RattleAndHum

Hello everyone --

I think it's time for me to refresh my memory on why I'm sober and what brought me to these pages. I've been doing well overall. Yes, some struggles here and there. I'm working through a lot emotionally, but overall recovery on many levels has been a very positive and meaningful -- hell, life changing -- experience. Therapy, meditation, ACA meetings, writing, exercise, checking SR, saving money and no more debt, healthier, more fit, more energy, more productive at work, making connections with my neighbors, students and community. But, these past few days, a wave of urges or AV attacks or whatever you want to call them hit me. I recognize it for what it is, but it's still scary. The lies of my alcoholic brain are attractive ones, but that's all they are: lies, and dangerous ones. I already feel better writing this and posting on these boards. Thanks for letting me post.

least

Congrats on your sober time! Yes, that voice will pop up from time to time. It even happens to me and I've got over six years. I just talk back to it and say, Hell no, I'm not going to drink!!

As long as you know that it's telling you lies, and you want to be sober more than you want to drink, you should be alright.

Nofearnobeer

Awesome news! Way to go!

Anna

You're doing great!

And, yes, they are lies and they seem attractive, but we know they're not. As long as you know they are lies and you can let them go, you'll be fine.

IvanMike

The good news is that you are normal! (For us anyhow)

The even better news is that you told other people and that you are honest about what getting loaded will do to you.

The thoughts still show up. We just develop more defenses over time. One of the biggest defenses is talking to others in recovery.

RattleAndHum

Awareness is a good thing, for sure. I've given into the AV too many times in the past, so I know that giving in leads to something very different than what my AV would like me to believe. Instead of good times and release it's shame, fear, guilt, pain, waste, and plenty of other things I want nothing to do with anymore.

Vinificent

Hey Rattle - 4 months here too and the past couple nights have been crazy with AV and cravings! Not sure where you are in the world but here in the Northeast US it is starting to get warm, the days are getting longer, and it seems like drinking is everywhere - cocktail recipes, winery tours and tastings, booze cruises...it's so hard to get away from. Actually came on SR because the TV had one ad for alcohol after another.

Thanks for posting and reminding me how cunning that nasty AV can be!

RattleAndHum

Here in Virginia it's much of the same! Congrats on 4 months! There's a reason we're doing this. We just have to stay the course and remember that drinking leads to nowhere good!

Dee74

Yep the AV lies. Always.
Good to see you R&H.

D

RattleAndHum

Thanks, Dee!

ALinNS

Great job on recognizing the AV and winning the battle. Mine stayed dormant for around three months, not a sound then Wednesday of this week out of the blue, for no reason as everything in my life is excellent, it went on the attack so I fought back but it took everything in me. I took the keys to our vehicles to my neighbor who has a very long recovery time, had a rest then went for a long walk, neighbor came by after supper and we went to a meeting, it did pass but kind of scared me as I was so close. Just stay mindful, it's like a sleeping lion waiting to get out of the cage.

Andrew