Living Someone Else's Life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
Living Someone Else's Life
Two months in.
I feel so detached from everything - like I am living someone else's life. Feel very flat. I start my new job on May 31 so that will fill up time and maybe keep me from this odd, sort of horrible feeling.
Can anyone relate to this??? It's a terrible feeling of apathy and meaninglessness - this is hard for me to articulate, actually. Also I have to really push myself to even get out of bed - I mean, my "chores" or whatever in the house are getting done but other than that, it's like I've lost interest in the world.
I am not considering a relapse, do not want to drink, etc. Just looking for feedback - can anyone relate to this?
I feel so detached from everything - like I am living someone else's life. Feel very flat. I start my new job on May 31 so that will fill up time and maybe keep me from this odd, sort of horrible feeling.
Can anyone relate to this??? It's a terrible feeling of apathy and meaninglessness - this is hard for me to articulate, actually. Also I have to really push myself to even get out of bed - I mean, my "chores" or whatever in the house are getting done but other than that, it's like I've lost interest in the world.
I am not considering a relapse, do not want to drink, etc. Just looking for feedback - can anyone relate to this?
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi madgirl, glad you posted!
I think once you start your new job that will help. Idle time is the worst when you're sober because it allows you to get in your own head. Those are the times the bad thinking comes creeping in.
I thought I saw you had plans for yoga, reading a book, hiking, and watching Netflix?
When I was feeling the way you are right now, even when the resolve I had to remain sober was at it's peak those feelings were usually my AV trying to squash all the good work I was doing. When you said "I feel flat" that was the big one for me that really meant "I miss drinking" although I knew that I wasn't going to.
I see you like psychological thrillers. Have you seen "The Killing Room"? One of my favorites!
You WILL get past this, you're not alone and I've felt exactly how you feel right now. It does go away.
I think once you start your new job that will help. Idle time is the worst when you're sober because it allows you to get in your own head. Those are the times the bad thinking comes creeping in.
I thought I saw you had plans for yoga, reading a book, hiking, and watching Netflix?
When I was feeling the way you are right now, even when the resolve I had to remain sober was at it's peak those feelings were usually my AV trying to squash all the good work I was doing. When you said "I feel flat" that was the big one for me that really meant "I miss drinking" although I knew that I wasn't going to.
I see you like psychological thrillers. Have you seen "The Killing Room"? One of my favorites!
You WILL get past this, you're not alone and I've felt exactly how you feel right now. It does go away.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 394
Hi.
I've felt like that. I also felt when I was drinking I was living 2 separate lives. I had dreams at my worst, dreams of what I wanted my life to look like. So I began to create my own life, one rich in spirituality and in love. Once I stopped drink or near the end this time , wonderful things started happening. The dreams in my head were slowly coming true.
Try day dreaming of what your ideal life would be like filled with happiness and love. What kind of things happen? What type of friends to you keep? What values and beliefs are practiced..down to the tiny details...asking yourself questions is a sure way to get answers. I hope I made some sence. Just visualize how you want to look, feel and act, and envision your environment that brings you peace. Slowly but surly your wishes and desires will manifest. Xoxo
I've felt like that. I also felt when I was drinking I was living 2 separate lives. I had dreams at my worst, dreams of what I wanted my life to look like. So I began to create my own life, one rich in spirituality and in love. Once I stopped drink or near the end this time , wonderful things started happening. The dreams in my head were slowly coming true.
Try day dreaming of what your ideal life would be like filled with happiness and love. What kind of things happen? What type of friends to you keep? What values and beliefs are practiced..down to the tiny details...asking yourself questions is a sure way to get answers. I hope I made some sence. Just visualize how you want to look, feel and act, and envision your environment that brings you peace. Slowly but surly your wishes and desires will manifest. Xoxo
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I think MANY people can relate to it, and its normal. Life (whether sober or drunk) is not an action movie unfortunately. We have days that last forever, we feel bored and flat, uninspired etc....
You have a job and your sobriety to nurture, keep your eye on the prize.
You have a job and your sobriety to nurture, keep your eye on the prize.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,508
Can you think of something to add to your life that will bring you joy, something that you might do for fun or relaxation? Maybe it's time to start a new hobby? Have you considered volunteer work?
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
I think i went through a phase , still do sometimes of "now that you've found sobriety what are you gonna do with it" ..
