Upward2Enlightenment

You are welcome ES, feel free to vent here.

Lightning Bug

Thanks. By the way everyone, my name is Laura. I have no idea where I came up with my username. It is an odd one. Lol.

Thanks for listening to my rambling.

Upward2Enlightenment

If he won't change then I wouldn't say that you are giving up. I divorced after being with my ex for over 25 years. Once I got clean I had come to realize that we could no longer be together. It wasn't all her fault but I know she wants to only blame me.
I would rather be alone than with someone I can't trust.

Lightning Bug

I don't know if I mentioned this but he is a drinker. He can control it but he consumes quite a bit every night. It is a different life for me being sober around a drinker. That also makes me think we shouldn't be together. He won't give up beer. I am committed to sobriety and i don't want alcohol around me.

thomas11

Not at all ES, that is one of the purposes of this forum. Get things off your chest. you do sound pissed though. haha. sorry to make light of it, but my folks are going through this and even though we are 1500 miles away, its a carbon copy of what you are describing.

Lightning Bug

Lol. I am pissed! If this forum allowed it I would use my potty mouth! Im sorry about your folks.

Lightning Bug

So on the positive side, I do have 30 days of sobriety. I have learned a few things.

1. Take responsibility for my actions. I have resolved conflicts. I have made amends. I have paid my debt to the hotel.

2. Act like an adult and be proactive.

3. Make hard decisions. Life altering decisions that should have been made while I was in my drunken haze.

4. I have learned to care about myself. I am handling myself well, I have been improving my appearance, i have been sleeping well and eating properly.

Good things have been happening. Sobriety is a great thing.

Jillian2563

So glad to hear that good things are happening for you! Hugs!

thomas11

I agree that 30 days of sobriety is great. In this situation I would regard sobriety like oxygen, you need it to survive the challenges that face you.

Lightning Bug

I have to rely on myself and to do that I cannot be under the influence. If i don't take care of myself, who will? I have no one now.

Lightning Bug

It's late and I am on the couch in a reflective mood. I am sober, but whenever I was in this mood I would be drinking wine. The first glass would calm my racing thoughts. Anything after that would be a race to get as drunk as I possibly could. All my reflections and thoughts would be gone and my mind would just be focused on the high. Sitting here now with my water allows me to actually think. My mind is wandering freely with no poison invading it. This is living. When i was drinking i was slowly dying. I want to live.

fantail

"I want to live." I've said that sentence a lot this year. It's so simple but hard.

Lightning Bug

It is simple and it is so worth it.

Lightning Bug

Well everyone, I got the apartment. Doing the paperwork today.Husband is ignoring me. Making plans. It is scary to think about being on my own. Oh and there is a NA meeting right near the apartment. I am going to go.

thomas11

Don't want to beat a dead horse, but this is a legit issue to be concerned about.

Is there a witness to him saying "get out"?

Lightning Bug

I have no witnesses. I have no one on my side. He says I picked prescriptions and alcohol over him. I stopped. I am sober. It doesn't matter. He still said get out. Now he is telling me this is all my fault, thar I am the one who is choosing to leave. Of course I am choosing to leave he told me to get out!

I am so confused and upset and scared.

thomas11

Do you have anyone you can turn to?

Upward2Enlightenment

Maybe you can text him saying that you are confused. Say that "you told me to get out and now you are saying that I am the one choosing to leave."
You might get a response that will help you.

teatreeoil007

Hang in there, friend. We're with you all the way. I can sure understand how this is a scary and confusing time for you. But, you know what? You are sober right now and that's awesome. Lean on us. Sending you a hug.

uncorked

Congrats on 30 days, that's awesome!!!!

Ugh, you are in a tough spot. I agree with Thomas, you may give up some power by moving out. At the very least, it will put more ammunition in his pocket. He will say that you "abandoned" the kids by moving out. If he wants to end the marriage, tell HIM to move out. Seriously. Of course he's being nice, helping you find an apartment....it serves his means. Your husband sounds very similar to my soon-to-be ex. I'm glad you are going to N/A/AA. Make sure you get your attendance signed so you can prove you are seeking help (should you see a judge). A friend who is in the recovery business told me this first thing when my husband filed for divorce. I hope you see an attorney. Sometimes the first visit is free. Great job making your sobriety a priority! Life is so much better on the other side.