I'm so miserable
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 467
Oh wow thank you I'm overwhelmed 
It's so nice to have people actually listen - I don't think anyone has heard what I've had to say in a really long time.
It means a lot x
I barely slept last night, so I'm going to be gentle with myself today.
But I do need to get out there in the world and connect with people.
I'm not really sure how but I guess like everyone said staying sober is going in the right direction.
It's so nice to have people actually listen - I don't think anyone has heard what I've had to say in a really long time.
It means a lot x
I barely slept last night, so I'm going to be gentle with myself today.
But I do need to get out there in the world and connect with people.
I'm not really sure how but I guess like everyone said staying sober is going in the right direction.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
I'm sorry you are feeling lonely, overforty. It is still early in sobriety - just over a month, so there hasn't been time for major life overhauls yet (well done on the 38 days though!).
One thing that can safely be said is that there's nothing in your life that's going to be made better by drinking. Your ability to meet someone and form a satisfying loving relationship, your work and living situation, your future financial position ... none of that is going to be improved by drinking.
Now that you are sober, it is time to start thinking about those things in your life that you wish to improve. It's actually an exciting time, for that very reason. You are intelligent and insightful. You have a job. That's a great basis upon which to start building a satisfying life. Stop worrying how you will live when you are old and start planning for it. Stop saying those things haven't been dealt with and deal with them!
I have read your previous posts and I have seen a fair amount of grit in them. I hope you understand these things are said with kindness.
Now you are sober, with all your wits about you, you can absolutely do it.
One thing that can safely be said is that there's nothing in your life that's going to be made better by drinking. Your ability to meet someone and form a satisfying loving relationship, your work and living situation, your future financial position ... none of that is going to be improved by drinking.
Now that you are sober, it is time to start thinking about those things in your life that you wish to improve. It's actually an exciting time, for that very reason. You are intelligent and insightful. You have a job. That's a great basis upon which to start building a satisfying life. Stop worrying how you will live when you are old and start planning for it. Stop saying those things haven't been dealt with and deal with them!
I have read your previous posts and I have seen a fair amount of grit in them. I hope you understand these things are said with kindness.
Now you are sober, with all your wits about you, you can absolutely do it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Some things are obvious to me from your post. You are smart, thoughtful, caring, insightful and sensitive. These are basically the most attractive qualities that I look for in people. Oh, and best of all, you are SOBER. But, I sense, you are shy. So people may not get to see these qualities right away.
Will you find your soul mate this week? Or this year? Maybe not. I didn't find mine until I was 45.
But keep putting yourself out there and give others a chance to see you like we do. Join clubs. Committees. Volunteer to help others less fortunate than us. Even if you don't meet your soul mate at these events, you will feel good knowing that you have helped others.
I hope you will keep posting and let us know how you are feeling. You are important to us.
Will you find your soul mate this week? Or this year? Maybe not. I didn't find mine until I was 45.
But keep putting yourself out there and give others a chance to see you like we do. Join clubs. Committees. Volunteer to help others less fortunate than us. Even if you don't meet your soul mate at these events, you will feel good knowing that you have helped others.
I hope you will keep posting and let us know how you are feeling. You are important to us.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
Hi there, a lot of wisdom shared here so I really don't have anything additional, just wanted to lend you my support as well. I do hope you continue your sober journey and explore the possibilities that grow from it. ☺
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Essex
Posts: 411
Do be proud of yourself for having the courage to open your heart, take a risk, and share what you have here. You have sparked off some very open & loving responses, which has been useful to many, myself included. Thank-you over-forty for your honesty.
Yes, me too - single, over-forty (nearly fifty!! how did that happen?!), no children, only one very good friend, who is not nearby; we see each other once or twice a month, email most days, a job I don't particularly like, which I do with as much patience and goodwill as I can muster day to day, conventionality all around at work, and yes, it gets on my nerves too sometimes, the taken for grantedness of it, that is not the life I have lived. I have no sage advice, only that, as you say, it isn't always easy.
And I recognise too how, when single, it is up to us to get out, and do stuff, and how hard I have found that when it's me, doing it for me, and that is someone I didn't, sometimes don't now, particularly like. On any given day that choice can feel like a freedom or liberation, or it can feel oppressive.
What sobriety continues to give me though is the gift of discernment - and being single, the opportunity to find out what I like, what I don't, what works and what doesn't. Yes, like you, sometimes I won't speak with anyone the whole weekend, but I am coming to know that this is a choice. I never have been very sociable, drunk or sober, and having moved home two years ago, I have not made a single friend locally yet.
But do you know, I don't mind. My life has previously been populated by friendships of a utilitarian or overly obsessive nature. This space in sobriety has provided respite - to learn that I need to be a friend to myself first, and to learn that I'm not even sure I know what friendship is. This is a good thing, even though it may not sound that way!!! ;-) My previous approach to aloneness was to rush headlong into the first prospect that presented itself, either in friendship terms or romantically, with usually very painful outcomes, not only for myself, but for the other folk involved.
