Moving on with life after my 2nd DUI
Moving on with life after my 2nd DUI
Thanks for opening and willing to read my forum. New to this site. Kind of stumbled upon it searching the web looking for advice moving on after multiple DUI's.
My story is kind of a long one. So I apologize in advance for the long post. Would love to hear from some of you out there!
Little background about my history before I dive into the meat of my story. I have been drinking since I was 19. Started late to the party. I was the kid in high school that didn't do anything illegal because I feared I wouldn't meet my goal of graduating. Both sides of my family have heavy alcoholics. My parents divorced due to my dads constant drinking and being away sitting in bars rather than being home. My mom drinks but nothing close to my father. As soon as I hit 21 I was all about going out and having a good time. At heart I am an introvert. Hate to be in large groups and would much rather be home by myself. When I would drink I would use it as a way to open up and talk to people. The more I drank the more social I became.
Fast forward to 2013. I am now 23, drinking more than a person my age should and drinking any chance I could find a party or hang out at a bar. My brother and I are out at a bar here locally in UT. Its St. Patrick's day weekend. To make a long story short I got pulled over for my first DUI. I don't remember leaving the bar at all. I hoped on a freeway and was driving all over the road. Cops were called by other drivers. Coming off a freeway exit I passed out with my foot on the pedal in traffic. Really opened my eyes as to the extent of my addiction, or so I thought.
After my first DUI I got big into getting physically fit. I was over 200 lbs and could barely bend over to tie my shoe. I used the gym as a way to cope with all the legal **** going on in my life. Losing license, money and most of all freedom. Working out was a godsend. Whenever I was down on myself, I would beat the **** out of myself in the gym. I quickly lost a lot of weight. Cut down to 165 in about a year. Most of all I learned how to connect with myself and push myself to reach goals. Goals are huge in everyone's life. If you don't have them, then what are you really working towards?
I was finally released from my probation on March 2015. When I was released I had been 420 days sober. No drinks or anything at all. At this point I was finally able to move out and get my own place. Really felt like I was on top of the world. I worked through a dark time and life and now had something to call my own. Life was going great. Still big into physical fitness and pushing myself and keeping a normal balanced work to gym schedule. I fell into the trap of having a beer here and there for big events such as family parties, holidays and big friend gatherings. This was probably the worst thing I could have ever done.
March 27, 2016 -
Its Easter and also my dads birthday. We decided to go out to a restaurant in Downtown SLC and also go to a couple of bars after. Once we arrived to the bars I decided to have a couple of celebratory shorts with my Dad and Brother. The worst thing I could have done was drive from my house to my dads before we went out. This meant I had to drive from my dads back to my house. According to Google maps its about 10 miles. I decided I was sober enough to drive. I had a couple friends waiting for me at my house. Alcohol really clouds your judgement. I know the risk I was taking the day. I just wanted to get home. Worst decision I could have ever made. I got into another wreck on the way home while under the influence. My car was totaled and I was booked with a BAC of .17. At that point I thought to myself "what the **** are you doing man? you are better than this"
The two weeks after this arrest I was really depressed. Feeling like a piece of **** not only to myself but in the eyes of my loved ones. All I could think about is "Whats going to happen? Will I lose my job? Will I lose my apartment? How am I going to get through this?" I was still lifting every single day almost but to be honest that only helps so much after a while. I feel as though the strongest people are the ones that take responsibility for their actions, take a step back look at the situation and put together a plan to change it.
Today -
I am in a better place mentally. I bought a bike so I can get around town and get to work. Honestly its kind of fun biking around everywhere. I even went as far as to looking up people on social media platforms that meet up and ride in my area. Bough mounts to make some videos with my GoPro as well. When I get into hobbies I do them to the max. Ton of health benefits and I just like being outdoors. Perspective is everything in my opinion. I could be sitting here not wanting to deal with life or I could be a boss and look at it as a stepping stone to a new me. If you took the time to read this please leave a note for any advice on what I should do to help stay sober or anything in general.
Thanks - J
My story is kind of a long one. So I apologize in advance for the long post. Would love to hear from some of you out there!
Little background about my history before I dive into the meat of my story. I have been drinking since I was 19. Started late to the party. I was the kid in high school that didn't do anything illegal because I feared I wouldn't meet my goal of graduating. Both sides of my family have heavy alcoholics. My parents divorced due to my dads constant drinking and being away sitting in bars rather than being home. My mom drinks but nothing close to my father. As soon as I hit 21 I was all about going out and having a good time. At heart I am an introvert. Hate to be in large groups and would much rather be home by myself. When I would drink I would use it as a way to open up and talk to people. The more I drank the more social I became.
