I don't 'look like an Alcoholic'...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 55
I don't 'look like an Alcoholic'...
Hello Again!
It has been quite a while since my last post, and I just wanted to thank everyone for their support and responses, in a new thread rather than re-post on an old one.
I had been doing quite well, but ended up at the end of the same road about a two weeks ago... My classic 'Oh I'll just have one' (which I did maintain for a few days), but over the course of the next few days that turned into a bottle (then I had some bad news), and the one bottle turned into one and a half...
I did end up seeing both my Doctor, and a therapist, to ask for help (as well as attending my local AA as much as I could). However, both told me that 'I was NOT an Alcoholic, despite me saying that I was'... The therapist told me I did 'not look like an Alcoholic, and was probably making it all up' (Having been to AA I have heard stories from the widest spectrum of people). My Doctor said that I was suffering from 'Anxiety' and sent me off with more Prozac. (He asked me to come back in a Month if I wanted a repeat prescription - I have asked to see a different Doctor).
After having gone for 'help' and admitted everything, I'm feeling a little perplexed that I would be told this...
Did anyone find this when they first sought help?
Thanks!
Cassie.
It has been quite a while since my last post, and I just wanted to thank everyone for their support and responses, in a new thread rather than re-post on an old one.
I had been doing quite well, but ended up at the end of the same road about a two weeks ago... My classic 'Oh I'll just have one' (which I did maintain for a few days), but over the course of the next few days that turned into a bottle (then I had some bad news), and the one bottle turned into one and a half...
I did end up seeing both my Doctor, and a therapist, to ask for help (as well as attending my local AA as much as I could). However, both told me that 'I was NOT an Alcoholic, despite me saying that I was'... The therapist told me I did 'not look like an Alcoholic, and was probably making it all up' (Having been to AA I have heard stories from the widest spectrum of people). My Doctor said that I was suffering from 'Anxiety' and sent me off with more Prozac. (He asked me to come back in a Month if I wanted a repeat prescription - I have asked to see a different Doctor).
After having gone for 'help' and admitted everything, I'm feeling a little perplexed that I would be told this...
Did anyone find this when they first sought help?
Thanks!
Cassie.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
My family still don't think I'm an alcoholic.
I drank all day every day for several years.
People believe what they want to believe - it's not just alcoholics who do that
We know the truth.
Welcome Cassie
D
I drank all day every day for several years.
People believe what they want to believe - it's not just alcoholics who do that
We know the truth.
Welcome Cassie
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,594
I don't know what an alcoholic looks like either. Good idea in changing doctors.
I've had everyday people say I don't "look like an alcoholic", but never a doctor or therapist when I have presented with that problem. We diagnose our own alcoholism in my view. And yes, welcome Cassie.
I've had everyday people say I don't "look like an alcoholic", but never a doctor or therapist when I have presented with that problem. We diagnose our own alcoholism in my view. And yes, welcome Cassie.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 5
Be glad you don't look like an alcoholic YET. Because after time you will. It happens to all of us eventually. It's devastating on the body. I can spot them easily. They look like me. Red and bloated face, bloated hands, blood vessels in the face, bloated gut etc. On the flip side, my doctor said I look "exactly" like an alcoholic, but my blood tests don't show it. YET. That will come in time I imagine.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
My doctor was fantastic in many respects. She told me to stop drinking immediately when I told her honestly how much I was drinking daily. She referred me to a counsellor. She was non-judgmental and very understanding.
However, even she suggested I stop drinking alcohol for "six months" and was surprised when I went to see her after a month and told her I was stopping for good. To her credit, she accepted this and even asked about this forum so she could recommend it to others.
The point is, even a supportive and understanding medical professional who knows the patient is abusing alcohol and damaging her health has difficulty accepting the patient is an alcoholic in the face of so-called "functionality".
By that time, I had been on SR daily for a while and I understood my own problem for what it was. I knew not to give the AV any room to listen to the doctor, too.
Cassie, please trust yourself here, because your life depends on it.
However, even she suggested I stop drinking alcohol for "six months" and was surprised when I went to see her after a month and told her I was stopping for good. To her credit, she accepted this and even asked about this forum so she could recommend it to others.
The point is, even a supportive and understanding medical professional who knows the patient is abusing alcohol and damaging her health has difficulty accepting the patient is an alcoholic in the face of so-called "functionality".
By that time, I had been on SR daily for a while and I understood my own problem for what it was. I knew not to give the AV any room to listen to the doctor, too.
Cassie, please trust yourself here, because your life depends on it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 473
I was told this when I called in unnanounced to a sobriety clinic. They referred me to a counsellor who specialises in dealing with people "that drink too much", but not enough to call them an alcoholic.
What does an alcoholic look like? I don't think I look like one if you mean the sterotypical type.
