overforty

I'm not sure if this post is to reach out for help or to just write down everything I'm feeling right now.
I've started to feel like there's no point for me to remain sober.
I'm on day 38.

The only thing I like about being sober is the obvious not being hungover - but everything else is the same apart from I find no pleasure in anything anymore.

Everything is magnified sober.
The fact that I am completely alone.
I am single, no children - my mum, dad, and sister are all dead and the rest of my family I'm not close to.
I have very few friends close by and I spend all of my time when I'm not working alone.

On Saturday I didn't speak to a single person - I popped out to the shops and had to come home because it was too painful to watch everyone out with friends and family enjoying their weekends.

All I do is work eat ( far too much sugar!) look at the internet/ films and sleep.

I'm not sure I want to prolong this life.
I don't have any interest in anything - or do I want to socialise with anyone.

I think people need other people and I'm not surprised that no one wants to be with me because I'm so miserable.

I worked with a woman today that is so conventional.
She has everything that women of my age are "supposed" to have - a husband, a house, 2 children and a circle of friends.
And she is completely harmless and means well but her constant chatter about her family makes me feel like ****!
It just brings to my attention even more everything I don't have.

I'm too old to have children now - and because I spent so much of my life drinking I never met that special person - and the boyfriends I did have I pushed away with my insane behaviour.

I live in a shared accommodation and have a terrible dead end job that brings me no joy.
I know that drinking did this.
But at least when I was drunk I was oblivious to the fact that my life ******* sucks!

Things like what will I do for a pension and what will I do when I can no longer work and don't own my own property have all started to pop up in my head because all of these things aren't dealt with.
They are real things that I have been blocking out.

Most people have a network of people to depend on and grow old with.
I have no one.

I just want to block it all out and kill my mind

2ndhandrose

(((overforty)))

Your pain is so evident in your post. I know wiser people with more concrete advice will show up here but I just wanted to let you know you have been heard.

It is hard to believe that it will get better. The early days are very hard, no doubt about it. I felt so flat and empty for months (not to discourage you) but as I built up days and then weeks and months and now just over one year things have improved. I come to SR everyday and read and read and read. It is comforting to read people writing my own story. I don't feel so alone.

I am 57 yrs old and married but I have no children and my husband drinks everyday. I don't have a lot of friends nearby so I do spend a lot of time on my own and I know what you mean when you look around and see everyone apparently enjoying their lives. It can be lonely.

Please don't give up. We just don't know what is around the corner but we will never find out if we are not awake to see it.

Jim1958

Please hang on. Your post could have been written by me. I also am alone except for work. I have a cat, which is wonderful company. A pet can lift your spirits and shelters are overflowing. I have signed up for a class to meet some new people. It is difficult but I am 4 months sober today. I know it can be lonely on weekends. But my weekends used to be draining beers all day. I don't want to go back to that and I know you don't want to either. SR is always here. Don't dwell on the past too much. Let the past be the past and go forward. Know you are not alone in your struggle. Everyone here has a story.

IvanMike

Are you going to meetings?

We need some kind of connection. I didn't want to go to NA. Glad I did.

By the way, you feel normal for the amount of time clean and sober that you have. The more time you have and the more you engage in recovery, the more that your outlook and perspective change. This doesn't happen as fast as we'd like, but it does happen.

Dee74

Hi overforty

Can you go back and read your first posts here? That's what you'd be returning too - there's no answers back the way you came

Some people can quit drinking and everything is fine,.,,for others, like me, it was like the tide went out and I was looking at the ruined debris of my life.

It took me a while to pick up all that 'driftwood', but I did. I had some counselling help but mostly it was just time, staying sober, and facing problems that got me to a better place.

If your life's not all you want it to be you can change it

If you're lonely and have few friends, what about thinking about your hobbies and interests, or something you've always wanted to do? following those dreams can help you meet like minded people.

There's all kinds of meet up groups, including sober ones, and of course recovery groups like AA or SMART or whatever are, apart from anything else, great ways to meet new folks.

I don't believe we're ever too old to change, or that it's ever too late to write a new ending to your story, or to change your life into what you want it to be

The only thing drinking will bring you is more of the same.