Fast forward to 2013. I am now 23, drinking more than a person my age should and drinking any chance I could find a party or hang out at a bar. My brother and I are out at a bar here locally in UT. Its St. Patrick's day weekend. To make a long story short I got pulled over for my first DUI. I don't remember leaving the bar at all. I hoped on a freeway and was driving all over the road. Cops were called by other drivers. Coming off a freeway exit I passed out with my foot on the pedal in traffic. Really opened my eyes as to the extent of my addiction, or so I thought.
After my first DUI I got big into getting physically fit. I was over 200 lbs and could barely bend over to tie my shoe. I used the gym as a way to cope with all the legal **** going on in my life. Losing license, money and most of all freedom. Working out was a godsend. Whenever I was down on myself, I would beat the **** out of myself in the gym. I quickly lost a lot of weight. Cut down to 165 in about a year. Most of all I learned how to connect with myself and push myself to reach goals. Goals are huge in everyone's life. If you don't have them, then what are you really working towards?
I was finally released from my probation on March 2015. When I was released I had been 420 days sober. No drinks or anything at all. At this point I was finally able to move out and get my own place. Really felt like I was on top of the world. I worked through a dark time and life and now had something to call my own. Life was going great. Still big into physical fitness and pushing myself and keeping a normal balanced work to gym schedule. I fell into the trap of having a beer here and there for big events such as family parties, holidays and big friend gatherings. This was probably the worst thing I could have ever done.
March 27, 2016 -
Its Easter and also my dads birthday. We decided to go out to a restaurant in Downtown SLC and also go to a couple of bars after. Once we arrived to the bars I decided to have a couple of celebratory shorts with my Dad and Brother. The worst thing I could have done was drive from my house to my dads before we went out. This meant I had to drive from my dads back to my house. According to Google maps its about 10 miles. I decided I was sober enough to drive. I had a couple friends waiting for me at my house. Alcohol really clouds your judgement. I know the risk I was taking the day. I just wanted to get home. Worst decision I could have ever made. I got into another wreck on the way home while under the influence. My car was totaled and I was booked with a BAC of .17. At that point I thought to myself "what the **** are you doing man? you are better than this"
The two weeks after this arrest I was really depressed. Feeling like a piece of **** not only to myself but in the eyes of my loved ones. All I could think about is "Whats going to happen? Will I lose my job? Will I lose my apartment? How am I going to get through this?" I was still lifting every single day almost but to be honest that only helps so much after a while. I feel as though the strongest people are the ones that take responsibility for their actions, take a step back look at the situation and put together a plan to change it.
Today -
I am in a better place mentally. I bought a bike so I can get around town and get to work. Honestly its kind of fun biking around everywhere. I even went as far as to looking up people on social media platforms that meet up and ride in my area. Bough mounts to make some videos with my GoPro as well. When I get into hobbies I do them to the max. Ton of health benefits and I just like being outdoors. Perspective is everything in my opinion. I could be sitting here not wanting to deal with life or I could be a boss and look at it as a stepping stone to a new me. If you took the time to read this please leave a note for any advice on what I should do to help stay sober or anything in general.
Thanks - J
Welcome aboard J
I'm sorry for what happened but I'm glad you joined us - I think support is vital
my advice is to read around, see what other people are doing, and ask as many questions as you like.
I'm a big fan of recovery plans, and there's some information on what that might be for you, here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
I'm sorry for what happened but I'm glad you joined us - I think support is vital
my advice is to read around, see what other people are doing, and ask as many questions as you like.
I'm a big fan of recovery plans, and there's some information on what that might be for you, here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 167
Hello and welcome glad you are here. I am sorry to read about what happened to you, but also very glad to hear you or others were not hurt in any way. While I was drinking, I put myself in hundreds of extremely dangerous situations and Im honestly amazed nothing "that" bad happened to me because just like you, I would be in a blackout and not remember anything.
In any case, just stay away from alcohol because for people like us, it only brings bad problems, unhappiness, loneliness and misery. Plus it is a progressive disease, so it gets worse and worse. You are young, and as long as you stay sober, you will have a great life. Try not to worry too much about the past or the future, just stay sober one day at a time and you will see that your life will improve greatly!