So, thank God for space and aloneness :-) Now, I am yet to find the middle ground in all this, but patience, and a recognition that whatever is happening right now is meant to be happening, for the gift of seeing my life, even when that is painful, as it really is. Beyond that pain is opportunity - not the kind I may previously have dreamed off, of 'everything coming right' perhaps - but of being absolutely OK even when things don't work out as I intended (& they usually don;t :-)), and even if that okayness takes some time arriving. That's really something, because it means that outside circumstances matter less, and less, and have far less influence over how I experience my life. That's a gift I never expected.
Was so glad to read you were being gentle with yourself today. Be a good friend to you first, you are worth both that and your sobriety.
I enjoyed this, having rediscovered a love of reading and writing in sobriety, and thought you may like it......
Anita Brookner?s subversive message ? the courage of the single life deserves respect | Christina Patterson | Opinion | The Guardian
Take heart, and wish you well
Yes, me too - single, over-forty (nearly fifty!! how did that happen?!), no children, only one very good friend, who is not nearby; we see each other once or twice a month, email most days, a job I don't particularly like, which I do with as much patience and goodwill as I can muster day to day, conventionality all around at work, and yes, it gets on my nerves too sometimes, the taken for grantedness of it, that is not the life I have lived. I have no sage advice, only that, as you say, it isn't always easy.
And I recognise too how, when single, it is up to us to get out, and do stuff, and how hard I have found that when it's me, doing it for me, and that is someone I didn't, sometimes don't now, particularly like. On any given day that choice can feel like a freedom or liberation, or it can feel oppressive.
What sobriety continues to give me though is the gift of discernment - and being single, the opportunity to find out what I like, what I don't, what works and what doesn't. Yes, like you, sometimes I won't speak with anyone the whole weekend, but I am coming to know that this is a choice. I never have been very sociable, drunk or sober, and having moved home two years ago, I have not made a single friend locally yet.
But do you know, I don't mind. My life has previously been populated by friendships of a utilitarian or overly obsessive nature. This space in sobriety has provided respite - to learn that I need to be a friend to myself first, and to learn that I'm not even sure I know what friendship is. This is a good thing, even though it may not sound that way!!! ;-) My previous approach to aloneness was to rush headlong into the first prospect that presented itself, either in friendship terms or romantically, with usually very painful outcomes, not only for myself, but for the other folk involved.
So, thank God for space and aloneness :-) Now, I am yet to find the middle ground in all this, but patience, and a recognition that whatever is happening right now is meant to be happening, for the gift of seeing my life, even when that is painful, as it really is. Beyond that pain is opportunity - not the kind I may previously have dreamed off, of 'everything coming right' perhaps - but of being absolutely OK even when things don't work out as I intended (& they usually don;t :-)), and even if that okayness takes some time arriving. That's really something, because it means that outside circumstances matter less, and less, and have far less influence over how I experience my life. That's a gift I never expected.
Was so glad to read you were being gentle with yourself today. Be a good friend to you first, you are worth both that and your sobriety.
I enjoyed this, having rediscovered a love of reading and writing in sobriety, and thought you may like it......
Anita Brookner?s subversive message ? the courage of the single life deserves respect | Christina Patterson | Opinion | The Guardian
Take heart, and wish you well
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 467
The fact that you have all taken the time to respond has really made a difference to my day 
I don't want to sound overly dramatic but your kindness has made it possible for me to remain sober another day.
Thank you all so much
I don't want to sound overly dramatic but your kindness has made it possible for me to remain sober another day.
Thank you all so much
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Reality
Posts: 491
Hi Overforty, I am forty and I am getting divorce from somebody I really love. Alcohol destroyed my relationship with that person I love. No kids here either (thank God) beacuse it is painful enought all the **** and pain I put my husband thru too I dont need to ruin another human being life. I wish I were 38 days sober beacuse to tell you the thuth i dont know how I am going to accomplish this. Also I just started a new job and have missed out 3 days, why? never wake up hangover depression cowardice you name it.
but wait this is not one of my selfpity parties (I am a famous manipulador and self pitty indulger) no there is a point to this. point is no matter what you have or dont if you are an alcoholic and continue drinking you will lose it all. That it is way more painfull than never having any of these things you want in the firts place (soul mate kids career etc.) and then lose everything beacuse you are so out of control you dont even know what you are doing with your life.
hang in there and give me some hope i can be 38 days someday soon.
but wait this is not one of my selfpity parties (I am a famous manipulador and self pitty indulger) no there is a point to this. point is no matter what you have or dont if you are an alcoholic and continue drinking you will lose it all. That it is way more painfull than never having any of these things you want in the firts place (soul mate kids career etc.) and then lose everything beacuse you are so out of control you dont even know what you are doing with your life.
hang in there and give me some hope i can be 38 days someday soon.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by overforty 
I'm not sure if this post is to reach out for help or to just write down everything I'm feeling right now.
