I'm leaving, moving out. Is this the end?
 

I am renting an apartment and leaving. My stress level dealing with someone who berates me, condescendes me, who is waiting patiently for me to fail so he can kick me out has finally got to me. I can't stand it here. I can't stand him. Yesterday I was messy from cleaning and my shirt was a mess. He went off on a tirade say I was drinking because the only time I would have a wet shirt is when I was drunk. Every chance he gets he tells me that the second I fail he is filing for sole custody and I will never see my kids again.

I am going for my own sanity. It is temporary unless i decide life is much better without him. We have already created an acceptable schedule for me to see the kids. Once i get considerable sober time i am going for 50 50.

He says that while i am gone he might file papers. I will spare you the cursing i did. He can have a divorce. I dont want him.

While away I will be attending my IOP classes. I thought i might take a college class too. The point is to rediscover myself without alcohol in my life.

Screw him.

Seems like leaving is probably the right thing to do, with the situation as you described. Sounds like a toxic relationship, alcohol or not.

Sounds like a good decision earthsteps, I wish you the best of luck and remember we are always here for support.

I keep trying. I am 27 days now. He brings past transgressions into every conversation. And all I get is that I am just a messy as when I was drunk. Or we would have more in savings if i wasnt a drunk. Or he brings up my stays in the hospital. Or if my lip slips and I mumble he accuses me of being drunk. Or he flaunts his bank account that has the money set away for him to take the kids away. No conversation is left without saying that Laura is a f**** up.

You're not a f***up Laura. You're not alone.

It's hard for people to leave the past behind. If he cannot, then I think your move is the right one.

Do not allow anything or anyone to threaten your recovery.

That sounds like a very demoralizing way to live. Your decision sounds like a good one for you.

Lean on SR, earthsteps :grouphug:

I think it's the only thing you can do, earthsteps. You're being damaged by his attitude. I'm glad you want to talk it over here - we care. :hug:

No one deserves to be treated that way, and I'm glad you are taking care of yourself. Congratulations on your27 days sober. Be proud of how far you've come and continue with your plans for a good life.

That took a lot of courage. If you're married whatever money he is squirreling away, that was made after your marriage, is more than likely half yours. When you're ready you may want to get some legal counsel so you know your rights....that'll make it much harder for him to bully you. Be strong.

I know for myself that one of the first steps to sobriety was getting out of a very toxic marriage but it was only a step of many on my journey of recovery

Isn't there a quote? "Living well is the best revenge," or something like that. Treat yourself well and stay sober; bonus points if it really p*sses him off! We're all in your corner here, darlin'...
Arp

Wishing you the best bug :)

D

He was foolish to tell you about all his money, because half of it is yours.

Anyway, in all seriousness, I think its easy to say the things you are saying when you are angry, but much more difficult to carry through. I'm not doubting you at all, I just think it is reality. Based on what you shared here, its not a healthy situation for one, and it sounds like he's "pushing" you to move on. So call his bluff, or make him happy. Win-win for you. No one needs that kind of verbal abuse. Life is too precious. Keep us posted.

Well, i unofficially accepted the apartment and then we decided to divorce. Or he did anyway.

I hope everything works out earthsteps. You don't deserve to be treated that way. Congrats on 27 days sober. :)

Earthsteps, may I make a suggestion? Talk to a divorce attorney asap. Sometimes, the one who files first can have an advantage, especially on issues relating to custody.

Good luck. We are pulling for you.

I agree. Please tread carefully. Are you moving out and leaving the kids with him? That may give him an advantage in a custody dispute.

Congrats on 27 days, that's huge, keep with it!

It almost sounds like he is angry that you haven't failed yet.

So happy that you have taken control of your sobriety, it's a very empowering thing! Please continue, you will only get stronger.

My husband move out. alcohol destroyed my relationships and make him very resenful. He told me before leaving that he would never be back that he is angry and resenful towards me. Im so sad.
I wish you good luck in getting your kids and on your sobriety.