Alcoblog
 

Need to quit. Been a while since I felt this committed. Don't know how long it will last. I feel really discouraged right now but I think it would be helpful for me to log how I feel right now and for the next few days on this thread. Hope this isn't a waste of space. I haven't gone a day without booze for the last month and a half and my drinking has really escalated. I managed three weeks before that but feel that I was only really sober when I managed a year without booze 4 years ago. No more excuses now.

Right now I can really feel the anxiety setting in. I know it's withdrawals but I've never done relief drinking. From past experience it lasts about 3 days at its worse so at least I have the weekend to recover. Wish I hadn't drunk last night though. I feel so edgy and short right now. Doesn't help that I only got 3 hours sleep last night.

Pour out your heart here. It is a safe place to talk. We are here for you.

This can totally be your thread to chronicle your progress and thoughts while quitting drinking; the more you post, the more we'll read and encourage you. That's what this amazing site does best! Stick around...Arp

You will feel better tomorrow!

Drink lots of water and rest as much as possible.

Thanks. Yes back in 2013 I tried keeping a paper diary but I actually lost it after a month! Luckily I'd really written it anonymously! Of course I didn't stay dry much longer after I lost it.

I was in your situation this time last week. The anxiety is really tough to sit with. I was on a destructive bender and had to stop. Day 7 and the anxiety is almost cleared. Hang in there!

Hmm lasted whole but that's no surprise. It's now the time I'm most at risk of taking a swig. I can also feel my anxiety mounting. Hope I last.

What are you going to do different this time?

I reached the point of desperation brokenness when the drugs (of which alcohol was just one) stopped working. Sure, I still got loaded, but I still felt like me. I couldn't escape any longer, not enough.

I did not want to go to meetings (NA in my case, but the steps are the steps). But I was desperate, so I went every day. Sometimes twice a day.

I didn't want to stop using, but I did, and renewed my commitment every day. I called someone before I used. I stayed clean one day at a time.

I did not want to get a sponsor and work the steps, but once again I was desperate, and I started to meet some guys in the fellowship who clearly had what I wanted, they were comfortable in their own skin. However, they had been where I was. They let me know that NA (and AA) were 12 step programs, not going to meeting programs.

I have found that NA (and AA) work only if you actually do the work. Any other recovery programs will have the same caveat. None of them are magical.

We all understand how you feel. We've all been there. No one goes to SR or AA or NA because they feel great and their life is wonderful.

The real question is not how you feel, but what are you willing to do to recover?

Thanks. I think I'm over the worse of it for today and will not be swigging anything. At least till tomorrow. Then it'll be yet another day. The anxiety is still pretty bad but not through the roof. My muscles are starting to ache like crap though. Like I've run 10miles.

running is a fantastic sobriety tool

keep at it

don't drink

:grouphug:

I made it! I think I'm safe. Just for today. Won't be drinking. 1st time in weeks! Now the hard slog starts.

Congratulations! Don't go it alone! Read around and post here all you want, and get to an AA meeting!

Congrats on making through the day. I think keeping a log/blog is a great idea. You can use it for real time support and also read back to remember why you quit in the first place.

Good news is you never have to feel this way again. Every part of our lives does get better each and every day we choose not to poison it with our addictions. I look forward to seeing this accountability thread grow on a daily basis. Wishing you the best today, priceyjunk!

Day 2 now. First time in a long time I'm living without a strong sense of guilt or shame. Anxiety isn't so bad now, more a vague worry I'll stuff it up again. But day 3 is usually when things get really bad again. Will just have to watch myself very carefully today. Wish me luck!

Grats on day 2

Still going strong. Not near my most vulnerable period yet. But life is sure throwing quite a few curve balls. Car's broken down, family are being difficult today. Also have have been forced to cancel one of my evenings next week that was meant to help me stay away from booze. Already o can feel myself planning for a relapse! But I have to hold on. The anxiety is also mounting now.

I'm on day 1, and knowing that other people on here are going through the same sort of situation helps quite a bit. We can get through this :) Lets stay sober today!

:grouphug:

Danger seems to have passed! Helped by a large dish of ice cream. Not planning a relapse now but still a few more hours to when I'm at my most vulnerable.

Flare up of temptation again. Anxiety less, so less to prevent me from thinking about the consequences of taking a drink. But of a struggle at the moment.

I have this problem where I associate certain foods with having a type of drink , especially foods I like. Like barbecue with a beer. So that's another trigger for me. Maybe I should just try to have a sandwich tonight. I don't tend to associate sandwiches with any type of drink. My family will think I'm crazy

Nothing wrong with having a sandwich! The AA Living Sober book reckons eating sugary food is a good defence a drink too, but that can lead your blood sugar levels to bounce up and down which can be unsettling.

Can you tell us why have you cancelled your appointment to attend a recovery meeting next week? I'm glad you told us about it - always best to try to be honest - but I'm worried. Cancelling that meeting sounds like it could be part of an old pattern like when you got sober before for a year and then relapsed back into daily drinking.

The thing about food is that sometimes, my alcoholic brain tells me that I'll enjoy the meal more with a'bit' of booze on board. Of course I know that it's never a bit, and I usually end up so pissed I barely remember the meal. It's terrible being to know this but still being driven to want a drink.

Had to cancel for family reasons. Have an errand I'm compelled to run and can go out. I don't socialise with alcoholics. I drink alone, to anaesthetise myself I guess. So being alone and isolated is a trigger for me. Sadly, my family aren't supportive and we don't have what you'd call a good relationship. None of them are boozers though.

How many of those errands you were compelled to run in the past did you blow off because you were loaded?

Food for thought.

Actually not many' haven't really missed errands, none really. Always time for a drink later. Anyway the wave of craving is passing but I know it'll be back soon. Right now, this is my time of peak vulnerability. I expect it'll carry on for the next 2-3 hours. The thing is, even if I drink and only have a 'moderate' amount, all it'll do is convince me I'm in control and tomorrow I'll go really overboard.

That's it. Confident it's passed for today and I won't be drinking. Bring on day 3

I'm now confident I'll make it to day 3. The anxiety is mounting and is almost at the point where I think I might get a panic attack. But it's precisely this that keeps me from drinking, the fear over the consequences and loosing everything. I've made it for today but it hasn't been easy at all, and I've had a near miss, like a loaded gun pressed to my head. I know it'll be even harder tomorrow. I'll have to hold on somehow.

Start of day three. Without the ability to plan when I'm next going to bomb myself out with booze, am starting to have my anxiety increase quite a bit. On day one, and for many months now, I've been telling myself that life would be perfect if not for my drinking. That I have everything I want or need. Bit of a clearer head now and I guess that although things aren't terrible, I do actually have a lot of problems or rather, a lot of worries, about the future, about where I'm going. Maybe a part of drinking for me was really to creat a big problem for myself to distract myself from all the little ones, to avoid having to face up to them and do something about it. At this point, I'm still not sure how I'm going to cope. But I am sure that I want to stay away from booze.

Cravings are starting again now. It's terrible. And it's because I don't feel anxious enough at the moment. It's funny because usually by day three, the anxiety is pretty unbearable, but not this time, at least not so far. I keep thinking how nice and relaxing it would be to unwind with a drink or 10. But I know it won't stop there and it's a one way road to despair. Just have to hang in there, only a few more hours left to go.

How's it going? Did you manage another sober day? Also, you mentioned that you were planning to go to a support group this week. Do please share about that because we can only do so much from a distance - people around you can do more.