My bank balance looks alcoholic. So do my relationships (or lack of them). My business looks like a lunatic ran it for the past year and my high blood pressure, poor diet and lack of exercise are worthy of an alcoholic.
My few friends would probably say I just drink a bit too much but underneath the facade is a complete mess of a life.
Not looking like an alcoholic is no indication that someone doesn't drink too much for their own good. Looking like one shows they've past the point of needing help a long time ago.
What does an alcoholic look like? I don't think I look like one if you mean the sterotypical type.
My bank balance looks alcoholic. So do my relationships (or lack of them). My business looks like a lunatic ran it for the past year and my high blood pressure, poor diet and lack of exercise are worthy of an alcoholic.
My few friends would probably say I just drink a bit too much but underneath the facade is a complete mess of a life.
Not looking like an alcoholic is no indication that someone doesn't drink too much for their own good. Looking like one shows they've past the point of needing help a long time ago.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
At first my wife at the time believed I was just a heavy drinker that needed help to cut back, that didn't work and I knew the difference but it was what I wanted to hear at the time. For me today it's what I believe and know that matters and I know I can never drink again and have no desire to, it's taken a lot of work to get to where I am and I am very happy in this journey.
There was a time when I thought an alcoholic looked like the poor person living on the street and drinking whatever they could get their hands on out of a paper bag, today I know it effects every walk of life and there is no look.
All the best
Andrew
There was a time when I thought an alcoholic looked like the poor person living on the street and drinking whatever they could get their hands on out of a paper bag, today I know it effects every walk of life and there is no look.
All the best
Andrew
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I'd suggest getting a different doctor.
Here's the thing, in my experience;
I didn't LOOK like an alcoholic, either. Doctors didn't see me as having a problem. People at work, people in my circle of friends, in the community.... they all saw me as healthy, fit, active, outgoing, a leader, employed, intelligent, witty, charismatic, giving, loving, helpful.....
And in many ways I was all of those things.
But behind it all - I was also on a terrible downward spiral. I was in active addiction for years. Decades. Many of 'them' didn't see it. I kept it well-hidden. But it was getting worse. And worse.
I was the only one who really saw how bad things were.... how deep I was getting. But I wouldn't allow myself to see it. The addicted "I" kept me believing in the statement "I don't have a problem" - even as the inner "I" knew I was going further and further down a hole.
With the benefit of hindsight and over two years sober, I can see how bad it really was. I shake my head and wonder how a healthy, fit, active, outgoing, leader, employed, intelligent, witty, charismatic, giving, loving, helpful man could so badly deceive himself and everyone else.
Even in the end.... with daily blackouts.... half gallons of vodka.... booze for breakfast... shakes.... people responded with bafflement "WHAT? YOU had a problem with alcohol???".
The thing is... alcoholics never "LOOK like alcoholics".... until, finally, toward the very bitter and horrible end, they do.
Here's the thing, in my experience;
I didn't LOOK like an alcoholic, either. Doctors didn't see me as having a problem. People at work, people in my circle of friends, in the community.... they all saw me as healthy, fit, active, outgoing, a leader, employed, intelligent, witty, charismatic, giving, loving, helpful.....
And in many ways I was all of those things.
But behind it all - I was also on a terrible downward spiral. I was in active addiction for years. Decades. Many of 'them' didn't see it. I kept it well-hidden. But it was getting worse. And worse.
I was the only one who really saw how bad things were.... how deep I was getting. But I wouldn't allow myself to see it. The addicted "I" kept me believing in the statement "I don't have a problem" - even as the inner "I" knew I was going further and further down a hole.
With the benefit of hindsight and over two years sober, I can see how bad it really was. I shake my head and wonder how a healthy, fit, active, outgoing, leader, employed, intelligent, witty, charismatic, giving, loving, helpful man could so badly deceive himself and everyone else.
Even in the end.... with daily blackouts.... half gallons of vodka.... booze for breakfast... shakes.... people responded with bafflement "WHAT? YOU had a problem with alcohol???".
The thing is... alcoholics never "LOOK like alcoholics".... until, finally, toward the very bitter and horrible end, they do.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
So perplexed by the statements from the health professionals in your post. Then again, my daughter was addicted to opiates and confessed this to her doctor seeking his help and he said "Well, just wean yourself off". Really????
I think one of the most damaging things I had said to me was by a counselor who asked how I was doing after having abstained for 3 weeks. She asked if I had shakes and how I was feeling. None of that. Then she said "That's great, it means that you're not physically addicted". Don't think I didn't take that excuse and run with it. I mean, if I wasn't physically addicted then I didn't really have a big problem did I? So very wrong.
Alcoholism is not defined by the need to use on a daily basis and what happens when you stop. It's how your body reacts to alcohol itself and how you drink when you do drink. Have one and you want another, then another, then another. There is no bottom to the bottle.
