Staying away from Facebook - a pointer
Mini Novel Post Writer
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Staying away from Facebook - a pointer
I am a newbie again but this is not my first rodeo either. The last time I was here I managed 17 months of sobriety. A little pointer for those who are here for the first time or brand new again.
A large part of my life was sitting and scrolling through Facebook in the evenings. Seeing what everyone else was up to. Many of those posts contained pictures of people sitting around with drinks in hand. A picture of the drink itself on the bar or on the beach, wherever, it doesn't matter. They know how to drink and not overdo it, they don't have a problem, or maybe they do, no concern of mine.
However, if you're trying to get away from alcohol seeing any of that is no good for you or for your psyche. It serves no purpose other than to start a resentment that they get to have fun and you don't. It will produce the lies in your head. In fact, I believe that a large contributing factor to my return to use was because I had full access to knowledge of friends whereabouts and if they were currently drinking. Unnecessary presentation of an opportunity that I had no business knowing about.
Do yourself a huge favor and shy away from Facebook. In fact, I now recognize and accept that I am probably going to lose many of the friends that I had on my friend's list because I'm not drinking. Case and point, the person I was drinking with last Sunday, who I thought was a really good friend, has not reached out to me since Monday where I haven't posted nor commented on any of her posts. Even though that would be totally out of the norm.
Those drinking buddies you have? You'll be surprised (or maybe not) at how very little they care about you. What it comes down to is the relationship is sometimes only based on your common use of alcohol.
I now truly realize that in order to succeed I am essentially going to have to rebuild my network of people. I had already started that process the last time so I'm grateful for that. I can now see that those who I became friends with in sobriety are those that really care and really matter. We have something in common that I could never have with someone who thinks that the greatest reward in life is an "adult beverage". I respect the fact that it's their right and they might or might not have a problem, again, none of my business. Some will still be my friends but only if they respect my sobriety.
Do yourself a favor, if you're a person who uses Facebook and you find the same people and pictures that I have on mine veer away from it as much as you can. It will make life and sobriety that much easier.
My morning routine used to be to grab my cup of coffee and go to Facebook and scroll, like, comment, share, whatever. At intervals during the day I'd do the same.
My new routine is the same but with SR. I love it!
A large part of my life was sitting and scrolling through Facebook in the evenings. Seeing what everyone else was up to. Many of those posts contained pictures of people sitting around with drinks in hand. A picture of the drink itself on the bar or on the beach, wherever, it doesn't matter. They know how to drink and not overdo it, they don't have a problem, or maybe they do, no concern of mine.
However, if you're trying to get away from alcohol seeing any of that is no good for you or for your psyche. It serves no purpose other than to start a resentment that they get to have fun and you don't. It will produce the lies in your head. In fact, I believe that a large contributing factor to my return to use was because I had full access to knowledge of friends whereabouts and if they were currently drinking. Unnecessary presentation of an opportunity that I had no business knowing about.
Do yourself a huge favor and shy away from Facebook. In fact, I now recognize and accept that I am probably going to lose many of the friends that I had on my friend's list because I'm not drinking. Case and point, the person I was drinking with last Sunday, who I thought was a really good friend, has not reached out to me since Monday where I haven't posted nor commented on any of her posts. Even though that would be totally out of the norm.
Those drinking buddies you have? You'll be surprised (or maybe not) at how very little they care about you. What it comes down to is the relationship is sometimes only based on your common use of alcohol.
I now truly realize that in order to succeed I am essentially going to have to rebuild my network of people. I had already started that process the last time so I'm grateful for that. I can now see that those who I became friends with in sobriety are those that really care and really matter. We have something in common that I could never have with someone who thinks that the greatest reward in life is an "adult beverage". I respect the fact that it's their right and they might or might not have a problem, again, none of my business. Some will still be my friends but only if they respect my sobriety.
Do yourself a favor, if you're a person who uses Facebook and you find the same people and pictures that I have on mine veer away from it as much as you can. It will make life and sobriety that much easier.
My morning routine used to be to grab my cup of coffee and go to Facebook and scroll, like, comment, share, whatever. At intervals during the day I'd do the same.
