First I had to, then I just did, then I wanted to
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
First I had to, then I just did, then I wanted to
When I first got sober, it was because I HAD to.
I'd dodged a lot of bullets. I'd gotten a few direct hits. I'd had run ins with the law. I'd been through two marriages. Now it was a matter of probably losing my children. I had a choice - but the choice was no longer a question. I valued my children and my life more than booze. So I chose sobriety because I'd finally come upon the thing that really made me sit up, take notice and MAKE THAT CHOICE.
It was a choice.... but a choice because I no longer had any other choice I could accept. So I accepted sobriety.
After a while.... probably about 8-10 months, I began to find myself OK with sobriety. It no longer felt like I HAD to. It felt more like it was just the new 'normal' for my life. I still had occasional struggles and I still had to fall back on reminding myself of the alternatives and consequences at times. But for the most part, I journeyed along and continued taking actions in support of sobriety and it no longer felt quite so much like a 'sentence'. I still had lots of growing to do, but it had gotten much more comfortable.
As I continued down that path, kept taking actions, kept deepening sobriety, kept painting a clearer and clearer picture of what I really WANTED my life to look like, I found a new transformation happening. Now, I found myself really WANTING sobriety. It was no more a choice I HAD to make. It was a choice I was HAPPY to make. I began to feel a sort of pride in sobriety. I began to cherish the man I was becoming and to see a leadership and a beauty and a uniqueness and a special way of living in my choice. I began to really feel GOOD about being a man living a sober life.
And there I remain today, as I watch it deepen and continue to improve. I still take action. I still remind myself of the reasons I cherish sobriety and life in general. I still celebrate the new openings in my life, the unfolding of new and wonderful bits and insights and chapters - all of which have come about because I chose sobriety.
It feels at first as though you've been backed into a corner. Your hand has been forced. You "have to", "or else". And we really don't cope well with that feeling.....
But if you put your faith in anything at all in those early days - put your faith in that feeling fading into something beautiful over time. Put your faith in the notion that you are choosing this not because you "Have TO" - but because you "WANT to choose the better life for yourself... because you WANT to take the richer, deeper, more joyful path". It may feel fake at first, but I promise you if you give it your all and you support it with action - you can fake it til you make it.
I'd dodged a lot of bullets. I'd gotten a few direct hits. I'd had run ins with the law. I'd been through two marriages. Now it was a matter of probably losing my children. I had a choice - but the choice was no longer a question. I valued my children and my life more than booze. So I chose sobriety because I'd finally come upon the thing that really made me sit up, take notice and MAKE THAT CHOICE.
It was a choice.... but a choice because I no longer had any other choice I could accept. So I accepted sobriety.
After a while.... probably about 8-10 months, I began to find myself OK with sobriety. It no longer felt like I HAD to. It felt more like it was just the new 'normal' for my life. I still had occasional struggles and I still had to fall back on reminding myself of the alternatives and consequences at times. But for the most part, I journeyed along and continued taking actions in support of sobriety and it no longer felt quite so much like a 'sentence'. I still had lots of growing to do, but it had gotten much more comfortable.
As I continued down that path, kept taking actions, kept deepening sobriety, kept painting a clearer and clearer picture of what I really WANTED my life to look like, I found a new transformation happening. Now, I found myself really WANTING sobriety. It was no more a choice I HAD to make. It was a choice I was HAPPY to make. I began to feel a sort of pride in sobriety. I began to cherish the man I was becoming and to see a leadership and a beauty and a uniqueness and a special way of living in my choice. I began to really feel GOOD about being a man living a sober life.
And there I remain today, as I watch it deepen and continue to improve. I still take action. I still remind myself of the reasons I cherish sobriety and life in general. I still celebrate the new openings in my life, the unfolding of new and wonderful bits and insights and chapters - all of which have come about because I chose sobriety.
It feels at first as though you've been backed into a corner. Your hand has been forced. You "have to", "or else". And we really don't cope well with that feeling.....
But if you put your faith in anything at all in those early days - put your faith in that feeling fading into something beautiful over time. Put your faith in the notion that you are choosing this not because you "Have TO" - but because you "WANT to choose the better life for yourself... because you WANT to take the richer, deeper, more joyful path". It may feel fake at first, but I promise you if you give it your all and you support it with action - you can fake it til you make it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 645
Words that I needed to hear this morning. You just described my journey into contented sobriety. When I first quit, I saw it as "okay only 30 more years of this non-drinking **** and then I die." I never in my wildest dreams thought I could be so happy as a person who does not drink. Thanks Free Owl!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 242
Nice..
I too have dodged a huge amount of bullets in past 25 years. I feel like I am "quitting" (drinking) while I'm ahead. Which is a great feeling.
I am in beginning stages...
but I do very much want to remain sober.
Congrats and thanks for posting
I too have dodged a huge amount of bullets in past 25 years. I feel like I am "quitting" (drinking) while I'm ahead. Which is a great feeling.
I am in beginning stages...
but I do very much want to remain sober.
