hate how i look
Earth Child
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
Posts: 2,004
hate how i look
Sorry to start another thread... really not so good the AA meeting went fine as well ...i had to have a bath tonight because i didnt for a while I hate getting in the shower or bath because of my weight hate not having my clothes on
I look like a beached whale
Now i feel like i shouldnt eat ...wanting to go back to starving myself
No food for me until i lose some weight ...my husband dont know i feel this way
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I'm sorry you're feeling down on yourself.
I hope you'll try to remind yourself that we're all beautiful, all deserving of self-love, and our bodies shift and change over a lifetime. We ought not get too hung up on what we look like, because it's as fleeting as our short lives.
Also; starving yourself isn't the answer.
We need food to stay healthy - there are lots of ways to look at modifying our intake and nutrition that are positive, healthy and contribute to body health goals - but not eating isn't one of them.
Go easy on yourself. Focus on recovery. Maybe get someone you can talk to about your self-image feelings. A good therapist can really help in these matters.
It's going to be ok.
Stay sober and keep taking steps toward recovery and self love.
I hope you'll try to remind yourself that we're all beautiful, all deserving of self-love, and our bodies shift and change over a lifetime. We ought not get too hung up on what we look like, because it's as fleeting as our short lives.
Also; starving yourself isn't the answer.
We need food to stay healthy - there are lots of ways to look at modifying our intake and nutrition that are positive, healthy and contribute to body health goals - but not eating isn't one of them.
Go easy on yourself. Focus on recovery. Maybe get someone you can talk to about your self-image feelings. A good therapist can really help in these matters.
It's going to be ok.
Stay sober and keep taking steps toward recovery and self love.
Earth Child
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
Posts: 2,004
av had therapy for other things the NHS will not pay for me to see a eating disorder therapist because my Body Mass Index is to high eg am too fat to get
help ...and i cant afford a non NHS therapist
feel like getting a knife and cutting my fat off
that or drinking so much that i dont care
help ...and i cant afford a non NHS therapist
feel like getting a knife and cutting my fat off
that or drinking so much that i dont care
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Oak Creek, WI
Posts: 517
Lily-
I know exactly where you are coming from. I too am significantly overweight, and getting dressed to go anywhere can be a bit of an anxiety issue, but not bathing, and trust me, I have been there, causes more of an issue then showering or bathing once or every other day. TMI maybe? But speaking from experience, you learn things the hard way.
Be good to yourself and your body. Starving yourself isn't good either. Drink plenty of water and eat good healthy food. Once the water kicks in, you'll start to feel much better.
Things will fall in to place-- one day, one minute, one hour at a time!
Hang in there girl!
I know exactly where you are coming from. I too am significantly overweight, and getting dressed to go anywhere can be a bit of an anxiety issue, but not bathing, and trust me, I have been there, causes more of an issue then showering or bathing once or every other day. TMI maybe? But speaking from experience, you learn things the hard way.
Be good to yourself and your body. Starving yourself isn't good either. Drink plenty of water and eat good healthy food. Once the water kicks in, you'll start to feel much better.
Things will fall in to place-- one day, one minute, one hour at a time!
Hang in there girl!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Glad you are posting. I, too, struggle with weight. I know in my head what I need to do but it is hard at times. Don't drink. It won't make anything better....I know that if I just do the next right thing, good things will happen in my life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hey Lily
Oh my gosh I know exactly how you feel. I remember after my husband died I had really put on weight. That, combined with depression, anxiety, PTSD and addiction...not to mention grief, and I could barely look in the mirror. I showered in the dark. I rarely looked at myself. The funeral was absolute torture.
I had to turn things around for my own sanity. I tell myself that 'fat' is not shame. It is simply, well, fat. I put it on slowly, I will have to be patient and make the necessary changes for it to come off. Basically I gave myself a break big time. I googled different ways of eating that I thought would work for me. I used my fitnesspal. There are tons of forums on there too for support. Pretty much all topics are covered.
Not eating will slow your metabolism down and completely work against your desire to reduce. Trust me. Give yourself permission to eat and permission to heal. I have painful childhood memories of having to stay in my room, while the other 6 members of my family had dinner. It sucked. But its over. Today I'm in control, and so are you.
You don't deserve this pain. Embrace yourself and you will be able to embrace change. My heart goes out to you.
Oh my gosh I know exactly how you feel. I remember after my husband died I had really put on weight. That, combined with depression, anxiety, PTSD and addiction...not to mention grief, and I could barely look in the mirror. I showered in the dark. I rarely looked at myself. The funeral was absolute torture.
I had to turn things around for my own sanity. I tell myself that 'fat' is not shame. It is simply, well, fat. I put it on slowly, I will have to be patient and make the necessary changes for it to come off. Basically I gave myself a break big time. I googled different ways of eating that I thought would work for me. I used my fitnesspal. There are tons of forums on there too for support. Pretty much all topics are covered.
Not eating will slow your metabolism down and completely work against your desire to reduce. Trust me. Give yourself permission to eat and permission to heal. I have painful childhood memories of having to stay in my room, while the other 6 members of my family had dinner. It sucked. But its over. Today I'm in control, and so are you.
