KelliGirl

undefinedundefinedundefinedHello Everyone ... I am new to the message board here & also new to recovery. I have been in & out of A.A. & N.A. for about 5 years .. give or take. Right now, I am 32 years old & was just arrested for my 7th DUI about 4 weeks ago. I swore up & down I would NEVER get behind the wheel after drinking again ... but here I am again, in trouble ... hurt, lonely, confessed, depressed & have been clean & sober since my arrest. I have been pretty much hiding out at my dad's for the last 4 weeks & am ready to go back home now, I think. But it's been a very tough 4 weeks on both of us ... I am on alcohol tether, which monitors my body system to tell if I have been drinking or not, can not use anything with alcohol in it, like hair spray, body lotion, mouth wash, hair conditioner ... u get the idea ... and I also am to report to the police staion everyday for daily PBT's. My world has been crashing in on me for a LONG time. I have no idea to handle all these changes going on around me... how to deal with all these emotions without drugging or drinking or who I can turn to, just to have someone to talk to that can understand & won't put me down. I never intended for my life to get so out of control!! I never wanted to hurt anyone or to burden anybody with my troubles!! I am so depressed & just don't know where to turn to. See just writting this is making me tear up!! I have been going to meetings everyday for the past couple of weeks, but never know what to say or what to share .. or who I can turn to. Just looking for someone who can relate or lend a listening ear ... as I will return the favor for u someday.

Kelli

degadar

HI Kelli, I'm listening. I think you're very brave and even that short post shows you've been doing a whole truck-load of thinking about your situation - and that's the best start you can possibly make. Don't try and fix everything all at once though, but rather break stuff down into really small manageable chunks.

Take care

Deg.

ted

HEY KELLI WELCOME.
ALCOHOL SURE PUT A DAMPER ON THE WAY I LIVED ALSO.
YOU'LL FIND LOTS OF NICE PEOPLE HERE TO SUPPORT YOU.
LIKE DEG SAID,TAKE IT EASY,DON'T OVERWHELM YOURSELF.
STICK AROUND,THE GANGS COMING.
HANG TOUGH.........ted

splendra

Kelligirl-

Welcome to Sober Recovery! We are very glad you made it!!!((((((BIG HUG)))))))for you.My name is Lisa I am a recovering alcoholic/addict.

I am glad you are going to meetings. Don't worry about what to say one day you will open your mouth and something really profound will come out! While you are at meetings listen well to what is being said and ask yourself if you can relate to it. Don't stop going whatever you do. Keep posting here too we have a good bunch of folks here. Sometimes if you write about it it makes it easier to start sharing at meetings

Chy

Hi and welcome!
You will find a great deal of support here. I hope you find a means of support in your area as most of us couldn't do it alone. Hang in there!

1Marty

Kelli, I also got a drunk driving. I am also on an ankle bracelet. So I know what thats like. AA has helped me out a lot. I always found support and acceptance there. SR is also an awesome resource. So post away. We are here to listen.

In memory of miracle

Welcome kelli ! You are not alone ! If you hang in there it will get better ,Sending prayers your way Trish

Anna

Hi Kelli,

Welcome to SR. As Deg says, it looks like you've really been looking at yourself and your situation and that's a great start. I'm Anna, recovering alcoholic and I didn't know how to deal with emotions without drinking either. In fact, I couldn't really imagine it. Hang around here and get to know us. You'll find lots of support.

Love, Anna

Lilalkie

Hi, Kelli. My name is Heather and I'm in day two of recovery. This is my second time in AA. I have never been in your shoes exactly, but I can tell you that from what I experience, no one in recovery will ever condemn you for what you've done.
Some people have social phobia (like I used to) and are afraid to speak in public. That's okay if you don't feel you can talk in front of others. There's no rule that says you have to. But if you can connect with one or two people after the meeting and maybe discuss with them about what they said in the meeting. I find that I have no idea what to say sometimes, but if there's a lull in a discussion meeting, sometimes I just pipe right in with, "Hi, my name is..." and see where it takes me. Sometimes I just share with others what I'm thinking at that moment. I try not to sit there and think ahead of time what I'm going to say, because then I miss what important things others have to say.
Anyway, it sounds like you're on the right track. Keep it up!

KelliGirl

Thank you all for your support & encouragement. It justs seems theres so much going thru my head, that I just feel like screaming, stomping my feet & can't understand everything. It also seems I have been getting alot of negative feedback from people who know me. saying "Yeah Right" like you will stay off the booze & dope... telling me that I'm a lost cause & trying to change my mind about going into treatment!! Why would they do this to me if they really want to see me straighten my life out. There's also another who thinks he can make my decisions fpr me & tries to control my life ... I DON'T want to be controled by anyone or have anyone make my decisions for me. I know I have no control over my life ... I've tried that, look where it has gotten me. But I feel alot of anger inside & I try to keep it there .. but when these people start pushing my buttons, I just feel like I'm about to flip out. If they really care about me and don't want to see me go back to the drugs & drinking, why do they keep pushing me?

mattb2jp

I did lost of stupid things while drunk. I was lucky never arrested and don't have a disease. Don't let the past discourage you from a positive future.

Matt

Richie

Hi Kelli.This forum has been a real lifesaver for me!I spent far too many years in a daze but thank God my head is clear now!You are not alone!Keep coming back and I know you'll be blessed by the awesome people here.Hang in there!

1Marty

Kelli, its too bad that you are not getting support from your friends/family. Problem is that they may not be able to relate very well. They may not be addicted, they may not be able to understand exactly what you are going through. Look for support from others who are going through what your going through. They may be people at AA/NA meetings, a recover center, outpatient therapy groups, and here at SR.

Joe90

Hi Kelli this is a great place to be heard! ..to listen and to be listened to ! We all help eachother here ..you sound like you know where you can go ..if you want to..by being here you help all of us ..you help Me ..and I need lots of help!
lJoe

easydoesitmikey

hi kelli,welcome to sobernrecovery.this is a great place.i am also glad to hear you are hitting meetings.hang in there

Aa_vark

Hi Kelligirl,

I know taylortucky! - I live in royal oak (on the border of hazel-tucky..).

We live in a great area for meetings - I realy loved having so many choices - I tried alot of different meetings, untill i found the ones I thought i'd like on any give day of the week. And there are a ton of options on every day still - noon, or if i cant make it 5, or 8 or 9:30 - you know what I mean.

Keep going to different meetings - and im sure you will find people that you connect with. Get a sponser soon, read the big book, 12 & 12... get some #'s, and call some people - It works if you work it. It is for me -

Here is the local area AA website -

www.aa-semi.org

Wishing you serenity -

A

KelKel

Hi Kelli
So glad you are here...
I got 2 DUI's in one year, so I know some of what you are feeling right now.
This is a great place for me and my recovery.
Feel free to send me a pm.

2dayzmuse

(((Kelligirl)))

Welcome and I wish you the best of luck...things will get better. I takes alot of work and soul searching to find the answers to our problems. The help is out there. Grab on to it and don't let go.

LeAnne

1_day@_a_time

..

Phinneas

Kelli-- There is a place for us "hopeless causes" and that is in AA. Please keep going to meetings. That's where you'll find the support you need right now. I have trouble talking at meetings, too. I tell myself over and over again, "Just show up and be open." It works.

jojo