How to avoid/deal with a living room at 9PM.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: No idea, Nowhere.
Posts: 16
How to avoid/deal with a living room at 9PM.
My major trigger for drinking is being in my living room between 9PM and 2AM. That's where I am now.
The kids are asleep in their rooms, my partner is asleep in our room (he gets up early for work), so I have the bathroom, the kitchen or the living room to occupy. Obviously not the bathroom. The kitchen is too cold really and what would I do in there? It's not exactly baking time.
So I am left with the living room. I have books (which I cannot concentrate on), the PC (which keeps me awake all night), an exercise bike (which I don't fancy using right now) and jigsaws (which I don't like and really don't have enough light to see properly).
Everything I have stated above is true but---am I making this harder than it has to be? What should I do with myself tonight?
What do you do when your biggest trigger seems unavoidable (and kind of is-I can't avoid my living room or 9PM to 2am)?
The kids are asleep in their rooms, my partner is asleep in our room (he gets up early for work), so I have the bathroom, the kitchen or the living room to occupy. Obviously not the bathroom. The kitchen is too cold really and what would I do in there? It's not exactly baking time.
So I am left with the living room. I have books (which I cannot concentrate on), the PC (which keeps me awake all night), an exercise bike (which I don't fancy using right now) and jigsaws (which I don't like and really don't have enough light to see properly).
Everything I have stated above is true but---am I making this harder than it has to be? What should I do with myself tonight?
What do you do when your biggest trigger seems unavoidable (and kind of is-I can't avoid my living room or 9PM to 2am)?
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Thismadamisdone 
It's not exactly baking time.
Being bored and restless is normal in early sobriety. Waiting for something to grab your fancy might take a while. Make yourself useful until it does. Grab a rag and clean something. When was the last time the baseboards were scrubbed?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
I have been alone in an empty house during the day and on my couch most evenings the whole of my 72 sober days.
I bought some good books and have been enjoying my amazon prime and netflix.
ANYthing is a potential trigger for us. Right now my spouse is drinking a beer next to me on the couch - in the past, I'd use his drinking to justify my own (how can I stop when it is in my house?!) until I realized that it is my own hand that pours the drink into my body.
You can do it - you are able to NOT pour a drink into your body - and you can do it anywhere.
I bought some good books and have been enjoying my amazon prime and netflix.
ANYthing is a potential trigger for us. Right now my spouse is drinking a beer next to me on the couch - in the past, I'd use his drinking to justify my own (how can I stop when it is in my house?!) until I realized that it is my own hand that pours the drink into my body.
You can do it - you are able to NOT pour a drink into your body - and you can do it anywhere.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 32,374
I might:
prepare for bed in a luxurious fashion, maybe with a shower or special face-treatment, and attractive nightwear;
have a cup of herb/fruit/flower tea, or milky cocoa;
do 15 (or 5, or 2) minutes of a jigsaw, or Patience/Solitaire;
do a few minutes of some quiet exercise - stretches or toning moves;
write down a few random goals and some baby-steps I could do towards them; stand at the door and breathe in the evening air and see what I noticed with each of my senses;
plan out a garden, or a flower-pot planting;
decide what would be the first three things I will do in the morning and quietly set-up for them to get the next day off to a good start.
Best wishes.
prepare for bed in a luxurious fashion, maybe with a shower or special face-treatment, and attractive nightwear;
have a cup of herb/fruit/flower tea, or milky cocoa;
do 15 (or 5, or 2) minutes of a jigsaw, or Patience/Solitaire;
do a few minutes of some quiet exercise - stretches or toning moves;
write down a few random goals and some baby-steps I could do towards them; stand at the door and breathe in the evening air and see what I noticed with each of my senses;
plan out a garden, or a flower-pot planting;
decide what would be the first three things I will do in the morning and quietly set-up for them to get the next day off to a good start.
Best wishes.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Thismadamisdone
What do you do when your biggest trigger seems unavoidable (and kind of is-I can't avoid my living room or 9PM to 2am)?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 1,486
I can barely stay up til 9 pm haha,maybe try changing the furniture around? Maybe that will make it less triggery,I know that I had to change up the computer area cuz that was my drinking spot,alone,sitting listening to music on it,could help to mix it up😊
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
Some terrific ideas here. I too think you should go cook. Quiche and muffins for breakfast! The hot bath may relax you enough so that you can get to sleep earlier than 2 am. Or go on FB, you can find a rousing political fight easily to join in and distract yourself. Try exercising in the afternoon if you're not already so you'll be more tired. How's the weather and the safety for being outside in the night? When I was first sober, I would read SR in the middle of the night. I didn't have much to say, but reading that other people were awake, responding and dealing with the same issues was ( and is) immensely comforting.
Eventually, you'll just have to get over the triggers because they are everywhere, but for now, and probably a while to come, distract yourself. You can come clean my house!
