Grandma is Dead, Girl is leaving and Might loose My Job
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 636
Grandma is Dead, Girl is leaving and Might loose My Job
They say deaths come in 3s and thats how I feel right now. This has been one of the most stressful weeks of my life. I will start by saying that my grandma past away 2 weeks ago. I thought that I could handle it but im depressed, broken, and restless. Im not able to sleep and been going through anxiety all week. This has put a heavy burden on my soul. In the mist of this I meet a beautiful female at the bar. Im 30 and shes 39. She was impressed by my demeanor, how im so laid back, and how I was at a bar drinking water. We been speaking for two weeks now, went on 2 dates but now I get the feeling that she is slowly departing from me. Im not sure if it’s the age or the situation I am in right now. She speaks four languages, travels a lot and has 2 boys. She stood by me while I was grieving my grandmother’s death. We went from talking about being together, having a family and yesterday I got a vibe that she just wants to be friends. Im lost confused and emotional all in one.
To make matters worse, the company I work for owes me nearly 3 checks. Im low on cash, stressed out on how im going to pay my bills and and feed myself. Im 6 months sober and a drink sounds good but I know if I relapse I will go into one of the heaviest binges of my life. I asked God “Why are you putting me through this?” Everything was going so well with this girl and I see thing crashing down slowly. Im not sure if she wants to be with me or she just playing with my emotions. We went from liking each other a lot and then a 360 hit and im so confused right now. Im in heavy pain and need a lot of guidance and support. Maybe its not ideal for a man my age to settle down with a woman that is 9 years older. She actually looks younger than me. Im so hurt right now. And I can’t get over my grandmas death.
What should I do?
To make matters worse, the company I work for owes me nearly 3 checks. Im low on cash, stressed out on how im going to pay my bills and and feed myself. Im 6 months sober and a drink sounds good but I know if I relapse I will go into one of the heaviest binges of my life. I asked God “Why are you putting me through this?” Everything was going so well with this girl and I see thing crashing down slowly. Im not sure if she wants to be with me or she just playing with my emotions. We went from liking each other a lot and then a 360 hit and im so confused right now. Im in heavy pain and need a lot of guidance and support. Maybe its not ideal for a man my age to settle down with a woman that is 9 years older. She actually looks younger than me. Im so hurt right now. And I can’t get over my grandmas death.
What should I do?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
My condolences on your Grandmother, mine passed away not too long ago as well and it's a sad time in our lives. Also sorry to hear of your relationship issues and work problems, sometimes things really get "piled on".
As far as what you "should" do right now, I know for sure you shouldn't drink. It will make everything worse than it is now, kind of like trying to put out a fire with gasoline as the common saying goes.
There's not much we can do when someone passes a way other than grieve at first, it's a normal feeling. You can remember her life and all the good things she did, and you can also make her proud by not trying to run away and hide in a bottle, right?
Relationships are very hard, I don't have a lot of advice for you there other than that there will always be other opportunities to meet new people. I would ask what you are doing hanging out in bars though, that's really not conducive to sobriety or to meeting folks for long-term relationships to be honest.
Regarding your job, I'd contact someone about he missed paychecks. It's illegal for you to not get paid so if there's no one in the company to help you might need to seek outside help. Most likely there's a local employee relations resource or you could even talk to the District Attorney's office.
Overall though you could probably benefit from some counseling or group work - how about some AA meetings?
As far as what you "should" do right now, I know for sure you shouldn't drink. It will make everything worse than it is now, kind of like trying to put out a fire with gasoline as the common saying goes.
There's not much we can do when someone passes a way other than grieve at first, it's a normal feeling. You can remember her life and all the good things she did, and you can also make her proud by not trying to run away and hide in a bottle, right?
Relationships are very hard, I don't have a lot of advice for you there other than that there will always be other opportunities to meet new people. I would ask what you are doing hanging out in bars though, that's really not conducive to sobriety or to meeting folks for long-term relationships to be honest.
Regarding your job, I'd contact someone about he missed paychecks. It's illegal for you to not get paid so if there's no one in the company to help you might need to seek outside help. Most likely there's a local employee relations resource or you could even talk to the District Attorney's office.
Overall though you could probably benefit from some counseling or group work - how about some AA meetings?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
I am very sorry for your loss. 
Maybe focus on healing from that, and processing your grief. Try to not to let your emotions for this woman control how you feel about yourself, and if it seems like she is giving you cues that she wants space, let her have it.
You met her at a bar? Were you guys drinking together? Is she an active drinker?
Maybe focus on healing from that, and processing your grief. Try to not to let your emotions for this woman control how you feel about yourself, and if it seems like she is giving you cues that she wants space, let her have it.
You met her at a bar? Were you guys drinking together? Is she an active drinker?
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Ghostface,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. All of the other things that you're going through right now too.
I'm assuming you must subcontract and that's why you're waiting for checks. What happens when you contact them to find out when you're going to get paid?
