyone deserves to feel special, even in something as difficult and abstract as addiction. By all means advise but don't presume to know someone-you don't, and stop with the hypocritical instructions-you wouldn't have followed them yourself as much as you like to think you would have.
Now my rant is over.
And for the record I came here sick to my stomach with guilt after slipping and drinking last night, the last thing I needed to read was 'If you don't want to drink then don't' as though that could possibly help anyone-gee thanks, all's well now, I just needed your sage guidance to help me see the light.
If that's all it took to get people to quit, there would be no alcoholism would there?
Apologies but I am pretty pissed off right now.
The amount of threads I have read on here by someone asking for advice/telling their own story/speaking their mind/sharing how they're feeling, and old hats at this sobriety lark come along to say 'don't do that', 'just give it up completely right now' and (here's the clanger) 'we have all tried that'-well there you go!-Why is it okay that you tried all these different methods but shoot others down for trying it also? It was trying those methods that eventually got you sober. I understand that you know where it will end up and you would love for that not to happen to someone else, but let's face it-in your past, if someone had said to you 'don't try that', would you have listened? I doubt it. These things are part of the journey.
It drives me crazy. Like when I was at school and my mum told me not to waste my education because she had done it herself and regretted it later in life-of course I didn't listen-why would I? It's the same for everyone. If anyone tried to tell me they have always taken all advice ever given to them without a second thought, I would call them a liar. It's humanly impossible.
There is a very good reason that it takes years, sometimes decades, to get sober, and the reason is that it is a sly, tricky, manipulative disease. It's the nature of the disease, not the persons decision.
How many times have I read on here that so-and-so tried and tried and suffered for years until one day their mind flipped and they saw things differently-was that a conscious decision? I think not.
Lay off people. They are entitled to walk their own path, even if you guys have all walked it before and know where it leads. And even if that path is exactly the same as everyone elses, the scenery is different for each person. Everyone is unique, everyone has a different past, present and story and everyone deserves to feel special, even in something as difficult and abstract as addiction. By all means advise but don't presume to know someone-you don't, and stop with the hypocritical instructions-you wouldn't have followed them yourself as much as you like to think you would have.
Now my rant is over.
And for the record I came here sick to my stomach with guilt after slipping and drinking last night, the last thing I needed to read was 'If you don't want to drink then don't' as though that could possibly help anyone-gee thanks, all's well now, I just needed your sage guidance to help me see the light.
If that's all it took to get people to quit, there would be no alcoholism would there?
Apologies but I am pretty pissed off right now.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Originally Posted by Thismadamisdone
I'm sorry, but everyone is unique. Why is it that people cannot try to find their own way? They may come to the same conclusions as every other alcoholic in the end but at least they got there on their own. Everyone has the right to try what they can.
The amount of threads I have read on here by someone asking for advice/telling their own story/speaking their mind/sharing how they're feeling, and old hats at this sobriety lark come along to say 'don't do that', 'just give it up completely right now' and (here's the clanger) 'we have all tried that'-well there you go!-Why is it okay that you tried all these different methods but shoot others down for trying it also? It was trying those methods that eventually got you sober. I understand that you know where it will end up and you would love for that not to happen to someone else, but let's face it-in your past, if someone had said to you 'don't try that', would you have listened? I doubt it. These things are part of the journey.
It drives me crazy. Like when I was at school and my mum told me not to waste my education because she had done it herself and regretted it later in life-of course I didn't listen-why would I? It's the same for everyone. If anyone tried to tell me they have always taken all advice ever given to them without a second thought, I would call them a liar. It's humanly impossible.
There is a very good reason that it takes years, sometimes decades, to get sober, and the reason is that it is a sly, tricky, manipulative disease. It's the nature of the disease, not the persons decision.
How many times have I read on here that so-and-so tried and tried and suffered for years until one day their mind flipped and they saw things differently-was that a conscious decision? I think not.
Lay off people. They are entitled to walk their own path, even if you guys have all walked it before and know where it leads. And even if that path is exactly the same as everyone elses, the scenery is different for each person. Everyone is unique, everyone has a different past, present and story and everyone deserves to feel special, even in something as difficult and abstract as addiction. By all means advise but don't presume to know someone-you don't, and stop with the hypocritical instructions-you wouldn't have followed them yourself as much as you like to think you would have.
Now my rant is over.
And for the record I came here sick to my stomach with guilt after slipping and drinking last night, the last thing I needed to read was 'If you don't want to drink then don't' as though that could possibly help anyone-gee thanks, all's well now, I just needed your sage guidance to help me see the light.
If that's all it took to get people to quit, there would be no alcoholism would there?
Apologies but I am pretty pissed off right now.
The amount of threads I have read on here by someone asking for advice/telling their own story/speaking their mind/sharing how they're feeling, and old hats at this sobriety lark come along to say 'don't do that', 'just give it up completely right now' and (here's the clanger) 'we have all tried that'-well there you go!-Why is it okay that you tried all these different methods but shoot others down for trying it also? It was trying those methods that eventually got you sober. I understand that you know where it will end up and you would love for that not to happen to someone else, but let's face it-in your past, if someone had said to you 'don't try that', would you have listened? I doubt it. These things are part of the journey.
