Rock bottoms have a new bottom and it will NEVER be different this time.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Hugs LB. I'm sorry you got caught up it again. That sucks. I'm glad you found your way back. You know what you have to do woman.
This is why I love SR. For the last couple of days I have been having some weird thoughts like "no big deal, it's just booze". I can already see this leading to "no big deal if you have some". Whaaaaatt??? I log on for a little booster shot and read this thread. It helps when people share their stories LB, Endgame, and Hevyn. If I am honest with myself the same thing will happen to me if I drink again. It is a big deal and I'm not immune.
This is why I love SR. For the last couple of days I have been having some weird thoughts like "no big deal, it's just booze". I can already see this leading to "no big deal if you have some". Whaaaaatt??? I log on for a little booster shot and read this thread. It helps when people share their stories LB, Endgame, and Hevyn. If I am honest with myself the same thing will happen to me if I drink again. It is a big deal and I'm not immune.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Shrewsbury
Posts: 25
I can relate to this post absolutely 100%. Every time I hit the bottom and managed to crawl myself back up I convinced myself that this time everything will be fine and I can have that one drink. Inevitably I would crash right down to the bottom again. I did this so many times the dent at the bottom of the cliff had my shape to it. It took me until I got severely ill before I truly realised that I had to change my way of thinking.
Powerful post Ladyblue and thank you for sharing it. Really sorry that you hit rock bottom and I wish you all the very best in your recovery.
Powerful post Ladyblue and thank you for sharing it. Really sorry that you hit rock bottom and I wish you all the very best in your recovery.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Thanks everyone for the responses.
I am so glad to have all of you, my sober family, back again. I'm inspired to see whose still here and also hopeful when I see all the newcomers.
We shall all fight the good fight together. I know where I went wrong, I walked away and thought I was fine and could do this on my own. So very, very wrong.
I'm so grateful for all of you.
I am so glad to have all of you, my sober family, back again. I'm inspired to see whose still here and also hopeful when I see all the newcomers.
We shall all fight the good fight together. I know where I went wrong, I walked away and thought I was fine and could do this on my own. So very, very wrong.
I'm so grateful for all of you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Extremely powerful post, Lady Blue.
I always sit up straighter and listen with laser-like intensity when anyone with some substantial sober time tells their story of going back out (I used to think: 'what is this nonsense expression, "going back out? Out where?" Of course, now I know for myself - it's the wilderness....)
The longer their sobriety, the more stark and confronting it is.
Phew.
It's a long road, this recovery caper, is it not....And often a return to drinking (or any other drug of addiction) cuts it real short: with death, rarely if ever of the 'peaceful' variety either. Makes me shiver. No wonder old-timers call it 'like playing Russian Roulette'.
Big hug to you
Vic
I always sit up straighter and listen with laser-like intensity when anyone with some substantial sober time tells their story of going back out (I used to think: 'what is this nonsense expression, "going back out? Out where?" Of course, now I know for myself - it's the wilderness....)
The longer their sobriety, the more stark and confronting it is.
Phew.
It's a long road, this recovery caper, is it not....And often a return to drinking (or any other drug of addiction) cuts it real short: with death, rarely if ever of the 'peaceful' variety either. Makes me shiver. No wonder old-timers call it 'like playing Russian Roulette'.
Big hug to you
Vic
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Hi Lady Blue,
Thank you so much for sharing your story, I have also copied it and saved it in case the "I can have just one..."
I am really glad you are back, and hope you will lean on SR as you deal with anything you have in front of you.
I am looking forward to seeing you on SR!
❤️ Delilah
Thank you so much for sharing your story, I have also copied it and saved it in case the "I can have just one..."
I am really glad you are back, and hope you will lean on SR as you deal with anything you have in front of you.
I am looking forward to seeing you on SR!
❤️ Delilah
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Ladyblue, I remember you from my first sober stretch in 2013. I'm sorry to hear what you've been through but glad to see you back. I also relapsed and like you experienced, it was a completely new level of darkness. It was nothing like my drinking before I had quit. It went 100mph to the depths.
I'm now sober again for 10 months. Just like my second drunk period was a million times worse than my first, my second sobriety is so much stronger and more purposeful than my first. I was also facing some really horrible wreckage. It's not all fixed yet, but it's close. And mentally I'm a lot stronger and happier than I've ever been in my life, despite the lingering debris here and there. I wish the same for you. Glad to see you.
I'm now sober again for 10 months. Just like my second drunk period was a million times worse than my first, my second sobriety is so much stronger and more purposeful than my first. I was also facing some really horrible wreckage. It's not all fixed yet, but it's close. And mentally I'm a lot stronger and happier than I've ever been in my life, despite the lingering debris here and there. I wish the same for you. Glad to see you.
Brother of the Wolf
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
I'm with you. My rock bottom was several stories below where I thought my basement ended. Fortunately, after pulling myself out of this, my gratitude far outweighs my shame for having such a spectacular public meltdown. Getting sober for myself has given me drive and purpose that makes all of the stories that my AV wants to tell me disappear.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 3
Thank you so much for sharing LadyBlue...I'm one week clean after my "second" rock bottom and detox (horrible experience as I'm sure everyone knows)...and like the others have stated, rock bottom does seem to get worse. I'll remember your post if I feel myself falling back to that place. Be strong!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Great post, LB! I'm sorry you had to relearn the lesson in such a painful fashion but I'm glad you've returned to the fold. There really is nothing to be gained from "going back out there".
Thanks too for your great post, EndGameNYC. You neatly and concisely encapsulate the awful certainty of the failure of moderation and the inexorable spiral down into destruction. To me drinking is like a black hole- getting inside the event horizon would spell my utter doom. Like anyone I very occasionally have the fantasy of what it would be like to just have "a couple" but I never let it linger for more than a couple seconds. Drinking will be me nothing but destruction.
Thanks too for your great post, EndGameNYC. You neatly and concisely encapsulate the awful certainty of the failure of moderation and the inexorable spiral down into destruction. To me drinking is like a black hole- getting inside the event horizon would spell my utter doom. Like anyone I very occasionally have the fantasy of what it would be like to just have "a couple" but I never let it linger for more than a couple seconds. Drinking will be me nothing but destruction.
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