bringm32lif30

Me myself I always was romantisizing alcohol...even after all the bad consequences I still fantasize how if I just put little more effort everything will be different... that's how delusional I am.
I don't want to say this but I'm jealous...of people who just drink, have a great time and don't get drunk to the point they lost their memories. They don't want to get drunk in any cose. And I'm surrounded with many people like that. I guess I was the only one who had problems with that, I was always blacking out and ashamed of myself. Even grown man drink less then me and I'm a girl under 30, but it doesen't matter. I feel guilty that I feel jealous of them. After I while I became so naive and start to think that everything is in control but always ALWAYS in a last 5 years of my drinking the things end up really bad with awful consequences. Why I keep doing this then,expecting different result, I feel so stupid and weak...
And the thing is in my country drinking is one of the MOST popular thing. Everybody do it all the time, or joking about it, telling their drunk story with proud. Аll my friends and known drink (Hopefully my family don't, more then a glass of wine once in a month)
I don't think I will have the willpower to hang out with them or with anyone who drink.

ScottFromWI

Its an normal thing to feel "left out" of our drinking crowd, and also to feel jealous of those who are still participating in that scene. But is also an illusion that "everyone drinks". Sure, just about everyone we spent time with did...but gnats because we seek those kinds of people. There are more people in the world that don't focus all their time on drinking that those who do. Also remember that many of the people you drank with DO have a problem with alcohol...they just don't talk about it, just you have come here to share.

firstymer

I will likely never qualify to run the Boston Marathon. Never gone date Kristy McNichol. Never gonna have that gigantic party on the lunar surface that, in 1979, did not seem so unrealistic.

Things that we are jealous for often turn out to be less than what we fantasize them to be.

I held the same resentment as you.

It subsides after awhile. It really does.

August252015

I haven't been jealous, exactly, but definitely wish sometimes I could be a normal drinker. It is definitely still hard for me to remember that thoughts of alcohol just don't cross many peoples' minds or that they can just take it or leave it, have one drink etc etc. Doesn't mean I don't get a twinge here and there at their FB pics with cocktails and "fun"!

And, I still (maybe will for quite awhile longer) keep to people and situations where I am not likely to be jealous. I don't go the places my "friends" are drinking, or spend times around it at the places that used to be my haunts very often. Other than dinner with my parents where my dad sometimes has a couple of beers, I just don't spend time with people who are drinking. That is isolationist, but I only trust myself to go to my drinking restaurants (That was my MO) for a short lunch or such, and I find a table not a seat at the bar. I haven't been to a cocktail party or celebratory event yet. I also have just been spending time with the few friends who know my story, and am only (at day 97, and really in the last two weeks) seeking out broader company and situations. I probably won't do that forever- the feelings of loneliness have been getting to me and as I am stronger on the whole, I definitely want to keep seeking the rest of the world besides work, home and my small circle!

I think feelings of jealousy, isolation or resentment are par for the course for us. And talking about them to people who relate can help. I just have to be grateful I am alive and remember that most people don't care if I don't drink, and there are safe places I can spend time and those will include people I might be jealous of but can't afford to!

maimaitreya

Hello bringm, You are not stupid or weak. You are strong and courageous. You can stop the madness. This is a great place to start.

Anna

I felt frustrated by the fact that I'd become an alcoholic. How on earth did I let that happen? It didn't seem to happen to people around me. I think it's kind of a process to go through those thoughts and feelings and then to come out the other side recognizing that removing alcohol from your life is not a loss, just the opposite.

least

I used to be envious of people who could drink normally, until I realized and accepted that I never drank normally, I drank to get drunk. When I realized that, it was like a great weight was lifted off my shoulders and I was free.

aasharon90

It took me some time in recovery, to
learn all about my addiction and apply
a program of recovery that has been
successful in many lives as well as my
own.

I went thru the process each day I remained
sober going thru many changes in my
life to becoming responsible in recovery,
to being passionate about my recovery.

I have come to realize that I am sober
for a reason. There were so many folks
before me that paved the way for me
to follow in recovery just by them sharing
their own ESH - experiences, strengths
and hopes of what their lives were and
are like, before, during and after addiction
with me incorporating a program of recovery
taught to them and to me.

Today, with so many being affected
by drugs ad alcohol, so many living
in their addiction and not knowing
how to get help, where to go for help,
wanting to have hope that if they
enter recovery will they remain
sober or clean and have a life full
of happiness, health, honesty.