D

Anna

I'm really sorry you feel so alone. I lost all of my friends and connections when I was drinking too and I know it feels awful. Try to not be caught up with what I 'should' have or where I 'should' be.

What worked for me was volunteer work. I found a place where I was welcomed and loved and I met some of the most amazing people there. I set out believing I could help this organization, but I gained far more than I could give. They believed in me and loved me.

The other thing that can help you is to keep a Gratitude Journal. You have things in your life to be grateful for and it's good to remember that.

sugarbear1

I got sober at the age of 50. I was about to lose everything (again), had already lost raising my son, had poor family relationships, no car, no job, about to be homeless....

Please don't give up now. 38 days is truly amazing! YOU are amazing. Part of this non-feeling is part of learning to live sober, part of the first year of detoxing. We didn't get here overnight, we can't fix it in 40 days...

I could never have imagined what my life would have been like a year into sobriety, or 2 or 3 or 4 or today, at 5 years of sobriety! I know I am a different person today than I was and if I kept on drinking, I don't think I would be alive today to talk about 5 years ago.

Don't give up, keep typing on here, maybe get to an AA meeting or SMART meeting to talk with others in person.....

YOU are worth sobriety and YOU CAN change your life today!

With much love and hugs,
sugarbear

SoberLife90

Glad your here :-)

least

I would suggest you do as I was told - start practicing gratitude every day. Each day find at least one thing/person/event you're grateful for. It can be a big thing or a little thing. As long as you're thankful. When I started to do that, I had to almost make something up, as I was very depressed and didn't think I had much to be grateful for. But I kept it up, and now my life is much more positive than it's ever been. My mood is better and I feel better, in lots of different ways.

Give it a try. As they say in AA, if you're not satisfied in -- days, your misery will be refunded.

I second the idea of volunteering. It takes you out of yourself and you can find new friends.

doggonecarl

If you want to block all this out, drinking will do it. If you want a chance to make it right though, you'll have to be sober.

I hope you vote sober.

Don't give in to despair.

soberaccountant

I feel compelled to say that you're 40(or over), not dead yet. You have plenty of life ahead of you. I can see that early sobriety is feeling like sh** for you right now, and I have seen that in a lot of people. You're focused on what you don't have or think that you can never have, rather than on what you could have.

One point that alarmed me is when you said you don't want to socialize with anyone. As human beings, interaction with others is simply a way of life. I feel there is a deeper underlying issue besides drinking/using/sobriety-blues here. Many 'alcoholics' truly have a thinking problem rather than a drinking problem. I certainly have a thinking problem myself. I can relate in sometimes feeling like I don't want to do anything, I don't want to be around anyone, I don't feel that my life is ever going to get better.

If you choose to keep professing and insisting that upon yourself then expect for life to never get better, to never find someone to love, to never find hope, to never find happiness.

My posting may be coming off harshly, and I am sorry for that, but from what I have read in your post today--you are capable of having a good life if you CHOOSE to do so.

I implore you to get out of your head for a moment. Go out and enjoy nature and life, and find a way to connect with people who can understand you. It seems to me that you're only miserable because you are choosing misery. You know how single people stop being single? They go out and meet others and interact with one another. They find someone that they really like and feel special with and they take actions to that can eventually lead them to be with that person.

Want to be happy like the others you see out in public? Engage others, make friends, put yourself into this world and feel like you belong like everyone else.

Your life matters, it has meaning, you have a purpose, and you very much have a good heart. Your only issue is lack of engagement, and a lack of a will to engage. Want to solve your problems? Get out and get active, otherwise this world will keep moving on...it will do so with or without you. Everyday we have a choice to live life, to live it abundantly...I encourage you to do just that.

Want a social venue to attend that can help you feel better about your sobriety? Check out an AA meeting. There are plenty of individuals in those room who have felt exactly what you're feeling, or may even be going through it now. You'll have people to relate to and grow together with. You will find happiness if you choose to put yourself on the path of happiness.

Sobriety can be a great thing if you choose for it to be. I wish you the best, I sincerely do. And I really do hope you keep coming back here and writing to us, because I know it will help you--it has helped me.

Thumpalumpacus

We all need support. Engage in activities that build a support network for your sobriety -- be it 12-step groups, physical-activity groups, or even as simple as talking to others about your own struggle for sobriety.

