Day 10 and still trying to get there
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
Day 10 and still trying to get there
Sorry it's Sunday and I hit the double digit make with day 10. Trying to stay out of trouble. Yesterday was an eventually day and not a good one to end. I went to see an advanced screening of Angry Birds and then the gym. Went to see someone I know to talk about my problems and which help a little. After half way done with the day someone that I would stop all together call me about going to dinner with a bunch of friends of his. I told him that I was not going to bars anymore and wanted to keep it in the done low for now on.
He told me that it's just dinnervous and he said that he would give me the money he owe me. Well like always it started out okay but ended like always. After dinner, some of the people wanted to go to the bar which I told him no. I'm not going and he didn't care. I told him ahead of time that I was not going to that stuff anymore and he didn't care and I think he enjoys that I get upset in the matter.
At the whole time at the bar, (didn't have my car to go home) I was in the back of the bar upset and p*ss off and wanting to go home. After 4 hours there, which I could not get my mad face off we left and he made an excuse not pay me the moment he owe me.
The lesson to my story is when he calls me I'm going to ask if he has my money and if he does not then I don't have any reason to do with him. There are a lot of garage people in this world why do they flock to me. 😢
At lease I'm at day 10.
He told me that it's just dinnervous and he said that he would give me the money he owe me. Well like always it started out okay but ended like always. After dinner, some of the people wanted to go to the bar which I told him no. I'm not going and he didn't care. I told him ahead of time that I was not going to that stuff anymore and he didn't care and I think he enjoys that I get upset in the matter.
At the whole time at the bar, (didn't have my car to go home) I was in the back of the bar upset and p*ss off and wanting to go home. After 4 hours there, which I could not get my mad face off we left and he made an excuse not pay me the moment he owe me.
The lesson to my story is when he calls me I'm going to ask if he has my money and if he does not then I don't have any reason to do with him. There are a lot of garage people in this world why do they flock to me. 😢
At lease I'm at day 10.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
How much does he owe you...
My wife used to loan people money and get mad when they don't pay it back...
She finally learned after her sister borrowed 25k $. She never paid it back.
I think she learned now.
If you loan someone money, don't expect it back...
My wife used to loan people money and get mad when they don't pay it back...
She finally learned after her sister borrowed 25k $. She never paid it back.
I think she learned now.
If you loan someone money, don't expect it back...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
Money is not worth losing your sobriety over. He is not a true friend, a true friend would have understood why you didn't want to go out and would have said he would drop off the money, mail the money, or just give it to your another day during the day and not at night where drinking is involved.
When I got sober all of a sudden everyone had "a free" shot of heroin that they would spot me or wanted to give me. Addicts and alcoholics have a very hard time when someone in their group gets sober. As long as everyone they know is using and drinking and doing the same thing as them then they can rationalize the behavior and not have to question whether they need help or not. You saying that you quit drinking threatened his ability to claim that everyone was just like him. He bribed you to go out by saying he had your money, dragged you into a compromising situation, bought himself drinks for four hours, and then didn't even pay you in the end anyway. He had money to flaunt drinking in your face but not to pay you back, I would cut my losses and put him and everyone else in that group behind me.
Some battles are just not worth it. When I was actively using I loved confrontation, I loved being a bitch, and I loved just being a straight jerk just for the hell of it. Now I am the opposite, I don't hold onto people, I no longer feel the need to prove myself to others or to defend my beliefs or actions, and I pick which battles are worth it and which just plain aren't. I have changed my phone number and completely cut off everyone that I knew so they can no longer poison my life anymore with their drugs, alcohol, drama, and negativity.
Take care of yourself, relapsing is not worth any amount of money.
When I got sober all of a sudden everyone had "a free" shot of heroin that they would spot me or wanted to give me. Addicts and alcoholics have a very hard time when someone in their group gets sober. As long as everyone they know is using and drinking and doing the same thing as them then they can rationalize the behavior and not have to question whether they need help or not. You saying that you quit drinking threatened his ability to claim that everyone was just like him. He bribed you to go out by saying he had your money, dragged you into a compromising situation, bought himself drinks for four hours, and then didn't even pay you in the end anyway. He had money to flaunt drinking in your face but not to pay you back, I would cut my losses and put him and everyone else in that group behind me.
Some battles are just not worth it. When I was actively using I loved confrontation, I loved being a bitch, and I loved just being a straight jerk just for the hell of it. Now I am the opposite, I don't hold onto people, I no longer feel the need to prove myself to others or to defend my beliefs or actions, and I pick which battles are worth it and which just plain aren't. I have changed my phone number and completely cut off everyone that I knew so they can no longer poison my life anymore with their drugs, alcohol, drama, and negativity.
Take care of yourself, relapsing is not worth any amount of money.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Alcoholics are like crabs. As one starts trying to climb out of the basket, the others tend to try to claw them back in.
In my early sobriety I learned that I couldn't expect my old drinking buddies to be the ones to help me get sober. Thankfully there was this place and AA to find people who would help me, and I needed to stay out of slippery places, and away from slippery people. My plan helped me to do just that, as well as avoid the HALT triggers ( Hunger-Anger-Lonely-Tired ).
I too attracted that kind of person. After a while sober I discovered two main reasons for this. One being, much to my horror, that like attracts like. And while I was drinking I WAS one of those people. I'd surrounded myself with people who helped me normalise and justify my own behaviour. The second reason was that I had codependent tendencies, which meant that I was easy to manipulate. If you think the second may be true for you as well (many I've met it AA have also been codies) then the CoDa (codependent anon) handbook or meetings might help you understand and be proactive about this.
Early sobriety is a pretty intense learning journey. Our feelings are raw, and we feel tired, emotional, and pretty confused some of the time. I'd suggest making a plan that helps you to surround yourself with people who can and will support you, and can help you plan ahead of how to stay out of slippery places and away from those slippery people.
Hope day 11 is better than day 10.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery.
In my early sobriety I learned that I couldn't expect my old drinking buddies to be the ones to help me get sober. Thankfully there was this place and AA to find people who would help me, and I needed to stay out of slippery places, and away from slippery people. My plan helped me to do just that, as well as avoid the HALT triggers ( Hunger-Anger-Lonely-Tired ).
I too attracted that kind of person. After a while sober I discovered two main reasons for this. One being, much to my horror, that like attracts like. And while I was drinking I WAS one of those people. I'd surrounded myself with people who helped me normalise and justify my own behaviour. The second reason was that I had codependent tendencies, which meant that I was easy to manipulate. If you think the second may be true for you as well (many I've met it AA have also been codies) then the CoDa (codependent anon) handbook or meetings might help you understand and be proactive about this.
Early sobriety is a pretty intense learning journey. Our feelings are raw, and we feel tired, emotional, and pretty confused some of the time. I'd suggest making a plan that helps you to surround yourself with people who can and will support you, and can help you plan ahead of how to stay out of slippery places and away from those slippery people.
Hope day 11 is better than day 10.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery.
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