Us alcoholics also can do a very good job hiding the truth and reality of the situation. Only those closest to us get to see the real us.
What's important is that no matter what you heard you know better.
I think one of the most damaging things I had said to me was by a counselor who asked how I was doing after having abstained for 3 weeks. She asked if I had shakes and how I was feeling. None of that. Then she said "That's great, it means that you're not physically addicted". Don't think I didn't take that excuse and run with it. I mean, if I wasn't physically addicted then I didn't really have a big problem did I? So very wrong.
Alcoholism is not defined by the need to use on a daily basis and what happens when you stop. It's how your body reacts to alcohol itself and how you drink when you do drink. Have one and you want another, then another, then another. There is no bottom to the bottle.
Us alcoholics also can do a very good job hiding the truth and reality of the situation. Only those closest to us get to see the real us.
What's important is that no matter what you heard you know better.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Shrewsbury
Posts: 25
Hi Cassie there's some excellent advice already been written here so I won't add to it. However I will say that during my times in the Detox centre I met many alcoholics and you know what they looked like, they looked like people. Believe and trust in yourself and good luck with finding the help your seeking.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: manchester uk
Posts: 1,131
I didn't know what an alcoholic looked like until i went into detox nearly 12 months ago now.
They take your picture when you first arrive.
I was so shocked & ashamed when the doctor gave it to me when i was leaving i didnt recognize myself.
It is now stuck on my fridge where i used to hide my Vodka in empty lucozade bottles. I never want to go back to that again. xx
They take your picture when you first arrive.
I was so shocked & ashamed when the doctor gave it to me when i was leaving i didnt recognize myself.
It is now stuck on my fridge where i used to hide my Vodka in empty lucozade bottles. I never want to go back to that again. xx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
A few of my friends looked at me puzzled and with disbelief when I mentioned my drinking problem to them. And when I first got sober, I had a romantic partner (an addiction researcher!) who refused the idea that I was an alcoholic, despite directly seeing plenty of evidence. I think that most people that did not experience addiction themselves have simplistic, narrow-minded ideas about it and associate the image of the alcoholic with a visibly run down, poor, unfit, confused or otherwise severely misbehaving person. Also, I think that often people deny facts that seem disturbing. Or perhaps want to come across optimistic and encouraging not realizing that with an addict, such an attitude can become either enabling or a frustrating lack of recognition of the problem.
I think that medical and mental health professionals typically have at least some training about addictions but often very marginal and they are not fully aware of the spectrum and progression of this problem. I never ran into this with physical doctors but did with therapists and psychiatrists, even some that apparently specialize in addiction treatment. Not only they often don't recognize the developmental spectrum of substance use disorders but their knowledge is also often quite limited, even in terms of the physiology/biology and treatment options. Also, I think that doctors sometimes encounter addicts who try to trick them into prescribing pills that they plan to abuse, and this creates a certain level of caution and suspicion. Plus, active addiction is famously resistant to treatment and I think some professionals may minimize it as a means to avoiding their own failures. But refusing the patient's complaints the way you describe, Cassie, would be a red flag for me and I would see someone else who is willing to consider and investigate the issue. I relatively recently let go of a therapist with whom I did a lot of great work when I was sober. But I relapsed earlier this year and, to my astonishment, he did not seem to think much of it and tended to distract us almost each time I brought up my awful binges to him. And when I told him I wanted to find outside help (another counselor, working with a sponsor in AA, rehab etc) he seemed to oppose almost everything except my going to see him. But then he did not address it with me. I was patient for a while but in the end I chose to end it with him and went to rehab. I don't regret that choice even though I still speculate a lot about the things that happened in that therapy. I now have a new therapist who claims to be goal oriented and one of the goals I defined when starting is to work on my sobriety and prevent relapse. We'll see how he will help with that but I expect this to be far more easy than helping me to stop an ongoing relapse.
Like others said, it's most important what we experience and not appearances. My belief is that professional help for alcoholism can be essential at times (it has been for me) but when it comes to maintaining sobriety, it's basically our responsibility in the everyday.
