Glad to feel ashamed for once
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 86
Glad to feel ashamed for once
Was up late last night drinking way too much. Was on the phone with my best friend who is also an alcoholic. And I was online with my cousin. I'm so needy when I drink. Every night. I need to talk, chat, text, anything.
My husband woke up and saw me in my messy drunk state. At the time I didn't care. This morning he simply asked, how much last night? I said too much.
I had a little wine and a little vodka left this morning so I dumped it. I feel embarrassed. I feel ashamed. But I'm glad because those are the only feelings that will keep me from drinking tonight. Wish me luck.
My husband woke up and saw me in my messy drunk state. At the time I didn't care. This morning he simply asked, how much last night? I said too much.
I had a little wine and a little vodka left this morning so I dumped it. I feel embarrassed. I feel ashamed. But I'm glad because those are the only feelings that will keep me from drinking tonight. Wish me luck.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi Life
Ugh I don't miss that feeling. I hope that you can find more permanent and positive feelings to help you recover. Do you want to quit completely?
I find, for me, that being grateful for everything I have really helps me shift my perspective. I know its hard to be grateful where you are right now, but maybe think about the things you are happy about. Your husband for one?
Shame is pretty toxic stuff over the long haul. Guilt is manageable. But shame is a recovery killer. You never have to feel this way again. Just don't pick up that first drink.
You say you are needy when you drink (totally relate). Maybe you really 'need' contact and connection when you're sober but lack the ability to reach out and ask for it? There is nothing like really connecting with someone without the lubrication of alcohol. Maybe if you try to connect, when you're ready, without booze you will need it less? I hope you feel better soon.
Ugh I don't miss that feeling. I hope that you can find more permanent and positive feelings to help you recover. Do you want to quit completely?
I find, for me, that being grateful for everything I have really helps me shift my perspective. I know its hard to be grateful where you are right now, but maybe think about the things you are happy about. Your husband for one?
Shame is pretty toxic stuff over the long haul. Guilt is manageable. But shame is a recovery killer. You never have to feel this way again. Just don't pick up that first drink.
You say you are needy when you drink (totally relate). Maybe you really 'need' contact and connection when you're sober but lack the ability to reach out and ask for it? There is nothing like really connecting with someone without the lubrication of alcohol. Maybe if you try to connect, when you're ready, without booze you will need it less? I hope you feel better soon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 86
Went to bed by 9 last night, nothing to drink. It's such a nice way to wake up.
Yes I do want to quit. I've been trying for many years. Thanks for taking the time to reply. SR is so great for supporting when we need it the most.
Yes I do want to quit. I've been trying for many years. Thanks for taking the time to reply. SR is so great for supporting when we need it the most.
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