I've started to feel like there's no point for me to remain sober.
I'm on day 38.
The only thing I like about being sober is the obvious not being hungover - but everything else is the same apart from I find no pleasure in anything anymore.
Everything is magnified sober.
The fact that I am completely alone.
I am single, no children - my mum, dad, and sister are all dead and the rest of my family I'm not close to.
I have very few friends close by and I spend all of my time when I'm not working alone.
On Saturday I didn't speak to a single person - I popped out to the shops and had to come home because it was too painful to watch everyone out with friends and family enjoying their weekends.
All I do is work eat ( far too much sugar!) look at the internet/ films and sleep.
I'm not sure I want to prolong this life.
I don't have any interest in anything - or do I want to socialise with anyone.
I think people need other people and I'm not surprised that no one wants to be with me because I'm so miserable.
I worked with a woman today that is so conventional.
She has everything that women of my age are "supposed" to have - a husband, a house, 2 children and a circle of friends.
And she is completely harmless and means well but her constant chatter about her family makes me feel like ****!
It just brings to my attention even more everything I don't have.
I'm too old to have children now - and because I spent so much of my life drinking I never met that special person - and the boyfriends I did have I pushed away with my insane behaviour.
I live in a shared accommodation and have a terrible dead end job that brings me no joy.
I know that drinking did this.
But at least when I was drunk I was oblivious to the fact that my life ******* sucks!
Things like what will I do for a pension and what will I do when I can no longer work and don't own my own property have all started to pop up in my head because all of these things aren't dealt with.
They are real things that I have been blocking out.
Most people have a network of people to depend on and grow old with.
I have no one.
I just want to block it all out and kill my mind
I've started to feel like there's no point for me to remain sober.
I'm on day 38.
The only thing I like about being sober is the obvious not being hungover - but everything else is the same apart from I find no pleasure in anything anymore.
Everything is magnified sober.
The fact that I am completely alone.
I am single, no children - my mum, dad, and sister are all dead and the rest of my family I'm not close to.
I have very few friends close by and I spend all of my time when I'm not working alone.
On Saturday I didn't speak to a single person - I popped out to the shops and had to come home because it was too painful to watch everyone out with friends and family enjoying their weekends.
All I do is work eat ( far too much sugar!) look at the internet/ films and sleep.
I'm not sure I want to prolong this life.
I don't have any interest in anything - or do I want to socialise with anyone.
I think people need other people and I'm not surprised that no one wants to be with me because I'm so miserable.
I worked with a woman today that is so conventional.
She has everything that women of my age are "supposed" to have - a husband, a house, 2 children and a circle of friends.
And she is completely harmless and means well but her constant chatter about her family makes me feel like ****!
It just brings to my attention even more everything I don't have.
I'm too old to have children now - and because I spent so much of my life drinking I never met that special person - and the boyfriends I did have I pushed away with my insane behaviour.
I live in a shared accommodation and have a terrible dead end job that brings me no joy.
I know that drinking did this.
But at least when I was drunk I was oblivious to the fact that my life ******* sucks!
Things like what will I do for a pension and what will I do when I can no longer work and don't own my own property have all started to pop up in my head because all of these things aren't dealt with.
They are real things that I have been blocking out.
Most people have a network of people to depend on and grow old with.
I have no one.
I just want to block it all out and kill my mind
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
Awww, you can always come talk with us! I'm sorry you're feeling depressed and lonely. That's a horrible way to feel. I read somewhere that exercise is almost as good as an anti-depressant and that volunteering actually makes us happy. Making the world a better place for (insert your cause here) provides so much satisfaction and joy. Maybe you're too depressed to even get off the sofa to do that. If so, how about seeing a doctor and explaining your feelings? He/she could offer some good suggestions. ((((((((((Hugs))))))))))
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Lehigh valley PA
Posts: 251
Originally Posted by overforty
I'm not sure if this post is to reach out for help or to just write down everything I'm feeling right now.
I've started to feel like there's no point for me to remain sober.
I'm on day 38.
The only thing I like about being sober is the obvious not being hungover - but everything else is the same apart from I find no pleasure in anything anymore.
Everything is magnified sober.
The fact that I am completely alone.
I am single, no children - my mum, dad, and sister are all dead and the rest of my family I'm not close to.
I have very few friends close by and I spend all of my time when I'm not working alone.
On Saturday I didn't speak to a single person - I popped out to the shops and had to come home because it was too painful to watch everyone out with friends and family enjoying their weekends.
