"I can't drink" vs. "I don't drink"
To come back to what to do in the moment to avoid feelings of deprivation... It is 100% about choice. The important thing in the moment is to remember what you're choosing between. For me, I'm choosing between having a good night with my friends (although I might get bored and leave earlier than some people depending on the conversation and how drunk people get)... or spending the rest of my night obsessively drinking as much as I can, probably hitting a liquor store on the way home, probably doing the same thing again tomorrow, probably not being sober again for a long time. In the moment it can feel like "get buzzed and have a silly night with my friends with no consequences" is one of the choices. But it's not. Once I reality check myself, I don't feel like I'm getting the bad end of the deal.
At the heart of this though is that I did have to grieve for that thing I'd lost. I'm probably still grieving it, although I feel it less now. I'm sad that I can't get the kind of good, no-consequences, socially acceptable drunk that I used to be able to. But I've come to terms that it's gone and there's nothing I can do to change that. My body doesn't work that way anymore. Just like calling my ex-boyfriend won't fix that messed up relationship into what I wanted it to be, putting alcohol into my body isn't going to make me that kind of drunk ever again. Sometimes things end and we have to move on. The choice happens within that framework.
At the heart of this though is that I did have to grieve for that thing I'd lost. I'm probably still grieving it, although I feel it less now. I'm sad that I can't get the kind of good, no-consequences, socially acceptable drunk that I used to be able to. But I've come to terms that it's gone and there's nothing I can do to change that. My body doesn't work that way anymore. Just like calling my ex-boyfriend won't fix that messed up relationship into what I wanted it to be, putting alcohol into my body isn't going to make me that kind of drunk ever again. Sometimes things end and we have to move on. The choice happens within that framework.
DOS: 08-16-2012
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 365
'One day at a time' is NOT a main theme of AA. There's nothing in AA literature that says anything close to that. It comes from the second verse of the Serenity Prayer................: Living one day at a time, Enjoying one moment at a time...
In other words, 'one day at a time' is how we live our life, not how we quit drinking, which we do as per the BB.....for good and all.
I'm sorry you don't hear 'recovered' in your AA rooms.............it's straight from the book.
(o:
P.S. and btw, I certainly 'can' drink; I choose not to.
In other words, 'one day at a time' is how we live our life, not how we quit drinking, which we do as per the BB.....for good and all.
I'm sorry you don't hear 'recovered' in your AA rooms.............it's straight from the book.
(o:
P.S. and btw, I certainly 'can' drink; I choose not to.
To me, if you are living life one day at a time then you are also not drinking one day at a time so I don't see the difference there.
We all perceive things differently but as long as we relate enough to help each other not drink and not be miserable is what matters.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
1) Maybe this shows how AA is done a bit differently in different locations because in my area not drinking one day at a time is certainly a main theme in every meeting. I hear it said at least a dozen times a meeting from new folks to old time Big Book thumpers.
2) To me, if you are living life one day at a time then you are also not drinking one day at a time so I don't see the difference there.
3) We all perceive things differently but as long as we relate enough to help each other not drink and not be miserable is what matters.
2) To me, if you are living life one day at a time then you are also not drinking one day at a time so I don't see the difference there.
3) We all perceive things differently but as long as we relate enough to help each other not drink and not be miserable is what matters.
2) I certainly greet each new day---one day at a time; if I thought I'd have to greet each day with something like 'I will not drink today,' or 'no xxxxxxxx today'.......my life would seem like a life sentence.
3) If I had to live my life not drinking 'one day at a time,' I would be miserable, but since I've recovered via the BB, there's not a chance with that.
(o:
DOS: 08-16-2012
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 365
1) I don't believe that AA should be different, anywhere; I believe it should follow the BB; which, as I said earlier, nowhere does it say anything like 'one day at a time;' it say we quit drinking for good.
2) I certainly greet each new day---one day at a time; if I thought I'd have to greet each day with something like 'I will not drink today,' or 'no xxxxxxxx today'.......my life would seem like a life sentence.
3) If I had to live my life not drinking 'one day at a time,' I would be miserable, but since I've recovered via the BB, there's not a chance with that.
(o:
2) I certainly greet each new day---one day at a time; if I thought I'd have to greet each day with something like 'I will not drink today,' or 'no xxxxxxxx today'.......my life would seem like a life sentence.
3) If I had to live my life not drinking 'one day at a time,' I would be miserable, but since I've recovered via the BB, there's not a chance with that.
