habits rising out of sobriety?
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Down South
Posts: 709
Lots of things are improving, but walking is the biggest difference. I like to walk every day but when I drank, I would often end up skipping it. I'm walking an average of 25 minutes a day these days and hoping to get back up to 45 minutes to an hour again. But I'm more orderly in many ways, including sleeping, cleaning, journaling, meditating and praying.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
This is such a great discussion 
Reading through, I relate to almost everything.
Some of my lowest points in my drinking life were these:
- Living in 1-2 bedroom apartments on my own, out of boxes. No furniture except what was built in. I kept the apartments reasonably clean but extremely minimalist: my essential belongings (mainly lots of books and a bunch of ever changing clothes) and my computer. I rented a really beautifully set, freshly renovated apartment once for ~1.5 year for ~$400/month (not in my current location) and still lived crappy like that.
- I moved from the apt/location above to another, smaller one, in my current city. It's immeasurably more expensive city and I had a smaller place that I got subsidized via work. So I wanted change but without getting sober. I bought some really cool pieces of furniture that were perfect fit for the place. But I never assembled them for months, and then only did partially. Instead, "my home" and general lifestyle kept getting more and more crazy, disorganized, minimalistic, and what was new to me: dirty. I lived in that place for a while where the bathroom and kitchen were never cleaned, my bed was not only unmade but sheets never changed for weeks, and booze bottles everywhere. I took the bottles out in every few weeks in a good case. Once the bathroom lighting got broken and I did not called the building maintenance stuff to fix it because the place was such a mess and I would not have invited anyone to see it. So I got a pair of neon lights for the bathroom and otherwise did everything in the dark. Horrible, gross and crazy in every way. I won't describe in more detail, you don't want to know.
I historically always cared for and tried to maintain my own personal hygiene more, but that also suffered greatly.
I moved out of that place eventually into a nice apartment shared with a roommate, and then I became much more respectful, mostly because I was sharing, I think. We also had a cleaning lady come weekly so no more dirt even if it wasn't my cleaning.
The real big change came when I was ~4 months sober after my first quit and I moved, again, into my own solo place. A champion deal apartment for my location, again, freshly renovated. That move, and staying sober for many more months, really helped. I furnished and decorated my place and it felt mine. Then I got married and moved in with my husband, into a larger place where we have both our private and shared spheres, and we arrange everything together. We do have cleaners because it's not something we are very keen on doing ourselves at the expense of other activities, but it's a nice comfortable and creatively decorated home now.
Thinking back to the states of living described at the beginning of the post make me cringe and is a good reminder to never go back
Reading through, I relate to almost everything. Some of my lowest points in my drinking life were these:
- Living in 1-2 bedroom apartments on my own, out of boxes. No furniture except what was built in. I kept the apartments reasonably clean but extremely minimalist: my essential belongings (mainly lots of books and a bunch of ever changing clothes) and my computer. I rented a really beautifully set, freshly renovated apartment once for ~1.5 year for ~$400/month (not in my current location) and still lived crappy like that.
- I moved from the apt/location above to another, smaller one, in my current city. It's immeasurably more expensive city and I had a smaller place that I got subsidized via work. So I wanted change but without getting sober. I bought some really cool pieces of furniture that were perfect fit for the place. But I never assembled them for months, and then only did partially. Instead, "my home" and general lifestyle kept getting more and more crazy, disorganized, minimalistic, and what was new to me: dirty. I lived in that place for a while where the bathroom and kitchen were never cleaned, my bed was not only unmade but sheets never changed for weeks, and booze bottles everywhere. I took the bottles out in every few weeks in a good case. Once the bathroom lighting got broken and I did not called the building maintenance stuff to fix it because the place was such a mess and I would not have invited anyone to see it. So I got a pair of neon lights for the bathroom and otherwise did everything in the dark. Horrible, gross and crazy in every way. I won't describe in more detail, you don't want to know.
I historically always cared for and tried to maintain my own personal hygiene more, but that also suffered greatly.
I moved out of that place eventually into a nice apartment shared with a roommate, and then I became much more respectful, mostly because I was sharing, I think. We also had a cleaning lady come weekly so no more dirt even if it wasn't my cleaning.
The real big change came when I was ~4 months sober after my first quit and I moved, again, into my own solo place. A champion deal apartment for my location, again, freshly renovated. That move, and staying sober for many more months, really helped. I furnished and decorated my place and it felt mine. Then I got married and moved in with my husband, into a larger place where we have both our private and shared spheres, and we arrange everything together. We do have cleaners because it's not something we are very keen on doing ourselves at the expense of other activities, but it's a nice comfortable and creatively decorated home now.
