New to alcoholism
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 2
New to alcoholism
Hi everyone,
I am a college student and just found out that my mother "fell off the waggon" and lost her job. I have never seen my mother drink and she had been 20 years sober. She stopped drinking so she could have me and I think I helped her stay sober. My mother is a teacher and I can't even imagine her drinking. I know this is a serious situation but how can I help when I can't imagine her as a drunk? Apparently she is a "stress" drinker who drinks alone. How do I help? How can I see my perfect mother as an alcoholic?
I am a college student and just found out that my mother "fell off the waggon" and lost her job. I have never seen my mother drink and she had been 20 years sober. She stopped drinking so she could have me and I think I helped her stay sober. My mother is a teacher and I can't even imagine her drinking. I know this is a serious situation but how can I help when I can't imagine her as a drunk? Apparently she is a "stress" drinker who drinks alone. How do I help? How can I see my perfect mother as an alcoholic?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Hi and welcome catlover 
I'm sure it will take you a while to get your head around it. try to remember this doesn't make your mother weak or morally deficient or any others of the usual stereotypes - it just means she's a good person with a bad problem.
Happily there are lots of places she can get help. Accessing that help is her job.
I think your job is to love and support your mom, same as it's ever been
D
I'm sure it will take you a while to get your head around it. try to remember this doesn't make your mother weak or morally deficient or any others of the usual stereotypes - it just means she's a good person with a bad problem.
Happily there are lots of places she can get help. Accessing that help is her job.
I think your job is to love and support your mom, same as it's ever been
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I am also a teacher. In AA I know surgeons, nurses, social workers, solicitors, self-made millionaires, scaffolders, mothers, grandmothers, father's, grandfather's, plumbers...the list can go on. Alcoholism is well ahead of the game in being without discrimination (unfortunately ).
Is your mother still drinking since her relapse, or is she back sober? Is she getting some support? If not, maybe you could encourage her to seek some out. There is lots available.
I would imagjne that she told you about this in order to be honest with you, rather than because you are expected to do something for her, but acceptance and love how a long way.
As a young adult I formed lots of resentments against my mum and dad (but especially my mum) for not being the perfect parents that I felt that they should be. A typical alcoholic trait I feel. Part of my own recovery work has included working through these resentments, and finally understanding that it was my own unrealistic expectations , not my parents (naturally) imperfect state, that caused me such pain. It sounds so simple, but I needed the help of a sponsor to get through that lesson. I don't know how hard it might be to do this, but it's worth taking an honest look at your feelings about it, because there are people who can help with this.
AlAnon might be useful for you. And on here, there is a family and friends area which could be useful for you.
Wishing you, and your mother, all the best.
Is your mother still drinking since her relapse, or is she back sober? Is she getting some support? If not, maybe you could encourage her to seek some out. There is lots available.
I would imagjne that she told you about this in order to be honest with you, rather than because you are expected to do something for her, but acceptance and love how a long way.
As a young adult I formed lots of resentments against my mum and dad (but especially my mum) for not being the perfect parents that I felt that they should be. A typical alcoholic trait I feel. Part of my own recovery work has included working through these resentments, and finally understanding that it was my own unrealistic expectations , not my parents (naturally) imperfect state, that caused me such pain. It sounds so simple, but I needed the help of a sponsor to get through that lesson. I don't know how hard it might be to do this, but it's worth taking an honest look at your feelings about it, because there are people who can help with this.
AlAnon might be useful for you. And on here, there is a family and friends area which could be useful for you.
Wishing you, and your mother, all the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 2
Thank you everyone. I think it's hard because I have never seen her touch alcohol in my life. So to imagine her drinking entire bottles of hard alcohol by herself is a strange concept. My mom is m best friend and I will try my hardest to support her.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 98
One of the hardest things about being alcoholic is the shame - it also encourages us to keep secrets and resist help to get better. Help your mom by not judging her, by being sympathetic that she has carried this terrible burden by herself for so long.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: TX
Posts: 235
Originally Posted by Catlover19 
Thank you everyone. I think it's hard because I have never seen her touch alcohol in my life. So to imagine her drinking entire bottles of hard alcohol by herself is a strange concept. My mom is m best friend and I will try my hardest to support her.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Dee74
I'm sure it will take you a while to get your head around it. try to remember this doesn't make your mother weak or morally deficient or any others of the usual stereotypes - it just means she's a good person with a bad problem.D
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