What would a judge think?
 

As some of you know, I have a young child. I have also let this stop me from attending meetings as her father is best friends with the DA in this county.

Tonight, I am still sober. However, my phone is blowing up with invites. I have blocked so many people and told so many "friends" to leave me alone that I am out of room to block anymore.

I decided to look up meetings. Every one is at small churches where I used to attend, my child went to preschool, I know the secretary at one and so does my ex.

If he found out I was in AA he would call his lawyer. He has been looking for reasons to gain more custody.

Would a judge look down on me? I am about to attend a meeting in an hour but am so scared. I haven't been to one in over 5 years. Thanks.

I can only give my opinion, but I would think a judge would see going to a meeting as a sign of reaching for recovery. That is just my .02 of course.

Have you tried Celebrate Recovery? A lot like AA and maybe it's possible you would not know anyone.

None of us know your situation enough to give legal advise, so it's always good to have an attorney at hand.

As someone in recovery, I would tell you that you need to do things that are healthy and foster your sobriety.

This is the kind of question you need to take to an attorney. We cannot speculate how a judge would respond to any variety of factors involved in a custody situation.

An attorney will help you by advocating for your rights as a parent.

In all honesty, I think any response beyond that would constitute legal advice, which is not fair to you as it may have no bearing or resemblance to what you're dealing with in real life.

IMO, a lot of it would depend on what the current circumstances are with the divorce. If your drinking is an issue that could come back to haunt you in a custody battle then I think attending meetings and continued sobriety would only help you. On the other hand, if your drinking has not been thrown into the fray yet then meetings could be an admission of a problem. But whatever the current situation is your continued sobriety is paramount for you and your child. So that should be your first concern.

Lots of good advice here blueyes, I would also recommend speaking with your attorney first if there is anything in the custody arrangement that involves alcohol.

As a counterpoint, I would imagine that if you went back to drinking again that would also be a strike against you if your ex "found out". So you need to balance what's best for you and your recovery with the entire situation.

Judges tend to look favorably on people taking responsibility and making healthy, positive decisions.

Also, nothing in the law would give a judge latitude to discriminate against you for being in recovery.

Judges are concerned only with the well being and best interest of the child. The fact you attend recovery meetings in no way endangers your child.

Just To Add To this... My Own Ex tried to use a DUI against me in a custody battle. However, my attorney argued that the DUI in no way endangered the children and he also pointed out that in the wake of the DUI I had sought treatment and had quite drinking. Her effort to take the kids failed.

Lawyer, lawyer, lawyer, did I say lawyer? Some great advice here but the one and only person who can give you the right answer is your legal counsel.

I was fired from a position and I had signed a non compete. I've been in my industry for 20 years so they really screwed me with the non compete because it was my best chance of places for a new position. Plus they knew once word got out that there would be clients trying to obtain me. Most of the friends and family that I talked to said that there's no way a non compete would stand up in court. I should go for any jobs that I wanted. I had plenty to choose from but decided to be smart and called a lawyer and she said definitely not. She said that they could sue me and did I want to end up losing my job and also having to pay them too. The non compete was only for 6 months and she said that a judge wouldn't find it unreasonable.

So although there's great advice here you can never be sure of the right course of action unless you talk to your lawyer.

legal advice from an attorney is certainly good advice.

BUT - if any attorney suggests you avoid taking steps in your recovery because of legal concerns..... FIRE THAT ATTORNEY IMMEDIATELY.

People go to AA, SMART recovery, rehab, get DUIs, etc.... ALL. THE. TIME. and their attorneys help them navigate these things without losing custody or getting looked down upon by judges.

If an attorney suggests you should try to counter concerns about your alcohol problems coming to light by NOT seeking help for them - then that attorney is not serving your child's interest or yours.

Thanks all. I really want to get back into meetings since everything else failed. I went and bought the big book instead. Went and sat on a park bench until my AV went away.

well done

Just a thought, but can you not attend open meetings and then if you see anyone you know just advise your there to gain insight about an uncle, niece, nephew etc?

I'm a family law lawyer - i don't say that to indicate this is "legal advice," it's just so you know where my two cents are coming from.

I don't know whether drinking has been an issue in your case to date or not, but I have never seen a judge punish a parent for taking healthy steps to solve a problem. A LOT of parents abuse alcohol. Many don't have your insight and self-awareness. Where I see people get into trouble is denying, minimizing, and insisting that it is their God given right to drink and no one is going to tell them otherwise. I would still talk to a lawyer, and indicate your need for recovery is non-negotiable, and come up with some ways you can stay sober and not jeopardize your case/minimize the impact on your case.

There's lots of good advice here. I think staying sober is the main focus and you should do whatever you have to make that happen. And, as others suggested, do talk to a lawyer and find out what rights you have.

I like the open meeting suggestion

I'm in the "ask your lawyer" camp. :)

I think the legal profession usually looks fondly on folks who take action to address their issues. two cents. Glad your av passed.

I used to practice family law. The local judge, who presided over many divorce trials, was an active AA member himself. In my experience, the positives of attending AA meetings far outweighs the negatives. Lawyers and judges have a disproportionately high rate of alcoholism. They understand the importance of addressing alcohol issues.

I agree with the others. Talk to your lawyer. But expect him/her to tell you to do what you need to do to stay sober. Even if that means attending AA meetings.

walking in an aa meeting or walking into a bar- what do you think a judge would consider healthy?

Thank you, I have not attended a meeting yet but I picked up the wrong book entirely. I started reading and realized it's an Al-anon book for family members. Then, I went to get another and there are so many. I just want to work the steps. Can anyone recommend a good book for working the steps alone? Thanks.