My new routine is the same but with SR. I love it!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Also - Facebook is another addiction. It can take the same time-wasting place as alcohol or drugs. It can keep us from focusing on sobriety, on actions that enrich our lives. It can keep us focused on negative things, keep us keyed up and 'reacting' to stuff. It can quietly lead us to feelings of inadequacy and wishing we were someone or something else. Social media in general can be very unhealthy, lonely, isolating.
I have been guilty of far too much facebook time. It has a lot of positives... it's a great way to keep in touch with some folks we might not otherwise be easily able to keep up with. It's a great way to chronicle our own lives, build a family photo album, journal..... but all of these benefits come with a very real risk of becoming lost... losing hours and days and months of our lives to meaningless scrolling.
Using it at night interferes with proper sleep and leads to fatigue, stress, compounds anxiety and depression.
Lately I've been trying to stay off it consciously. We made a family "NO devices" rule on Sundays (which I'm currently in violation of, using the computer..... but made an exception to come here for a little while in support of my sobriety today) and Wednesday evenings. No screen time on weeknights except between 6-7:30 and then only for educational purposes and if chores are done. I recently spent three days only logging on to Facebook once for about 10 minutes and it was really freeing.
Living life in the REAL and present world turns out to be far more rewarding.
I have been guilty of far too much facebook time. It has a lot of positives... it's a great way to keep in touch with some folks we might not otherwise be easily able to keep up with. It's a great way to chronicle our own lives, build a family photo album, journal..... but all of these benefits come with a very real risk of becoming lost... losing hours and days and months of our lives to meaningless scrolling.
Using it at night interferes with proper sleep and leads to fatigue, stress, compounds anxiety and depression.
Lately I've been trying to stay off it consciously. We made a family "NO devices" rule on Sundays (which I'm currently in violation of, using the computer..... but made an exception to come here for a little while in support of my sobriety today) and Wednesday evenings. No screen time on weeknights except between 6-7:30 and then only for educational purposes and if chores are done. I recently spent three days only logging on to Facebook once for about 10 minutes and it was really freeing.
Living life in the REAL and present world turns out to be far more rewarding.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Northeast WI
Posts: 163
I've wondered the same, about the friends I have that are more on a social level. I've also noticed myself spending less time on FB the last couple of days, for the reasons you describe. Time will tell, I guess.
Very good insight, thank you.
Very good insight, thank you.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Wow FreeOwl, you nailed it. If I think about how many hours I spent mindlessly sitting and scrolling on Facebook over the past 2 years. Eek.
SR is sober food for my mind. I'm going to be here a lot but also working on things outside of this board. For right now, I need the consistent comfort of this place. The inspiring posts from those who have been doing this for some time and have been successful. The posts from newcomers showing me that there is hope, that people are working to fight the good fight and coming here.
This is one of the many tools in my sobriety toolkit and I am so grateful.
SR is sober food for my mind. I'm going to be here a lot but also working on things outside of this board. For right now, I need the consistent comfort of this place. The inspiring posts from those who have been doing this for some time and have been successful. The posts from newcomers showing me that there is hope, that people are working to fight the good fight and coming here.
This is one of the many tools in my sobriety toolkit and I am so grateful.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 397
I've been staying away from Facebook not because of the party pictures (which I'm starting to realize look so stupid!! Let's pose with our poison in every picture!) but because of the "life is perfect" "happy family" pictures and posts.
My relationship situation is so unhappy right now and to open up Facebook and see these smiling perfect families is more than I can handle. Sure I know everyone has their problems too and behind these perfect pictures, there may be another story, but why bother to keep up with the Benjamins? I feel no need to pretend I'm happy on Facebook, so I post nothing.
And for those who are truly that happy, good for them, but I don't need to wake up and have it rubbed in my "face" every day.
I'm much better off here with you lovely, real folks.
Xoxox
My relationship situation is so unhappy right now and to open up Facebook and see these smiling perfect families is more than I can handle. Sure I know everyone has their problems too and behind these perfect pictures, there may be another story, but why bother to keep up with the Benjamins? I feel no need to pretend I'm happy on Facebook, so I post nothing.
And for those who are truly that happy, good for them, but I don't need to wake up and have it rubbed in my "face" every day.
I'm much better off here with you lovely, real folks.
