CountrysideMan

Today was supposed to be my first day of sobriety. Unfortunately, I cracked on my way back from work, as I always do, but I still wanted to be part of this site as I have read so many inspiring stories and hope to post my own sometime soon.
As way of introduction, I can tell you I run my own business, own my home and have a wonderful wife. I also have been drinking daily for a decade.
I'm sure my story is familiar to many people who somehow live their lives around alcohol. I'm functioning, but I'm not happy.
My wife and I moved to a rural location to live a healthier lifestyle. We eat our own veg, have chickens for eggs and get lots of exercise, but I was still lying to myself (and my wife) about how dependent on alcohol I was. I'm six miles from the nearest shop and yet I'm there everyday buying beer.
I know it can't go on. I want to say I'm committed to quitting, but I couldn't make it more than twelve hours without drinking. I know I'll wake up tomorrow with that same sense of self loathing coupled with a belief that somehow this day will be different.
This isn't the usual way I say hello to strangers, but I have read numerous threads and feel there is a supportive atmosphere here. I'm really hoping to turn this around.

Berrybean

Why not check out the support groups local to you and drive there instead of the store tomorrow. It can make a huge huge difference having some face to face support.

There are some great threads on the forum about making your sobriety plan which are worth a read. Just removing alcohol and white knuckling it through an attempt to regulate through self-winding rarely works. Most of us had to put alternatives to alcohol, and recovery tools in place so that we could recover in a healthy and sustainable way.

I'd also say be very wary of the HALT triggers. Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. They sneak up on us and weaken our resolve. I would suggest trying to think ahead and put plans in place that will stop these occurring, and can knock them to touch if and when they do occur.

Wishing you all the best for your journey to sobriety and recovery.

360startstoday

Hello!

Yes we've all been there. You could still start now.... even though you've bought alcohol, you could dump out what remains, what a triumph that is!

As stated above, there are links about plans and you need one. Hopefully you can find what works for you.

In the first couple weeks I ordered and read a ton of recovery books.... if you go on amazon you can find them really cheap. That was so very helpful.

We are here for you!

frankster

Hello. Drinkers often lead two lives. One healthy and one not so much so. We claim to lead a healthy lifestyle but do such obvious harm to ourselves, this creates "cognitive dissonance." Our behavior doesn't match our beliefs. This leads us into a state of conflict within ourselves, leading to depression or worse. As a result we tend minimize and justify the bad effects of alcohol. To quit or get the help we need it helps to magnify the bad effects.
My drinking is killing me.
Welcome. First steps are hard. Stick around. This site has helped me a lot.

bloss

Glad you decided to post and share honestly. That feeling of sadness and despair after you drink again and again is hard to bear (I did it for years). Keep coming back and reading posts, there may be many you relate to. Try to find what works best for you. Whether it is a support group in person or online...the main thing is keep trying, don't give up on yourself.

ccam1973

Welcome aboard CSM. Glad you found us. Plenty of us have been exactly where you are at today; or worse. I know I have. I spent over 20 years drinking every single day, as the years passed the more I drank and the earlier in the day I would start.

You absolutely can make this change. I'm not going to tell you it's easy, because it's not. But, once you truly commit 100%, you will be so much happier. No more worrying about when your next drink will come, where you will be, planning every waking moment around alcohol. It all ends when you make the decision to quit.

Welcome aboard, come up with a plan and stick close to this community when you feel weak or just need someone to listen.

Soberwolf

nice to meet you welcome

Easy2slip

Hello and welcome - CountrysideMan

You can do this!

You need to make a plan. Start with 24 hours and see it through.

I know you will feel 100% better without the guilt and self loathing you are carrying around.

You can do it!

SoulShine8

Hi CountrysideMan. I was always buying beer on my way home more days than not. I look forward to reading posts from you. I echo bloss' comment - you have to find what works for you - just don't stop searching for it. I have found it good to post on the 24 hour thread here. You just post once a day to say you are committing to another 24 hours of sobriety and that's it. Quick, easy - but powerful.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-133-a.html

Hevyn

You can turn it around, Countryside. I drank my whole life, but when I found SR I was able to get free. For me, the main thing was not feeling alone anymore. We all understand the frustration of what you're going through. You can do this.

CountrysideMan

Thank you all for your kind words. It really does make a difference. I already feel a part of something which is giving me strength. I can't deny I'm scared. I have a lot to work through, but first I need a plan to aid my recovery.
I promise to post regularly and be honest with you all.

Bless you. So glad I found this site!

Dee74

Hi and welcome CountrysideMan

D

Arpeggioh

Welcome, CountrysideMan! I'll just echo the above replies: this site is hugely important to many of us; for me, it's on a twice-a-day basis...some days, for hours at a time; I guess I've replaced my daily vodka habit with a much healthier Sober Recovery habit! When I'm here reading and posting, drinking again is the furthest thing from my mind...look forward to hearing more from you.