I think that medical and mental health professionals typically have at least some training about addictions but often very marginal and they are not fully aware of the spectrum and progression of this problem. I never ran into this with physical doctors but did with therapists and psychiatrists, even some that apparently specialize in addiction treatment. Not only they often don't recognize the developmental spectrum of substance use disorders but their knowledge is also often quite limited, even in terms of the physiology/biology and treatment options. Also, I think that doctors sometimes encounter addicts who try to trick them into prescribing pills that they plan to abuse, and this creates a certain level of caution and suspicion. Plus, active addiction is famously resistant to treatment and I think some professionals may minimize it as a means to avoiding their own failures. But refusing the patient's complaints the way you describe, Cassie, would be a red flag for me and I would see someone else who is willing to consider and investigate the issue. I relatively recently let go of a therapist with whom I did a lot of great work when I was sober. But I relapsed earlier this year and, to my astonishment, he did not seem to think much of it and tended to distract us almost each time I brought up my awful binges to him. And when I told him I wanted to find outside help (another counselor, working with a sponsor in AA, rehab etc) he seemed to oppose almost everything except my going to see him. But then he did not address it with me. I was patient for a while but in the end I chose to end it with him and went to rehab. I don't regret that choice even though I still speculate a lot about the things that happened in that therapy. I now have a new therapist who claims to be goal oriented and one of the goals I defined when starting is to work on my sobriety and prevent relapse. We'll see how he will help with that but I expect this to be far more easy than helping me to stop an ongoing relapse.
Like others said, it's most important what we experience and not appearances. My belief is that professional help for alcoholism can be essential at times (it has been for me) but when it comes to maintaining sobriety, it's basically our responsibility in the everyday.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
It simply dumbfounds me at the lack of understanding among medical and mental health providers when it comes to alcoholism. Obviously, it lies in their professional education, or lack thereof. So if those to whom we entrust our health doesn't understand, it's no wonder that the general public doesn't have a clue. Even the "clinical" definition of alcoholism is subjective and varied, depending on the source. But WE know...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: SE USA
Posts: 599
If you've been to AA you've probably heard people talk about the craving, obsession, and queer mental twist. I think only an addict can truly wrap their head around those. Perhaps your Doctor and therapist are normies and just don't get it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
I vividly remember getting surprised at work one day with an award - "Value Creator" - and having my picture taken for websites/newsletter. It was shortly after lunch.
"Lunch" was comprised of me driving home alone, and throwing up because of the incredible hangover I was experiencing at the time.
When I saw the picture of myself and my boss with me holding that award on our site and in the newsletter, I remember thinking that I looked completely normal.
As others have said, until the bitter end, you may not "look" like an alcoholic, but we all understand how lonely and terrible it feels to be rotting slowly from the inside.
"Lunch" was comprised of me driving home alone, and throwing up because of the incredible hangover I was experiencing at the time.
When I saw the picture of myself and my boss with me holding that award on our site and in the newsletter, I remember thinking that I looked completely normal.
As others have said, until the bitter end, you may not "look" like an alcoholic, but we all understand how lonely and terrible it feels to be rotting slowly from the inside.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Doctors and therapists are people just like you and I. And sometimes they make mistakes, just like you and I. I think you did the right thing is going to a different doctor.
Add me to the list of people that doesn't know what an alcoholic looks like. Seriously? Do they have a stamp on their forehead or something??
Add me to the list of people that doesn't know what an alcoholic looks like. Seriously? Do they have a stamp on their forehead or something??
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
A lot of drunks drink for many years before showing the outward signs of being alcoholic. Some of those get sober and in time will look healthy. A few fortunate ones will sober up before showing the terrible signs of alcoholism.
MB
MB
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Good grief, seriously? That is amazingly irresponsible. I would definitely change drs.
But, so, really, who cares what they say? Are you needing someone to verify what you seem to already know yourself? I think a lot of the medical community is incredibly ignorant regarding alcoholism. Probably the younger folks who are just coming out of med school are better, but the longer established folks not as much. When I went to the hospital to detox 11 days ago the dr, after about an hour of tests and coming in and out to check on me, said "I think you're probably experiencing alcohol detox." Well no kidding Einstein. I had already told him exactly why I was there. I am grateful too him though. Once he came to his own conclusion he treated me really well. But all my blood work was completely normal and all my vitals were fine. There is no test for the hallucinations I was having
I am a hot yoga instructor, a runner. I'm fit, healthy and don't look too bad for my age I don't 'look' like an alcoholic. Unless I'm actively drinking and then I look like an insane homeless person. Right now? One would never guess.
But, so, really, who cares what they say? Are you needing someone to verify what you seem to already know yourself? I think a lot of the medical community is incredibly ignorant regarding alcoholism. Probably the younger folks who are just coming out of med school are better, but the longer established folks not as much. When I went to the hospital to detox 11 days ago the dr, after about an hour of tests and coming in and out to check on me, said "I think you're probably experiencing alcohol detox." Well no kidding Einstein. I had already told him exactly why I was there. I am grateful too him though. Once he came to his own conclusion he treated me really well. But all my blood work was completely normal and all my vitals were fine. There is no test for the hallucinations I was having
I am a hot yoga instructor, a runner. I'm fit, healthy and don't look too bad for my age
I don't 'look' like an alcoholic. Unless I'm actively drinking and then I look like an insane homeless person. Right now? One would never guess.
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