A big wide empty vista and little old me sat there looking about wondering now whddya do ?
Having come from the battle zone this place seems empty and nothing going on to my overstimulated flight or fight, swinging from depression to elation drunken brain .
For me i kept trying different things , planted the seeds of ideas and activities nurtured them , some grew , some didn't .
Bestwishes, m
A big wide empty vista and little old me sat there looking about wondering now whddya do ?
Having come from the battle zone this place seems empty and nothing going on to my overstimulated flight or fight, swinging from depression to elation drunken brain .
For me i kept trying different things , planted the seeds of ideas and activities nurtured them , some grew , some didn't .
Bestwishes, m
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
Thanks all. I am not going to choose alcohol no matter how I feel - just wanted to make that clear.
Yes, I roll through the things I am supposed to do: laundry, cooking, secured new job for more money, talk to son and take care of him, no drinking, walk the dog, check and check and check. Also signed up to volunteer at YWCA - check.
This state Im describing is that I do not feel connected to my own life, and to be honest, it feels like I am looking for ways to pass the time until death.
Yes, I roll through the things I am supposed to do: laundry, cooking, secured new job for more money, talk to son and take care of him, no drinking, walk the dog, check and check and check. Also signed up to volunteer at YWCA - check.
This state Im describing is that I do not feel connected to my own life, and to be honest, it feels like I am looking for ways to pass the time until death.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Yes I've felt that. I believe its really normal. For me, I'm so used to being caught up in some kind of negative spiral, or recovering from one, that when things just get normal I'm like "Wait, what, wait". I expect something bad to happen...wondering when the sky is gonna fall. And I'm simply not used to just feeling and often have no idea what it is I'm feeling. And not feeling anything? In other words, no crisis, no drama? What's that?
The longer I'm sober the more this resolves. And I try not to judge this kind of stuff too much...just keep moving forward, make sure I'm exercising and getting out in nature, make sure I'm being proactive.
It'll pass.
The longer I'm sober the more this resolves. And I try not to judge this kind of stuff too much...just keep moving forward, make sure I'm exercising and getting out in nature, make sure I'm being proactive.
It'll pass.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by mecanix 
I think i went through a phase , still do sometimes of "now that you've found sobriety what are you gonna do with it" ..
A big wide empty vista and little old me sat there looking about wondering now whddya do ?
Having come from the battle zone this place seems empty and nothing going on to my overstimulated flight or fight, swinging from depression to elation drunken brain .
For me i kept trying different things , planted the seeds of ideas and activities nurtured them , some grew , some didn't .
Bestwishes, m
A big wide empty vista and little old me sat there looking about wondering now whddya do ?
Having come from the battle zone this place seems empty and nothing going on to my overstimulated flight or fight, swinging from depression to elation drunken brain .
For me i kept trying different things , planted the seeds of ideas and activities nurtured them , some grew , some didn't .
Bestwishes, m
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 467
"This state Im describing is that I do not feel connected to my own life, and to be honest, it feels like I am looking for ways to pass the time until death."
I can relate to this madgirl ...
For me it's because I spent so much time drinking and avoiding how I felt I never gave myself a chance to connect to anything.
And in my sobriety I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen - just as you say passing the time.
I'm sorry this isn't much help but I just wanted you to know that I completely understand what you are saying.
But remember you have a son and a partner and a beautiful beagle
These are things to be grateful for and the first things to connect to in your sobriety!
Good luck with your new job
x
I can relate to this madgirl ...
For me it's because I spent so much time drinking and avoiding how I felt I never gave myself a chance to connect to anything.
And in my sobriety I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen - just as you say passing the time.
I'm sorry this isn't much help but I just wanted you to know that I completely understand what you are saying.
But remember you have a son and a partner and a beautiful beagle
These are things to be grateful for and the first things to connect to in your sobriety!
Good luck with your new job
x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
I just realized "madgirl" looks a bit aggressive - like Im a girl who is angry and/or crazy. Ha - it is because my name is Maddie 😊
Good thoughts all. I don't think I am doing a very good job explaining this state/slump I am in. Maybe it is just the human condition, and I need to figure out healthier ways to deal than wine.
