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It's a heartache. . .

Old 05-23-2016, 06:02 AM
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It's a heartache. . .

Since January this year I have slowly but surely been going off the rails by binge drinking again. I fell for a guy who didn’t treat me so well and to cut a long story short, wanted just to be “friends” (with benefits) whereas I wanted something more.
It’s really affected me and consequently I have become depressed and have been binge drinking with friends to try and forget how I feel for a few hours. As a result of this of course I feel worse the next day, have been missing days of work and have found myself back on medication. (Effexor XR)
I am seeing a counselor for my depression this evening and I am now managing to stay away from alcohol during the week but. . . when it comes to the weekend, I feel so lonely with my thoughts that I go out with friends to the bar and drink until I forget. Sometimes this leads to me making a complete fool of myself and I want to hide for days.
This guy was not any good for me as he is alcohol and drug dependent, obnoxious and quite uncaring. . . I just wish I could get over being rejected by him and stop the pain.
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Old 05-23-2016, 06:55 AM
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Have you tried AA? It's a good fellowship and can occupy some of your time on the weekends especially when cravings are strong. You can also find something you like, a painting class or other group, to make new friends and distract yourself as well. Best of luck!
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Old 05-23-2016, 07:05 AM
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Welcome back misscostalot. I'm glad you are realizing that alcohol makes all of the problems you are facing worse, it really does. I think seeing a therapist sounds like a great start - make sure you are very honest about your drinking patterns and other meds. Alcohol can actually reduce the effectiveness or have bad interactions with many meds so please be careful with that too.

AA or any other kind of meeting based recovery would probably be a great choice right now. For one thing, it would keep you from going and hanging out in bars on the weekends - there are so many more things you could be doing than hanging out there. People go to bars to drink, not to help themselves get better, right?
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Old 05-23-2016, 07:06 AM
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I hear you i hear you

however, I go alone, when my partner is away and I have lots going for me but that damn demon drink just won't leave me alone

Next monday I am going to go to see what my options are.

We all know what we need to do but it seems doing it is the tough thing.

You know i all of this I worry, that I will do something really stupid, I don't get in a fight, take something I don't want to take or something else.

I know I have a problem as I hide these things that I do...

As I said in my other post I have a bit company conference coming up and really don't want to end up totally wasted and regretting things, I remember that one night I did go out with the company I nearly had my head down in shame when I walked in on the monday - not knowing what I had done or said

;(
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Old 05-23-2016, 10:06 AM
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Nice to meet you having a plan will help loads
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Old 05-23-2016, 02:12 PM
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Hi Miss

Hearbreak sucks.

This guy was not any good for me as he is alcohol and drug dependent, obnoxious and quite uncaring.

So think about the above statement. The reality is, he was a jerk and wanted to use you for sex. Obviously that is not what you want, and you deserve to be treated in a way that is consistent with your needs. I had to learn the hard way that I allow people to treat me poorly. I'm not a victim and can walk away. I tend to look to men to 'save' me, 'complete' me, make me feel better. They can become my drug. But that never works.

I was broken to pieces in my last relationship. But I realized that I let it all happen. I wasn't having a gun held to my head. I learned valuable lessons.

Remember what he is, not what you 'romanticized' him to be. Kind of like alcohol huh?
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Old 05-23-2016, 02:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 View Post
Hi Miss

Hearbreak sucks.

So think about the above statement. The reality is, he was a jerk and wanted to use you for sex. Obviously that is not what you want, and you deserve to be treated in a way that is consistent with your needs. I had to learn the hard way that I allow people to treat me poorly. I'm not a victim and can walk away. I tend to look to men to 'save' me, 'complete' me, make me feel better. They can become my drug. But that never works.

I was broken to pieces in my last relationship. But I realized that I let it all happen. I wasn't having a gun held to my head. I learned valuable lessons.

Remember what he is, not what you 'romanticized' him to be. Kind of like alcohol huh?
Well said. I've been there. Thinking the cure to my drinking problem was to find a man that loved me like the fairy tales. I was waiting to be saved.
But the only person that could save myself is me.
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Old 05-23-2016, 03:44 PM
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Some great advice here misscostalot.

Why not make some non alcohol related plans for next weekend? Make some positive changes.

Someone mentioned a plan - this is a great link to help you make one of your own

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Why not check out our Class of May support thread as well? There are people there right across weekends

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-4-a.html
D
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Old 05-23-2016, 03:55 PM
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misscostalot
I been there and done that too many a time in my party days. I always seem to fall for the biggest loser around each time. I don't know whether I am rooting for the underdog or wanting to fix him. Who knows?! Or maybe it's just that I'm swimming in a kiddie pool choice-wise.
It's good that you can see he wasn't a good choice. Just keep that in your head. I've cried too many tears over people that sure weren't worth them. Being alone isn't a bad thing - use this time to take care of yourself without having to worry about someone else and their hangups.
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Old 05-23-2016, 03:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Flawed View Post
Have you tried AA? It's a good fellowship and can occupy some of your time on the weekends especially when cravings are strong.
AA sure helped me in those early sober days.
Actually, AA helped me so much that I still attend after 8 years sober.

