Just Doesn't make sense
 

I've been going to AA and meeting with my sponsor on a regular basis. So yesterday on the way home I talk to my wife. Shes a bit pissy because shes trying to study and the kids are up her butt. Long story short she started to get on me about AA. How much she hates it because I'm always gone and how I still have a family........

Ok time out! You told me to go to AA before I started going. My sponsor wants me to do 90 meetings in 90 days. I've been doing what I can to make that happen. Meetings are 1 hr. So now shes pissed at me for being gone to much. Damned if you damned if you dont. I got shown today in the big book page 264 I think about how your sobriety is above everything else. Easier said than done thats for sure.

That happens a lot.

We do a lot of damage in active addiction, so we already have families that are upset. You can tell them the truth, which is if you don't make recovery your first priority you won't be around at all. Ever.

They may ask things like why don't you just quit? Why do you have to go every day? They don't understand.

And here is the kicker - they don't have to understand. They don't have to be "fair". The best we can do is go to meetings, let them know that is what we have to do, help out as best we can, and let them vent if they need to.

Probably not the answer you were looking for, but it is the truth.

It sounds to me like she's blowing off steam , why not let her .. you don't have to act or fix anything , just listen and be present .

Keep on with your sober plan and try and keep your serenity ..

Maybe plan in some kind of pampering session for her or write her a letter telling you lover her and her support is great ..

When i was an active alcoholic i hurt everyone close to me and myself , drove them away .
Keep on , things will change for the better even though it's painful getting there sometimes .

Bestwishes, m

Rome wasn't built in a day so they say. You inflicted some devastating circumstances on your family, as did most of us. There will be resentments about for a long time to come. Keep working your program and be grateful you still have your family, your job and the chance to make things right. You are a very lucky person if you look back over the past year.

Yea you're probably right. I don't expect anything I just go with the flow these days. It's just frustrating when you're trying to do the right thing and still get crap for it. I know I've messed up all kinds of stuff. I've admitted all of my wrongs and I know I'm at fault for many things. I don't expect her to get over things in my early sobriety if at all. I did some pretty messed up stuff.

Sigh man I don't know. Even if I wanted to drink right now I couldn't. Bracelet on my foot says I can't or I go to jail for 180 days. NO THANK YOU

oh yeah. It's frustrating. Here's what has worked for me, and maybe you're already doing this. I talk to enabler of the moment, in a calm and stress free moment. I reiterate the importance of meetings, give them an opportunity to vent their frustration, and then agree on a schedule. I give that person the schedule weekly, get their buy in, and then do my thing. Let them deal with their own inner struggle. Not easy as I am a codependent and want to make everyone happy. But AA is a must. I have found that the enable adjusts over time. And my guilt for actually taking care of me lessens.

I can relate to that. After some time in recovery I don't feel I can't bring the subject to my family anymore. I think they want to see me talking about other things, even though recovery is a big part of my life.

I once heard a man say at a meeting that his wife was complaining about how many meetings he was attending. She pleaded with him that, since he'd been sober for a time, he probably didn't need so many meetings. He told her, "You're right. I probably don't need to go to so many meetings, but I don't know which meeting I don't need to go to until it's over."