Eventually, you'll just have to get over the triggers because they are everywhere, but for now, and probably a while to come, distract yourself. You can come clean my house!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
learn to knit.
listen to the radio while making something for yourself or someone else.
have hot chocolate, the real kind you get to make in your kitchen with heating milk.
to go with the baking
invite a friend or neighbour for tea.
sort your old photos.
write a letter.
do stretches.
living room.
room for living.
living.
i drank mostly alone, in my living room.
i now live there. and quite well.
you can do this.
listen to the radio while making something for yourself or someone else.
have hot chocolate, the real kind you get to make in your kitchen with heating milk.
to go with the baking
invite a friend or neighbour for tea.
sort your old photos.
write a letter.
do stretches.
living room.
room for living.
living.
i drank mostly alone, in my living room.
i now live there. and quite well.
you can do this.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Sydney, Aus
Posts: 262
Another vote for a little late cooking. I love slow cooker breakfasts - steel cut oats with lots of cinnamonn or bacon, onions, cheese and eggs in a kinda frittata thing. With the added bonus that breakfast is taken care of. ☺ Personally, I've rediscovered reading, which has been a massive help.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
I also vote for going to bed. Sometimes sleep is the only thing that takes away cravings. Extend your bedtime routine a bit- scrub your face very well, put on some night creams, lotion on your body, don't forget to floss. Go back to the kitchen and make sure everything is wiped down good so you wake up ready to make your coffee in the morning. You've got this!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Winslow
I can barely stay up til 9 pm haha,maybe try changing the furniture around? Maybe that will make it less triggery,I know that I had to change up the computer area cuz that was my drinking spot,alone,sitting listening to music on it,could help to mix it up��
Nothing wrong with having a relaxing bubble bath either. And as far as 'baking time ': there is no set time for baking. If you enjoy baking, then go ahead and bake. Baking is creative, and creativity can be pretty healing. I can imagine making bread being pretty good therapy, and waking up to fresh bread for breakfast - now that couldn't be bad.
At first it takes a while to suss out what we want to do with all our extra sober time. But it does get better and easier, and before you know it you'll feel as strapped for time as you ever did before.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
I had the luxury of spending time away from my living room till I felt comfortable in it again (a note to anyone who complains about being single and lonely in sobriety, living alone has its benefits!).
But if you don't have that option, I vote for a bit of simple, inexpensive redecorating and/or moving stuff around. Use your imagination and make it a project.
But if you don't have that option, I vote for a bit of simple, inexpensive redecorating and/or moving stuff around. Use your imagination and make it a project.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
I'm an earlie bird who rises at 5am
and off to bed by 7pm. Getting everything
done during the day and ready for bed
early.
Both my husband and I are retired with
11 yrs age difference between us. Me at
57 with 25 yrs sobriety, I embrace my
quiet time, down time, sleep time more
than ever.
When I was in my drinking career, little
ones, family, I was always busy busy trying
to balance everything and drove myself
to a frenzy. Drove myself off the road at
2am into a concrete culvert to eventually
entering rehab via a family intervention.
In recovery every once in awhile I revisit
my past, because it is a lesson I never want
to forget. Drinking and driving as we often
hear can kill us and it could have killed me.
Over the yrs. I have appreciated my bedtime
because it is a safe, secure place, off the road,
not in bars, clubs, ringing ears, intoxicated,
in a fog, deep within a drum. Im snuggled down,
away from the worlds noises, safe, secure and
at peace.
I find that exercising, walking, gardening,
physically working hard during the day,
maybe a health club, makes it easy to want
to look forward to retiring early to bed.
I suppose im from tha old school teachings
where we work hard during the day and
retire to bed early. Early to bed, early to
rise makes a man healthy, weathy and wise.
a saying I recall being said a many a times
while growing up.
When I got into recovery, I changed many
things around me to match my recovery
life because I now have a new way of living
life. Out with the old and in with the new.
A new, healthier, sober way of thinking
and living my life. I now have a new pair
of glasses to see everything around me.
Everything seems to become clear in
sight, mind, and heart.
Don't rush your sobriety. It is the journey
in recovery building a strong solid foundation
to live your life upon for many one days sober
at a time that will reward you with happiness,
healthy and so much more.
Gardening is work, and with every hand
I put in it, the rewards are paid off in thousands
of blooms, new growth, color, attraction of
birds, bees, butterfly .....life.
My backyard is my sober sanctuary filled
with life, love, care, understanding, passion.
and off to bed by 7pm. Getting everything
done during the day and ready for bed
early.
Both my husband and I are retired with
11 yrs age difference between us. Me at
57 with 25 yrs sobriety, I embrace my
quiet time, down time, sleep time more
than ever.
