Constance01

Hi. I have been lurking your place here for some time. I have been reading your stories and advice. Everything I read really struck a cord. I didn't realize there were so many people in the same predicament as me across the entire world. Gawd bless the internet for bringing us together, I suppose. I wasn't sure if I should be subtle in my intro or lay it all out. I think I am going to lay it all out, just as many of you have. I think that's a good thing so others can read it and know we are not all alone in this crazy mess and our struggles are very similar.

I am in my forties now. I have been abusing alcohol since I was 18, and I graduated to a daily drinker at the age of 25. My ex husband did not like "party type" drinking so I was allowed to 'sip' when I was cooking. I can tell you, I made the most elaborate meals accompanied with dessert. I use to prolong cooking supper so I could drink my head off. My love, beer. I could not get drunk enough or fast enough in those hours so I use to supplement with vodka shots, in the kitchen, between beers. By the time dinner rolled out, I was hammered and sent straight to bed. He divorced me at age 31.

When we broke up, that was my time to drink and just be alone in my party for one. I got my own apartment and I drank my face off. How I kept my job, I have no idea. I remember (sorta) going to work in the mornings, still drunk. I threw up in the the parking lot all the time and use to crawl in the back seat of my truck on breaks to barf. I would sober up around 11 am. I lived that existence for many years.

I remarried at age 36. My tolerance increased and hangovers were history. My husband is a drinker too so I can rip roar anytime I want. By the grace of Gawd I still have my job but I still crawl in there half cut and how they don't know amazes me. I think I'm fooling them but probably not. The smell alone must be obvious. I have a really good job which I probably don't deserve given my state.

I am now up to 18 beer a day. I do everything like folks here speak of. Check my facebook because I know I probably lost my mind on there, check my husbands phone for crazy texts (yes his. I knew from get go I could not handle a phone). The morning after is always damage control.

I found with the progression of my drinking, the bar just kept getting lower. No drinking in the daytime, then no drinking before noon, now - I will crack a beer before I spark my first smoke in the morning. I don;t do this on week days when I have to go to work but when I get home after work, I sure make up for it.

Anyways, this is getting long-winded. What inspired me to come here...I went to the doctor a few weeks back. My lower back was killing me in the mornings, especially after a good hard binge and I know very well what it is related to. I told him the whole story and he said to get sober for about two weeks so he can get an accurate read on my liver. Sure, thanks. I'll get right on that.

I know I need to get sober. I am well aware that I am going to die, probably sooner than later at this rate. Please internet people, Help.

sugarbear1

Did your doctor suggest a medical detoxing? That would be your best start! 18 beers a day is a lot for anyone!

desertsong

Welcome, Constance. Good to have you with us.

I can relate to your story, especially the back pain. I used to have a terrible pain in my middle back every morning (along with all of the other usual symptoms of withdrawal/hangover). It was excruciating. For the longest time, I couldn't figure out what I could have done to have injured myself. When I stopped drinking, the pain went away. Go figure.

I agree with sugarbear, 18 beers is a lot in one day. Please be very careful with detoxing. I'd certainly recommend checking with your doctor first, but if you can't or don't want to for some reason, be sure you have someone with you during the first 24-48 hours, just to be safe.

Glad you are here - this is a great place to be for sober support!

tonib

This sounds familiar especially the Facebook and beer amount. It got do bad I just decided to buy 16 Oz cans but still could throw back 8 of them before hitting the hard booze. It's scary when you don't get major hangovers anymore I by passed those as well unless I really get wasted. Today is day 4 for me. As far as your pains I have those also more front right upper abdominal but sometimes back. But the more you stay sober it usually subsides. But a good blood workup is what is needed. Praying for you and stay close to the site. I'm glued to it just to keep me focused.

Coldfusion

Welcome, Constance!

I really hope you become active on the forum here, because we can be very helpful. But right now I think you need more than "internet people." There are free- or low-cost detox programs in many communities, and they can provide not only medically-supervised detox but also a social setting where you learn some basic tools for sobriety. An AA meeting might be a good place to find others who have experienced detox programs in your area.

Vegit8

Hi Constance,

I am in the same medical boat as you. About 6 months ago I had bloodwork done, and I got the results back. Not good, not even remotely good on the reading that reflects liver function. I ignored the calls from the office knowing it would glaringly obvious to my dr that I was in no way the moderate drinker I had professed to be.

I live alone, always have, just me, the cats and the booze. I don't have family so my day, everyday would start with a few highballs and a smoke. I got lazy, so I just put it in a water bottle and leave it on the nightstand for convenience. I knew I was spiraling out of control, but I couldn't stop myself. And I'm really good at making excuses.

Anyway, my circumstances have gotten to beyond acceptable, that I had no other choice. I just finished day 1, it was unpleasant, and constant battle, but it's at the point where if I don't stop, I will drink myself to death by the time I'm 45.

The first step was hard, but it's better than sitting idling watching your life go in the crapper.

Constance01

Thanks all for the quick replies. As far as my physician, I won't say he was dismissive as I can appreciate his position. I am self made sick. He probably had a line of people behind me with ailments they did not bring upon themselves. He did not recommend anything other than for me to put the drink down for a few weeks so he can get an accurate read on my liver. I'm not exactly sure how I am going to do that. Hence, I am here. I really appreciate all the comments.

Coldfusion

Sorry, I didn't notice your location at first, but I just read that Yellowknife does not have a detox program. I had a doctor prescribe me Ativan when I quit drinking, which can help prevent seizures and is calming. Could you explain to your doctor that you can't just up and quit drinking for two weeks because you have a problem? Or find another doctor?

