WEEKENDER 14th -15th of may 2016 all welcome Part 2
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Thank you for your insight, Mecanix.
Thought I mostly disagree - as applied to my perception.
Actually, in my case it's the other way around. My depression stems from me Not wanting anything. I don't care. Nothing inspires "Hell Yes!:.
And it depresses me. Its not the way to live. I know how to survive, but I have no idea how to live.
Wanting and wishing is not that bad. At all.As far as it involves growing and getting out of rut. THere are different levels of wanting and wishing - it' pre-requisite for an action.
Shiny things? No. Long gone are that times.
More of freedom to do things that allow me to break from comforting grounding force as often as possible so that I can gain experience which opens up new sides of myself and develop the hidden features of who I am and I have no idea of yet.
Wishing to shake off this freaking fear to make a mistake and screw up. Be genuinely bold and ambitious so that I am able to channel my natural need to dare in the right direction and transform it into reality of value and avoid for this natural force to be caught into surrounding traps of fake boldness which the market offers me. Boldness earned, not purchased.
I strongly believe that lack of healthy ambition can be as devastating and making a cult of it. When I dont dare I mask my fear and passivity with fake gratitude.
What do I want?
I want to be accepted for who I am - and it requires to know who I am, and I still have a vague idea about that.
I am still in painful process of disecting myself from my past and fighting off the BS belief that my birth family defines who I am.
Which leads to we wishing for an utopian reality where people stop asking me about who are my parents, ubringing, etc., and pay more attention of what I am doing now.
I strongly want to be able to say "F**** You" to some "well-intended" person who drops some comment like "But your parents will help you ? They are gone already. Oh, that's bad". I want to stop chocking myself with "fake understanding".
Suppression leads to depression.
I want to act as crazy as it gets and break out of "no problem girl" image . I want to be a problem. Solve me. No?
That is what I want. But I am scared.
Is it achievable? I dont know.
Will it be better to forget about it? Absolutely NO. Hell NO!
Hell, Ive just found my "Hell NO!"
Fight to convert my strength to endure misery to strength to make bold things and dare - that will make my life worth living.
Ah, I slipped into seriousness again.
Some silly things for a serious girl? Please?
Thought I mostly disagree - as applied to my perception.
Actually, in my case it's the other way around. My depression stems from me Not wanting anything. I don't care. Nothing inspires "Hell Yes!:.
And it depresses me. Its not the way to live. I know how to survive, but I have no idea how to live.
Wanting and wishing is not that bad. At all.As far as it involves growing and getting out of rut. THere are different levels of wanting and wishing - it' pre-requisite for an action.
Shiny things? No. Long gone are that times.
More of freedom to do things that allow me to break from comforting grounding force as often as possible so that I can gain experience which opens up new sides of myself and develop the hidden features of who I am and I have no idea of yet.
Wishing to shake off this freaking fear to make a mistake and screw up. Be genuinely bold and ambitious so that I am able to channel my natural need to dare in the right direction and transform it into reality of value and avoid for this natural force to be caught into surrounding traps of fake boldness which the market offers me. Boldness earned, not purchased.
I strongly believe that lack of healthy ambition can be as devastating and making a cult of it. When I dont dare I mask my fear and passivity with fake gratitude.
What do I want?
I want to be accepted for who I am - and it requires to know who I am, and I still have a vague idea about that.
I am still in painful process of disecting myself from my past and fighting off the BS belief that my birth family defines who I am.
Which leads to we wishing for an utopian reality where people stop asking me about who are my parents, ubringing, etc., and pay more attention of what I am doing now.
I strongly want to be able to say "F**** You" to some "well-intended" person who drops some comment like "But your parents will help you ? They are gone already. Oh, that's bad". I want to stop chocking myself with "fake understanding".
Suppression leads to depression.
I want to act as crazy as it gets and break out of "no problem girl" image . I want to be a problem. Solve me. No?