When I was in my drinking career, little
ones, family, I was always busy busy trying
to balance everything and drove myself
to a frenzy. Drove myself off the road at
2am into a concrete culvert to eventually
entering rehab via a family intervention.
In recovery every once in awhile I revisit
my past, because it is a lesson I never want
to forget. Drinking and driving as we often
hear can kill us and it could have killed me.
Over the yrs. I have appreciated my bedtime
because it is a safe, secure place, off the road,
not in bars, clubs, ringing ears, intoxicated,
in a fog, deep within a drum. Im snuggled down,
away from the worlds noises, safe, secure and
at peace.
I find that exercising, walking, gardening,
physically working hard during the day,
maybe a health club, makes it easy to want
to look forward to retiring early to bed.
I suppose im from tha old school teachings
where we work hard during the day and
retire to bed early. Early to bed, early to
rise makes a man healthy, weathy and wise.
a saying I recall being said a many a times
while growing up.
When I got into recovery, I changed many
things around me to match my recovery
life because I now have a new way of living
life. Out with the old and in with the new.
A new, healthier, sober way of thinking
and living my life. I now have a new pair
of glasses to see everything around me.
Everything seems to become clear in
sight, mind, and heart.
Don't rush your sobriety. It is the journey
in recovery building a strong solid foundation
to live your life upon for many one days sober
at a time that will reward you with happiness,
healthy and so much more.
Gardening is work, and with every hand
I put in it, the rewards are paid off in thousands
of blooms, new growth, color, attraction of
birds, bees, butterfly .....life.
My backyard is my sober sanctuary filled
with life, love, care, understanding, passion.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I do understand associating a specific room with your drinking. I drank in my closet...nice. And I drank alone, so why the closet? Symbolic for my denial, shame, guilt I guess. But its just a closet.
I don't know your lifestyle, work hours but can you adjust your sleep schedule so you're sleep more between 10-11, rather than 2am? I'm a big believer in sleep and a regular sleep schedule. And I'm a lark, not an owl. so easy for me to say. I look at it this way, if I were living in paleolithic times, and I was a night owl, I'd be eaten by some nocturnal carnivore So I do believe that humans are meant to sleep more when its dark and wake with the sun. But, that's just me. Not a lot of saber-tooth tigers roaming around anymore
I don't know your lifestyle, work hours but can you adjust your sleep schedule so you're sleep more between 10-11, rather than 2am? I'm a big believer in sleep and a regular sleep schedule. And I'm a lark, not an owl. so easy for me to say. I look at it this way, if I were living in paleolithic times, and I was a night owl, I'd be eaten by some nocturnal carnivore
So I do believe that humans are meant to sleep more when its dark and wake with the sun. But, that's just me. Not a lot of saber-tooth tigers roaming around anymore Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Evening/night is when I used to get my hard core drinking on, too.
Here is what I do when it's after dinner/home from work (this is usually around 11 for me) or pretty much any time the sun just goes down.
Go to bed. Take sleeping pills if necessary. Go. To. Bed.
IF it is not that dire that you need to put yourself away for the night, as I call it, then -
Yep, another vote for cooking. Making a frittata is a fantastic option. Go to pinterest or Cooking Light or wherever and find a basic recipe and get going. Basically any version of eggs, meat and/or veggies, cheese and herbs is a step-by-step process that is simple, will hold your focus, and end up in a great bfast for all.
Baths. I take a bubble bath every day. Instead of a shower in the am, and at night if I need/want to.
I read. I read 6,7 books a week and have stacks of them by my sofa. I like to curl up on one end, have a glass of soda/cran or lemon water next to me, blanket and book on my lap. An hour or three killed.
Watch a movie - don't do anything else. Just watch it. Check the time- it is probably something like 82 or 97 min. Then go to bed!
I am a big proponent of going to bed when things get hinky, clearly!
Here is what I do when it's after dinner/home from work (this is usually around 11 for me) or pretty much any time the sun just goes down.
Go to bed. Take sleeping pills if necessary. Go. To. Bed.
IF it is not that dire that you need to put yourself away for the night, as I call it, then -
Yep, another vote for cooking. Making a frittata is a fantastic option. Go to pinterest or Cooking Light or wherever and find a basic recipe and get going. Basically any version of eggs, meat and/or veggies, cheese and herbs is a step-by-step process that is simple, will hold your focus, and end up in a great bfast for all.
Baths. I take a bubble bath every day. Instead of a shower in the am, and at night if I need/want to.
I read. I read 6,7 books a week and have stacks of them by my sofa. I like to curl up on one end, have a glass of soda/cran or lemon water next to me, blanket and book on my lap. An hour or three killed.
Watch a movie - don't do anything else. Just watch it. Check the time- it is probably something like 82 or 97 min. Then go to bed!
I am a big proponent of going to bed when things get hinky, clearly!
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