Trying to help my son
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: St albert
Posts: 1
Trying to help my son
I was unlucky enough to spend my Mother's Day at the hospital waiting for my son to detox from drinking. My life is so affected by this! My common law spouse want me to move out, my other son won't speak to me, and my daughter is detaching herself from everything. My son was discharged from the hospital today and doesn't think he has a problem. I don't know what to do or where to turn. Someone please help
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
Welcome, Slabba!
I wish I could help you, but really only your son can help himself. I think the best thing for you is to find some support--lots of folks in similar situations post in our "Friends and Family" sections. Also, Al Anon has meetings in most communities for face-to-face support.
Here is a link to the "Friends and Family" sections:
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
I wish I could help you, but really only your son can help himself. I think the best thing for you is to find some support--lots of folks in similar situations post in our "Friends and Family" sections. Also, Al Anon has meetings in most communities for face-to-face support.
Here is a link to the "Friends and Family" sections:
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
Welcome, unfortunately you cannot control your son's actions and you cannot make him want to sober up and find recovery.
What you CAN control is how you allow his drinking to affect your life. You do not need to stand by and watch him destroy himself, your needs matter too! Have you considered counseling for yourself? Sometimes we must take a step back from our loved ones and accept that it is their life and they have the choice of whether to live it to the fullest and find sobriety, or stay in active addiction and squander it.
We are all here for you, try to put your needs first. Your son is making his choice how to live his life, now it is time you decide how you wan to live yours.
What you CAN control is how you allow his drinking to affect your life. You do not need to stand by and watch him destroy himself, your needs matter too! Have you considered counseling for yourself? Sometimes we must take a step back from our loved ones and accept that it is their life and they have the choice of whether to live it to the fullest and find sobriety, or stay in active addiction and squander it.
We are all here for you, try to put your needs first. Your son is making his choice how to live his life, now it is time you decide how you wan to live yours.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Anchorage, AK
Posts: 101
I am so sorry for what you're going through. My oldest son is an alcoholic who is currently sober. Before he stopped drinking there was nothing that I could say or do to change his behavior. He stopped only when he was ready to stop. The only thing that I could do was be ready to support him when he did decide to stop.
Take care of yourself and the rest of your family so that your son will have a strong support system if or when he does decide to get sober. I recommend Al-anon in addition to SR for additional support.
Take care of yourself and the rest of your family so that your son will have a strong support system if or when he does decide to get sober. I recommend Al-anon in addition to SR for additional support.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 133
I don't know how old your son is and of course you will always want and do your best for him but he won't stop until he is ready. I think maybe you should take a step back from him and consider your other family members as you did in your post and try to help them because they need you too and actually want your help.
He is not a lost cause by any means but this could destroy your family.
Best wishes.
He is not a lost cause by any means but this could destroy your family.
Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 157
Hi Slabba,
I'm only recently sober (again) but I too had my first encounter with ER related to drinking and had to watch my families heart break as this behaviour became more and more common with me. I've lost count of how many times I landed myself in ER but it wasnt until things started to fall away from me that I realised I had a problem. My parents, friends and partner all told me to stop drinking many times but it took me to see the writing on the wall before I got help. I'm not saying abandoning him in any way bit you almost have to grit your teeth until that time comes that he sees whats happening. Support meetings as mentioned above are great for parents, spouses, friends etc. My heart pours out because i've seen first hand what the people in my life have been through. You are not alone x
I'm only recently sober (again) but I too had my first encounter with ER related to drinking and had to watch my families heart break as this behaviour became more and more common with me. I've lost count of how many times I landed myself in ER but it wasnt until things started to fall away from me that I realised I had a problem. My parents, friends and partner all told me to stop drinking many times but it took me to see the writing on the wall before I got help. I'm not saying abandoning him in any way bit you almost have to grit your teeth until that time comes that he sees whats happening. Support meetings as mentioned above are great for parents, spouses, friends etc. My heart pours out because i've seen first hand what the people in my life have been through. You are not alone x
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,777
Welcome to the family. 
Really, the only thing you can do is to get help and support for yourself. You can't make him want to change himself, that has to come from him. I hope you can get the support you need to cope with this situation without tearing your heart out.
Really, the only thing you can do is to get help and support for yourself. You can't make him want to change himself, that has to come from him. I hope you can get the support you need to cope with this situation without tearing your heart out. Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 228
I too was in ER recently for drinking too too much. My family watched my blood pressure drop to a fatally low level. I could have died.
With us alcoholics, we will only sober up if we truly want it more than anything else.
I love my mom and my family from the bottom of my heart, always have, yet I continued to hurt them and drink. Hurting them was NEVER my intention, but i always did end up hurting them. My family would ask me, can't you sober up for us? Don't you love us?
I do love them, but this addiction can be so very powerful if we let it.
With us alcoholics, we will only sober up if we truly want it more than anything else.
I love my mom and my family from the bottom of my heart, always have, yet I continued to hurt them and drink. Hurting them was NEVER my intention, but i always did end up hurting them. My family would ask me, can't you sober up for us? Don't you love us?
I do love them, but this addiction can be so very powerful if we let it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
it has to be very difficult watching it all happen.
imo, your daughter detaching is very wise.
stick around him, keep enabling and love him to death or stop enabling, remove the toxicity, and when he decides to get help getting sober love him to life.
i strongly encourage you to visit the friends and family forum here. many people there have been in the same situation or similar and have great suggestions and support.
imo, your daughter detaching is very wise.
stick around him, keep enabling and love him to death or stop enabling, remove the toxicity, and when he decides to get help getting sober love him to life.
i strongly encourage you to visit the friends and family forum here. many people there have been in the same situation or similar and have great suggestions and support.
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