You don't deserve this pain. Embrace yourself and you will be able to embrace change. My heart goes out to you.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
You control your thoughts lily. You control what you say when you come here. You control your decisions to go to meetings and participate. You have a vary caring husband as well....you control a lot of things
There are also things none of us can control....me, you everyone. We have to accept that and work on the things we can.
There are also things none of us can control....me, you everyone. We have to accept that and work on the things we can.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,002
Big hug to you Lily!!
Please try and do the next right thing . . . just a tiny, tiny thing: eat a carrot and a handful of nuts, do 5 minutes of yoga, walk around the block, drink two glasses of water . . . or just think that that Bekindalways of SR is a total fruitloop with shite ideas and come up with a better teeny tiny next-right-action.
I hear you though. I'm a chronic depression and just living the next 15 min can be rough.
Please try and do the next right thing . . . just a tiny, tiny thing: eat a carrot and a handful of nuts, do 5 minutes of yoga, walk around the block, drink two glasses of water . . . or just think that that Bekindalways of SR is a total fruitloop with shite ideas and come up with a better teeny tiny next-right-action.
I hear you though. I'm a chronic depression and just living the next 15 min can be rough.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Oxnard
Posts: 173
Lily,
I understand you feel down about yourself right now and that your self-esteem is low. I know it is hard, but you need to learn to love yourself no matter what. If you're not happy with the way you look I encourage you to take steps to change it. I am not advocating any radical diet or exercise plan, because I have only seen people set themselves up for failure that way. How do people become fit? They make small decisions each day, and take small steps to creating a healthy lifestyle...not just a diet and exercise regimen.
I encourage you to get out and start walking a bit, start making healthier eating choices, and get involved in activities that you love to do that keep you active.
I am sorry that NHS is giving you such a hard time in getting the care that you need, but don't let the government's lack of understanding/resources/whatever it may be get in the way of making change in your life. I sincerely believe that you are capable of this if you put your mind to it and make it happen. We can change our outside, but it starts from within. I didn't start getting in much better shape until I started learning to like myself for who I am first...then the change came.
I understand you feel down about yourself right now and that your self-esteem is low. I know it is hard, but you need to learn to love yourself no matter what. If you're not happy with the way you look I encourage you to take steps to change it. I am not advocating any radical diet or exercise plan, because I have only seen people set themselves up for failure that way. How do people become fit? They make small decisions each day, and take small steps to creating a healthy lifestyle...not just a diet and exercise regimen.
I encourage you to get out and start walking a bit, start making healthier eating choices, and get involved in activities that you love to do that keep you active.
I am sorry that NHS is giving you such a hard time in getting the care that you need, but don't let the government's lack of understanding/resources/whatever it may be get in the way of making change in your life. I sincerely believe that you are capable of this if you put your mind to it and make it happen. We can change our outside, but it starts from within. I didn't start getting in much better shape until I started learning to like myself for who I am first...then the change came.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Do you think that yiu try to control your feelings through food (either through overeating or starving yourself). A bit like using alcohol to control your feelings? (Or sex, or gambling, or shopping, or drugs?) This is addictive thinking, and it's what we do. My eating (and other compulsive behaviours )got more manageable through my 12-step work as I worked on the alcohol problem, while bearing my other obsessive behaviors in mind.
At the moment I'm using the Slimming World plan and weekly group to structure my eating and lose weight safely and healthily, and when I stick to it it works (have had a couple of blips but nothing like I used to have while I was still looking through the world with my AV as my commentator and critic.
I know it might all seem too much at the moment, but tackle the drinking and everything else will follow. And please DO eat because hunger is one of the HALT triggers. There are lots of healthy meals you could make that are satisfying. Loads of ideas on the SW website or in the magazine if you fancy looking there. Please look after yourself with regards to those HALT triggers. It really does make such a difference to staying sober and the quality of our sobriety. X
At the moment I'm using the Slimming World plan and weekly group to structure my eating and lose weight safely and healthily, and when I stick to it it works (have had a couple of blips but nothing like I used to have while I was still looking through the world with my AV as my commentator and critic.
I know it might all seem too much at the moment, but tackle the drinking and everything else will follow. And please DO eat because hunger is one of the HALT triggers. There are lots of healthy meals you could make that are satisfying. Loads of ideas on the SW website or in the magazine if you fancy looking there. Please look after yourself with regards to those HALT triggers. It really does make such a difference to staying sober and the quality of our sobriety. X
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
Hi lily, I am sorry that you are not feeling well. I'm glad you posted, as there are a lot of people here who care about you, as does your husband. You are so much more than a number on a scale. You are like so many of us on here, you suffer from Flawed Thinking.
I hope you feel better soon, and please do think about all of the people who care about you.
I hope you feel better soon, and please do think about all of the people who care about you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 411
Hi Lily. You will probably drop some weight just by quitting drinking alcohol, many people do. If I remember correctly, the alcohol itself contains 7 calories per gram, nearly as much as fat, at 9 grams. Remember, small steps 
many of us want to change everything all at once, but things don't work that way.
many of us want to change everything all at once, but things don't work that way.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Lilly have you had any counseling/cbt/phycotherapy for PTSD it will really help
Here are some links my friend
Eating disorders - NHS Choices
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) - NHS Choices
Here are some links my friend
Eating disorders - NHS Choices
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) - NHS Choices
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