All I do is work eat ( far too much sugar!) look at the internet/ films and sleep.
I'm not sure I want to prolong this life.
I don't have any interest in anything - or do I want to socialise with anyone.
I think people need other people and I'm not surprised that no one wants to be with me because I'm so miserable.
I worked with a woman today that is so conventional.
She has everything that women of my age are "supposed" to have - a husband, a house, 2 children and a circle of friends.
And she is completely harmless and means well but her constant chatter about her family makes me feel like ****!
It just brings to my attention even more everything I don't have.
I'm too old to have children now - and because I spent so much of my life drinking I never met that special person - and the boyfriends I did have I pushed away with my insane behaviour.
I live in a shared accommodation and have a terrible dead end job that brings me no joy.
I know that drinking did this.
But at least when I was drunk I was oblivious to the fact that my life ******* sucks!
Things like what will I do for a pension and what will I do when I can no longer work and don't own my own property have all started to pop up in my head because all of these things aren't dealt with.
They are real things that I have been blocking out.
Most people have a network of people to depend on and grow old with.
I have no one.
I just want to block it all out and kill my mind
I've started to feel like there's no point for me to remain sober.
I'm on day 38.
The only thing I like about being sober is the obvious not being hungover - but everything else is the same apart from I find no pleasure in anything anymore.
Everything is magnified sober.
The fact that I am completely alone.
I am single, no children - my mum, dad, and sister are all dead and the rest of my family I'm not close to.
I have very few friends close by and I spend all of my time when I'm not working alone.
On Saturday I didn't speak to a single person - I popped out to the shops and had to come home because it was too painful to watch everyone out with friends and family enjoying their weekends.
All I do is work eat ( far too much sugar!) look at the internet/ films and sleep.
I'm not sure I want to prolong this life.
I don't have any interest in anything - or do I want to socialise with anyone.
I think people need other people and I'm not surprised that no one wants to be with me because I'm so miserable.
I worked with a woman today that is so conventional.
She has everything that women of my age are "supposed" to have - a husband, a house, 2 children and a circle of friends.
And she is completely harmless and means well but her constant chatter about her family makes me feel like ****!
It just brings to my attention even more everything I don't have.
I'm too old to have children now - and because I spent so much of my life drinking I never met that special person - and the boyfriends I did have I pushed away with my insane behaviour.
I live in a shared accommodation and have a terrible dead end job that brings me no joy.
I know that drinking did this.
But at least when I was drunk I was oblivious to the fact that my life ******* sucks!
Things like what will I do for a pension and what will I do when I can no longer work and don't own my own property have all started to pop up in my head because all of these things aren't dealt with.
They are real things that I have been blocking out.
Most people have a network of people to depend on and grow old with.
I have no one.
I just want to block it all out and kill my mind
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 579
Congrats on your days sober, not an easy thing. I'm over 54 and have some of the same feelings/problems. My life has always had it's up and downs. Right now isn't exactly an up time. Very true that drinking will not help and probably make things worse. It's hard to say what 161 days without a drink has done for me as far as the "macro" problems you mentioned. I do feel and look better. Still have bad days but I don't think mentally they are as hard on me. I use to drink and forget my problems for a day but they always seemed worse the next day and I was more depressed about them.
If drinking has gotten us to this point it seems obvious more of it isn't going to help. I desperately want a better life. One Day at a Time-hopefully things will change.
cheers
Chris
If drinking has gotten us to this point it seems obvious more of it isn't going to help. I desperately want a better life. One Day at a Time-hopefully things will change.
cheers
Chris
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 579
overforty- I regret not having children like a lot of other things. I don't dwell on it has it does no good and is a waste of time/energy. At 45 I had a broken down truck, no job and poor prospects. AT 46 my financial situation started to change by 52 I had what's called a retirement account-who would have thought? Life is strange and your fortunes can change radically. Sounds like a fortune cookie but in my case it's true. Last year girlfriend dumped me, got a DWI and a low paying job-kinda a down swing. Quit drinking 161 days ago-trying to move the pendulum back.
The sun will come up again tomorrow.
Hang in there.
Chris
The sun will come up again tomorrow.
Hang in there.
Chris
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Hi Overforty,
Just checking in to see how you are doing. Hope you are starting to feel a little better. The weekend is coming up, have you looked into any clubs, groups, or classes in your area?
Sending lots of love your way.
Just checking in to see how you are doing. Hope you are starting to feel a little better. The weekend is coming up, have you looked into any clubs, groups, or classes in your area?
Sending lots of love your way.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
What a good thread with a wealth of compassion and wisdom in all the replies. So glad I've read all this today, it's really helped me (and I'm sure others). Just want to add my love and encouragement and say big thanks for sharing, even as you're feeling so desperate, reaching out like this has helped others too.
xx
xx
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