Finally, am I reading right that you met this woman 2 weeks ago and there's already talk of being together and having a family? Was it you who brought that up or was it her? Don't you think that two weeks and two dates is a little too soon to be having that conversation? Sobriety is hard work in and of itself. Why create undue stress by making a relationship more serious than it needs to be?
I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. All of the other things that you're going through right now too.
I'm assuming you must subcontract and that's why you're waiting for checks. What happens when you contact them to find out when you're going to get paid?
Finally, am I reading right that you met this woman 2 weeks ago and there's already talk of being together and having a family? Was it you who brought that up or was it her? Don't you think that two weeks and two dates is a little too soon to be having that conversation? Sobriety is hard work in and of itself. Why create undue stress by making a relationship more serious than it needs to be?
Last edited by LadyBlue0527; 05-19-2016 at 12:56 PM. Reason: Added content
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
you need to give yourself space and time to grieve for one very important woman in your life, your gramma. that is more than enough.
as far this new person you met 14 DAYS ago - eh, pfft. you don't meet someone WHILE GRIEVING, in a BAR no less, when trying to stay sober, and then after the SECOND DATE contemplate MOVING IN together. that makes NO sense........at all. older woman can be attracted to that lost boy persona.....but maybe she decided you were a bit too lost, and it stopped being FUN for her.
now your job, that is something you can tackle head on. if they are not paying you, you should stop working until that is corrected. talk to the head office or corporate or whomever, and if you don't get any response, take it to the Labor Bureau/Board.
but don't drink. no matter what. it won't help one single thing. not even a little.
as far this new person you met 14 DAYS ago - eh, pfft. you don't meet someone WHILE GRIEVING, in a BAR no less, when trying to stay sober, and then after the SECOND DATE contemplate MOVING IN together. that makes NO sense........at all. older woman can be attracted to that lost boy persona.....but maybe she decided you were a bit too lost, and it stopped being FUN for her.
now your job, that is something you can tackle head on. if they are not paying you, you should stop working until that is corrected. talk to the head office or corporate or whomever, and if you don't get any response, take it to the Labor Bureau/Board.
but don't drink. no matter what. it won't help one single thing. not even a little.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I'm really sorry for the loss of your grandmother, GF. I know that grieving is a process and I hope you allow yourself to feel the feelings. I'm sure she would be happy to know you are staying sober.
I hope you can clear up the issues around getting paid. Don't give up fighting until you get paid the money you are owed.
It sounds like you fell hard for the lady you met in the bar and I'm sorry that hurts. She may have had different feelings than you did and decided she would prefer to be friends. Sometimes that happens and it hurts.
I hope you can clear up the issues around getting paid. Don't give up fighting until you get paid the money you are owed.
It sounds like you fell hard for the lady you met in the bar and I'm sorry that hurts. She may have had different feelings than you did and decided she would prefer to be friends. Sometimes that happens and it hurts.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I'm sorry for the loss of your dear grandmother. That's really rough to go through.
I'd go after that money, though.
And give yourself some space from this new woman in your life right now. You probably need time alone to grieve.
Just take care of you.
I'd go after that money, though.
And give yourself some space from this new woman in your life right now. You probably need time alone to grieve.
Just take care of you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm sorry for your loss GF. I agree with the others on the girl - slow your roll man - two weeks is two weeks 
There's good reasons why people recommend no new relationships for a while. Sounds like you need some processing time anyway?
good luck with the job cheques.
D
There's good reasons why people recommend no new relationships for a while. Sounds like you need some processing time anyway?
good luck with the job cheques.
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
I am sorry for the loss of your Grandma.
As far as the job, I'd check with legal services someplace to see if you can force them to pay you.
And whatever you do, don't drink! Congrats on six months sober!
As far as the job, I'd check with legal services someplace to see if you can force them to pay you.
And whatever you do, don't drink! Congrats on six months sober!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 376
Ghost - I am 6 months sober now as well. You were fairly active here when I joined up at that time and I will say your attitude and determination were very inspiring for me as I started this journey.
Brother, you gotta keep yourself on track. I know your grandma had to be proud of you as we are. If the new lady is in to you she'll be around if not so be it - I know that is easy for me to say but this is about you first and foremost.
You got this.
Brother, you gotta keep yourself on track. I know your grandma had to be proud of you as we are. If the new lady is in to you she'll be around if not so be it - I know that is easy for me to say but this is about you first and foremost.
You got this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 544
Hey Ghost
I'm really happy to hear about your 6 months. I know you've been working very hard.
So sorry about your Grandmother. Grieving a loved-one is a whole process all by itself. I wish you peace.
You know this already, but booze on top of life's challenges only makes things worse. I know you were killing it in the gym a while back. Can you focus on that for a bit to alleviate some of the stress?
Hang in there, my friend.
I'm really happy to hear about your 6 months. I know you've been working very hard.
So sorry about your Grandmother. Grieving a loved-one is a whole process all by itself. I wish you peace.
