This time..
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 772
You may never be able to just have a few and go home. I know for myself I can't do it. Today I accwpt that I cannot drink in moderation and live a wonderful sober life. You say that you don't like to lose, well why don't you stop losing and try sobriety? The battle with alcohol and drugs for me is a losing battle and I'm not going to waste my time. I will lose everytime I use alcohol and drugs. That's just the way it is and that is okay with me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 16
You've been kind with all replies. And I really want to say something back, but I don't know what..
My whole life-situation is quite depressing now. Finally realized I can't go on being a drunk just to forget about life. But it's hard when you're getting slapped in the face with it every day, haha.
Anyhow. I've always gone against the grain. If people say that's the way it is, I have to try it first.
Just have to take one day at a time. Today I was supposed to meet a friend. Playing with fire... That didn't happen because I was lazy, but still.. my mind went on with "oh well, might as well just go down there and try out if it works, to go home early"... Hehe, there we go..
Then I remembered that I'm not supposed to drink alone. So.. here I am.. That bastard in the back of my head is still talking to me saying I should get down there, just for two quick glasses.
My whole life-situation is quite depressing now. Finally realized I can't go on being a drunk just to forget about life. But it's hard when you're getting slapped in the face with it every day, haha.
Anyhow. I've always gone against the grain. If people say that's the way it is, I have to try it first.
Just have to take one day at a time. Today I was supposed to meet a friend. Playing with fire... That didn't happen because I was lazy, but still.. my mind went on with "oh well, might as well just go down there and try out if it works, to go home early"... Hehe, there we go..
Then I remembered that I'm not supposed to drink alone. So.. here I am.. That bastard in the back of my head is still talking to me saying I should get down there, just for two quick glasses.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 16
I'm bored as hell. Bored and lonely. The "obvious" solution would be to go out and at least find somebody to talk with. But every time I've done that it's just sort of worth nothing... Just an expensive band-aid which only works for a very short period. And the day after I always regret.
Shittyness. Even though expected. It's weird when you realize how much time you really have when most of it isn't spent drinking. Now I have to fill that time with something productive.
Shittyness. Even though expected. It's weird when you realize how much time you really have when most of it isn't spent drinking. Now I have to fill that time with something productive.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 773
Originally Posted by Someonestupid 
I'm bored as hell. Bored and lonely. The "obvious" solution would be to go out and at least find somebody to talk with. But every time I've done that it's just sort of worth nothing... Just an expensive band-aid which only works for a very short period. And the day after I always regret. Shittyness. Even though expected. It's weird when you realize how much time you really have when most of it isn't spent drinking. Now I have to fill that time with something productive.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by ICanDoBetter
in my first week or so I read and slept and meditated a lot. Then I found puzzles and got lost in them for a while.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 773
Originally Posted by Someonestupid
Yeah. I should try to read more. I do read, but I get easily bored.. Physical training is my way. I was very close to just go out and grab a few, but it would have been extremely stupid.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
As long as you see boredom as an inevitability to drinking you're going to be in trouble cos, as you say, noone can be occupied 24 hours a day.
Maybe it's not actually boredom at all, but the discomfort you feel being with yourself, sober?
Many of us faced that. I know I did. It does get better - I foiund I wasn;t such a bad bloke after all.
The cravings will get easier to manage too - every time you get through one without drinking.
They will pass
I recommend this technique, called urge surfing too
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
D
Maybe it's not actually boredom at all, but the discomfort you feel being with yourself, sober?
Many of us faced that. I know I did. It does get better - I foiund I wasn;t such a bad bloke after all.
The cravings will get easier to manage too - every time you get through one without drinking.
They will pass
I recommend this technique, called urge surfing too
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 773
Originally Posted by Someonestupid
I do all that. But I can't do it for every hour I'm awake. It doesn't take much boredom for me to just say screw it, I'm off.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 773
I had a thought ... Bare with me as I work through it. I have two kids who will often say "I'm bored! There's nothing to do!" When u tell them to turn the tv off. They're surrounded with a huge yard and toys and books and art supplies and a world of options, but because they are all consumed with the one thing they can't have... They claim to be bored.
And yet before long they are playing together and using their imaginations and have forgotten about being bored.
You could easily substitute drinking for the television. It isn't the only thing... But it's the one thing you can't have and it is forefront on your mind... And you must accept that until said time that it isn't anymore because you've found that other thing that fills the void in a positive way.
And yet before long they are playing together and using their imaginations and have forgotten about being bored.
