When beset by drinking thoughts....
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
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When beset by drinking thoughts....
today...I actually called someone to tell them, another sober alcoholic. And it's really helped! 'Well, duh.....'.I'm saying that mostly to myself, btw, as I battled with drinking thoughts multiple times over several years lately and didn't reach out, whether to my peeps here in SR, OR by calling someone who'd understand IRL. (And surprise, eventually fully relapsed multiple times: note I say, 'eventually' - for me, picking up can come on incredibly fast, or take some days or weeks. From what I hear, that's the case for most of us).
'Who' to speak to can be, in my case, in order of priority for real life help: a fellow sober AA member, like today; SR [IF I'm near my computer, which wasn't the case today until I eventually got home; and I can't really see to write on the mobile phone, being blind as a bat] or at a pinch, a triage therapist at the rehab / or an addictions counsellor at the local AOD community health centre.
I also drove around once I got nearer home, including stopping at a garden centre for some stuff: to let the drinking thoughts be quashed slowly by doing something else that can only be done mindfully when sober. In other words: I had to consciously remind myself that 'this is what I can do when I'm not drinking, these are some of the real, ordinary living benefits of sobriety'.
I'd stomped out of my day patient rehab group earlier, after being told off by another group member (whom I simply don't like at all for a host of reasons; she realllly gets my goat). This was in front of the whole group and therapist. Many other times I've managed to take a deep breath - well, quite a few - and mutter 'let it go, let it go, etc' [or whatever works for you]. But today I wasn't going to stay there in that space, feeling trapped amongst a scene that just ain't helping my recovery. I've been thinking of leaving this weekly group for quite some time now, and maybe not signing up for another one there for several reasons, or at least going on the waiting list for a different one.
So this woman's outburst against me, whilst bringing on my angry tears there and then, just was a catalyst. Maybe. I don't know right now. But I DO know that I don't want to allow this momentary upset to take on such power that I break my 50 days sobriety, thanks very much. What's that expression? 'Don't let other people rent space in your head'!
Apologies if none of this makes sense; just wanted to put it out there, to chalk it up as another tiny but momentous recovery moment. Hope it helps someone.
'Who' to speak to can be, in my case, in order of priority for real life help: a fellow sober AA member, like today; SR [IF I'm near my computer, which wasn't the case today until I eventually got home; and I can't really see to write on the mobile phone, being blind as a bat] or at a pinch, a triage therapist at the rehab / or an addictions counsellor at the local AOD community health centre.
I also drove around once I got nearer home, including stopping at a garden centre for some stuff: to let the drinking thoughts be quashed slowly by doing something else that can only be done mindfully when sober. In other words: I had to consciously remind myself that 'this is what I can do when I'm not drinking, these are some of the real, ordinary living benefits of sobriety'.
I'd stomped out of my day patient rehab group earlier, after being told off by another group member (whom I simply don't like at all for a host of reasons; she realllly gets my goat). This was in front of the whole group and therapist. Many other times I've managed to take a deep breath - well, quite a few - and mutter 'let it go, let it go, etc' [or whatever works for you]. But today I wasn't going to stay there in that space, feeling trapped amongst a scene that just ain't helping my recovery. I've been thinking of leaving this weekly group for quite some time now, and maybe not signing up for another one there for several reasons, or at least going on the waiting list for a different one.
So this woman's outburst against me, whilst bringing on my angry tears there and then, just was a catalyst. Maybe. I don't know right now. But I DO know that I don't want to allow this momentary upset to take on such power that I break my 50 days sobriety, thanks very much. What's that expression? 'Don't let other people rent space in your head'!
Apologies if none of this makes sense; just wanted to put it out there, to chalk it up as another tiny but momentous recovery moment. Hope it helps someone.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
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Another (potentially) useful thing, and as a reminder to self:
the therapist ran after me as I was just at the front door of the building [poor thing, she's young and it's her very first day of taking over facilitating our group...]. They realllllly want to keep you there, to 'sit with your feelings' and to 'work it out with the group' etc etc; that's just part of the overall psychotherapeutic model this particular rehab uses. Which is all very well, at times, and it's helped me to 'stay with it' often.
But I made it clear to her that it's what I had to do for myself, today. And I told her I'd call her later this arvo once she's back in her office, which she's keen for me to do. A part of me doesn't want to. Addict thinking? Could be; so it's best that I grit my teeth, sigh if necessary :-) and call her anyway to debrief. In a perverse way, that commitment is itself another small way to not pick up that first drink, no matter what.
the therapist ran after me as I was just at the front door of the building [poor thing, she's young and it's her very first day of taking over facilitating our group...]. They realllllly want to keep you there, to 'sit with your feelings' and to 'work it out with the group' etc etc; that's just part of the overall psychotherapeutic model this particular rehab uses. Which is all very well, at times, and it's helped me to 'stay with it' often.
But I made it clear to her that it's what I had to do for myself, today. And I told her I'd call her later this arvo once she's back in her office, which she's keen for me to do. A part of me doesn't want to. Addict thinking? Could be; so it's best that I grit my teeth, sigh if necessary :-) and call her anyway to debrief. In a perverse way, that commitment is itself another small way to not pick up that first drink, no matter what.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
I'd stomped out of my day patient rehab group earlier, after being told off by another group member (whom I simply don't like at all for a host of reasons; she realllly gets my goat).
That's pretty dang cool , sobriety is more simple if we remain unchallenged but living and feeling stuff is where i like to be .
I like to be where the action is , i'm attracted to it , i like to get involved and i have a low tolerance for idiots , i can be like a lightning rod for picking up on others emotions , so it's very important to be able to handle that and remain on an even keel .
I'm glad you handled it
I wish many idiots cross your path so that your sobriety can hammered true and strong .
m
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Jeez, mec, you're on fire man!
Thanks for the (rather perverse, but hilarious) encouragement and wishes for many more idiots. Heheh, yeah, the last thing I want, but I take your point - dammit
Thanks for the (rather perverse, but hilarious) encouragement and wishes for many more idiots. Heheh, yeah, the last thing I want, but I take your point - dammit
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