It drives me crazy. Like when I was at school and my mum told me not to waste my education because she had done it herself and regretted it later in life-of course I didn't listen-why would I? It's the same for everyone. If anyone tried to tell me they have always taken all advice ever given to them without a second thought, I would call them a liar. It's humanly impossible.
There is a very good reason that it takes years, sometimes decades, to get sober, and the reason is that it is a sly, tricky, manipulative disease. It's the nature of the disease, not the persons decision.
How many times have I read on here that so-and-so tried and tried and suffered for years until one day their mind flipped and they saw things differently-was that a conscious decision? I think not.
Lay off people. They are entitled to walk their own path, even if you guys have all walked it before and know where it leads. And even if that path is exactly the same as everyone elses, the scenery is different for each person. Everyone is unique, everyone has a different past, present and story and everyone deserves to feel special, even in something as difficult and abstract as addiction. By all means advise but don't presume to know someone-you don't, and stop with the hypocritical instructions-you wouldn't have followed them yourself as much as you like to think you would have.
Now my rant is over.
And for the record I came here sick to my stomach with guilt after slipping and drinking last night, the last thing I needed to read was 'If you don't want to drink then don't' as though that could possibly help anyone-gee thanks, all's well now, I just needed your sage guidance to help me see the light.
If that's all it took to get people to quit, there would be no alcoholism would there?
Apologies but I am pretty pissed off right now.
Don't let your AV use this thread to **** you off. You asked about it yesterday and this is it.
Relapse and drinking are part of addiction, not sobriety. Again don't be fooled by your AV.
Thanks for the post Wolf. Very thought provoking.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi SW
Posts like this crop up occasionally. I even think I did one back in 2013 when I was here the first time. We try our hardest go get through.
Describing how wonderful sobriety is like describing the flavor of a food that someone has never eaten where there's no other food to compare it to. All we can do is to keep trying, it's up to them to do the rest.
Some days on here are harder than others but it's all worth the effort. The simple fact is that some will listen and some won't.
The plus is through your efforts, regardless of whether your words take hold, is that by doing what you do it's reinforcing the goodness that you've found through your own recovery. That's a huge positive in my book.
I appreciate your posts and all that you do. Keep spreading the good word, some may not listen but it's well worth the time and effort both for you, and for those that do eventually do the work and find the peace that we now have.
Posts like this crop up occasionally. I even think I did one back in 2013 when I was here the first time. We try our hardest go get through.
Describing how wonderful sobriety is like describing the flavor of a food that someone has never eaten where there's no other food to compare it to. All we can do is to keep trying, it's up to them to do the rest.
Some days on here are harder than others but it's all worth the effort. The simple fact is that some will listen and some won't.
The plus is through your efforts, regardless of whether your words take hold, is that by doing what you do it's reinforcing the goodness that you've found through your own recovery. That's a huge positive in my book.
I appreciate your posts and all that you do. Keep spreading the good word, some may not listen but it's well worth the time and effort both for you, and for those that do eventually do the work and find the peace that we now have.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Thismadamisdone
There is a very good reason that it takes years, sometimes decades, to get sober, and the reason is that it is a sly, tricky, manipulative disease. It's the nature of the disease, not the persons decision.
How many times have I read on here that so-and-so tried and tried and suffered for years until one day their mind flipped and they saw things differently-was that a conscious decision? I think not.
Yes. It was a conscious decision. It was a shift. It was a change in that person.
The nature of addiction is such that each of us must find our own way to that decision point - but in the end, it is ALWAYS and ONLY each individual person's CHOICE that brings about sobriety.
THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON WHO CAN BRING YOU TO DRINK OR LEAD YOU TO NOT DRINK.
That person, it turns out, is you.
And that mechanism is CHOICE.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: No idea, Nowhere.
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
Yes. It was a conscious decision. It was a shift. It was a change in that person.
The nature of addiction is such that each of us must find our own way to that decision point - but in the end, it is ALWAYS and ONLY each individual person's CHOICE that brings about sobriety.
THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON WHO CAN BRING YOU TO DRINK OR LEAD YOU TO NOT DRINK.
That person, it turns out, is you.
And that mechanism is CHOICE.
The nature of addiction is such that each of us must find our own way to that decision point - but in the end, it is ALWAYS and ONLY each individual person's CHOICE that brings about sobriety.
THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON WHO CAN BRING YOU TO DRINK OR LEAD YOU TO NOT DRINK.
That person, it turns out, is you.
And that mechanism is CHOICE.
What you have just described there is the exact opposite of a conscious decision. 'Conscious: (of an action or feeling) deliberate and intentional'. Your body and mind made a decision and then you chose to consciously follow it, but you, yourself did not make the initial decision at all.
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