Heavy Heart
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
Heavy Heart
A friend from my husband and I's "party" days committed suicide - he was 45 years old, and has two teenagers.
He was a heavy drinker and lived alone (divorced).
Alcoholism plays for keeps.
Once you reach a certain point, there is no going back. I am now absolutely convinced that the path to sobriety is the best path - the only path - to take.
He was a heavy drinker and lived alone (divorced).
Alcoholism plays for keeps.
Once you reach a certain point, there is no going back. I am now absolutely convinced that the path to sobriety is the best path - the only path - to take.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
Initial reactions from people include anger (he had kids! How could he?!) but deep in our hearts, as addicts and/or alcoholics I think we understand that horrific bleak place, and coupled with impulsivity - well it just makes me so very sad.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I have 3 Facebook friends that are dead. The did not have another recovery left. Every year their birthdays serve as a grim reminder that alcohol wants me dead.
I knew them sober and none of them planned on dying soon but alcohol had other ideas
I knew them sober and none of them planned on dying soon but alcohol had other ideas
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I used to wake up wishing I were dead. 
Not caring that death is so permanent. And the damage it does when it's self inflicted. I'm so glad I know better now.
I am sorry for your loss.
Glad that you know sobriety is the best way to live. 
Not caring that death is so permanent. And the damage it does when it's self inflicted. I'm so glad I know better now.I am sorry for your loss.
Glad that you know sobriety is the best way to live. 
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
This happens a lot, so I have to cut and paste from another thread today.
Once you reach a certain point there is no going back, but that point is dead. If you're still alive, there is hope. (I do have a friend who it seems suffered brain damage last run, but there's still hope - he'll just may never be the same).
Originally Posted by IvanMike 
Sorry for your loss.
That's what happens. A lot of addicts die every day. The difference with this one is that you knew his name.
Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the deaths of those I have met, and by the painful relapses of others. There is no truth to the idea that some must suffer and die in order for others to live and find recovery. If i needed examples of how bad addiction is, all i need to do is look back upon my own life.
So I can't tell you that you can make sense out of another pointless death from addiction. The best I can do is decide that I don't want to end up that way, leaving behind a group of people to ask why. I didn't need the reminder, but there it is.
To be honest, this is the part of recovery that I have a difficult time with. I didn't want to start to care about a group of people, some of whom were going to die of the disease or relapse and suffer other self-inflicted consequences. But it comes with the territory.
And to be honest, the rest of the territory is pretty darned good. So I'll take it.
That's what happens. A lot of addicts die every day. The difference with this one is that you knew his name.
Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the deaths of those I have met, and by the painful relapses of others. There is no truth to the idea that some must suffer and die in order for others to live and find recovery. If i needed examples of how bad addiction is, all i need to do is look back upon my own life.
So I can't tell you that you can make sense out of another pointless death from addiction. The best I can do is decide that I don't want to end up that way, leaving behind a group of people to ask why. I didn't need the reminder, but there it is.
To be honest, this is the part of recovery that I have a difficult time with. I didn't want to start to care about a group of people, some of whom were going to die of the disease or relapse and suffer other self-inflicted consequences. But it comes with the territory.
And to be honest, the rest of the territory is pretty darned good. So I'll take it.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
Please allow me to clarify - I meant that once we progress in our addiction to a certain point, we can never go back to our early drinking days (can't moderate drinking).
Yes of course if an addict is still alive that person can "go back" to real life by choosing sobriety.
Yes of course if an addict is still alive that person can "go back" to real life by choosing sobriety.
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by madgirl
Please allow me to clarify - I meant that once we progress in our addiction to a certain point, we can never go back to our early drinking days (can't moderate drinking).
Yes of course if an addict is still alive that person can "go back" to real life by choosing sobriety.
Yes of course if an addict is still alive that person can "go back" to real life by choosing sobriety.
As my friend Joe says, "I crossed this line in the sand, and when I realized what was happening I tried to go back, but when I looked, the line was gone".
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