MB
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Old 05-23-2016, 06:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 View Post
Hi Miss

Hearbreak sucks.

This guy was not any good for me as he is alcohol and drug dependent, obnoxious and quite uncaring.

So think about the above statement. The reality is, he was a jerk and wanted to use you for sex. Obviously that is not what you want, and you deserve to be treated in a way that is consistent with your needs. I had to learn the hard way that I allow people to treat me poorly. I'm not a victim and can walk away. I tend to look to men to 'save' me, 'complete' me, make me feel better. They can become my drug. But that never works.

I was broken to pieces in my last relationship. But I realized that I let it all happen. I wasn't having a gun held to my head. I learned valuable lessons.

Remember what he is, not what you 'romanticized' him to be. Kind of like alcohol huh?
You are exactly right. I romanticised this guy in the way I do alcohol at times.
Thanks for the support!
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Old 05-23-2016, 06:26 PM
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Originally Posted by SoulShine8 View Post
misscostalot
I been there and done that too many a time in my party days. I always seem to fall for the biggest loser around each time. I don't know whether I am rooting for the underdog or wanting to fix him. Who knows?! Or maybe it's just that I'm swimming in a kiddie pool choice-wise.
It's good that you can see he wasn't a good choice. Just keep that in your head. I've cried too many tears over people that sure weren't worth them. Being alone isn't a bad thing - use this time to take care of yourself without having to worry about someone else and their hangups.
It's the same for me. ...I get it into my head I can 'take care of' and normalise the biggest loser in the room!
I know that this is to do with my own self esteem and that I need to establish better boundaries. Thanks for sharing your similar experience, nice to know I am not alone.
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Old 08-10-2017, 02:53 AM
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Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 View Post
Hi Miss

Hearbreak sucks.

This guy was not any good for me as he is alcohol and drug dependent, obnoxious and quite uncaring.

So think about the above statement. The reality is, he was a jerk and wanted to use you for sex. Obviously that is not what you want, and you deserve to be treated in a way that is consistent with your needs. I had to learn the hard way that I allow people to treat me poorly. I'm not a victim and can walk away. I tend to look to men to 'save' me, 'complete' me, make me feel better. They can become my drug. But that never works.

I was broken to pieces in my last relationship. But I realized that I let it all happen. I wasn't having a gun held to my head. I learned valuable lessons.

Remember what he is, not what you 'romanticized' him to be. Kind of like alcohol huh?
I re- read this again as I can totally relate to this! He was out of my life but I got suckered back in! Now fighting my feelings and again, fighting the temptation to get drunk. thanks for this.
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Old 08-10-2017, 03:17 AM
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Hi, when the weekends come around have a plan to do something non alcohol related, as for this guy, play out in your head six months down the line with him and how awful it would be, he sounds like a s**t, get yourself on the right track and when you are all clear headed looking fab and you see him, you will then realise what a lucky escape you had good luck no bloke is worth making you feel like that
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Old 08-24-2017, 06:13 AM
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Thanks for this. We live in different places but I hear he is coming over to where I am living soon. . . he was angling for an invite but I ignored it. he is now staying with his ex - what a surprise!

I have a plan in place for the weekend - relapsed badly and need to get it together. Day2 . . .
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Old 08-24-2017, 06:46 AM
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Welcome aboard.
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Old 08-24-2017, 06:49 AM
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I can relate heavily right now. I'm also caught up on a recent ex-girlfriend and the daily emotions of having her gone are still so difficult to overcome.

Today is Day 5 of sobriety, she told me she didn't love me anymore 7 days ago. The pain, guilt, shame, embarrassment, anxiety, depression, has been almost defeating. I ruined the relationship with my drinking and I can accept that now.

On Day 5 of sobriety, I'm already seeing with my rational self how this relationship likely wouldn't have been a positive one for me in the long run. I was just over at her house the other night (because I'm a glutton for punishment apparently and I still hope she is changing her mind) and she cracked a beer open right in front of me and said, "I hope you don't mind." She knows how fresh I am into recovery and how important it is. Hell, her dumping me was the push I finally needed.

Point being, every day you will see things clearer. Rationally, I'm moving on from her. Emotionally, I'm still so stuck on her I fear relapse every hour right now. The two alternate all day, every day, the AV being in there as well, trying to convince me to just drink my feelings away.

Then I think about where that's lead me. Depressed, alone, and miserable.

Best of luck moving on, it isn't easy.

Congrats on being back to Day 2
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Old 08-25-2017, 05:18 AM
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Welcome. Putting some sort of plan in place is really helpful.
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Old 08-25-2017, 03:37 PM
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what's your weekend plan look like, misscostalot?
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Old 08-25-2017, 04:21 PM
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Hi Miss,
I started drinking heavily because of a heartache, shortly after that both my folks passed and I fell into emotional oblivion. Of course alcohol just stalled out the grieving and healing process, so here I am years later, finally sober and still having to deal with all the emotional craziness. So don't medicate by drinking, it only prolongs the pain and misery.
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