That is what I want. But I am scared.
Is it achievable? I dont know.
Will it be better to forget about it? Absolutely NO. Hell NO!
Hell, Ive just found my "Hell NO!"
Fight to convert my strength to endure misery to strength to make bold things and dare - that will make my life worth living.
Ah, I slipped into seriousness again.
Some silly things for a serious girl? Please?
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Originally Posted by MidnightBlue 
More of freedom to do things that allow me to break from comforting grounding force as often as possible so that I can gain experience which opens up new sides of myself and develop the hidden features of who I am and I have no idea of yet. Wishing to shake off this freaking fear to make a mistake and screw up. Be genuinely bold and ambitious so that I am able to channel my natural need to dare in the right direction and transform it into reality of value and avoid for this natural force to be caught into surrounding traps of fake boldness which the market offers me. Boldness earned, not purchased. I strongly believe that lack of healthy ambition can be as devastating and making a cult of it. When I dont dare I mask my fear and passivity with fake gratitude. What do I want? I want to be accepted for who I am - and it requires to know who I am, and I still have a vague idea about that. I am still in painful process of disecting myself from my past and fighting off the BS belief that my birth family defines who I am. Which leads to we wishing for an utopian reality where people stop asking me about who are my parents, ubringing, etc., and pay more attention of what I am doing now. I strongly want to be able to say "F**** You" to some "well-intended" person who drops some comment like "But your parents will help you ? They are gone already. Oh, that's bad". I want to stop chocking myself with "fake understanding". Suppression leads to depression. I want to act as crazy as it gets and break out of "no problem girl" image . I want to be a problem. Solve me. No? That is what I want. But I am scared. Is it achievable? I dont know. Will it be better to forget about it? Absolutely NO. Hell NO! Hell, Ive just found my "Hell NO!" Fight to convert my strength to endure misery to strength to make bold things and dare - that will make my life worth living. Ah, I slipped into seriousness again. Some silly things for a serious girl? Please?
Silly stuff? Yes, please. Funny movies and TV shows. Having friends who say stupid stuff to make you laugh. For me, playing with my granddaughter on her level. Little things like that. It all helps.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Trees - that is one billion dollar queston - What is holding me back?
I think that if I dare and make a bold step, I will eventually , piece by piece, find out who I am . And what if I dont like that person? And there will be no way back. Point of no return. No delusions to hide my head in. And that is scary.
I think that if I dare and make a bold step, I will eventually , piece by piece, find out who I am . And what if I dont like that person? And there will be no way back. Point of no return. No delusions to hide my head in. And that is scary.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Happy Birthday SW! I hope your sore muscles go away for your birthday.
MB, I get some of what you are saying and understand. Don't have an answer for you though because I'm in the same boat. Too serious and little fun/spontaneous joy. Everything examined thru the microscope.
Mec, I'm sorry you're sick. I hope you feel better.
Weas. If the boy's mom can't or won't buy him shoes, that's heartbreaking. Maybe it's not the whole story though. My son and nephew were playing with my son's scooter yesterday, with the broken handle. My son has shoes but they look like he garbage picked them. I bought him a new pair which he absolutely refused to wear and then "lost" even though they were exactly the same as the old pair. His socks have massive holes in them. Refuses to wear the new socks without holes. Kids do funny things. If you want, check around for charities that provide clothing to kids. Or contact the school in that area and explain what you saw and ask if there's s need? Admiring that kids new scooter and his skill and smile was a great thing.
Back to work Monday. Reading here helped me shake my blues a little. Have a lovely day
MB, I get some of what you are saying and understand. Don't have an answer for you though because I'm in the same boat. Too serious and little fun/spontaneous joy. Everything examined thru the microscope.
Mec, I'm sorry you're sick. I hope you feel better.