(o:
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 9
I think the differentiation is an important one. I obviously can drink if I want to (unless I'm broke in Saudi Arabia or somewhere and even then I probably would have got one in my drinking days) so to say that you can't is making yourself unnecessarily vulnerable. To be able to say that you don't want to has to be an aspiration of an alcoholic, it is an empowerment that enables to you to fully appreciate sobriety rather than be a slave to it. As for people who pester you to have a drink tell them to **** off, there are few things more boring than a drunk.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
I've also followed the Big Book and the advice of those with 30+ years of sobriety to stop drinking, or using any mind altering substances and to make my life better. I, like they, wake up each day and live life one day at a time.... I see that work out in the meetings as people hang around and follow the program so I'm going to stick with that method of the Big Book.
I quit 'for good and all' (that's for good, or forever) in June of 1986; no thinking about drinking or not drinking (one day at a time); that would have been a miserable life......
(o:
P.S. "...The most hard core Big Book folks I know always tell the newbies to take it one day at a time and it gets better one day at a time?..." Yes, we tell newcomers this in the beginning to get through rough patches, but we never tell them they'll need to do this for the rest of their lives.
DOS: 08-16-2012
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 365
How can you say that you follow the BB, and then say you don't drink...'n btw all my recovered friends have at least 30 years, which I will have achieved next month. ...also, '...or using any mind altering substances...' is definitely NOT AA. I guess we know different BB folks, or our definitions of hardcore different. You say you're going to stick with that method of the Big Book, that is NOT the method of the BB.........go back and check; 'one day at a time' is NOT mentioned in the BB; '...if you want to want drinking for good' is.
I quit 'for good and all' (that's for good, or forever) in June of 1986; no thinking about drinking or not drinking (one day at a time); that would have been a miserable life......
(o:
P.S. "...The most hard core Big Book folks I know always tell the newbies to take it one day at a time and it gets better one day at a time?..." Yes, we tell newcomers this in the beginning to get through rough patches, but we never tell them they'll need to do this for the rest of their lives.
I quit 'for good and all' (that's for good, or forever) in June of 1986; no thinking about drinking or not drinking (one day at a time); that would have been a miserable life......
(o:
P.S. "...The most hard core Big Book folks I know always tell the newbies to take it one day at a time and it gets better one day at a time?..." Yes, we tell newcomers this in the beginning to get through rough patches, but we never tell them they'll need to do this for the rest of their lives.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
I don't know any successful members of AA telling people they can smoke dope for do any drugs to get high and call themselves sober. If I remember correctly, you think that behavior is acceptable to do and still consider yourself sober. That really tells me all I need to know right there. Have a great day NoelleR. I'm going to live this day like all the rest, without any mind altering substances like everyone else I know who follows the program of AA. : ).
One of my first lessons in recovery was to try to validate whatever I heard in meetings, or from any other AAer's, with AA literature. I suggested this to you back in April; it would appear you haven't taken my suggestion.......I prefer recovery from the BB; you seem to want to go by what folks say, even if not validated by AA literature. Be very careful with that; there's a lot of crap being spewed as AA which isn't even close
(o:
DOS: 08-16-2012
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 365
LOLOL........You do NOT remember correctly. In a previous thread you posted your opinions regarding abstinence from 'all mind altering substances' as being AA, and I posted what AA had to say (AA has to do with alcohol and nothing more)............BIG difference...
One of my first lessons in recovery was to try to validate whatever I heard in meetings, or from any other AAer's, with AA literature. I suggested this to you back in April; it would appear you haven't taken my suggestion.......I prefer recovery from the BB; you seem to want to go by what folks say, even if not validated by AA literature. Be very careful with that; there's a lot of crap being spewed as AA which isn't even close
(o:
One of my first lessons in recovery was to try to validate whatever I heard in meetings, or from any other AAer's, with AA literature. I suggested this to you back in April; it would appear you haven't taken my suggestion.......I prefer recovery from the BB; you seem to want to go by what folks say, even if not validated by AA literature. Be very careful with that; there's a lot of crap being spewed as AA which isn't even close
(o:
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
I hear ya on that! Lots of crazy talk in AA to watch out for. Like people who smoke dope or do other drugs and say it's ok because it doesn't specifically say you can't do those things in the Big Book, even though doing those things means you aren't sober. People use everything they can to justify their actions. It's a crazy disease to say the least.
You keep referring to abstinence from all mind altering substances; where exactly can this be found in AA literature (hint: it can't; it's NA)?
