Ylawler

One thing I didn't realise was when I gave up the drink how lonely my life would b. It was like a friend that understands me late a night. I know I need to fill my time in now but didn't expect this part of it. Anyone out there know what I mean?
Thanks guys

Dee74

Hi Ylawler

Yeah my relationship with alcohol was one of the longest relationships of my life....but it was a toxic one...it promised a lot but what it delivered was something very different right?

It ended up using me like a parasite, sucking the life out of me.

It's common to mourn - even toxic relationships can be hard to quit...but you're goign the right way.

Don't look back - and don't forget the reality. You're giving up for good reasons.

I know early recovery is rough but there are better times ahead trust me - noone would be here if this was as good as it gets.

you'll build a new life, in time...try and have a little faith that it will all turn out

D

entropy1964

Yes I felt this years ago when I first started 'quitting'. I couldn't imagine life without alcohol. I couldn't imagine having fun. I felt like I was missing out.

Now, years later, I am thoroughly beaten by alcohol. I now know that best friend is my worst enemy. The enemy loves to twist my thinking to fits its' needs. All the things that enemy tells me are a lie. Period. I am not lonely, bored, restless etc without it, I'm just not used to coping with ANY feelings. And alcohol doesn't resolve any of those feelings, it just makes me feel so awful, guilty and full of shame that I don't notice them.

It gets better.

Gottalife

With friends like that, who needs enemies? Alcohol only seemed to be a friend, while it robbed me of almost everything.

least

When I first got sober, I missed drinking. But as I got some more sober time, I no longer missed it cause I was too busy feeling good in my sobriety.

Hang in there, it gets better and you will quit missing it.

hpdw

Hi , Similar to above I used to think alcohol was my friend , when the lottery started in UK about 20 years ago i actually used to fantasise over setting up my own bar in a huge garden shed and go through in my mind all the exotic drinks and how many parties we would have ........... Today is a different story completely , I am 13 days sober and never want to put a drop of alcohol in my mouth again .
it does get easier a day at a time .

Good luck

Nonsensical

The voice in my head that tells me alcohol is my friend is a liar and a thief. It would kill me if I let it. That is the voice of my addiction. It might make me feel, but it never thinks.

Thinking is my responsibility. And I think my life is significantly better without alcohol. I have a great life now and the small price I paid to get it was to not drink.

Should I mourn the loss of alcohol? That would be like winning a million dollars in the lottery and mourning the loss of the dollar it cost to buy the ticket.

Don't believe everything you feel. That's your addiction trying to control you. Go make your life great!

Para

I know how you feel. Alcohol was my crutch. I grieved it's loss as well. (Even though it caused so much heartbreak in my life).

The feeling will pass. Be patient.

aNewEternity

yes, I remember the sense of having vast expanses of time all of a sudden unfilled, and a Wasteland where all my friends/drinking buddies used to be. I still don't have as many 'friends'/acquaintances as I did when I drank.

the kind of Default option to fill the time and friend-gap is to go to meetings and to talk to people there. it will, if nothing else, get you outside your own head, and you might find friends.

you can also try to think of interests you might have had that went by the wayside when you started drinking more heavily, or cultivate a new one.

there are no easy answers, but in the scheme of things these are minor problems. I am slightly lonely and bored most of the time - oh well. you can develop coping mechanisms to deal with these things, they're minor problems compared to the major problems that'll come from heavy drinking.

Anna

Yes, I think many of us feel a deep loss and are unsure how to move forward.

But, have faith that you can do this.

Mountainmanbob

Many if not most of us in eary recovery have felt the void of not having our booze escape bottle handy.

In short time of being sober -- if alcoholic ?
We realize that booze for us was not our friend.

MB

zoomi

Honestly I am in the same boat I am extremely sad to leave this part of my life even with thought it has cost me so much. How does one deal with this? does it really get better?

Tati

I can relate. The first two times I "quit" drinking I felt very empty inside. I still romanticized alcohol in my head. I had to reach a point where alcohol was no longer appealing to me.

whiteturtle

That is such a great way to put it!

I know how you feel, I am dealing with that right now. I am on Day 3, and it literally feels like grieving. I miss how I felt with wine, and the late nights of binge watching TV or playing videogames. Without alcohol, I find I have nothing to do but go to bed at a responsible time, or try to get chores done (which I've been a bit too mentally tired to do), etc. It's just going to be a very different life from the one I'm used to, and it's hard to imagine leaving that all behind for good.

I just keep trying to remind myself that I can't drink, and this is 100% for the better. It is hard.

Outonthetiles

I'm lucky in a way... I don't miss it that much, and I didn't like the sensation of being drunk. I guess I miss that time between drink 1 and drink 3 where everything is sort of fun. The problem is, that I couldn't ever stop once I started.

ALinNS

My relationship with booze went on for over 35 years, it may have seemed like a friend at the time even in sober recovery but today my thought with friends like that I do not need enemies. Things get better with time, in our journey we have to make a number of life changes including getting positive people in our lives.

All the best
Andrew

MissPerfumado

Can really relate to this. This kind of thinking kept me from trying to quit for many years. But it got to the point where this so-called friend was trying to do me in. When I quit, I was so scared of what it was doing to me, I was past mourning the loss. It was either giving up or being dead. Not much of a choice so just like leaving a bad relationship, no matter how much I missed it, it had to be gone and stay gone.

SR was a great option for filling time late at night not just for something to do but because it reminded me why I had to stay away from drinking. Eventually I found other things and now I don't miss it at all. Booze is a hard nasty s.o.b. to be wasting time with, it turns out.

IvanMike

We all can relate. (In my experience)

Alcohol and other drugs weren't my problem, they were my solution to handling life and the feeling of being uncomfortable in my own skin. Ultimately my misguided solution became my biggest problem. The more I sought to escape the pain, the more pain I caused.

Even though my "best friend" had stopped working, and despite the fact that the relationship with alcohol and other drugs had wreaked havoc in my life, i still mourned what I considered a loss.

Ultimately I came to learn that I was infatuated with the fantasy of using. Over time I have learned to make friends with reality, not my warped perceptions.

I have found that recovery, (not mere abstinence) is a far better solution to my original problem.

Bunny211

Yup. I get it. Although the farther away from it I get , the more I realize it was more like an abusive boyfriend than a caring lover. Every time I went back to that a-hole (booze), I'd emerge with black eyes, bruises and a horribly demoralized sense of self. But I kept saying "It'll be different this time! It really will!" I kept crawling back. No more. Close that door for good. Alcohol was not, is not, and never will be your friend.

sva777

I looked at my relationship with alcohol as similar to an abusive relationship with a person. I knew it was not good for me and I knew it would ultimately destroy me but I kept going back. Some times were fun but most were awful. Ultimately my health was being destroyed along with my life around it.

The best decision you can make it getting out of that bad relationship and moving on. There are plenty of other things you can do with your time than waste it on alcohol.