Xoxox
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Over the years all of my drinking friends have vanished and replaced with my non drinking friends. It is great to see them enjoying life without alcohol, I agree if your Facebook friends are drinkers that is the last place you want to be
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
I deleted Facebook 2 months ago! I didn't just deactivate it I deleted it!! I don't miss it one bit. Best decision I ever made after quitting drinking of course!! 
I have rediscovered hobbies I had given up because I was stuck on Facebook all the time. It is liberating!!
I have rediscovered hobbies I had given up because I was stuck on Facebook all the time. It is liberating!!
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Yep, I deleted mine very early on in my sobriety this time. One of the better decisions I've made. I did think it was funny that Facebook takes two weeks to really delete your account and that you can log back in and automatically stop the deletion process at any time during that two weeks. They know that most people aren't going to stay away for two weeks knowing that all they have to do is use the same old name and password to get it all back. It's the same kind of nefarious tactics that a drug dealer would take to keep you hooked. I won't lie--it took me around 3.5 weeks to actually make it through the 2 week account deletion process. So glad I did do it finally!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: London
Posts: 367
Originally Posted by Midwest1981 
I deleted Facebook 2 months ago! I didn't just deactivate it I deleted it!! I don't miss it one bit. Best decision I ever made after quitting drinking of course!! I have rediscovered hobbies I had given up because I was stuck on Facebook all the time. It is liberating!!
I have rediscovered hobbies I had given up because I was stuck on Facebook all the time. It is liberating!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I was kind of 'forced' to do facebook a few years ago for yoga teacher training. As a loner and introvert I found it the weirdest thing in the world. People posting pics of their kids every movement (I've heard is now called Sharenting), their pets, their dinner, their shoes, their nails....What the?
I deleted the account as soon as I could. I'm wayyyyy too private for Facebook. And lets face it....I'm about as interesting as a 2X4. Who cares? Haha!
I deleted the account as soon as I could. I'm wayyyyy too private for Facebook. And lets face it....I'm about as interesting as a 2X4. Who cares? Haha!
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Minority opinion... seeing the things that the people I know are doing inspires me to try new things. Seeing different forms of happiness helps me think about different options. And when I see something that makes me envious, I get to examine that feeling and figure out what I could change in my life to achieve more of what I find myself wanting. I do agree that if it makes you upset it should be avoided. But it can also be a good way to practice taking joy from other people's joy.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I only posted to facebook to show work projects. Now, the last year I've logged on daily because I've been bored. Regarding the drinking thing, yes, I see it every time I log on, but in some weird way its a deterrent for me as opposed to being enticing or envious.
The last thing in the world I want to do is spend money in a loud, dark place, pouring poison down my throat. Nothing about that appeals to me.
The last thing in the world I want to do is spend money in a loud, dark place, pouring poison down my throat. Nothing about that appeals to me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,361
It's been proven by studies and such that extensive use of social media like facebook can lead to depression.
Depression can be a trigger regarding addiction.
I gave facebook up a long time ago.
My reallife social network is still very small.
However i had to accept that:
A I'm not really a very social person in the first place
B I like to be alone a lot in a world were being alone is considered 'akward' and 'wrong'
Now that I am coming to terms with A & B i'm doing a lot better.
Depression can be a trigger regarding addiction.
I gave facebook up a long time ago.
My reallife social network is still very small.
However i had to accept that:
A I'm not really a very social person in the first place
B I like to be alone a lot in a world were being alone is considered 'akward' and 'wrong'
Now that I am coming to terms with A & B i'm doing a lot better.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by fantail
Minority opinion... seeing the things that the people I know are doing inspires me to try new things. Seeing different forms of happiness helps me think about different options. And when I see something that makes me envious, I get to examine that feeling and figure out what I could change in my life to achieve more of what I find myself wanting. I do agree that if it makes you upset it should be avoided. But it can also be a good way to practice taking joy from other people's joy.
At this stage of the game it doesn't bother me but I am ready to remove everything and anything that creeped it's way into my head and awakened my AV. This was one of them. Just giving this as a pointer to others who are new as of one of the reasons I walked away from all the hard, great work I did. Not an absolute, just a suggestion.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
