Hello
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
This is a situation that I can't really avoid
The only thing we have to do is stay sober. The rest are choices either good or bad. My sobriety will always be my #1 priority. There is nothing more important than not taking the first drink. Everything that is good in life hinges on me staying sober
The only thing we have to do is stay sober. The rest are choices either good or bad. My sobriety will always be my #1 priority. There is nothing more important than not taking the first drink. Everything that is good in life hinges on me staying sober
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
This last time was super dangerous as I ended up by myself at 4:00 am looking for a place to keep drinking.
We are close to the same age (I'm 43). I'm approaching 60 days sobriety, so still really new. One time a few years ago, I was on a work trip and it had been grueling. The last night of my stay, I was alone in the hotel. I had a few drinks in my room and should have just gone to sleep, but you know how it is. I went across the street to grab some dinner, and drank about three glasses of red.
I wandered out of the restaurant, and it was dark. I'd left my iPhone in the restaurant. (WORK TRIP - alone - and in a far away city). I was completely confused and intoxicated, and wandered around lost. I stumbled down a hill, etc - all trying to find the hotel. I could have been assaulted, hit by a car, etc.
I have never told anyone that story, but for some reason felt compelled to share it with you. That's why I am encouraging you to really look at the details of the dangerous situations your drinking led you to - not to be a killjoy, or judgmental in any way, shape or form. We moms can seem like we're holding it all together, and people can write our problem off (soccer moms that have a bit of a wine problem, etc) but it is serious, truly dangerous and really should give you pause.
We are close to the same age (I'm 43). I'm approaching 60 days sobriety, so still really new. One time a few years ago, I was on a work trip and it had been grueling. The last night of my stay, I was alone in the hotel. I had a few drinks in my room and should have just gone to sleep, but you know how it is. I went across the street to grab some dinner, and drank about three glasses of red.
I wandered out of the restaurant, and it was dark. I'd left my iPhone in the restaurant. (WORK TRIP - alone - and in a far away city). I was completely confused and intoxicated, and wandered around lost. I stumbled down a hill, etc - all trying to find the hotel. I could have been assaulted, hit by a car, etc.
I have never told anyone that story, but for some reason felt compelled to share it with you. That's why I am encouraging you to really look at the details of the dangerous situations your drinking led you to - not to be a killjoy, or judgmental in any way, shape or form. We moms can seem like we're holding it all together, and people can write our problem off (soccer moms that have a bit of a wine problem, etc) but it is serious, truly dangerous and really should give you pause.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
Welcome! This is a really great place to find support from others who have been there and truly understand what you are going through, mentally and physically.
My DOC was heroin but one thing I can say is there will NEVER be moderation. Once you have passed the threshold you cannot go back into "normal drinking" world. You will NEVER be able to have "just a few" and the sooner you are honest with yourself the sooner you can get your life back to where you want it to be. Just because you don't drink everyday doesn't mean that you aren't an alcoholic. Alcoholism comes in all shapes and forms and I think you know that you are beyond a "problem drinker" and that the only way to have the safety and stability that you want is to not drink.
Vacations can be a hard position to be in. Luckily for me, if I didn't bring heroin with me on the trip chances are I wasn't getting any. Do you have any family members who don't drink or who you can ask to be your sober buddy or just a supporter for you?
You can do it! Admitting you have a problem and reaching out for help is over half the battle really.
My DOC was heroin but one thing I can say is there will NEVER be moderation. Once you have passed the threshold you cannot go back into "normal drinking" world. You will NEVER be able to have "just a few" and the sooner you are honest with yourself the sooner you can get your life back to where you want it to be. Just because you don't drink everyday doesn't mean that you aren't an alcoholic. Alcoholism comes in all shapes and forms and I think you know that you are beyond a "problem drinker" and that the only way to have the safety and stability that you want is to not drink.
Vacations can be a hard position to be in. Luckily for me, if I didn't bring heroin with me on the trip chances are I wasn't getting any. Do you have any family members who don't drink or who you can ask to be your sober buddy or just a supporter for you?
