I've got the sober blues
 

I'm coming up...well im at one month sober today. And feel sad. Im praying to god for answers as to why I feel this way. I think my spirit is just flushing negativity and held back emotions that have been dormant for so long. I let out a good cry after I got home from a meeting. Feeling a little better but I feel something is missing. Just sharing and hoping someone could share a similar experience early on in recovery. I do have a temporary sponsor and am seeing a councilor Dr ect..I feel I need a deeper connection and support that I am not seeing or feeling and I think that is god or my higher power. Thanks for listening SR

Hi Sharpy -
I can relate. For most of my 94 days, it's been Pink Sky. But recently, in the past couple of weeks, I've had a handful of "down" days, or ornery ones, or even some angry, worked up snits. The challenge, as AA says, is knowing that these will pass, not freaking out, learning how to get through them. It. Will. Change.

We do have to deal with the negative thoughts and emotions, but remember that the emotions are not US. They are feelings and they will change.

I keep telling myself this- I "catch" myself mid-thinking when it's something like this and first check to see if I am breathing (I tend to hold my breath when stressed or upset) and repeat to myself that I am ok, that I can just "be" with the bad moment. And I think I'll keep trying to figure out what works to get me through these bc they are going to come!

Hang in there.
August

Seems like you've already figured out what you need :). The roller coaster of emotions is perfectly normal. For me it helps to just acknowledge when I'm angry, sad, frustrated...fill in the blank, rather than fighting it and saying "I shouldn't feel this way." There is no should or shouldn't, just the reality of how you are at the moment. And moments always pass. (((Hugs)))

Thanks for the advice and hugs. Really needed that.

Yes, I was emotionally all over the place at one month. It was like that for a few more weeks (maybe 4 more). Looking back I'm amazed how anxious and out of sorts I was in comparison to how I feel now at about five months. I didn't realise at the time it was a kind of emotional rewiring. It should help immensely that you have the insight to realise what's going on.

And congratulations on one month!

I am new to recovery and my emotions have been up and down but one thing that seems to work is just to keep busy. It sounds like you are confronting your feelings with the group and your doctor but you don't want to dwell on them too much.

Hi Sharpy - sorry you're down today :hug:

One thing I've discovered in recovery is although I still have bad days, they more often than not stay as bad days, not bad weeks, months or even years :)

It took me a little while to work out who sober me was because that kept changing at a bewildering rate for the first few weeks...by 90 days I was started to get some consistency on things. I know you will too :)

and always remember you're not alone - we're here if you need us :)

D

I think in early recovery, both the good and bad emotions can feel dazzlingly unfamiliar and close to unbearable. The sadness you've got at the moment sounds horrible, but maybe compare it to the drunk blues/depths you probable hit lots of times. These are at least real feelings, the ones people feel on the commuter train home from work, It is, honestly, a sign of progress.

Best :)

As people have already said, you feel normal for the amount of time you have. Dee hit the nail on the head when he said that we start to figure out that everybody has bad days, but they're not bad years any longer.

I had about 2 years clean and was riding with my sponsor and his wife to a meeting. He asked me "you remember the first 6 to 12 months clean? how every day had some crisis or emotional drama?"

I said "sure".

He said "name what they were".

I couldn't. None of them were really all that important. All feelings pass, even the ones where it seems like they will last forever and there is no hope.

Hang in there. You're doing fine.

I used alcohol as a crutch for so long I didn't know how to deal with anything at first.

You mean I have to be awake all the time? Even when I'm mad or sad?!

That's how I describe sobriety. I'm awake all the time. I didn't like this much at first but I've grown to be okay with it. It's certainly better than the terror of active alcoholism.

It also helped me to accept that alcohol was a crutch for a while, like five years. Then it evolved into a serious addiction where I continued using it despite any and all consequences. No doctor/shrink in the world would say that's a good or healthy thing to rely on!

When I was sober the first few months I thought that I would never get used to a life without alcohol.

Wrong.

Around a year I got completed used to not drinking. Like, there was no there there. Trust me. It happens. But that doesn't mean I don't keep an awareness.