In any case, just stay away from alcohol because for people like us, it only brings bad problems, unhappiness, loneliness and misery. Plus it is a progressive disease, so it gets worse and worse. You are young, and as long as you stay sober, you will have a great life. Try not to worry too much about the past or the future, just stay sober one day at a time and you will see that your life will improve greatly!
Welcome to SR, you will find lots of support on here. Spend some time reading and posting. You may also want to join the May class, having the support of others who stopped at the same time helps.
Looking forward to seeing you on SR!
Looking forward to seeing you on SR!
You report so many classic signs of alcoholism: a family history of it, drinking to make socialising easier, drinking to blackout, all or nothing tendencies etc. I mean this in the best of ways: you have come to the right place!
What really helped me was realising that alcoholism has a genetic connection, which means there is a physiological aspect to it, which to me meant acknowledging I have a serious physical problem with alcohol. Bottom line: I can't drink. No beers here and there. No social drinking. No such thing as just one glass of wine. Not once, not ever.
I really like your attitude - especially what you say about stepping up and taking responsibility for your actions. You don't sound like someone who sits around feeling sorry for themselves. So, it might help if you accept that there's this thing called drinking that you simply can't do. Ever. That's just the way it is. Once you accept that, you can set a part of yourself free and really be a boss, reach your goals and live your life to the max.
When I got sober, I went to rehab. I was a complete mess but by a couple weeks in I was doing well. I was getting coffee one morning and kind of smiling with my crossword and one of the guys who worked there just grinned at me and said, "I can tell you're going to be one of the people who's really happy being sober." He was right, for the most part I am very happy as a sober person.
SLCLobo, I think you're going to be one of the people who's really happy being sober. Keep doing what you're doing... find hobbies, find joy, find change.
One thing to understand though: being happy being sober doesn't mean it won't be hard. There are hard things that happen that have nothing to do with craving a drink. It's a big life challenge and it's different for everyone. Be careful and patient with yourself.
SLCLobo, I think you're going to be one of the people who's really happy being sober. Keep doing what you're doing... find hobbies, find joy, find change.
One thing to understand though: being happy being sober doesn't mean it won't be hard. There are hard things that happen that have nothing to do with craving a drink. It's a big life challenge and it's different for everyone. Be careful and patient with yourself.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: TX
Posts: 235
Sounds very close to my story. Got 2 DWI's in college and knew I needed to change. Worked out quite a bit and focused on work...did very well. My mistake was thinking the driving was the issue and not the underlying alcohol problem. Don't get me wrong, I knew I had a drinking problem but thought I could manage it and I knew the one thing I couldn't do was drive.
Fast forward 13 years and I now have a wife and kids. Kept drinking the entire time but only on weekends and didn't let it effect work or other daily routines. The progressiveness of the disease is scary though and eventually you'll start doing some things you did not do before, like hide how many you've had, etc (still only on the weekends in my case...weird how the psychology works). Well recently I forgot all my hard earned lessons of years ago and drove drunk and got arrested. So the penalties for a 3rd one, even after all this time, are vastly worse. My fault, no one else's.
My $0.02 advice, for what's it worth, is to stop now and get help. Very tough to do on your own and don't fall in to the trap of moderation or some of the other coping mechanisms/rationalizations people use. Join AA or whatever works for you and be happy that nothing happened that you can't come back from (you killed yourself or someone else, etc). Realize that you are not like everyone else and work a program that the goal of it is to never drink again. Sounds like you have a zest for life, love the outdoors, are young and active...those are all blessings and should be embraced in recovery.
Fast forward 13 years and I now have a wife and kids. Kept drinking the entire time but only on weekends and didn't let it effect work or other daily routines. The progressiveness of the disease is scary though and eventually you'll start doing some things you did not do before, like hide how many you've had, etc (still only on the weekends in my case...weird how the psychology works). Well recently I forgot all my hard earned lessons of years ago and drove drunk and got arrested. So the penalties for a 3rd one, even after all this time, are vastly worse. My fault, no one else's.
My $0.02 advice, for what's it worth, is to stop now and get help. Very tough to do on your own and don't fall in to the trap of moderation or some of the other coping mechanisms/rationalizations people use. Join AA or whatever works for you and be happy that nothing happened that you can't come back from (you killed yourself or someone else, etc). Realize that you are not like everyone else and work a program that the goal of it is to never drink again. Sounds like you have a zest for life, love the outdoors, are young and active...those are all blessings and should be embraced in recovery.