You can do it! Admitting you have a problem and reaching out for help is over half the battle really.
I was finally able to get sober when I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 228
I never drank everyday either. But when I did, I never knew the outcome either! Sometimes, I'd be OK. Sometimes, I'd pass out. Most times, I would black out. Sometimes, I was mean. Sometimes, I talked to much and made a fool of myself. Sometimes, no one even guessed I was drunk. Sometimes, I drove drunk. Sometimes, I cried too much. Lol.
I'm so glad I don't have to worry about those 'sometimes'.
Trying to moderate my drinking, it's not possible. Maybe once upon a time it was, but not anymore.
Congrats on the 40 days!
I'm so glad I don't have to worry about those 'sometimes'.
Trying to moderate my drinking, it's not possible. Maybe once upon a time it was, but not anymore.
Congrats on the 40 days!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by D122y 
Welcome and great job on 40 days.
You are physically free. Mentally, you are in a fight for your life.
I can't offer advice on stopping drinking out of will power alone.
I was like you for many years. I drank like a fish sometimes. Staying out all night drinking, looking for another place to drink. Youngish and foolish.
Sometimes, i didn't drink at all, or stopped after 1, or sometimes I drank a bottle of vodka. It usually depended on what was going on the next day etc.
I don't recall how hard I drank before the age of 38. But, at 38 I retired from the military and decided...I was going to party like a rock star.
By, 50..I had developed alcohol induced physical and mental issues.
I went to the ER once, but didn't quit. Finally, I nearly collapsed and crashed my car because of a hypoglycemia issue after a hard workout.
I drank that night, got in a huge fight w my wife. I quit the next day. I was in a mental and physical alcoholic death spiral.
It took the health scare to get me to quit. I am drug free, and suffer from mild to moderate anxiety. I believe in God and that helps me get through.
So, take what you can from my testimony. Part of my recovery is trying to help others that are seeking advice.
AA is a great place for f2f support. Went to a meeting yest. Turned in my 5 month chip and got the 1 year. Haven't been in 7 months. If you are looking for sober friends, AA is a great start. I don't like the sponsor stories I hear about, but I can see the value.
That is enough for now.
Thanks for the post.
You are physically free. Mentally, you are in a fight for your life.
I can't offer advice on stopping drinking out of will power alone.
I was like you for many years. I drank like a fish sometimes. Staying out all night drinking, looking for another place to drink. Youngish and foolish.
Sometimes, i didn't drink at all, or stopped after 1, or sometimes I drank a bottle of vodka. It usually depended on what was going on the next day etc.
I don't recall how hard I drank before the age of 38. But, at 38 I retired from the military and decided...I was going to party like a rock star.
By, 50..I had developed alcohol induced physical and mental issues.
I went to the ER once, but didn't quit. Finally, I nearly collapsed and crashed my car because of a hypoglycemia issue after a hard workout.
I drank that night, got in a huge fight w my wife. I quit the next day. I was in a mental and physical alcoholic death spiral.
It took the health scare to get me to quit. I am drug free, and suffer from mild to moderate anxiety. I believe in God and that helps me get through.
So, take what you can from my testimony. Part of my recovery is trying to help others that are seeking advice.
AA is a great place for f2f support. Went to a meeting yest. Turned in my 5 month chip and got the 1 year. Haven't been in 7 months. If you are looking for sober friends, AA is a great start. I don't like the sponsor stories I hear about, but I can see the value.
That is enough for now.
Thanks for the post.
The problem with me is, it would almost be easier if it was like I was partying like a rock star like back in the day - where it was so much more obvious that I needed to quit. Now, because I go weeks w/o touching a drop, to maybe having a couple, to then getting blasted - it makes it harder to make a decision. But, the way I see it is, the fact that it COULD be dangerous at times for me, even if it was once a year, it is a problem. And it has caused problems for me and I need to just draw the line now before something disastrous could happen - yet again. Even if it is once in a blue moon. My daughters need a mother. And there are times I def put my life in jeopardy cuz of drinking.
