lovepenelope

Hi everyone, I came here at the advice of a friend. I'm having a hard time with my husband, who has a marijuana and another addiction that greatly affects our marriage. He cycles every 18 months or so on the second one, and we're in a pause right now -- during which he tries to convince me he's cured. He has taken steps, at my insistence. But when I stop insisting, he pulls back and says he can handle it himself and he's learned enough, etc. I am stepping way back -- cancelled our marriage counseling and found an Al-anon sponsor instead (I refer it to Coda).... I can tell we're enmeshed, and it feels awful. My primary goal right now is to stick with the 12 steps without leaving the marriage or causing too much turmoil in it -- so that I can see my role and feel my feelings more clearly without trying to change anything in him/the marriage. I can't believe how hard this is. I don't talk much to friends and family about it because I don't want their advice. His sister and brother-in-law in particular, decent people though they are in other respects, are so smug and duplicitous. Anyway, relieved to be turning toward myself, hard/unnatural as that feels.

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR lovepenelope. Sorry to hear of your troubles with your husband and his addictions. I think you've made a great move by seeking help through Al-anon and coming here as well. Just so you know, we also have a forum here dedicated to friends and family members of addicts, I linked the main forum below. Feel free to post here at any time too, there's a lot of support to be found.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Soberwolf

Welcome Lp