You could easily substitute drinking for the television. It isn't the only thing... But it's the one thing you can't have and it is forefront on your mind... And you must accept that until said time that it isn't anymore because you've found that other thing that fills the void in a positive way.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi Someonestupid. I'm so glad you joined us to talk about what's going on.
I felt just the same when I first joined SR. I knew drinking was putting me in danger and causing havoc in my life. I also couldn't imagine living without it. It had once been fun & relaxing - a way to celebrate & forget about troubles. In the end, I found myself relying on it every day. Despite using willpower & determination, I can't remember one time when I stuck to my plan to just have 'one or two'. One drink always led to an unexpected outcome - sometimes a life threatening one. I had no choice but to stop all together - it was the only way to stay safe and sane. I do understand how you're feeling right now - and I hope you'll stay with us.
I felt just the same when I first joined SR. I knew drinking was putting me in danger and causing havoc in my life. I also couldn't imagine living without it. It had once been fun & relaxing - a way to celebrate & forget about troubles. In the end, I found myself relying on it every day. Despite using willpower & determination, I can't remember one time when I stuck to my plan to just have 'one or two'. One drink always led to an unexpected outcome - sometimes a life threatening one. I had no choice but to stop all together - it was the only way to stay safe and sane. I do understand how you're feeling right now - and I hope you'll stay with us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by Dee74
As long as you see boredom as an inevitability to drinking you're going to be in trouble cos, as you say, noone can be occupied 24 hours a day.
Maybe it's not actually boredom at all, but the discomfort you feel being with yourself, sober?
Many of us faced that. I know I did. It does get better - I foiund I wasn;t such a bad bloke after all.
The cravings will get easier to manage too - every time you get through one without drinking.
They will pass
I recommend this technique, called urge surfing too
D
Maybe it's not actually boredom at all, but the discomfort you feel being with yourself, sober?
Many of us faced that. I know I did. It does get better - I foiund I wasn;t such a bad bloke after all.
The cravings will get easier to manage too - every time you get through one without drinking.
They will pass
I recommend this technique, called urge surfing too
D
Yup. That's what I'm thinking. If I can stay away for enough time, and normalize this new sober-thing, that will eventually become the new "normal". Every new habit takes a while to get to stick, right.
And the best part is that my mind isn't such a mess anymore. More rational and not driven by these up-and-down-feelings and doing/saying stuff which hasn't been thought through. It's only been four days but oh man my body and mind feels like a champions' already comparing to how it was.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by ICanDoBetter
I had a thought ... Bare with me as I work through it. I have two kids who will often say "I'm bored! There's nothing to do!" When u tell them to turn the tv off. They're surrounded with a huge yard and toys and books and art supplies and a world of options, but because they are all consumed with the one thing they can't have... They claim to be bored.
And yet before long they are playing together and using their imaginations and have forgotten about being bored.
You could easily substitute drinking for the television. It isn't the only thing... But it's the one thing you can't have and it is forefront on your mind... And you must accept that until said time that it isn't anymore because you've found that other thing that fills the void in a positive way.
And yet before long they are playing together and using their imaginations and have forgotten about being bored.
You could easily substitute drinking for the television. It isn't the only thing... But it's the one thing you can't have and it is forefront on your mind... And you must accept that until said time that it isn't anymore because you've found that other thing that fills the void in a positive way.
You wake up from a long mental coma, and you just have to adjust. The mind didn't care for all those "toys in the yard", it just had one thing on its mind.. So it takes awhile to open up the eyes, look around, think, and understand that there are unlimited options. It's just about breaking that habit, the routine about doing "nothing".
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 16
I did something stupid. For some reason I broke the not-drinking-alone rule and went to the pub and got a beer. When that was empty I took the bus home again. I don't know.. I guess it was a mix of I want a beer, and I want to prove that I can have one beer and go home.
But. It gave me nothing, just kind of disapointed I broke my rule. But, on the positive side, I didn't make a huge fuzz out of it for my own sake, and I proved that it was just a waste of time. I was close to ordering another one though, but checked the bus-tables before I ordered and saw one was leaving in a couple of minutes.
Mixed feelings, but no cravings for more. I just accepted that this was it. I'm leaving.
But. It gave me nothing, just kind of disapointed I broke my rule. But, on the positive side, I didn't make a huge fuzz out of it for my own sake, and I proved that it was just a waste of time. I was close to ordering another one though, but checked the bus-tables before I ordered and saw one was leaving in a couple of minutes.
Mixed feelings, but no cravings for more. I just accepted that this was it. I'm leaving.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Someonestupid
I did something stupid. For some reason I broke the not-drinking-alone rule and went to the pub and got a beer.