There's a real sense of freedom that comes from living an open and not cloistered life. Alienation is definitely a trigger for me, and I really sympathize with where you are emotionally. But you -- we -- can do something about it. It requires a little courage, no doubt, reaching out to others and we have to bare our souls if only a little. But it's doable.

Follow your interests, meet people who share them, open up to them when it is appropriate, and know that not everyone will have the empathy to help. But when you find someone who does ... !

thomas11

Hey over40, be proud of those 38 days, you own them, they are yours. Everyone here has very solid advice, I don't think I have anything that can top it. Just want to let you know I support you. Your life will get better. If it didn't, none of us would be sober.

duane1

Have you considered an exercise group? I thought exercise helped me tremendously in early recovery. Even if it's going for a brisk walk or a 10,000 step program.

Delilah1

Hi Overforty,

I'm sorry you are feeling so down today. Lots of good advice above, and lots of people who care about you.

Do you enjoy reading or crafts? There are lots of book clubs and also stores like Michaels have free craft classes. Volunteering is another great way to meet people and give back. If you want to combine gettin some exercise with meeting people look into walking groups or classes at the gym or the local park.

Sounds like you might like a different job, what would you enjoy doing? Are there any classes you can take to help you move toward a different career?

I know it is sometimes easy to get caught up in the things we don't have, try flipping and looking at some things you do have: sobriety, a home, a job, an online community filled with people who are here to listen. I'm sure there are many other things you can add to that list.

I have only been sober for four and a half months, but I can tell you that each day sober gets better.

I agree with Dee about taking a look back at your old posts, I do that sometimes and it helps.

Hope day 39 for you brings smiles and plans for taking one step toward meeting new people or finding a new hobby/activity.

Looking forward to hearing from you tomorrow!!

least

Walking my dogs is a favorite activity of mine, and helps my sobriety by making me feel at peace.

samwitch

Hang in there. I'm in a very similar place but am just starting down the sober road. I have no family, no husband, no kids. But, I believe I can have a better life and you can too. You're 38 days in -that's awesome!

entropy1964

I'm sorry you're feeling so miserable. I do understand. I think many alcoholics, including myself, have done a fine job of breaking themselves down and isolating. I know for me, in order to recover, I cannot stay mired in my past. I know, that probably isn't what you want to hear. But for me the past keeps me depressed, sad, in shame, resentful. All the feelings that my addiction loves.....

I also have to remember not to compare my insides to other people's outsides. Really not compare myself at all. And envy? A killer.

You are early days. Try to be a little easier on yourself. Have you tried AA meetings? Meet ups? Smart recovery? You do have choices and options....when you're ready..

zlhzlh

Hi over forty, just wanted to say I read all of your post and find them a great help personally. I am that person you write about, has a great life, children, parents, loving husband, horses, dogs, great job........but I still get lonely ! I can't talk to anyone about how I truly feel. Some days I want to do the same, start drinking and never stop. But we made a choice......and we aren't going to give up right! Cus what's the point in ever being here if we do that ? I feel your pain, please please, get out and do a yoga group, or start running, write a book, anything to give you something to take your mind off the Times when you are alone x

AdelineRose

I'm so sorry you are hurting right now, but the longer you are sober the more changes you can make to make this life what you want out of it. It might not ever be "conventional" but it can bring you happiness, you can be content and find security but if you give up now you will never give your chance to be happy or feel satisfied in life, you know how the rest of your life will go if you go back to drinking, but you have no idea what it might be like if you continue to fight for your recovery!

Depression is VERY common in early sobriety, and although a little over a month sober feels like you have been sober for a long time, it isn't long enough for the depression to lift and for your mind and body to truly heal. I know we want things to improve drastically right away, but it just doesn't happen that way. Journaling, volunteering, finding a counselor you trust and can open up too, and going to meetings to meet other people so you can start building a base of friends can all be really helpful.

If the depression gets too overwhelming, then I would consider going to see a psychiatrist and finding out if it is at a point where medicine should be considered. St. John's Wart is a supplement that you can buy at any convenience store if you prefer going the all natural way instead of a pharmaceutical.

I hope you don't give up, things can truly only go up from here so there is nothing to lose.