Thank you for your post. I think it was very brave of you to put all of that down (esp the blunt honesty you have with yourself). I have just joined the site and am trying to find my own way. I think it's good you are self-aware enough to know that you are in a good place mentally right now. Protect that.
Welcome SLCLobo801,
It sounds like you are handling your 2nd DUI better than I am handling my first one I got a few months ago. I feel like an absolute piece of s***. What bothers me about my situation is I never drank the way I did that night, and certainly never drank and drove.
I am glad you have learned your lesson, however. It sucks that is has taken 2 DUI's to come to terms with your issue, but at least you are growing from it and it seems that you have a really good outlook on it(certainly better than mine right now).
I beat myself up in the gym a lot like yourself and have been focusing on my physical and mental health a lot lately. I bought a really cool mountain bike to get around town as well until I am able to get my license back. I hope that the court will not extend my license suspension, but i'll find out on the 19th. If they don't then I can go get my license back right away--albeit restricted for a few months, but better than nothing. If they do then I have to figure out things for at least another 10-11 months(since I face a 1-yr possible suspension and I have already endured a month).
I am also glad you still have a job and family support. My family has been so gracious to help me out these last few weeks. Unfortunately I am not working yet, but hope to be soon...even with this DUI monkey on my bike. It scares me everyday, but I am encouraged by stories like yours. If you are able to get through this with today's tough legal environment...so can I.
Best of luck to you dude, and please keep coming back here.
It sounds like you are handling your 2nd DUI better than I am handling my first one I got a few months ago. I feel like an absolute piece of s***. What bothers me about my situation is I never drank the way I did that night, and certainly never drank and drove.
I am glad you have learned your lesson, however. It sucks that is has taken 2 DUI's to come to terms with your issue, but at least you are growing from it and it seems that you have a really good outlook on it(certainly better than mine right now).
I beat myself up in the gym a lot like yourself and have been focusing on my physical and mental health a lot lately. I bought a really cool mountain bike to get around town as well until I am able to get my license back. I hope that the court will not extend my license suspension, but i'll find out on the 19th. If they don't then I can go get my license back right away--albeit restricted for a few months, but better than nothing. If they do then I have to figure out things for at least another 10-11 months(since I face a 1-yr possible suspension and I have already endured a month).
I am also glad you still have a job and family support. My family has been so gracious to help me out these last few weeks. Unfortunately I am not working yet, but hope to be soon...even with this DUI monkey on my bike. It scares me everyday, but I am encouraged by stories like yours. If you are able to get through this with today's tough legal environment...so can I.
Best of luck to you dude, and please keep coming back here.
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 772
Welcome to the forum. Good stuff. It is important for me in my sobriety to accept my past and move forward. It doesn't do me any good living in the past. I also do my best to not live in the future either although these things take practice. One thing that works for me is to hit meetings. I also have a sponsor and some sponsees to help me along my journey. Keep it up!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 9
Welcome!
Glad to see you post here. Much like you I am young at 22 and recieved not by 2nd but first dui a few weeks ago. Even at the young age I do have a family and a wonderful job.
Realizing alcohol was my problem not the dui is what has helped me. Thinking of what could have happened with the dui (extremely high bac) opposed to what did has also helped me. Keep your head sober and keep pushing forward. You sound like a great guy who's made some bad decisions and that's all. Keep the bottle on the shelf and enjoy your life!! Ever need any one on one time to talk just let me know. I know venting to a friend and my father has helped keep me sane and realize it's not over and better things are to come. Best of luck to you!
Realizing alcohol was my problem not the dui is what has helped me. Thinking of what could have happened with the dui (extremely high bac) opposed to what did has also helped me. Keep your head sober and keep pushing forward. You sound like a great guy who's made some bad decisions and that's all. Keep the bottle on the shelf and enjoy your life!! Ever need any one on one time to talk just let me know. I know venting to a friend and my father has helped keep me sane and realize it's not over and better things are to come. Best of luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 87
Hi, thank you for sharing your story. I am dealing with my 2nd DUI within 3 year span. Your story today is encouraging me things can look better for me in the future. I am struggling with sleeping and eating because I am depressed because of my actions. I am afraid that I will be sentenced to jail... did you go?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)