So, here I am!
Again, thank you so much for sharing your story. I admire your strength and courage and decision to LIVE. Awesome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
Control
"Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death."
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 30
To answer your questions:
Sobriety is about a new life not about trying to make our old life work without alcohol . For the most part I avoid drinking situations and in early sobriety I eliminated them. I find people that are drinking to be boring and obnoxious so why would I want to be there.
I now have a large group of social friends that either don't drink or are very lite drinkers.
Sobriety is more about changing people, places, and things than it is about not drinking
"Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death."
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 30
To answer your questions:
Sobriety is about a new life not about trying to make our old life work without alcohol . For the most part I avoid drinking situations and in early sobriety I eliminated them. I find people that are drinking to be boring and obnoxious so why would I want to be there.
I now have a large group of social friends that either don't drink or are very lite drinkers.
Sobriety is more about changing people, places, and things than it is about not drinking
And right, I just need to find other things to do. 95% of my life these days is sober at home with my kids. It's the 5% I just need to forget about and find other ways to socialize, get out of the house, etc.
Thank you again for your response. It truly helps.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
Welcome!
Your drinking sounds a bit like mine. I don't drink often, but when I do? Watch out. And my drinking, in this bender kind of fashion, has gotten worse and worse. Benders are longer and more frequent. I don't go out, just drink at home, by myself (or I go out sometimes but don't get too out of control) and manage quite nicely to endanger myself...just sitting at home.
I guess the question is, are you an alcoholic? If you are, moderation and control over your drinking are not likely. And the condition is progressive...basically it gets worse.
The only way to not drink is to not drink. Then work on absolute acceptance that you can never drink again. Look how much energy and anxiety you are putting into 'controlling' your drinking for this vacation. Think how much easier it would be if the vacation were simply about being with friends and family. Focusing on the event and the people, not on yourself and drinking? It really is liberating.
If you don't drink the first drink, you don't have to get drunk.
Your drinking sounds a bit like mine. I don't drink often, but when I do? Watch out. And my drinking, in this bender kind of fashion, has gotten worse and worse. Benders are longer and more frequent. I don't go out, just drink at home, by myself (or I go out sometimes but don't get too out of control) and manage quite nicely to endanger myself...just sitting at home.
I guess the question is, are you an alcoholic? If you are, moderation and control over your drinking are not likely. And the condition is progressive...basically it gets worse.
The only way to not drink is to not drink. Then work on absolute acceptance that you can never drink again. Look how much energy and anxiety you are putting into 'controlling' your drinking for this vacation. Think how much easier it would be if the vacation were simply about being with friends and family. Focusing on the event and the people, not on yourself and drinking? It really is liberating.
If you don't drink the first drink, you don't have to get drunk.
"Look how much energy and anxiety you are putting into 'controlling' your drinking for this vacation. " Exactly. And yes, it used to be liberating the years I was not drinking. When it was black and white. I have been mentally torturing myself, figuring out ways to go out and keep it just a few etc. Too much energy on ridiculousness.
I am def getting there. I'm getting to the black and white. Thank you so much again for responding, your perspective, wisdom and advice.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by gallen37
I was a binge drinker myself. I convinced myself for a long time that I didn't have a problem because I didn't need to drink everyday. I could go a work week without touching a drop. However once I touch that first sip... it is on. Like a snowball rolling downhill just getting bigger and more out of control.
You don't have to drink every day to be an alcoholic. It took me a long time to learn that. Denial gives you the illusion of control. At least it did for me.
After years of repeating the same mistakes, I realize that I can't drink. I can't be a social drinker. I can't be around a lot of people drinking. Eventually things fall apart and get worse.
I used to ponder endlessly about why. Why am I this way? Why can't I be like "everyone else" and have a few drinks and be done? Eventually I just got to the point of acceptance. If I drink, I risk my career, family and even my life.