Thinking back to the states of living described at the beginning of the post make me cringe and is a good reminder to never go back
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 1,486
Making the bed(even though my dog gets mad cuz he can't burrow into the blankets) walking,remembering to pray,brushing my teeth, dressing cute,reading a good book,keeping up on my fave shows,eating better,well in my case actually EATING cuz I always skipped it while drinking or couldn't keep it down😕 paying bills on time, going to work everyday,taking my vitamins,having a bedtime/wake schedule,enjoying coffee cuz I couldn't drink it with a hangover,too darn shaky,these are just some of the habits I have and love,I too looked like a crazy,homeless person a few days in,they'd eyeball me at the gas station,very sad
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 258
It's amazing what we let slip when we're drinking. There was so much that I did just good enough to get by, but I know I can do better and be better. Finally got my darn dishes done tonight and a workout, but still ate like crap, the last slice of pizza just looked too good. So the next habit will definitely be eating better, I'm just in comfort mode right now, needing cheese and carbs.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 258
Originally Posted by Charlie117926 
Found my love of gardening again and Making my lawn green and weed free again.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by Chickenlady06
It's amazing what we let slip when we're drinking. There was so much that I did just good enough to get by, but I know I can do better and be better. Finally got my darn dishes done tonight and a workout, but still ate like crap, the last slice of pizza just looked too good. So the next habit will definitely be eating better, I'm just in comfort mode right now, needing cheese and carbs.
Nacho's, McDonalds, Wendy's (was on the go all day yesterday and starving for whatever reason!) don't sit so well on me.Lesson learned. My perfectionism stems throughout all aspects of my life including eating unfortunately. It's either do it right or don't do it at all. I'm working on this. Today I will plan ahead and make better eating choices.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by Charlie117926
Found my love of gardening again and Making my lawn green and weed free again.
Me too!!! My mulch beds are HUGE - I usually spread about 180 bags of mulch. I love the way a beautifully landscaped yard looks, but had grown to HATE gardening. The last few years things (though still look "ok" from the road) have grown up, weeds have come along. This year I am off to a running start! I am actually taking pride in the way that my yard looks thus far!
Some say that gardening is therapeutic. I never felt that. I was just like get this crap done so it looks decent. Not this year I am hoping to love my landscape and care for it all year long.
Great thread!!
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 155
Ugh, the decline of my environment when I'd relapse...
I could always tell how long I was off on a bender by the amount of neglect around me: dishes in sink forever (they never really accumulated because I barely ate/cooked food while drunk), take-out containers (when I did eat), overflowing trash, filthy cat box, lack of clean clothes, not brushing my teeth, not showering, my car looking like an ashtray blew up, bills unpaid and yes, bed unmade/ sheets unwashed... oy
I make it a daily habit to tidy up now. Including personal hygiene. I feel so much better (and smell better and look better)!
I could always tell how long I was off on a bender by the amount of neglect around me: dishes in sink forever (they never really accumulated because I barely ate/cooked food while drunk), take-out containers (when I did eat), overflowing trash, filthy cat box, lack of clean clothes, not brushing my teeth, not showering, my car looking like an ashtray blew up, bills unpaid and yes, bed unmade/ sheets unwashed... oy
I make it a daily habit to tidy up now. Including personal hygiene. I feel so much better (and smell better and look better)!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 258
I only enjoy veggie and fruit gardening, pretty flowers don't do much for me.
Behappy, i totally get it about the comfort food, and I agree that it can definitely make you feel hung over and gross. I did pretty well today, did a bit of a fast and had a huge cobb salad for lunch. My sobriety cravings are coming in much like my pregnancy cravings did. I've only wanted cobb salads for the past few days now. Lol.
It's great what you can do with extra time when you wake up on time in the mornings. I actually got out of bed when my alarm went off this morning, so of course, I made my bed, did the dishes, and cleaned my kitchen. I cleaned an entire room before having to wake up my kids!!! Then i woke them up singing silly songs and tickling feet, instead of ripping off covers and throwing clean clothes in their direction. Lol.
Behappy, i totally get it about the comfort food, and I agree that it can definitely make you feel hung over and gross. I did pretty well today, did a bit of a fast and had a huge cobb salad for lunch. My sobriety cravings are coming in much like my pregnancy cravings did. I've only wanted cobb salads for the past few days now. Lol.
