Every day things
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 467
Every day things
Hello lovelies 
I just wanted to share to see if any of you had any words of wisdom about dealing with every day things sober.
I know that sounds like a trick question ...
I'm doing OK - this is day 31 for me
I have realised that what I read on here about wanting to stay sober more than wanting to drink is SO true for me!
I'm trying to keep things as simple as possible.
I'm meeting my family today for lunch - in a pub of all places!
I'm not afraid that I'm going to drink, I'm afraid of how socially awkward I'm going to feel not drinking.
To me this is not keeping things simple - my anxiety is telling me to cancel it!
We don't see much of each other as I was always too drunk or too hungover to deal with them.
And one of the things I want to do is make more time for people.
I'm feeling really anxious about it.
Not only about meeting them - but being in a pub at the weekend and possibly bumping into people that know me while I'm with my family!
And a whole list of other things!
It's actually ridiculous - I'm allowing the chaos that I used to live in create a picture in my mind of how things will be today!
I have to start living my life - being isolated was one of the things that alcohol did to me.
I spend too much time alone.
At least I wont be drunk and stupid and humiliate myself!
That's why I stopped going out to drink, I would always end up doing or saying something stupid and not only being hungover in the morning I would be full of regret anxiety and hate for myself!
It's not an ideal place to socialise but my family aren't major drinkers - they will drink in moderation and wont bat an eye lid when I tell them I'm not drinking.
If I'm honest I don't want to go!
x
I just wanted to share to see if any of you had any words of wisdom about dealing with every day things sober.
I know that sounds like a trick question ...
I'm doing OK - this is day 31 for me
I have realised that what I read on here about wanting to stay sober more than wanting to drink is SO true for me!
I'm trying to keep things as simple as possible.
I'm meeting my family today for lunch - in a pub of all places!
I'm not afraid that I'm going to drink, I'm afraid of how socially awkward I'm going to feel not drinking.
To me this is not keeping things simple - my anxiety is telling me to cancel it!
We don't see much of each other as I was always too drunk or too hungover to deal with them.
And one of the things I want to do is make more time for people.
I'm feeling really anxious about it.
Not only about meeting them - but being in a pub at the weekend and possibly bumping into people that know me while I'm with my family!
And a whole list of other things!
It's actually ridiculous - I'm allowing the chaos that I used to live in create a picture in my mind of how things will be today!
I have to start living my life - being isolated was one of the things that alcohol did to me.
I spend too much time alone.
At least I wont be drunk and stupid and humiliate myself!
That's why I stopped going out to drink, I would always end up doing or saying something stupid and not only being hungover in the morning I would be full of regret anxiety and hate for myself!
It's not an ideal place to socialise but my family aren't major drinkers - they will drink in moderation and wont bat an eye lid when I tell them I'm not drinking.
If I'm honest I don't want to go!
x
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 258
I'm on day 3 and going through some similar thoughts. I'm really very preoccupied with what my family will think about my not drinking and the awkward feelings that come with it. They are all pretty big drinkers and aside from a few embarrassing moments over the years, I'm not sure they'll recognize that there are any behaviors I need to fix. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it, but I know I'm not ready to tell them anything using the words "addiction" or "recovery" or the dreaded "alcoholic". I'm still working on sorting it all out myself, and my anxiety is through the roof.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Is it too late to suggest meeting elsewhere? Life doesn't need to revolve around the pub. There are plenty of other options for meeting up and spending time together. If you do bump into people you know, just try to remember that they are only really interested in their own reasons for being there. If they ask what you're doing there, you don't need to elaborate. "Spending time with my family" is plenty of information. If someone offers you a 'proper' drink, remember that 'no thanks' is a complete answer. You don't need to elaborate on reasons.
One of the things that I needed to build into social events in early sobriety, and continue to choose to do now, is escape strategies. Hopefully while with family this won't be as necessary, but even if it's just to go wash your hands, or nip to the toilet, or out to the corner shop for bread for later, etc.
I find that other recovered alcoholics are the best bet for getting tips about everyday living sober. Both here and at AA. At first I'd ask advice and not actually follow it, with a 'yes, but that's not what I / my family do / does' kind of attitude. After a while I realised that if nothing changes, nothing changes, and (somewhat grudgingly) tried some more of the suggestions. And that's when things started really changing for the better for me.
AA has a really good little book called Living Sober which is full of wisdom about coping with life on life's terms in sobriety. It's cheap as chips, and we'll worth the few quid it costs. You can get it from the AA website, or a meeting, or from Amazon, either in digital or book format.
One of the things that I needed to build into social events in early sobriety, and continue to choose to do now, is escape strategies. Hopefully while with family this won't be as necessary, but even if it's just to go wash your hands, or nip to the toilet, or out to the corner shop for bread for later, etc.
I find that other recovered alcoholics are the best bet for getting tips about everyday living sober. Both here and at AA. At first I'd ask advice and not actually follow it, with a 'yes, but that's not what I / my family do / does' kind of attitude. After a while I realised that if nothing changes, nothing changes, and (somewhat grudgingly) tried some more of the suggestions. And that's when things started really changing for the better for me.