(o;
One of the nice things about getting older is that there is not much party scene where I would feel pressure to drink, and at my age, so many people are making healthier choices with their lives, a simple, no thanks, I'll have a water or coffee or whatever isnt even looked at oddly.
That being said, I don't hang around with a bunch of alcoholics, or sit in bars, mostly.
That being said, I don't hang around with a bunch of alcoholics, or sit in bars, mostly.
DOS: 08-16-2012
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 365
"Sobriety is the condition of not having any measurable levels or effects from mood-altering drugs." Alcohol is a mood altering drug.
Pretty clear. This is how everyone I know in AA defines sobriety. Those who don't are not successful in staying sober.
I spoke with my sponsor about this concept of being able to call yourself sober if you are doing everything under the sun to get high but drinking alcohol. He told me to get off the computer and get to an AA meeting where I can be around those who live in the AA solution.
Many drugs alter mood. Caffeine does. Nicotine does. People choose to do those as they like the way they make them feel. Are you sober if you smoke?
To me my problem was alcohol. So I leave that alone. I drink the snot out of coffee though.
To me my problem was alcohol. So I leave that alone. I drink the snot out of coffee though.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sobriety
"Sobriety is the condition of not having any measurable levels or effects from mood-altering drugs." Alcohol is a mood altering drug.
Pretty clear. This is how everyone I know in AA defines sobriety. Those who don't are not successful in staying sober.
I spoke with my sponsor about this concept of being able to call yourself sober if you are doing everything under the sun to get high but drinking alcohol. He told me to get off the computer and get to an AA meeting where I can be around those who live in the AA solution.
"Sobriety is the condition of not having any measurable levels or effects from mood-altering drugs." Alcohol is a mood altering drug.
Pretty clear. This is how everyone I know in AA defines sobriety. Those who don't are not successful in staying sober.
I spoke with my sponsor about this concept of being able to call yourself sober if you are doing everything under the sun to get high but drinking alcohol. He told me to get off the computer and get to an AA meeting where I can be around those who live in the AA solution.
I'm sorry your sponsor said that; she should have told you to check out AA (.org; intergroup; its literature).
I don't care what a person chooses to believe, but when they put forth their beliefs/opinions as AA fact (which they aren't), I take exception.
You believe the definition of sobriety is abstinence from all mind altering substances.
AA actually says.............: Sobriety--freedom from alcohol--is the sole purpose of an AA group.
You believe that taking it one day at a time and is a main theme in AA.
One day at a time is NOT a main theme of AA; AA does NOT say this.
AA does say.............: if you really and truly want to quit drinking
liquor for good and all...
I recovered by what the BB says, not someone's interpretation of it; to read the black on the white; BB in one hand and a dictionary in the other..............simple
(o:
DOS: 08-16-2012
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 365
You can't be serious! I asked you where in AA (literature), and you quote Wikipedia.......................?
I'm sorry your sponsor said that; she should have told you to check out AA (.org; intergroup; its literature).
I don't care what a person chooses to believe, but when they put forth their beliefs/opinions as AA fact (which they aren't), I take exception.
You believe the definition of sobriety is abstinence from all mind altering substances.
AA actually says.............: Sobriety--freedom from alcohol--is the sole purpose of an AA group.
You believe that taking it one day at a time and is a main theme in AA.
One day at a time is NOT a main theme of AA; AA does NOT say this.
AA does say.............: if you really and truly want to quit drinking
liquor for good and all...
I recovered by what the BB says, not someone's interpretation of it; to read the black on the white; BB in one hand and a dictionary in the other..............simple
(o:
I'm sorry your sponsor said that; she should have told you to check out AA (.org; intergroup; its literature).
I don't care what a person chooses to believe, but when they put forth their beliefs/opinions as AA fact (which they aren't), I take exception.
You believe the definition of sobriety is abstinence from all mind altering substances.
AA actually says.............: Sobriety--freedom from alcohol--is the sole purpose of an AA group.
You believe that taking it one day at a time and is a main theme in AA.
One day at a time is NOT a main theme of AA; AA does NOT say this.
AA does say.............: if you really and truly want to quit drinking
liquor for good and all...
I recovered by what the BB says, not someone's interpretation of it; to read the black on the white; BB in one hand and a dictionary in the other..............simple
(o:
I always appreciate a good debate but this has clearly gotten way off track and is not going to go anywhere else. Noelle, I do appreciate many things you share on the board but I do strongly disagree telling people that they are sober and following the program of AA if they don't drink but do drugs.
Now, who wants to talk about politics!!! : )
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