Eliasson

Don't really want to not be alive, but I also don't want to continue to live this way. What's left in between is not much. Except maybe trying to numb everything, which I've done for years. I am so in awe of everyone here who has managed any kind of sobriety. I feel like I don't have a chance. I'm not sure why I'm writing this, but I have no one. If I try to talk to my parents they will try to help, but they deserve peace now, not to have to worry about me.
So I'm scared. That I will continue to fail. That I have no one.

Eliasson

None of that really made any sense. I'm sorry. Obviously I was drinking. Life is just too painful.

Dee74

Hi Eliasson

there is always a future waiting for you - but I think you really need to stop drinking first.

That means there's a little leap of faith in trusting that not drinking can make things better, but it really does

It takes a little time though - especially if you've been drinking to self medicate things.

If you need more support why not consider things like AA or SMART or LifeRing again?

If real life meetings don't suit for any reason, you can always find an online meeting.

Have you spoken honestly to your Dr about this? they may be able to help...or what about addiction counselling - have you tried that?

There's always rehab too - I know... it sounds like a huge and frightening step but sometimes a little breathing space and a chance is focus solely on one's recovery is what some folks need

you're by no means at the end of the road - you just have to decide what you're going to do next

D

Eliasson

Thank you Dee. So much. I need to find something that may work for me. I don't know what that is. I'm meeting someone tomorrow from a recovery program, but I always let everyone down. I never stay sober. Something is really wrong with me.
I just don't know how to eventually not drink.

Dee74

That's the same point all of us started at Eliasson.
The details of your story might be different, but the addictions the same.

I always let people and myself down too...until I didn't
You can beat this

D

tomsteve

im glad yer meeting someone in recovery. you can get sober and have a great life and deserve it, but it takes a desire to stop drinking, willingness to do whatever is necessary, action on changing, and giving it time. the process needs to begiven a fair chance and thats going to be longer than a day,week,or month.

i didnt know how to not drink, either. 23+ years of drinkin, its all i knew and it never numbed anything or took away anything.
then i got into aa and gave the program a chance. worked it.
at 90 days i felt different. didnt know what it was,but i never really felt it before and i liked it. so i kept workin the program.
11+ years later and im very greatful for giving it a fair chance.

MIRecovery

For me will power was never enough but will powerful and AA was. Wondering and wishing will not get us sober. Sobriety takes action

AnvilheadII

you've been trapped in the prison of alcohol for a long time.....and have come to believe the LIES - that nothing matters, that the only solution is to drink more, again, always.

the funny bit it......the door to your prison cell is unlocked.....you simply have to nudge it open and walk out, into the FREEDOM that only sobriety can bring. you never HAVE to drink again.