Coldfusion

Yellowknife Drug Rehabilitation - Yellowknife Drug Rehab - Drug Rehab Centers Yellowknife

"Alcoholism is readily associated with any area that is known for hard work under adverse circumstances and Yellowknife is no exception. There are literally hundreds of places one can acquire alcohol in this city yet there isn't a singe acute care facility for alcoholism and alcohol detox. Please make your way to the local hospital if you are experiencing anxiety or uncontrolled shaking when you stop drinking--these are two main indicators that you are detoxing and could be at risk of having a seizure."

Berrybean

OMG I remember the back pains now. And yes, mine went away after I stopped drinking. I just never out 2 and 2 together on that one.

I second the idea of going to some local AA meetings. The folk there will know what is and isn't available in the area and be can be a valuable source of information, support and advice. AA is run BY alcoholics, FOR alcoholics. Every single person in the room will understand how you feel and what you've gone through.

Meetings

LadyBlue0527

So glad you're here Constance and you are definitely not alone. I can see bits and pieces of myself woven throughout your post.

So glad that you decided to post. It sounds like your doctor is dismissive about detox. Have you been entirely honest with him about the amount that you drink? Have you tried to forego drinking for any period of time and if so, what happened? Has your drinking increased since that attempt?

Quitting cold turkey without medical assistance is risky business. Alcohol is the most dangerous substance to detox from. Not meaning to scare you but it's the truth.

Again, so glad you decided to post. This is a great place where you'll find a tremendous amount of support!

Constance01

First, thank-you to the folks who took the time to research the supports available in my community when I could not even be bothered to. I have been reading here and watching very closely. There is alot of great support and advice here but what I am also seeing is a continued pattern of relapse. It would seem to me that many people here who got clean for some good time and are now posting back as day 1. This is how I see myself. In all my years of drinking, I made the attempts to get dry and when I picked it up again my tolerance and body wanted more than the last go around. It wasn't only a failed attempt, it just worsened the problem. I dunno what to say about this any more but to all those that are afflicted with this crazy disease, we are in some predicament and I don't see anyway out.

maimaitreya

Your right there is no way out. We're all alcoholics forever. We have to learn to live sober. Yes there are a lot of relapses but there are also many long time sober recovery people here. There is hope. They have done it and they are doing it. We must learn from them. We can never give up. Choose recovery and sobriety and go to any length to get it.

Mags1

Hi Constance and welcome to SR.

When I first stopped drinking I went cold turkey. I had lots of anxiety and didn't associate it with stopping drinking, though looking back now it was obvious. I didn't find SR until I was 3 months sober and it really helped me. I clung to it for life, read, learnt from everyone's honest experiences.

I was too ashamed to tell the doc , I dunno, I think I thought I might get locked up , lose my job or worse everyone would judge me. There is a lot of help for us that I didn't know about.

Interesting that you picked up on the relapses. I noticed that too. But I know when I tried to stop years ago, half hearted attempts, I didn't really mean it.

When I stopped drinking, that was it. I stopped. I don't drink. The only problem was, how to live without it? That's were the recovery bit comes in. Learning to live without it until it is normal not to drink alcohol.

It does happen. There are lots of us who won't drink. Having the right tools, you may have read this on SR , helps you to know what to do if you have a craving. It becomes the normal as in checking the road both ways before you cross it. You don't think about it, it is just normal to do this to not have an accident.

Soberwolf

Any ideas on a recovery plan

entropy1964

here is alot of great support and advice here but what I am also seeing is a continued pattern of relapse.

Yes a lot of addicts relapse, including me. But YOU don't have to. And if you do? It doesn't mean hope is lost. It means you need to learn, expand your recovery plan and keep trying. Where there is breath there is hope. I know many say relapse is not part of recovery, its part of addiction. I think the prevalence of relapse show that it is part of both.

Your level of acceptance that you are an alcoholic and can NEVER drink again will determine whether or not you relapse. Addicts have to learn (through recovery programs, counseling, peer support, and simple perseverance etc) how to cope with life. Every challenge has to be met sober. You surrender to that fact or you don't. But don't compare yourself to others. Make your commitment and do it. Don't try or doubt yourself.

Call your dr and tell him you need medical detox or go to the ER for support. That is the wise thing to do.

Good luck and glad you're here.

FreeOwl

welcome aboard!!

I had to Google "Yellowknife, NT" to figure out what the heck it was! Looks like a cool place, I may have to put it on the bucket list, just for the sake of the name alone, LOL.

You've found a good place and you've made a good move reaching out and sharing a little of your story. Keep it up, stick around, and arm yourself with some local / in-person support.

Your life can be a gajillion times better than you can even imagine - sobriety is a wonderful way to live a joyful and abundant life.

You can do it.

Hawkeye13

Sober time, even with relapses, has accumulated many positive benefits for me.
I have nearly five years of sobriety and a few weeks of total relapse during that time.

I made an effort to learn and improve my program from those relapses
and am finding sobriety not only "easy" this time, but actually more
normal than drinking for me at this point.

I was also a life-long drinker.

Don't use the threat of relapse as an excuse to despair and give up.
I think I'm finally making it to true recovery, but only because I
didn't quit quitting.

Life is much better and happier for me now, and my body is healthier than ever.

Glad you are here

Soberwolf

These links are excellent

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html


http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Also think about recovery meetings there is choice between secular & non secular there are meetings just for women there is so much to learn that will strenghten your sobriety