I think as long as drinking is a option, in some form, regardless of the restrictions you put on that activity, you will be breaking your self-imposed rules.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome to SR Someonestupid. I know I can relate to wanting to be able to drink socially. But, I am an alcoholic and we are wired differently than normal drinkers. Normal drinkers don't have to plan out just having one or two then wanting to be the first person to leave the party. They just get up and leave when it is time to leave, no planning, no after thought and no thinking of drinking more when they get home.
I don't believe you are going to find any answers in moderation. Not the answers you are searching for anyway. Before I quit, I was so afraid of the sober me. After 20 years of very heavy, daily drinking I had no idea how to approach anything without drinking. And I mean anything, holidays, work, play, church events, kids school events, birthdays, public and private events, day or night... I never took a day off. That's how I am wired.
Now, I have found happiness without drinking. That's not to say I am financially well off, or every day is roses because it isn't. But every day, I wake up with a clear head, I know I will be making my own decisions and not being a servant to alcohol.
In my opinion, if you have to think this much about moderation then you need to have a serious talk with yourself about quitting outright. You're just wasting your time until you realize alcohol is an empty solution. It won't provide you with any answers, it won't help you in any form or fashion, it won't be there for you when you need a friend, it won't make your life any better by being with you.
The next time you want to go and test just having one drink, remember what you said...
But. It gave me nothing. If it gives you nothing, then you don't need it in your life. But, I think you already know this and are trying desperately to rationalize a way to continue to drink. This isn't a put-down by any means. I tried to rationalize for the last 10 years I drank. I could always come up with a good reason to continue to drink, but I was never truly happy until I quit for good.
Glad you found us Someonestupid.
I don't believe you are going to find any answers in moderation. Not the answers you are searching for anyway. Before I quit, I was so afraid of the sober me. After 20 years of very heavy, daily drinking I had no idea how to approach anything without drinking. And I mean anything, holidays, work, play, church events, kids school events, birthdays, public and private events, day or night... I never took a day off. That's how I am wired.
Now, I have found happiness without drinking. That's not to say I am financially well off, or every day is roses because it isn't. But every day, I wake up with a clear head, I know I will be making my own decisions and not being a servant to alcohol.
In my opinion, if you have to think this much about moderation then you need to have a serious talk with yourself about quitting outright. You're just wasting your time until you realize alcohol is an empty solution. It won't provide you with any answers, it won't help you in any form or fashion, it won't be there for you when you need a friend, it won't make your life any better by being with you.
The next time you want to go and test just having one drink, remember what you said...
But. It gave me nothing. If it gives you nothing, then you don't need it in your life. But, I think you already know this and are trying desperately to rationalize a way to continue to drink. This isn't a put-down by any means. I tried to rationalize for the last 10 years I drank. I could always come up with a good reason to continue to drink, but I was never truly happy until I quit for good.
Glad you found us Someonestupid.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
So drinking with someone is okay?
I think as long as drinking is a option, in some form, regardless of the restrictions you put on that activity, you will be breaking your self-imposed rules.
I think as long as drinking is a option, in some form, regardless of the restrictions you put on that activity, you will be breaking your self-imposed rules.
I know this sounds idiotic. But that's where I'd want to start.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
I don't know. Trying to have one drink - I never understood that concept, myself. One drink all by itself never seemed very fun to me. My husband claims to love the actual taste/bite of an IPA, but I always wanted to "go there".
Sort of like this - he says it much better than I can:
"I always drank, from when it was legal for me to drink. And there was never a time for me when the goal wasn't to get as hammered as I could possibly afford to. I never understood social drinking, that's always seemed to me like kissing your sister."
STEPHEN KING, interview, Sept. 14, 2000
Anyway, if you feel like this (and you'll have to get really honest with yourself and really look hard at your drinking and patterns) - then ultimately "moderate" drinking won't be fulfilling at all. And you already see how destructive drinking to excess (drinking alcoholically) is - so it's a matter of time before you're faced with a choice: get busy living (sober) or get busy dying. That's what I felt, anyway.
Sort of like this - he says it much better than I can:
"I always drank, from when it was legal for me to drink. And there was never a time for me when the goal wasn't to get as hammered as I could possibly afford to. I never understood social drinking, that's always seemed to me like kissing your sister."
STEPHEN KING, interview, Sept. 14, 2000
Anyway, if you feel like this (and you'll have to get really honest with yourself and really look hard at your drinking and patterns) - then ultimately "moderate" drinking won't be fulfilling at all. And you already see how destructive drinking to excess (drinking alcoholically) is - so it's a matter of time before you're faced with a choice: get busy living (sober) or get busy dying. That's what I felt, anyway.
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