It's great what you can do with extra time when you wake up on time in the mornings. I actually got out of bed when my alarm went off this morning, so of course, I made my bed, did the dishes, and cleaned my kitchen. I cleaned an entire room before having to wake up my kids!!! Then i woke them up singing silly songs and tickling feet, instead of ripping off covers and throwing clean clothes in their direction. Lol.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 258
Originally Posted by Behappy1
Lesson learned. My perfectionism stems throughout all aspects of my life including eating unfortunately. It's either do it right or don't do it at all. I'm working on this. Today I will plan ahead and make better eating choices.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 444
Hi
Great thread.
I've gotten far more involved in my garden and live my newly thriving veggies and fruit trees. Pruning is cathartic.
Habits I've given up.... I no longer spend hours analyzing the various ways that my drinking and lifestyle will kill me on Google. The hours spent planning my demise whilst drinking heavily represent total insanity but that's wher drinking took me. I love my freedom from fear.
Jonathan
Great thread.
I've gotten far more involved in my garden and live my newly thriving veggies and fruit trees. Pruning is cathartic.
Habits I've given up.... I no longer spend hours analyzing the various ways that my drinking and lifestyle will kill me on Google. The hours spent planning my demise whilst drinking heavily represent total insanity but that's wher drinking took me. I love my freedom from fear.
Jonathan
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: CA.....Hometown : Sioux Falls
Posts: 2,624
The bed was made but the rest of the house was bad. Living where I do there wasn't much company so I'd let things go. There were always dishes in the sink and dirty floors. You could eat off my kitchen floor and not because it was so clean...there was food on it. Now when my sons come to visit the place is nice I don't have to do a thing. I brush my teeth every night AND floss.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 258
All of these are awesome. Another great thing being sober has done, my kids can take drinks from my glass without having to ask if it's a grown up drink. I was able to share my sparkling water and lime with my 7 year old tonight. I also have been keeping up with keeping my bedroom and kitchen cleaned daily, maybe this will spill over to the dreaded bathrooms. I hate cleaning the darn bathrooms....😬
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 10
Wow I consider myself a perfectionist too and when things get out of control that's when I go for the wine! For me the laundry is my worst enemy!!!! Since being sober I have been able to clean and organize my house and life again!!!! It's a great feeling!!!!
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by Jennygrl
Wow I consider myself a perfectionist too and when things get out of control that's when I go for the wine!
)I struggle with keeping EVERYTHING in order (which really is not possible). House, yard, vehicles clean, laundry done, bills paid, kids ran where they need to be. I hate to sweep and mop, but yet I cannot STAND it when they're not done. Sweeper tracks in the carpet present? Yes, that is me. It is unreasonable. Even IF everything is done to my satisfaction, I then go on to find other things that have to be done. Uh, there is a smear on that window, cupboards need washed down, cupboards need organized, there are weeds coming up in this flowerbed. I have 180 bags of mulch to spread here shortly. My yard is beautiful (when I keep up with it) but it's large. All of this is NOT possible to be pristine for a single mom with 2 kids. I need to learn to live and not think that my life or environment need to look like a magazine.
I am trying - BUT I'm giving it a go sober this time. I am also working on letting some of this crap go. My floors do not need to be clean enough to eat off of. I need to live in the moment and enjoy things. I tend to be a 'once I have everything neat and orderly, then I can live a happy life". Ugh!!
Great thread and it seems like perfectionism lies in a lot of these responses. For me, that is a big part of why I "checked out" in the past. I can't keep up and don't want to think/deal with it.
Have a great and sober weekend!
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
Hi Behappy - your response to Jenny resonated with me.
Ironically, in sobriety (well, so far) I have been much more relaxed with myself than while I was drinking. I calmly clean a bathroom, then maybe take a break, then calmly do the dishes or whatever needs to be done - but the difference is, I am not angrily attacking the whole mountain of never-ending chores all at once, like a Tasmanian devil. My family never cared to the degree that I did about every last thing being perfect, and I spent a lot of time angrily lashing out at them because I did care, very much.
I wonder now if my frantic attempts to keep everything LOOKING externally perfect was really a spiritual response to how I felt INSIDE - which was a jangly, hungover, tearful mess.
Ironically, in sobriety (well, so far) I have been much more relaxed with myself than while I was drinking. I calmly clean a bathroom, then maybe take a break, then calmly do the dishes or whatever needs to be done - but the difference is, I am not angrily attacking the whole mountain of never-ending chores all at once, like a Tasmanian devil. My family never cared to the degree that I did about every last thing being perfect, and I spent a lot of time angrily lashing out at them because I did care, very much.
I wonder now if my frantic attempts to keep everything LOOKING externally perfect was really a spiritual response to how I felt INSIDE - which was a jangly, hungover, tearful mess.
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