Good thoughts all. I don't think I am doing a very good job explaining this state/slump I am in. Maybe it is just the human condition, and I need to figure out healthier ways to deal than wine.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I can relate. And I think it's about finding purpose and meaning. And specifically, what that means for you. Where exactly does one fit into this world?
It takes a little while, trial and error, experiencing different things, trying new things...
I personally believe we create our own lives, our own meaning... to some degree, anyway.
It takes a little while, trial and error, experiencing different things, trying new things...
I personally believe we create our own lives, our own meaning... to some degree, anyway.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Well, for me from a sober perspective, it's active alcoholism that feels like living someone else's life. But I do get the point....
I second all the suggestions about doing things that are meaningful to you. I also often find that when I am in a low mood and unmotivated, the meaning arrives on the go, as a result or consequence of engaging in worthwhile acts. In other words, starting something constructive even if I don't feel inspired can do wonders that I only really feel later.
I second all the suggestions about doing things that are meaningful to you. I also often find that when I am in a low mood and unmotivated, the meaning arrives on the go, as a result or consequence of engaging in worthwhile acts. In other words, starting something constructive even if I don't feel inspired can do wonders that I only really feel later.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,508
Originally Posted by Soberpotamus
I can relate. And I think it's about finding purpose and meaning. And specifically, what that means for you. Where exactly does one fit into this world?
It takes a little while, trial and error, experiencing different things, trying new things...
I personally believe we create our own lives, our own meaning... to some degree, anyway.
It takes a little while, trial and error, experiencing different things, trying new things...
I personally believe we create our own lives, our own meaning... to some degree, anyway.
For me, I knew I was not going to be able to recover unless I could find a purpose in my life.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: CA.....Hometown : Sioux Falls
Posts: 2,624
This must be going around. I've been sort of like this for a few days at 10 months sober. Very disengaged from life. I shared with someone today that I feel like an electrical cord that's been unplugged and I'm waiting to be plugged back in. When I was drinking I usually knew what would happen next. It's uneasy "dead" feeling mixed with a bit of fear for me. Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
Have you ever suffered from depression? I have, basically my entire life, although it has been managed (fortunately) for a number of years now. Anxiety and/or depression seems to affect many alcoholics. I guess I am overly hyper-aware of other's signs or symptoms because of my own diagnosis. I do think what you are describing is very common in early sobriety. I didn't feel like myself for several months early on, even with the depression managed. We have put our brains through a lot, it takes awhile for things to normalize.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Alcohol defined every aspect of my life and when I took alcohol away I discovered I didn't have much of a life. It was scary when I didn't want to be who I was but had no idea who I wanted to be.
I talked to my sponsor and he said, "You didn't d get sick in a day and you aren't going to get better in one either." I am still inventing myself. I now look at sobriety as this huge opportunity. I'm working with a blank canvas. I stick my toes in and if it feels good I do more of it if doesn't I move on to something new.
I'm a big fan of living my way into right thinking. Early sobriety is hard. I knew how to be a drunk but leading a rich sober life was uncharted territory.
You will have very high highs and very low lows but just take them a day at a time. If you have been sober today then it been a good day
I talked to my sponsor and he said, "You didn't d get sick in a day and you aren't going to get better in one either." I am still inventing myself. I now look at sobriety as this huge opportunity. I'm working with a blank canvas. I stick my toes in and if it feels good I do more of it if doesn't I move on to something new.
I'm a big fan of living my way into right thinking. Early sobriety is hard. I knew how to be a drunk but leading a rich sober life was uncharted territory.
You will have very high highs and very low lows but just take them a day at a time. If you have been sober today then it been a good day
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 579
Sounds like depression or what I call depression. Yes, I can relate. I make lists of things I need or want to do. I pull a few things off the list every day and try to do them. If I'm really in a bad way this list might contain things like take a shower, read mail...ect/ really trivial things. It seems damn hard to do them, like I have lead boots on. I keep things on the list until they get done. It seem to help until I get over the listlessness.
Maddie-try making a list? Put it on your list of things to do.
Maddie-try making a list? Put it on your list of things to do.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
At about three months sober I was still feeling dissatisfied. It was suggested that I start to practice gratitude every day. So every day I find something(s) to be grateful for. It puts the focus on the positive instead of the negative. Even tho my antidepressants keep me stable, gratitude gives me a feeling of contentment and serenity.
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