Action Plan
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,055
Action Plan
Hi. I am an unrecovered alcoholic going round and round in circles, having less and less days ones as you can only fail so many times before you just give up trying.
I have been reading Dee's links for action plans but really struggling to make one.
Loneliness is my biggest trigger, I don't have any real friends or family I can turn to. I tried AA but felt lonely in the rooms.
I am feeling pretty hopeless. When I do make friends they always seem to be unreliable as use me as a stop gap when they have problems.
Can anyone please help me make a plan ?
I have been reading Dee's links for action plans but really struggling to make one.
Loneliness is my biggest trigger, I don't have any real friends or family I can turn to. I tried AA but felt lonely in the rooms.
I am feeling pretty hopeless. When I do make friends they always seem to be unreliable as use me as a stop gap when they have problems.
Can anyone please help me make a plan ?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 12
I'm new to this. I woke up in the middle of the night and started reading your post and others. I'm looking for a plan myself and wanted to follow this post. You're not alone in looking for a starting point but we made it here and to me this is a good start. I will you well on the journey
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Hi Kaily
To be honest I really needed alone time to get comfortable with being with myself. I'd never done that before and it terrified me for a while. It got better tho.
But, if loneliness is one of your triggers maybe you can think of ways to meet new people - AA or some other meeting based recovery group would be a good start that way?
Have you got any hobbies or interests, or things you'd like to be interested in? any team sports - assuming people don't end up down the pub at the end of games?
Do you fancy the idea of volunteering? that was really great for me to get out of the house, get used to interacting with people again and doing something worthwhile.
You could always join a few group threads here too tpo 'meet new p[eople' and have folks to talk to 24/7: The Class of May support thread, or the Weekender thread, or the Under One Year thread?
D
To be honest I really needed alone time to get comfortable with being with myself. I'd never done that before and it terrified me for a while. It got better tho.
But, if loneliness is one of your triggers maybe you can think of ways to meet new people - AA or some other meeting based recovery group would be a good start that way?
Have you got any hobbies or interests, or things you'd like to be interested in? any team sports - assuming people don't end up down the pub at the end of games?
Do you fancy the idea of volunteering? that was really great for me to get out of the house, get used to interacting with people again and doing something worthwhile.
You could always join a few group threads here too tpo 'meet new p[eople' and have folks to talk to 24/7: The Class of May support thread, or the Weekender thread, or the Under One Year thread?
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,387
Hi Kaily and BronzeMist. 
s
I know you have already looked at Dee's links Kaily, but this particular one is really helpful when trying to make a plan I think.
Sending you love.
sI know you have already looked at Dee's links Kaily, but this particular one is really helpful when trying to make a plan I think.
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
sometimes, we need to get real simple...
the idea of a PLAN can be daunting....
we can use it as another excuse...
we make out elaborate plans, then we cower before them... "IT'S TOO MUCH WORK!! I'LL NEVER MAKE IT!!! I GIVE UP!!"
sometimes, a PLAN just needs to start very simple, and then build itself over time.
Here is a PLAN that helped me sometimes.....
TODAY, I will embrace my life without alcohol or drugs
TODAY, I will exercise at __(FILL IN THE TIME HERE)___
TODAY, I will make a list of things I'm grateful for
TODAY, I will reach out and help someone else with a task or a need
TODAY, I will eat healthy meals at ___(FILL IN TIMES HERE)___
TODAY, I will fill any empty spaces in my day by calling ___(FILL IN FRIENDS NAME HERE)___ to catch up and say hellow.
TODAY, I will go to bed - sober - at 9:30pm and read for a while, say "thank you for this day" to nobody in particular.... and go to sleep.
PLANNING my day.... just my DAY. Planning it around sobriety. Taking it just for today and whenever my mind wants to spin off into the future, reeling it back into TODAY.. to NOW...
the idea of a PLAN can be daunting....
we can use it as another excuse...
we make out elaborate plans, then we cower before them... "IT'S TOO MUCH WORK!! I'LL NEVER MAKE IT!!! I GIVE UP!!"
sometimes, a PLAN just needs to start very simple, and then build itself over time.