You don't have to drink every day to be an alcoholic. It took me a long time to learn that. Denial gives you the illusion of control. At least it did for me.
After years of repeating the same mistakes, I realize that I can't drink. I can't be a social drinker. I can't be around a lot of people drinking. Eventually things fall apart and get worse.
I used to ponder endlessly about why. Why am I this way? Why can't I be like "everyone else" and have a few drinks and be done? Eventually I just got to the point of acceptance. If I drink, I risk my career, family and even my life.
And right, years of this even though the past 10 it's been much less frequent, 80% of those times has resulted in disastrous consequences - which is why I'm here. And right, just easier to not be in those situations, which is really not difficult for me. Regarding this vacation, I will have to really just use sheer willpower. It will only be a few days and if I focus on how don't want to deal with the horrible hangovers I get now even from just a few - I think I will be fine. I don't know, the jury is still out on this. I may have to back out on the whole vacation, but then my kids are around the family drinking w/o me there to watch. Ugh. The whole thing is just annoying and I wish my exH and his parents just didn't drink! This would be so much easier!!!
Anyway, thank you again for responding.
Btw this: "Eventually I just got to the point of acceptance. If I drink, I risk my career, family and even my life." Powerful. Thank you ~
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by madgirl
This last time was super dangerous as I ended up by myself at 4:00 am looking for a place to keep drinking.
We are close to the same age (I'm 43). I'm approaching 60 days sobriety, so still really new. One time a few years ago, I was on a work trip and it had been grueling. The last night of my stay, I was alone in the hotel. I had a few drinks in my room and should have just gone to sleep, but you know how it is. I went across the street to grab some dinner, and drank about three glasses of red.
I wandered out of the restaurant, and it was dark. I'd left my iPhone in the restaurant. (WORK TRIP - alone - and in a far away city). I was completely confused and intoxicated, and wandered around lost. I stumbled down a hill, etc - all trying to find the hotel. I could have been assaulted, hit by a car, etc.
I have never told anyone that story, but for some reason felt compelled to share it with you. That's why I am encouraging you to really look at the details of the dangerous situations your drinking led you to - not to be a killjoy, or judgmental in any way, shape or form. We moms can seem like we're holding it all together, and people can write our problem off (soccer moms that have a bit of a wine problem, etc) but it is serious, truly dangerous and really should give you pause.
We are close to the same age (I'm 43). I'm approaching 60 days sobriety, so still really new. One time a few years ago, I was on a work trip and it had been grueling. The last night of my stay, I was alone in the hotel. I had a few drinks in my room and should have just gone to sleep, but you know how it is. I went across the street to grab some dinner, and drank about three glasses of red.
I wandered out of the restaurant, and it was dark. I'd left my iPhone in the restaurant. (WORK TRIP - alone - and in a far away city). I was completely confused and intoxicated, and wandered around lost. I stumbled down a hill, etc - all trying to find the hotel. I could have been assaulted, hit by a car, etc.
I have never told anyone that story, but for some reason felt compelled to share it with you. That's why I am encouraging you to really look at the details of the dangerous situations your drinking led you to - not to be a killjoy, or judgmental in any way, shape or form. We moms can seem like we're holding it all together, and people can write our problem off (soccer moms that have a bit of a wine problem, etc) but it is serious, truly dangerous and really should give you pause.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by Para
I never drank everyday either. But when I did, I never knew the outcome either! Sometimes, I'd be OK. Sometimes, I'd pass out. Most times, I would black out. Sometimes, I was mean. Sometimes, I talked to much and made a fool of myself. Sometimes, no one even guessed I was drunk. Sometimes, I drove drunk. Sometimes, I cried too much. Lol.
I'm so glad I don't have to worry about those 'sometimes'.
Trying to moderate my drinking, it's not possible. Maybe once upon a time it was, but not anymore.
Congrats on the 40 days!