Congrats and thanks for posting
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
This was my journey exactly. The only thing I would add is the longer I'm sober and the more effort I put into becoming a better person the more happy, joyous, and free I become. It just keeps getting better.
I know where I am and never want to go back to where I was
I know where I am and never want to go back to where I was
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: London, England
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
When I first got sober, it was because I HAD to.
I'd dodged a lot of bullets. I'd gotten a few direct hits. I'd had run ins with the law. I'd been through two marriages. Now it was a matter of probably losing my children. I had a choice - but the choice was no longer a question. I valued my children and my life more than booze. So I chose sobriety because I'd finally come upon the thing that really made me sit up, take notice and MAKE THAT CHOICE.
It was a choice.... but a choice because I no longer had any other choice I could accept. So I accepted sobriety.
After a while.... probably about 8-10 months, I began to find myself OK with sobriety. It no longer felt like I HAD to. It felt more like it was just the new 'normal' for my life. I still had occasional struggles and I still had to fall back on reminding myself of the alternatives and consequences at times. But for the most part, I journeyed along and continued taking actions in support of sobriety and it no longer felt quite so much like a 'sentence'. I still had lots of growing to do, but it had gotten much more comfortable.
As I continued down that path, kept taking actions, kept deepening sobriety, kept painting a clearer and clearer picture of what I really WANTED my life to look like, I found a new transformation happening. Now, I found myself really WANTING sobriety. It was no more a choice I HAD to make. It was a choice I was HAPPY to make. I began to feel a sort of pride in sobriety. I began to cherish the man I was becoming and to see a leadership and a beauty and a uniqueness and a special way of living in my choice. I began to really feel GOOD about being a man living a sober life.
And there I remain today, as I watch it deepen and continue to improve. I still take action. I still remind myself of the reasons I cherish sobriety and life in general. I still celebrate the new openings in my life, the unfolding of new and wonderful bits and insights and chapters - all of which have come about because I chose sobriety.
It feels at first as though you've been backed into a corner. Your hand has been forced. You "have to", "or else". And we really don't cope well with that feeling.....
But if you put your faith in anything at all in those early days - put your faith in that feeling fading into something beautiful over time. Put your faith in the notion that you are choosing this not because you "Have TO" - but because you "WANT to choose the better life for yourself... because you WANT to take the richer, deeper, more joyful path". It may feel fake at first, but I promise you if you give it your all and you support it with action - you can fake it til you make it.
I'd dodged a lot of bullets. I'd gotten a few direct hits. I'd had run ins with the law. I'd been through two marriages. Now it was a matter of probably losing my children. I had a choice - but the choice was no longer a question. I valued my children and my life more than booze. So I chose sobriety because I'd finally come upon the thing that really made me sit up, take notice and MAKE THAT CHOICE.
It was a choice.... but a choice because I no longer had any other choice I could accept. So I accepted sobriety.
After a while.... probably about 8-10 months, I began to find myself OK with sobriety. It no longer felt like I HAD to. It felt more like it was just the new 'normal' for my life. I still had occasional struggles and I still had to fall back on reminding myself of the alternatives and consequences at times. But for the most part, I journeyed along and continued taking actions in support of sobriety and it no longer felt quite so much like a 'sentence'. I still had lots of growing to do, but it had gotten much more comfortable.
As I continued down that path, kept taking actions, kept deepening sobriety, kept painting a clearer and clearer picture of what I really WANTED my life to look like, I found a new transformation happening. Now, I found myself really WANTING sobriety. It was no more a choice I HAD to make. It was a choice I was HAPPY to make. I began to feel a sort of pride in sobriety. I began to cherish the man I was becoming and to see a leadership and a beauty and a uniqueness and a special way of living in my choice. I began to really feel GOOD about being a man living a sober life.
And there I remain today, as I watch it deepen and continue to improve. I still take action. I still remind myself of the reasons I cherish sobriety and life in general. I still celebrate the new openings in my life, the unfolding of new and wonderful bits and insights and chapters - all of which have come about because I chose sobriety.
It feels at first as though you've been backed into a corner. Your hand has been forced. You "have to", "or else". And we really don't cope well with that feeling.....
But if you put your faith in anything at all in those early days - put your faith in that feeling fading into something beautiful over time. Put your faith in the notion that you are choosing this not because you "Have TO" - but because you "WANT to choose the better life for yourself... because you WANT to take the richer, deeper, more joyful path". It may feel fake at first, but I promise you if you give it your all and you support it with action - you can fake it til you make it.
Needed that today, thanks!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: 45th Parallel, Michigan
Posts: 816
FreeOwl -- I'm glad you bumped this one back up to the top; excellent post. A lot of us wrestle with the "need to v. want to" question. Only three weeks in again this round, but I'm leaning toward wanting it a lot more lately. Thanks, Arp
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 356
Good read! That is how I am feeling. I am starting to enjoy a sober life. I don't want to stagger around the house alone anymore. And waking up hangover free is great. I can't wait to hit 6 months. I am over 4 months now. Each milestone takes me further away from the person I was. Thank you!
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