hpdw

Since my sober day 11th May I sat through 4 hours of some visitors who popped in unexpected . My sister and her hub who were in US for 6 months and came home 2 weeks ago came round . So it was my Mrs and my daughter and me in the garden with them and some drinks were soon on the go . None of the company are big drinkers and my brother in law was driving so he wasn't drinking , we had some good laughs and the conversation went well but after a couple of hours I felt my conversation drying up and began to feel quite restless . It wasn't that I had any desire to drink it was them getting slightly louder and more talkative as you know this is what happens and I became plain fed up with it and it must have shown on my face , you know that kind of half smile when you don't want to smile it never looks right . My sister once asked if I was ok which only made me worse, See they don't know my status really , they don't know my dirty little alcoholic self . I did however tell them that ive made a decision not to drink due to the fact it makes me ill ( that's true but not the whole truth ) ....... so I gritted my teeth for what seems like forever until they decided they needed to call it a day , what a relief , I cant stand it ,I felt like screaming . Then it was the hugs and and another 5 minutes at the car . No one was drunk but quite tipsy .
I hope it gets easier to be in company like this as I just hated it .

LadyBlue0527

It does get easier Thomas, I promise. I call these moments "nnnnnnnngggggggggg" moments. I have two invites tomorrow to cookouts and in both instances the people holding the get together know I'm sober. I have no worries that I'll drink I just don't think at this stage (my sober date is 5/9) that I really feel like standing around people who are drinking and socializing. I have no interest. That phase of my life is over.

However, when I was last sober for 17 months I know it eventually gets to a non issue point. However, it can still creep up periodically. If I remember correctly it was always when the theme of the time spent was all about the alcohol and nothing to do with anything else.

entropy1964

Well good on ya for not drinking. It does get easier. What would have made that hard for me was the unplanned nature....the popping in. Don't like surprises. If I can prepare for an event where's there's drinking I'm much better off.

You handled it well so consider it a victory

hpdw

Thanks LadyBlue

Having calmed down and cooked some spag bol iv'e had time to think a bit about my post . Just like to add I felt raw during the last part of the get together , I didn't realise just how fragile my feelings still are . I'm good on one to one and have been doing some good stuff past week but in that group i felt isolated . This is the way I felt when I was a teenager and I believe this is why I drank so much from an early age and now 45 years or so on I still feel the same type of social fear .

thomas11

Hey man, that was a test, and you passed with flying colors. No one said you had to like it, just that you had to get through it alcohol free, and you did. Congratulations.

Soberwolf

keep up the good work

hpdw

Well in general I am not good in groups even at the best of times , by nature I am quite introverted . It's not even like it was strangers and there was no pressure . my sister and brother in law are not loud or anything so I think I just began to panic as time went on . We are invited round to theirs in a couple of weeks and i'm thinking I want to come clean , tell them the whole story , I don't want to live a double life any more , pride will not keep me sober .

Rar

You did a great job, Thomas.

Delilah1

Nicely done!