AA has a really good little book called Living Sober which is full of wisdom about coping with life on life's terms in sobriety. It's cheap as chips, and we'll worth the few quid it costs. You can get it from the AA website, or a meeting, or from Amazon, either in digital or book format.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
Like recovery it does get easier to say I do not drink, if you have to go. I go to a pub maybe once every three months however I am with my better half and she knows I do not and can not drink, no issues. We went to a German pub Friday night for the music and food, stayed three hours had a great time and I honestly never thought of drinking but she is a tremendous support to me.
Andrew
Andrew
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Many folks that are not affected by
addiction to alcohol or drugs/meds,
may not be so concerned about how
dangerous or how much addiction
is a problem in the world. At how many
die from it or how many problems
arise from it.
Addiction is sooooo serious.
Us in recovery and those who are
educated about addiction and its
affects on our bodies, minds and
souls know how dangerous it is
in todays world and how it hasn't
changed over many yrs.
I understand the awkwardness of
being sober amongst family or friends
who may not have an addiction problem.
I along with others in recovery know
exactly how you feel so you are not
alone nor ever have to be alone in this
situation.
Over the yrs I have educated myself
by learning a little bit each day about
my addiction and continue to learn
how to live a healthier, happier, honest
way of life alcohol free for 25 yrs now.
It is my responsibility to take care
of me in everyway possible incorporating
all that ive learned over the yrs on how
to remain sober each day. No one cares
more or feels more passionate about my
own recovery life than I do.
Today, I choose not to place myself in
situations that make me feel uncomfortable
especially where alcohol is available, where
folks drink, anything associated with it.
Always have an outlet to escape if we
have function we have to attend. Make
an appearance and have an honest solution
or reason to leave early. That way we don't
have to return yrs or days later to make
amends for lieing.
To be successful in your own recovery,
it will take that extra step, to do the next
best thing in protecting your own sobriety
to achieve health, happiness, serenity
for yrs to come.
Working towards building a strong, solid
recovery foundation to live your life upon
for many one days at a time sober down
the road.
I am just one more voice in raising awareness
about addiction amongst many who are successful
in their own recovery.
We need more voices and passion
about recovery to stand strong against
addiction.
addiction to alcohol or drugs/meds,
may not be so concerned about how
dangerous or how much addiction
is a problem in the world. At how many
die from it or how many problems
arise from it.
Addiction is sooooo serious.
Us in recovery and those who are
educated about addiction and its
affects on our bodies, minds and
souls know how dangerous it is
in todays world and how it hasn't
changed over many yrs.
I understand the awkwardness of
being sober amongst family or friends
who may not have an addiction problem.
I along with others in recovery know
exactly how you feel so you are not
alone nor ever have to be alone in this
situation.
Over the yrs I have educated myself
by learning a little bit each day about
my addiction and continue to learn
how to live a healthier, happier, honest
way of life alcohol free for 25 yrs now.
It is my responsibility to take care
of me in everyway possible incorporating
all that ive learned over the yrs on how
to remain sober each day. No one cares
more or feels more passionate about my
own recovery life than I do.
Today, I choose not to place myself in
situations that make me feel uncomfortable
especially where alcohol is available, where
folks drink, anything associated with it.
Always have an outlet to escape if we
have function we have to attend. Make
an appearance and have an honest solution
or reason to leave early. That way we don't
have to return yrs or days later to make
amends for lieing.
To be successful in your own recovery,
it will take that extra step, to do the next
best thing in protecting your own sobriety
to achieve health, happiness, serenity
for yrs to come.
Working towards building a strong, solid
recovery foundation to live your life upon
for many one days at a time sober down
the road.
I am just one more voice in raising awareness
about addiction amongst many who are successful
in their own recovery.
We need more voices and passion
about recovery to stand strong against
addiction.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: GRAYSLAKE
Posts: 17
I think I can help here
For my job, there is a large variety of events that I have to attend, and all of them gave me anxiety the first time I went without drinking
The cool thing is that other people don't pay as much attention to you as you think... you can be a little more quiet and keep to yourself and odds are, nobody is even going to notice for more than a few seconds
And if they do, say you're really tired and can't wait to get some rest
After you get a few events under your belt, you start to see how much better you are sober, and then you notice all of the people who are how you USED to be, and you can't believe they don't see it, too
Have a good time if you can!
For my job, there is a large variety of events that I have to attend, and all of them gave me anxiety the first time I went without drinking
The cool thing is that other people don't pay as much attention to you as you think... you can be a little more quiet and keep to yourself and odds are, nobody is even going to notice for more than a few seconds
And if they do, say you're really tired and can't wait to get some rest
After you get a few events under your belt, you start to see how much better you are sober, and then you notice all of the people who are how you USED to be, and you can't believe they don't see it, too
Have a good time if you can!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Every single day, I deal with everyday things.
And with two and a half sober years and having done a lot of work to grow and deepen my life and my sobriety....
Everyday things are pretty easy to deal with.
Relative to life with alcohol and drugs - everyday things are a breeze.
And with two and a half sober years and having done a lot of work to grow and deepen my life and my sobriety....
Everyday things are pretty easy to deal with.