I'm so glad I don't have to worry about those 'sometimes'.
Trying to moderate my drinking, it's not possible. Maybe once upon a time it was, but not anymore.
Congrats on the 40 days!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 228
Originally Posted by dangerDrinking
Thank you @Para for your response. YES!!! Exactly!!!! Like I said here somewhere, Russian Roulette!! I never know. And right, easier to make it just black and white. I believe this forum and posts like yours, is making it much more clear.
This morning I woke up, and I felt good. I haven't drank for over two weeks. And the thought came into my mind, 'seems like everything is ok, maybe i can just have a glass or two of wine, I can control myself. I'm fixed! I can do it!'
Then i'm like 'oh yah, remember what i've been saying over and over again to everyone on Soberrecovery forum?' Lol
Moderation never works!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by Para
Just remember....It's not clear every single day..and that thought that you can drink moderately like your normal friends and the people on TV can sneak into your mind.
This morning I woke up, and I felt good. I haven't drank for over two weeks. And the thought came into my mind, 'seems like everything is ok, maybe i can just have a glass or two of wine, I can control myself. I'm fixed! I can do it!'
Then i'm like 'oh yah, remember what i've been saying over and over again to everyone on Soberrecovery forum?' Lol
Moderation never works!
This morning I woke up, and I felt good. I haven't drank for over two weeks. And the thought came into my mind, 'seems like everything is ok, maybe i can just have a glass or two of wine, I can control myself. I'm fixed! I can do it!'
Then i'm like 'oh yah, remember what i've been saying over and over again to everyone on Soberrecovery forum?' Lol
Moderation never works!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 253
Hi Danger - I am a binge drinker and always have been. Years ago it was very frequent and got more and more frequent (I was getting in trouble with work, health and my family by this point) until I got pregnant - twice in quick succession. The option to drink was taken out of the equation and I learnt to deal with life without the alcohol. I had been an alcoholic since my first drink although of course it took a long time to recognise that . I still do it occasionally. Sometimes there is a lead up to it happening (usually feeling like I can't control life and everything is against me) and those times I will get to the point I don't care what happens - until I sober up of course! Occasionally it takes me by surprise. I often feel anxious when faced with social situations where I can have a drink. I have been out and had one or 2 and been fine with that. If I know there's a risk of it going further I do feel it, I'm anxious (like you sound like you are now) and then of course the drink eases that and there is more of a risk of me losing control. The only way I found to deal with it is make a firm conscious decision beforehand that I am not going to drink - don't even let it be an option. I can enjoy the night then because I'm not then fighting with myself, shall I or shan't I?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by charliesworld
Hi Danger - I am a binge drinker and always have been. Years ago it was very frequent and got more and more frequent (I was getting in trouble with work, health and my family by this point) until I got pregnant - twice in quick succession. The option to drink was taken out of the equation and I learnt to deal with life without the alcohol. I had been an alcoholic since my first drink although of course it took a long time to recognise that . I still do it occasionally. Sometimes there is a lead up to it happening (usually feeling like I can't control life and everything is against me) and those times I will get to the point I don't care what happens - until I sober up of course! Occasionally it takes me by surprise. I often feel anxious when faced with social situations where I can have a drink. I have been out and had one or 2 and been fine with that. If I know there's a risk of it going further I do feel it, I'm anxious (like you sound like you are now) and then of course the drink eases that and there is more of a risk of me losing control. The only way I found to deal with it is make a firm conscious decision beforehand that I am not going to drink - don't even let it be an option. I can enjoy the night then because I'm not then fighting with myself, shall I or shan't I?
I guess my fear is how will I ever meet anyone - which is ridiculous I know - because a bar is the LAST place you want to meet a potential partner! Besides, I'm not ready to date - I am still in the process of separating from exH. It's all too soon - I'm coming from a place of fear and anxiety which points to DON'T DRINK.
Thank you for your response. I will be on here a lot more when the time nears! thank you!
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