Here is a PLAN that helped me sometimes.....
TODAY, I will embrace my life without alcohol or drugs
TODAY, I will exercise at __(FILL IN THE TIME HERE)___
TODAY, I will make a list of things I'm grateful for
TODAY, I will reach out and help someone else with a task or a need
TODAY, I will eat healthy meals at ___(FILL IN TIMES HERE)___
TODAY, I will fill any empty spaces in my day by calling ___(FILL IN FRIENDS NAME HERE)___ to catch up and say hellow.
TODAY, I will go to bed - sober - at 9:30pm and read for a while, say "thank you for this day" to nobody in particular.... and go to sleep.
PLANNING my day.... just my DAY. Planning it around sobriety. Taking it just for today and whenever my mind wants to spin off into the future, reeling it back into TODAY.. to NOW...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi Kaily,
Do you have any interests, hobbies? Or things you have not tried yet but would like to explore? This is how I typically fill my life with activities and find people and make friends, via my interests. That way there is already at least something we have in common that can establish a connection.
This may be controversial for some, but I personally also find that focusing too extensively on recovery can be counterproductive, it can make me isolated from other areas of life and lonely indeed, even feel defective at times. So I always tend to approach recovery plans in a holistic way, integrating much more into it than just the tools that address my addiction and help me stay sober. Again, stuff I am interested in and find rewarding in healthy ways. I think it's possible to keep recovery as a primary goal in early sobriety while also engaging in life in other ways so that the whole construct is balanced. Otherwise it easily turns into yet another, lonely obsession.
Also, if you don't like AA much but want to attend recovery meetings, try other kinds. There must be a variety of options in London
Do you have any interests, hobbies? Or things you have not tried yet but would like to explore? This is how I typically fill my life with activities and find people and make friends, via my interests. That way there is already at least something we have in common that can establish a connection.
This may be controversial for some, but I personally also find that focusing too extensively on recovery can be counterproductive, it can make me isolated from other areas of life and lonely indeed, even feel defective at times. So I always tend to approach recovery plans in a holistic way, integrating much more into it than just the tools that address my addiction and help me stay sober. Again, stuff I am interested in and find rewarding in healthy ways. I think it's possible to keep recovery as a primary goal in early sobriety while also engaging in life in other ways so that the whole construct is balanced. Otherwise it easily turns into yet another, lonely obsession.
Also, if you don't like AA much but want to attend recovery meetings, try other kinds. There must be a variety of options in London
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Aellyce
Hi Kaily,
This may be controversial, but I personally also find that focusing too extensively on recovery can be counterproductive, .... it easily turns into yet another, lonely obsession.
This may be controversial, but I personally also find that focusing too extensively on recovery can be counterproductive, .... it easily turns into yet another, lonely obsession.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
i felt lonely in aa,too, in the beginning. but i kept going, kept reading the big book and doing what it said.
im no longer lonely. i can be quite content by myself. im comfortable in my own skin.
im no longer lonely. i can be quite content by myself. im comfortable in my own skin.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I can feel lonely in a room full of people. Its somewhat my nature, but also a side effect of the isolation I feel as an alcoholic, especially when actively drinking. I'm not a part of, I'm different, I'm a freak, etc etc. I realize now that this is my addiction talking. It wants me to feel isolated and not good enough because that's when I feed it by drinking. If I allow myself to feel ok, to not worry about what others think, to accept myself for exactly who I am, I'm less likely to drink.
Challenge the voices in your head. Ask them if there is reality in their words. Give yourself a big healthy break. Treat yourself as you would treating someone you love when they are hurting. Nurture yourself. It takes time.
Challenge the voices in your head. Ask them if there is reality in their words. Give yourself a big healthy break. Treat yourself as you would treating someone you love when they are hurting. Nurture yourself. It takes time.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I can relate to feeling lonely in AA, which is strange because it was such a welcoming place. I was most lonely when I was just going to AA, but when I joined AA, joined in the program of action, the loneliness soon went. As time went on I had more and more in common with those in recovery, and we understood each other because our experiences in recovery were very similar, while our drinking stories were often quite different. We had plenty of good stuff to share with each other.
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