Relative to life with alcohol and drugs - everyday things are a breeze.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
oh, and over time that feeling of anxiety and awkwardness over not drinking fades, then goes away entirely.
it feels like a challenge for a while... a nuisance for a time.... then a vague nagging here and there....
but eventually it's simply freedom, and the idea of drinking isn't your constant specter. It doesn't haunt you. It just.... leaves. What other people do with booze may be interesting, informative, often it will reinforce your decision to stay sober. but hang in there, because it really, really does get a lot easier.
it feels like a challenge for a while... a nuisance for a time.... then a vague nagging here and there....
but eventually it's simply freedom, and the idea of drinking isn't your constant specter. It doesn't haunt you. It just.... leaves. What other people do with booze may be interesting, informative, often it will reinforce your decision to stay sober. but hang in there, because it really, really does get a lot easier.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Hi overforty
My first thought was Fabela's question, so it was kind of funny to see it pop up right beneath your post. I like Beccy's suggestions if you do decide you have to go. I also think you need to be ready to leave early - no need to linger and shoot the breeze once the meal is over and it's a respectable time to leave. Once it's over, leave with your head high, and feel good about having spent sober time with your family.
My first thought was Fabela's question, so it was kind of funny to see it pop up right beneath your post. I like Beccy's suggestions if you do decide you have to go. I also think you need to be ready to leave early - no need to linger and shoot the breeze once the meal is over and it's a respectable time to leave. Once it's over, leave with your head high, and feel good about having spent sober time with your family.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hi Overforty,
First, congratulations on 31 days!!!
It sounds like you are more worried about the perception of others than the environment. I have a little over four months and have been out to dinner or events a few times where everyone except me and the kids ordered a drink. Not one person said a word to me, and truthfully, I don't think they were paying attention to the drink orders nearly as much as I was.
If you feel you are able to be in a pun then go and enjoy being with your family, however, as someone else mentioned have an escape plan in case you feel differently once you get there.
Enjoy your day!
❤️ Delilah
First, congratulations on 31 days!!!
It sounds like you are more worried about the perception of others than the environment. I have a little over four months and have been out to dinner or events a few times where everyone except me and the kids ordered a drink. Not one person said a word to me, and truthfully, I don't think they were paying attention to the drink orders nearly as much as I was.
If you feel you are able to be in a pun then go and enjoy being with your family, however, as someone else mentioned have an escape plan in case you feel differently once you get there.
Enjoy your day!
❤️ Delilah
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Hill Country, Texas
Posts: 228
Congrats on 31 days overforty. I have been to several family gatherings recently and am fine if those who drink are doing so moderately. A couple of times the drinking went beyond that and I politely excused myself not because of any urge but it became annoying to watch.
You should be fine. Just be ready to excuse yourself without hesitation if you start to feel uncomfortable.
Enjoy your family time....
Jimmy
You should be fine. Just be ready to excuse yourself without hesitation if you start to feel uncomfortable.
Enjoy your family time....
Jimmy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 467
Thanks everyone 
Well I made it
I have found that the thing about my anxiety is, that what I'm anxious about isn't real!
It was fine.
I had my meal, shared with them that I had given up drinking and they were fine with it.
They haven't been close enough to me to notice how much of a problem I had.
It wasn't a big deal and I didn't go into too much detail.
I just said that I was drinking too much and I was bored of it.
I took your advice and didn't hang around too long and I told a small white lie so I didn't get ambushed into staying.
Don't get me wrong it was a beautiful day and we were sitting outside in the garden and the me that can enjoy a couple of drinks would have got a bit tipsy in the sun and had a lovely day.
But - that me doesn't exist!
She hasn't been around for a long long time - I'm not sure she ever has.
I can't drink like a "normal person" like most people on here if I had had a glass of wine in the sunshine it would have turned into a binge.
And I don't feel sad about missing all the things that go with that at all!
I'm not in a hurry to go back to a pub - but I have to get used to other people drinking around me because that's life.
I have found that my friends and family have accepted me not drinking so I have to accept them drinking - and I'm the only alcoholic I know!
x
Well I made it
I have found that the thing about my anxiety is, that what I'm anxious about isn't real!
It was fine.
I had my meal, shared with them that I had given up drinking and they were fine with it.
They haven't been close enough to me to notice how much of a problem I had.
It wasn't a big deal and I didn't go into too much detail.
I just said that I was drinking too much and I was bored of it.
I took your advice and didn't hang around too long and I told a small white lie so I didn't get ambushed into staying.
Don't get me wrong it was a beautiful day and we were sitting outside in the garden and the me that can enjoy a couple of drinks would have got a bit tipsy in the sun and had a lovely day.
But - that me doesn't exist!
She hasn't been around for a long long time - I'm not sure she ever has.
I can't drink like a "normal person" like most people on here if I had had a glass of wine in the sunshine it would have turned into a binge.
And I don't feel sad about missing all the things that go with that at all!
I'm not in a hurry to go back to a pub - but I have to get used to other people drinking around me because that's life.
I have found that my friends and family have accepted me not drinking so I have to accept them drinking - and I'm the only alcoholic I know!
x
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