Weas. If the boy's mom can't or won't buy him shoes, that's heartbreaking. Maybe it's not the whole story though. My son and nephew were playing with my son's scooter yesterday, with the broken handle. My son has shoes but they look like he garbage picked them. I bought him a new pair which he absolutely refused to wear and then "lost" even though they were exactly the same as the old pair. His socks have massive holes in them. Refuses to wear the new socks without holes. Kids do funny things. If you want, check around for charities that provide clothing to kids. Or contact the school in that area and explain what you saw and ask if there's s need? Admiring that kids new scooter and his skill and smile was a great thing.
Back to work Monday. Reading here helped me shake my blues a little. Have a lovely day
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
inny McWiggleson.
LB, I love Cat Stevens...or whatever his name is now. I had that album. When I was 15 I ran away from home for a few months and that album reminds me of that time. Good adventure in the grown-up world...I wasn't ready for it, though.
Like, the only way I ate was if the fishermen/women gave me fish. Thankfully I lived in SoFla, so there was a lot of fruit foraging and avocados and coconuts.
Good times!! You can live on next to nuthin' if it's warm.
LB, I love Cat Stevens...or whatever his name is now. I had that album. When I was 15 I ran away from home for a few months and that album reminds me of that time. Good adventure in the grown-up world...I wasn't ready for it, though.
Like, the only way I ate was if the fishermen/women gave me fish. Thankfully I lived in SoFla, so there was a lot of fruit foraging and avocados and coconuts. Good times!! You can live on next to nuthin' if it's warm.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
I'm very disappointed right now. You know how you see something at the store that looks delicious, so you buy it? And then you get it home and try it, and it's just not good? I saw and bought some lemon poppyseed "scone bread" yesterday. I'm eating (trying to eat) it now. It sux. Dry, tasteless, too salty. This is what I get for just not making it myself. So sad. It had such promise. Nothing scone-like about it whatsoever.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
MLD, I feel ya, sistah.
I've stopped buying grocery store bakery things except this one custard-filled-chocolate-covered donut that always hits the spot.
I'm pretty excited about having a birthday though. This year I'm ordering a peach pie from a pie shop nearby. Mmmm. Birthday pie.
I am trying not to waste calories on things that aren't delicious.
I happen to know their peach pie is to die for.
I've stopped buying grocery store bakery things except this one custard-filled-chocolate-covered donut that always hits the spot.
I'm pretty excited about having a birthday though. This year I'm ordering a peach pie from a pie shop nearby. Mmmm. Birthday pie.
I am trying not to waste calories on things that aren't delicious.
I happen to know their peach pie is to die for.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Great photo, Mesa!
The bug got worse. I've been asleep for the better part of 36 hours. At some point, I'm going to get in the shower, which should help. I hope.
Hope others are having a better Monday.
The bug got worse. I've been asleep for the better part of 36 hours. At some point, I'm going to get in the shower, which should help. I hope.
Hope others are having a better Monday.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Morning!
Day 3 and feel good again.
Brain and MLD: I have more fun sober too.
I don't drink to have fun, I drink to forget problems or stress ( alcoholic much.....)
Sao- xoxo
You're allowed to have bad days!
Bim: I remember your cat Steven's story!! I like him too
Midnight: I don't know how to be less serious!
I'm kinda a clown so I appreciate serious people- it takes all kinds.
Look for awkward happenings on the street or any interactions between people standing in line or anywhere- I find the human condition is ludicrous and hilarious if you stop to look xoxo
Day 3 and feel good again.
Brain and MLD: I have more fun sober too.
I don't drink to have fun, I drink to forget problems or stress ( alcoholic much.....)
Sao- xoxo
You're allowed to have bad days!
Bim: I remember your cat Steven's story!! I like him too
Midnight: I don't know how to be less serious!
I'm kinda a clown so I appreciate serious people- it takes all kinds.
Look for awkward happenings on the street or any interactions between people standing in line or anywhere- I find the human condition is ludicrous and hilarious if you stop to look xoxo
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