"I can't drink" vs. "I don't drink"
 

If I tell myself I can't drink when I'm triggered, I feel frustrated and overwhelmed and have a hard time distracting myself. Do you find empowerment by telling yourself "I don't drink" or "I really don't want this"? What are some ways to avoid feeling overwhelmed, deprived and frustrated when you're craving? Or worse yet, when people around you are encouraging you to imbibe with the group?

Having a solid recovery program/plan at your disposal is vital in my opinion. And by a plan I mean meetings, rehab, counseling, self-help, SR or any combination of those or others. Simply telling yourself something or using willpower alone is very, very difficult and most cannot sustain it over time.

Regarding your second point, the best solution is to just not hang out with people who encourage you to drink. If you aren't a drinker, you really have no good reason to be in those types of situations anyway. Certainly you CAN, but it's not really the best idea. Getting sober means making major changes to your life, and one of those changes might include changing who you spend time with and where you do it.

You have the solution at hand, you are even aware of it. It is the mind shift between "can't" drink to "don't" drink.

Can't drink comes from the position of deprivation. So of course you are upset and frustrated. Don't drink comes from a position of decision. You are choosing sobriety. It's an affirmation against your addiction, coming from a place of strength, but more importantly, from a place of acceptation.

Great topic that I learned about in rehab recently. Out group psychologist suggest that we should not say/think "I can't drink" because that is not true- we can drink. it is legal, it is inexpensive, it is available everywhere. We actually can. We should also not say/think "I don't want to drink" because that can often be a lie. There are times when we might really feel like we want to drink- a craving in early sobriety or maybe years down the line at a special occasion. She suggested we say/think "I choose not to drink" because it it honest, and it gives us the power- we are making a healthy decision for ourselves. I think that would line up most with "I don't drink"

After six years plus sober, I really don't want to drink at all. Just the thought of it brings a sense of revulsion. And I'm so happy with my sober life that I rarely get thoughts of drinking. :)

In AA they say to just say 'I won't drink today'. It might help with the frustruation and the overwhelming thought that i'll never drink again.

For myself, being aware of the AV, 'The beast', helps a lot. Then I tell myself, it's not me that wants the drink, it's the beast'. It feels less depriving.

I used to use the term I don't drink for a very long time and never really thought about it much, one day my better half asked me why I used the word don't when asked if we are out yet whenever we talked about it I always used the word can't.....made me think.

So I still use don't but if I asked why which does happen sometimes, I reply because I can't and enough said.

Andrew

I think it might depend on where you are personally in your own recovery. If there's a part of you that still wants to drink or hasn't accepted you can't, saying I can't does seem like a deprivation.

I've accepted I can't drink so saying so is not a deprivation but more of an explanation of why I might not be at that moment. Or saying something like "I used to but it no longer agrees with me".

I use which ever one suits the situation at the time it's needed.

Depends on the situation but for the most part I don't drink.

Of course I can drink, it's gonna be horrible and I'll regret it, but I can totally do it. When I'm saying I can't drink I usually follow it up with 'safely'. I can't drink safely. I have to remind myself where that one refreshing, ice cold, drink will get me.

Time - All feelings pass.

Honesty - Using is always an option, but if I use a slew of negative consequences ALWAYS happens.

Accountability and Connection - Talk to another person in recovery and tell them how you are feeling. Call before you use.

Hope - Get involved in recovery and witness the results in other people, and eventually in yourself.

Common Sense - Don't hang out with people who are using. If a situation makes you uncomfortable, leave.


Can I use? Yes I can. Can I use without horrific consequences? No I can't. Every day I make the decision not to use and then I stick to it. I didn't use today. All the other good things in my life today are a direct result of that.

And that is the final word folks.

I don't know who your 'they' are, but neither myself nor any of my AA recovered friends have ever said this. We go by what the book (Alcoholics Anonymous) says........: "...if you really and truly want to quit drinking liquor for good and all..."

That's 'for good and all' (like forever); NOT just today.

(o:

Ha, trach this thread made me think of you! I have had past good advice from you on this very topic.

Yes it resonates with me too, because wah wah I want to drink but I can't. End whiny rant.

Truth is I can drink, but I know I don't want to- too many failed attempts to manage drinking have taught me that. It really is more empowering to think about it as a choice I make - and definitely true. If I choose to drink, a ton of bad things will happen, so I choose not to drink. Problem solved. In my opinion the best kind of problem to have is one which I know the solution to. ;)
(Doesn't mean it's easy, but I know what the right choice is for me.)

Also to address the second part of your question, I could repeat what I have seen wise Dee post many times - dealing with frustration, peer pressure, what have you - I remove drinking as an option from the table.
It's getting to the place of acceptance that drinking is not a possibility, even tho there might be frustrations, peer pressure.....So then the hard part becomes what's next.....

One more final post hyper - not sure how much sober time you have - but it will be frustrating at times, not sure that can be avoided. So can you make a plan for how you'll deal with the frustration when it rears its ugly head??

I don't drink.

I CAN do whatever I want. I won't take away my ability to chose. That is the important part of things.

I hear a lot of people in AA say the won't drink today. It's called taking it one day at a time and is a main theme in AA.

I would be interested in your AA friends who say they are recovered. I never hear that in the rooms of AA that I attend. Saying you are recovered implies that you are over something and have "won". I don't use recovered or recovery myself but other people in AA often say they are in recovery.

I simply say I don't drink and leave it at that. If someone wants to know why I say I use to drink but had issues from it so I don't drink anymore. Simple as that.

'One day at a time' is NOT a main theme of AA. There's nothing in AA literature that says anything close to that. It comes from the second verse of the Serenity Prayer................: Living one day at a time, Enjoying one moment at a time...

In other words, 'one day at a time' is how we live our life, not how we quit drinking, which we do as per the BB.....for good and all.

I'm sorry you don't hear 'recovered' in your AA rooms.............it's straight from the book.

(o:

P.S. and btw, I certainly 'can' drink; I choose not to.

If i'm in a group who are trying to encourage me to imbibe , i'm probably with the wrong group of people at that time and need to get out of there.
In my experience the worst people for doing that are people who drink too much .

Acceptance , wishing my life were somehow other than how it is causes me frustration .
By making sobriety the easy choice , by focusing on the bad consequences of alcohol whilst also focusing on the positives of sobriety i feel lucky when i wake up sober for another morning :)

keep on :You_Rock_
m