Wharf Rat

I have been trying and failing and then just refusing to get sober for years. I am now at a crossroads with my marriage, career, and sanity in general. I once again now plan on taking it one day at a time and begin living sober. With that being said, I know as I've tried over the years withdraw symptoms get much worse. I understand the popular advice will be to see a doctor, but that is not an option for me.

I felt it would mean more if I took the time to write this down as I get through the next few day's anxiety and withdraws. I appreciate this site and all of you and I'm grateful there is a place to come and share. I look forward to posting and interacting more. Please wish me luck

Delilah1

Welcome back Wharf Rat! I see that you joined SR in 2006, I joined in 2012, and managed to stay stopped beginning January 1st. One thing that has really helped me is reading and posting here daily. You should also join the June class, you will find lots of people starting/restarting their sobriety journeys. Being part of the January 2016 has been a big part of my sobriety.

Look forward to seeing you on here!

doggonecarl

I think a supervised detox would be wise, but you've already said it's not an option. What other "popular advice" isn't an option?

AA?
inpatient care?
Intensive outpatient care?
Substance abuse counseling?
SMART? Rational Recovery? the list goes on.

What ever you have been doing to get sober hasn't worked. If it's because you've narrowed your options down to doing this on your own, I hope you'll think about broadening your recovery choices.

LostLilly

For me some things that worked have been: AA meetings, AA sponsor, taking one day at a time, sleep, food, therapist, knowing emotional craziness in the beginning is normal, this site, prayer, gratitude lists, deep breathing, remembering the pain alcohol caused in the past when wanting a drink, eat/distract when cravings hit, reading about others who have been sucsessful 😀

Lilly

least

I got sober for good when I finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink.

BBQBOY

Wharf Rat, Would you go to the Doctor if you were having a stroke? That is just one of the conditions that can result from a bad detox! If you don't have a Dr. you can go to an urgent care and explain you are having severe anxiety. At least then you will get treated with some anti-anxiety meds. I've been through cold turkey detox before and I'm real lucky to be here today. Please ask for help....you won't be sorry. Best Wishes

rc4dt1

Good job coming on here and writing about it. Getting it out one way or another always helps.

With that said, I had to surrender completely that I could not do it on my own. I believe there are always options. Usually the first one that comes to mind when we are coming off the high is best but the hardest to do. If I waited even just a few days to determine my course of action then I would start to minimize the issue, rationalize the behavior, and come up with easier solution.

What made me take the leap towards maximum commitment at the expense of my job, money, relationships, etc was that I knew I needed to put in the time and 100% effort to handle all of my issues best I can. Drinking, drugs, unhealthy behaviors, unhealthy relationships, high stress levels, and on and on.... All those things are part of the disease. Until I became willing to place recovery first and have faith that doing so is my best chance at inner peace, I continued to try to use my own will power (even if I didn't know it).

I wish you the best! You don't have to do this anymore.

Easy2slip

Good luck and I hope this week goes smoothly.

In January ... I got sober for first time in 20+ years on my own (no Doc). I had some physical withdrawal ... But nothing in my opinion that I couldn't handle. I "hunkered" down in bed and "rode" it out. I remember from reading the book "Life" by Keith Richards and he explained what it was like kicking drugs "cold turkey" in a hotel room. You gotta just do the time... Again, I am not a doctor or anything and everyone is different. But for me "cold turkey" was my only option. It took me 3 times so far this year... but I am now on day 40.

You can do this!

Stay close... here on SR. We are here for you and I am here for you.

Grateful

Mcribb

I commend you for posting. It took lots of pain for me to finally ask for help. I can understand not going to the doctor. I am in lots of debt right now because of a relapse and a hospital stay. I wouldn't wish the stress of the bills on anyone. I have a sponsor, I go to AA, and I post on here. I have 6 years off of booze and 6 months off of pills.

entropy1964

Well then, good luck. I hope that if things get hairy you'll go to the ER or call for help. You're in the US so I know they can't refuse you.

Post about how you're doing. Sending positive thoughts.......

Wharf Rat

Thank you all for responding. I should clarify that the statement about going to the doctor is that it is an option, just not one that I want to resort to. I have 'ridden it out' before but as I get older it gets harder.

I plan on attending AA, getting a sponsor, using this site as a resource, and eating better w/exercise.

Thank you for the kind words, its nice to know that other people out there understand.

Rar

HI Wharf....I remember you from my first attempt. We are both back. I wish you the best. As you know, this forum is a huge support. Please keep posting here to let us know how you're doing. I wish you the best. Hang in there.

ItWillBeWorthIt

WharfRat, if it is your regular doctor you don't want to see, can you go to emergency / outpatients at the hospital and have them refer you to an addiction specialist. Tell them everything - explain this is life and death -because it is.

An addiction specialist doctor or psychiatrist will make a huge difference in your detox and recovery.

Do what you need to do to get clean and live in recovery. Getting a specialist is an excellent option.
Wishing you the best - stay close to SR WhaftRat.

fred59

anxiety and depression hit me hard this time, you have to weather the storm. Sleeping could be a problem I used melatonin and Tylenol pm .
exercise fresh air, healthy diet, meditation videos on YouTube this forum use it all along with recovery meetings.
Good Luck you can do it

August252015

I'm going to just comment on the physical detox part. The above was also what I did, largely, this time; I did have help from my team of drs as far as lab work, frank discussions about getting sober and my physical help etc, BUT my immediate w/drawal was at home, with just help from my parents on things like bringing me foods I could start to eat and little stuff. Can you possibly take a few days or a week off work so you can go through the immediate days? Pretty perfect use for vacation time, IMO! Yes, it will suck and yes, you can do it.

My experience was exhaustion and needing to take long naps, thirst, shakes, a little puking and tremors in all parts of my body, nightmares and night sweats, among the main physical stuff I remember as this first time is very hazy for me. It does pass. Whatever applies to you, you can do it alone if you have to but as someone said, please do go to an ER if you even think you need to (one time I really should have but didn't and I really did not have to suffer like I did!).

Good luck!

Kelly12390

Sending you nothing but good luck and positive, happy vibes. Be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up in the next few days, I'm in a similar place myself. It can be done
I'm looking forward to hearing about your journey of recovery and sobriety!

REsoberALITY

Welcome Wharf. Wishing you patience and strength. You CAN do this...... Believe me, it CAN be done. One day at a time......