BedeB

Has anyone else been in the situation whereby you have to live with out a relationship with your children (their choice now) and somehow remain clean and sober.
Today I commit to starting again. Today I will not drink.

entropy1964

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I have not had to go through this yet.

I can give the perspective of the child of an alcoholic, being that I am one. My father never sought recovery, never owned his part in the crazy dysfunctional family that was ours, never apologized. We were basically neglected and neglected more if we brought up his 'issue'. It was fall in line, shut up or be shunned.

Your kids are angry now. But I would think if you work hard on your recovery and when the time is right making amends, they will eventually come around. Even after everything, I love my father.

I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I am not trying to minimize. But actions are what they are looking for, I'm sure. I hope I haven't made too many assumptions. Just keep doing the next right thing.

least

My daughter threatened to move in with her dad if I didn't stop drinking. Fortunately I did stop. All my kids are grown and gone now but they were teens when I was drinking and I know it bothered them.

Just stay sober. I hope you can mend your relationship with your kids after some sober time.

Dee74

Hi Bede

I have no children, but I know you'll find support and understanding here

welcome!
D

Anna

I'm sorry for your situation.

I began drinking when my daughter was 16 and my son was 18 and I carried on for 3 years. Towards the end my daughter would barely speak to me. It was devastating. What I can tell you is hang in there. Stay sober. Your children will come back to you. It will take time, it will take patience and you have no control over that. But, they will come back to you.

sugarbear1

You are not alone!

Dime

I know a woman that lost her children through the courts because of her drinking. She decided to use AA to convince the courts that she was in recovery and hopefully win her children back. She didn't really intend to stay sober. Funny thing she got hooked on AA and really did stay sober. Eventually she convinced the courts that she was a suitable parent for her children. She got her children back and 10 years later she's still sober and loving it.

Amazing things can happen when we stay sober!!

khaleesivosi

I have lost my daughter due to my addiction. Ironically enough I always thought I was too good for that to happen to me. HAA!
It is indeed the worst feeling in the world. Luckily my daughter is young enough where she doesn't really know what I do.. but I know I have hurt her and that breaks my heart even more.
I am so sorry for your situation. My only advice is to stay sober, I know it's easier said than done. If you show them you are committed then maybe they will come around. Children always love their parents.

Babescake

I'm kind of going through this now. Threat of divorce, husband has tons of evidence of my drinking so I must, and want, to commit to sobriety. Right now I'm on recovery, and I'm certainly working on the sobriety aspect. I know you want the best for your kids. I have a beautiful, brilliant 5-year-old son who I adore and he adores me. But he doesn't deserve me like this. I know I'm better than this. I have been so for my whole life.

MissPerfumado

From the child's perspective: My father is an alcoholic and drank throughout my childhood and into my adulthood. It caused serious difficulties in our family and was the root of my unhappy childhood. I had a very strained relationship with him as a young adult and then didn't speak to him at all for about five years. He eventually stopped drinking and reached out to me and my siblings. We rebuilt the relationship although it took time, patience and effort on both sides. The main thing is he stayed sober. Today I acknowledge I'm also an alcoholic and my relationship with him is part of my sobriety plan.

Babescake

This serves as a direct example of why I want/need to stop. I have a 5-year-old precious son. He is worth it. I AM WORTH IT.

Berrybean

Not me, but my AA friend had her little boy taken away. She committed to the program to get well for good anyway, and this meant that she still kept supervised, then unsupervised visits. And last week she got the news that they are looking at the best way to go about getting him back with her full time. She is overjoyed, and determined to stay sober and be the mum her little boy deserves. This has all taken a couple of years.

ALinNS

I became a single parent when my kids were 13 and 15, we had a very open discussion home with family meetings as needed, my kids pleaded with me shortly after my X left and I stopped for about 30 months.

I've met many in Detox that had their children taken away and it is heart breaking however one can get them back if they follow the conditions, take this time to work on yourself and prove to yourself you can do it, everyone especially you will benefit.

All the best
Andrew

uncorked

My husband filed for divorce in September and took temporary sole custody of our 9 yr old son b/c of my drinking. I was devastated. He made up a lot of "evidence" to support his claim, so I went to inpatient rehab pronto. My son is/was young enough that he doesn't really know what's going on so I can't speak from experience regarding adult children. I met a few moms in rehab who were going through that, though. It's tough. You have to maintain sobriety and win back their respect and trust.

IvanMike

Yup

My girls are 23 and 20 now. When I got clean in July 2012 they really didn't have anything to do with me, and I don't blame them.

About a year ago I got a call from my oldest. She called to tell me that her boyfriend had just proposed. She called her mom, then her sister and aunt, and then me. This was a girl who simply wouldn't take my calls at one point.

Things change, but not overnight.

Nofearnobeer

I've been drinking heavy since I got laid off in 05. Year after son 2 was born. Drank through the loss of house 1 right into moving when daughter was born just after moving. Drank to deal with stress of losing the first house to only to lose the 2nd house. So drank more to deal with stressor after stressor. In which I stopped in Dec...today I am pondering the thought that my kids don't even know me.not even sure if I know who I am right now after the losses..I guess I now have time to get know my kids more now and hopefully they get to know me when I get out of crisis mode. Not sure how I got everyone to a better place. Was the work of God I guess.. Now hopefully I can recover.. The point here is I felt I did what I had to to make things work..just tonight my kids forgave me and they understand.. Your kids will understand as well why you were the way you were...

ru12

Hi. It is best that you stop drinking and do it immediately. It would probably be best if you started to attend AA or SMART meetings and put together a little table with the date, meeting location and time, and have the meeting chair initial it. It might just show a judge or CPS that you acknowledge you have a problem and that you are actively addressing it. Life is so much better sober. You'll see.