We living a life in recovery and are
living with success can and do have
a purpose in life. A purpose in wanting
to share and help others still struggling
with addiction.

In time and as long as you remain sober
one day at a time, you will understand
how serious addiction is and how it hasn't
nor ever will change or how it is taking so
many lives keeping them sick.

Eventually you can be one more of many
who can and will want to be passionate
about recovery and not angry for it. To
be responsible in recovery and in all areas
of your life to wanting to help others who
will be going thru exactly what you are
going thru now.

You will be able to share your own
ESH with others just as others have
done for you to give you hope for
the future.

blueberry2015

This too shall pass x

FormerWineGirl

I can't be jealous, because I never really had the "desire" to drink normally. To do so, one would have to be perfectly fine going periods of time without having a drink or even thinking about it - and when they do drink, it would just be one or two. I simply have no concept of normal drinking. Therefore I can't miss it. What I missed early on was the feeling of drinking as I always had, to basically numb myself. I don't miss it at all now - actually, quite the opposite. My life is so much better without alcohol. It took me a while to get to that point, but it was WELL WORTH IT!

MIRecovery

I think it is really cool that birds can fly and I even have reoccurring dreams that I can fly. Unfortunately I can't drink and I can't fly. If I jump out of the top of a tree I will die. If I drink I will die.

Both of my limitations are simply facts of life that must be accepted if I want to be around much longer

thomas11

I think its a mindset, and it would be helpful to try and change that mindset. For example Facebook, we all see endless photos of people we know in social settings drinking and I suppose it would be natural to be a bit envious, but think about what we are really missing out on? Not much really. And of those people posting, what percentage of those have drinking problems they are not admitting to? I think more than we realize.

bradly22

Right there with you. I've felt left out too.

MelindaFlowers

It took me awhile to fully realize this but I never wanted to drink like others.

I drank to get drunk. I didn't want to fall down or embarrass myself but my goal was to get intoxicated.

All of my friends don't even want more than two drinks. Even at a party.

Do I wish I never went past two at a party in the past? Sure. But that wouldn't have intoxicated me so I really never wanted to drink like that.

There is very little difference between not drinking and being a light drinker.

There is a huge difference between being a regular drinker and an alcoholic.

MelindaFlowers

This right here.

The only reason I stopped after three or four, years ago, was because those three or four got me drunk.

In the end, 12 barely got me drunk.

Always more, more, more as my tolerance grew.

bringm32lif30

Now it gets clear to me...that I actually don't want to be a light drinker...I alway want the effect of alcohol, as fast as I can. I always binge drink because that is how I started, I wanted to escape in to another reallity, to become another person and that was the thing for me. I can't drink slowly or without any effect, and once I started to get drunk I couldn't stop anymore.
If I was in peace with myself and feeling free I wouldn't drink...
I guess I will isolate myself from situation where there is much alcohol involved and try to find new activities where people just don't drink.
I made a plan and I will follow it!

MelindaFlowers

That's really great to hear! It was a powerful moment for me when I was actually okay with the fact that I'd never be a moderate drinker.

And to be honest, being a nondrinker is actually a lot less stressful than trying to moderate. I used to roll my eyes when people said that but I've learned it's true. Not drinking alcohol has simplified my life.

Welcome to the club!

FormerWineGirl

MelindaFlowers is exactly right. Total abstinence is so much easier than perfect moderation.

LadyBlue0527

Don't feel guilty about feeling the way that you do. We all go through this, until we accept that it doesn't matter how anyone else drinks. It's how we drink that's of importance.

It's a hard thing to accept but once you do that jealousy will go away. The other hard thing is the realization that there are just some people that you won't be able to hang out with anymore.

You said that you don't think you have the willpower to hang out with them or anyone who drinks. Why test it? You're doing some hard work you don't need to make it harder. Eventually, when you've fully accepted that there is no option to drink you'll be able to be around those who drink normally. Because you know, that's not you.

I saw a quote the other day that makes a lot of sense. "If you want to know who your real friends are, quit drinking". There's a lot of truth to that statement.

You say that drinking is very popular in your country. I think that statement could be true for any country.

Is there anywhere that you can go for support and meet people like yourself?

Dee74

I think as time goes on, you'll become less jealous.

I have pretty much all I ever wanted now - I had to give up drinking to get it, but it seems like a ridiculously fair swap

D