You know this already, but booze on top of life's challenges only makes things worse. I know you were killing it in the gym a while back. Can you focus on that for a bit to alleviate some of the stress?
Hang in there, my friend.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,643
GF, my condolences to you in the loss of your Grandmother. In time you'll be able to move on and cherish the memories of the times you shared together.
I agree with the others on the relationship, and on contacting your boss or above to collect on the pay they owe you. If they give you the runaround, contact the Department of Employment and Fair Housing for assistance.
Stay strong and keep moving forward, everyone is challenged is one way or another and how you handle it determines the outcome. Hugs.
I agree with the others on the relationship, and on contacting your boss or above to collect on the pay they owe you. If they give you the runaround, contact the Department of Employment and Fair Housing for assistance.
Stay strong and keep moving forward, everyone is challenged is one way or another and how you handle it determines the outcome. Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Relationships always make people nutty. Nutty for us means putting us at risk to drink. Stay out of the bars for now. I personally don't hang out in bars anymore because I don't need that kind of hell in my life. And you need to be gentle with yourself right now because you are vulnerable with sadness. Don't start a relationship when you are in this place. Give yourself the time to heal from the sadness around your Grandmother. Grandmothers are special people and it will take awhile to find some peace around this. I hope you are able to find other work so you don't have to do this paycheck dance all the time. You deserve better.....all around!
Don't drink. No matter what.
Don't drink. No matter what.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
I'm sorry you lost your grandmother, losing a loved one is always a really hard thing to cope with.
As for the relationship, all you can really do is feel the situation out. You can't make someone want to be with you, and no one is worth drinking over I can promise you that. Maybe the next person you meet it would be easier if things moved slower and not talking about marriage or children until much later in the game. It keeps things easier that way.
As for the relationship, all you can really do is feel the situation out. You can't make someone want to be with you, and no one is worth drinking over I can promise you that. Maybe the next person you meet it would be easier if things moved slower and not talking about marriage or children until much later in the game. It keeps things easier that way.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hi Ghost,
I'm sorry for the loss of your grandma. You did a great job staying sober while dealing with the grief.
As for being paid, make sure you stay on top of that. Is there someone in the HR department you can talk to?
I know sometimes we can fall hard when we meet someone, and that sounds like the case with the woman you met. Try not to stress about what you can't control. If she is backing off, let things be for a bit and focus on grieving for your grandma, and following up on getting paid.
Sending you lots of virtual hugs for strength moving through the next few weeks. Six months of sobriety is fantastic, keep using whatever supports you have been during that time to help you avoid alcohol as you deal with life situations.
❤️ Delilah
I'm sorry for the loss of your grandma. You did a great job staying sober while dealing with the grief.
As for being paid, make sure you stay on top of that. Is there someone in the HR department you can talk to?
I know sometimes we can fall hard when we meet someone, and that sounds like the case with the woman you met. Try not to stress about what you can't control. If she is backing off, let things be for a bit and focus on grieving for your grandma, and following up on getting paid.
Sending you lots of virtual hugs for strength moving through the next few weeks. Six months of sobriety is fantastic, keep using whatever supports you have been during that time to help you avoid alcohol as you deal with life situations.
❤️ Delilah
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 579
Sorry about your Grandmother.
I've always found new relationships a bit of a dance. Hot and cold. I'm not sure if women do it or we do it to our selves. Sounds like one of the things she likes about you is your sobriety. If she is really attached she will keep coming around. I try not to come on too strong for awhile-guess women do it to. Enjoy the dance.
I've always found new relationships a bit of a dance. Hot and cold. I'm not sure if women do it or we do it to our selves. Sounds like one of the things she likes about you is your sobriety. If she is really attached she will keep coming around. I try not to come on too strong for awhile-guess women do it to. Enjoy the dance.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 636
Thank you all, i just needed to vent. I will take it one day at a time and just let her pursue me to know if its real or she is just playing games.
As far as my grandma, i know that time will heal and that exactly what i need is time.
As far as my job, i need to find a new one. I could sit here and complain but i think i would be more productive if i fix my resume and find something better.
As far as my grandma, i know that time will heal and that exactly what i need is time.
As far as my job, i need to find a new one. I could sit here and complain but i think i would be more productive if i fix my resume and find something better.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
So good to hear from you GF though I am sorry for what brought you to post. I was thinking of you just the other day and wondering how you were. I am so sorry for the loss of your grandmother, I lost mine just a few years ago and I know how painful it is.
You sound really solid though and I am glad to hear that. Only time will tell what will be of this new relationship. I hope it does work out for you, you sound really interested.
Stick around, you were missed.
Sending you a hug.
Oh, and how are things with your friends? And your workouts?
You sound really solid though and I am glad to hear that. Only time will tell what will be of this new relationship. I hope it does work out for you, you sound really interested.
Stick around, you were missed.
Sending you a hug.
Oh, and how are things with your friends? And your workouts?
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